


A Second Chance

by ThulaLani



Category: Grimm (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-24
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-07-17 22:54:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 136,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7289329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThulaLani/pseuds/ThulaLani
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How is it possible the person that has happily ruined your life has become the one you cannot live without? After years of fighting each other, the only fighting left between Nick and Adalind is of feelings that have crept upon them unawares.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: This hiatus is so inconvenient! I miss Nick & Adalind terribly and have decided to dive into writing a fic about them. I love their story so much and want it properly explored. However my little story is A/U. There are no Grimms, nothing at all supernatural. It's a bastardisation of their story, hopefully, I won't screw it up. I will do my best to update regularly. I appreciate any and all reviews.
> 
> ENJOY!

Chapter 1

“You’re choosing her over me?” Juliette asked him, pain etched all over her face. Her delicate features turned stone hard. He couldn’t even look at her as she flung accusation after accusation at him. Nick remained silent, unable to defend himself. What could he say? She was mistaken. He wasn’t choosing anyone over her, especially not Adalind Schade but the words couldn’t come out.  
“Juliette…” he reached out to her, hoping to take her in his arms and calm her down; convince her of his feelings for her.  
“No, don’t!” She shoved his hands away and any attempt to reconcile. “You have made a fool of me for the very last time.” She spat at him and walked away from him to stand at the window. It was amazing how quickly things changed between them. Nick was at a loss at what to do. He was paralysed with feelings of uncertainty and helplessness, a first for him. 

As a detective, Nick was used to taking charge, taking control and finding solutions to problems thrown his way but that was his professional life. While he soared professionally, his personal life crumbled brick by brick and it all began with Adalind Schade. The day the woman came into his life, she was a source of trouble for him unlike anything he’d ever known and now she’d come between him and Juliette.  
“I can’t believe I wasted six years of my life over nothing. I see now that I was right in rejecting your proposal all those years ago, only I was stupid to hold on to some hope Nick, that we’d have it all one day. I knew I couldn’t trust you but I let you convince me that you loved me, that I meant something to you.”  
“Juliette please,” he interjected, not liking where this was going. “I do love you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.” He pleaded with her.  
“Ha-ha, wow, now that the scales have finally fallen from my eyes, I’m seeing things clearer. You don’t love me. I’m starting to think you never did. Or else that engagement ring wouldn’t have stayed locked away in your drawer for three whole years Nick, THREE YEARS! I am such an idiot and that wretched woman’s ever-expanding belly is testament to that. I forgave you when you lied to me about your work. I forgave you when bringing your work home almost got me killed. I even forgave you when I found out about you cheating on me, you and some tramp going at it behind my back…”  
“Now wait a minute, you know that’s not how it all went down. I couldn’t tell you about my work because it was so dangerous, working undercover for I.A. to bust a ring of crooked cops, and that case isn’t even closed yet because the cop that’s running the show is still roaming free because he’s covered his tracks very well. I did everything I could to keep you safe and because I wanted to earn your trust, I confessed everything I was doing. I only did what you wanted and now you are punishing me for putting you first, for risking everything, you, me, the case. You are not being fair.” He didn’t mean to shift blame but Juliette was backing him into a corner and Nick didn’t like being pushed around. If his upbringing taught him anything, it was to stand up for himself. Never did he expect his girlfriend to be the one on the other side.  
“So now it’s my fault. Some bitch is pregnant with your baby and I’m to blame? Last I checked we were together when your precious baby was conceived. In fact we were together just hours between you and Adalind…ugh, I can’t even finish that sentence. My skin crawls just thinking about it. I can picture the two of you just laughing your heads off about fooling me. When I came home when I did and almost caught you two in the act, I knew something was wrong, like something was out of place. When I discovered the truth, you had the audacity to lie to my face, claiming you thought it was me all along. How drunk must you be to mistake a blonde for a brunette?” She shamed him into silence. 

*/*/*

What could he say to that? He was drunk out of his mind. Monroe had taken him out for celebratory drinks. Rosalee had agreed to marry him. Nick honestly couldn’t remember drinking all that much, or even meeting up with Adalind after he left the bar. Where in the world did she even come from? How could he explain himself when he barely knew the exact happenings of that evening? All Nick knew was that it was the best sex of his life. He went to sleep with a goofy grin on his face, he was so thoroughly sated and he did wake up with Juliette in his bed so why would anything be amiss?

That’s when the dreams came. Things were good between him and Juliette but not THAT good. For days, he woke from sleeping, dripping with perspiration, his skin still tingling with wicked sensations after reliving the same dream over and over. He would cling to Juliette even more, trying to replicate his dream and make it a reality, but something, somewhere since that fateful night had changed. Nick had a sense of dread but couldn’t understand its origin. He felt as though he was living a double life. He couldn’t merge his dreams and his reality and this confused him. How could his dreams be filled with such passion and longing and leave nothing for him when he was awake? He loved Juliette but the realisation that their life together wasn’t as passionate as he wanted or even hoped, he resigned himself to their simple coupling. 

After several weeks of not sleeping together because of the demands of my job, Juliette cooked him a romantic dinner in an effort to revitalise their love life. The conversation was easy and light until Nick brought up that day. Juliette’s countenance and mood quickly changed. She demanded to know what he referred to and that’s when the ugly truth came out. Nick’s wild night of passion was not with Juliette. It was like a gut punch. Impossible, he thought. Who else could it had been, he asked her, he broke out in a cold sweat. 

He insisted it was she, recounting what little he could remember but their evening quickly turned into a nightmare. The more he talked, Juliette’s face turned green, like she’d up-end her dinner right there in front of him. Nick became desperate. The truth was that Juliette had left Portland that morning, after kissing him goodbye to attend a conference outside of town. She didn’t see him until she returned home late that night, finding him naked in bed. Convinced that what she said was the truth, Nick felt sick. How could he betray Juliette this way? Why didn’t he question he quick return home, knowing her plans for that day?

He asked for her forgiveness, accepting responsibility for his actions but she wouldn’t listen to him anymore that night. For the first time in years, they slept in separate rooms, Juliette was too disgusted to even look at him. He was about to lose everything over one night with a woman, whose face he couldn’t even remember but that could be because in his dreams, Nick’s attention wasn’t to her face but rather a pair of beautiful, firm breast and the tightness of his loins every time the mysterious woman touched him with her soft hands. If that wasn’t Juliette, then who was she?  
It took weeks of convincing but Juliette learnt to put the entire incident behind them, blaming Nick’s inability to hold his liquor, so he steered clear of alcohol until things finally settled down between them. It wasn’t easy. The reunion was tenuous at best but Nick didn’t want to lose Juliette. Their life wasn’t perfect but it was a life he worked very hard to have.

Weeks later he saw picture of Adalind in the morning paper and that familiar tightness in his nether regions hit him like a eighteen tonne truck. He didn’t even need to dream of the mysterious woman to know that it was Adalind Schade, but he did. He dreamt of her that very same night and for the first time, he saw her blonde locks as they cascaded over her naked torso and the bluest eyes he’d ever seen bore into his soul. For the first time since he’s met Adalind, Nick didn’t want to throttle her. He wanted to caress her, to hold her tight against his own body as they bathed in sticky sweat from a night of hot sex. He shook his head in anger at the treacherous thought. 

Adalind was a corporate lawyer but that didn’t mean they didn’t cross paths. Nick has put away a lot of horrible individuals behind bars, but the worst of them are the ones with deep pockets and lawyers that had no scruples, let alone a moral compass. While he worked hard to uphold justice and make sure criminals paid for their crimes, she worked harder to make sure they didn’t. Their antagonistic relationship began after they officially met outside of court, after the acquittal of one of the leaders of one of the biggest crime families in Portland, whose reach spanned continents, all the way to Vienna, Austria. She took pleasure in thwarting his every move to clean up Portland. 

Unfortunately finding out the truth of that night didn’t change the effect of this dream of her on him. The longing he felt over the simple photo was as intense as the night he slept with her. Nick could almost smell her intoxicating perfume. It wasn’t the one Juliette used. A wave of guilt swept over him. Why did he take Adalind home that night? And even more disturbing, for the first time in years, Nicholas Burkhardt wanted a woman that was not his girlfriend and he hated himself for it. 

He kept this revelation from Juliette in the hopes that he would quickly get over everything. Whatever was happening to him wasn’t real and reminding himself of the life he had with Juliette and the future he hoped to have, would make things right again. For months he had thought the woman in his dreams was Juliette despite the countless clues that it wasn’t. Nothing needed to change. Adalind meant absolutely nothing to him and after the most difficult period of his relationship with Juliette, he didn’t want to rock the boat even more. Juliette didn’t need to know that the woman he had a drunken one night stand with, was the same one that almost got her killed and took a certain glee in that.  
That was months ago. Nick had managed to put Adalind behind him, that newspaper photo being the last time he’d seen of her. Juliette was none the wiser or so he thought. Nick was unpleasantly surprised to learn that his girlfriend had grown close to his superior, Cpt. Sean Renard. He had his suspicions about his Captain and his intentions. Unlike Juliette, Nick gave her the benefit of the doubt. There was nothing going on between the two of them. It was Renard that helped her by giving her information surrounding her attempted murder, specifically, a name. Adalind Schade, a name she’d previously heard from the lips of her sleep-talking boyfriend. The first time she heard him moaned her name in his sleep, set her blood cold. 

Juliette had met Adalind on at least three separate occasions, two of which were around the time someone tried to kill her and the last one was after Nick’s betrayal. And all three times, she sensed that the other woman was privy to some secret and taunted her, speaking in riddles, more so the last time they met. When Renard gave her Adalind’s name, it didn’t take long to put two and two together, that Nick deliberately withheld this from her, destroying the image she had of him completely. Juliette was livid at the deception, the lies, she planned to confront Nick with everything she knew that afternoon and that when she saw Adalind at the precinct, visibly pregnant.  
*/*/* “I hate you so much right now.” She said after the room filled with unbearable silence.  
“Honey, it was never my intention to hurt you.”  
“Oh really? Why didn’t you tell me Adalind was the one that hired that animal to come after me? Why didn’t you tell me you slept with my would be killer? Is it because she matters to you more than I do? Is that why you deliberately stood between her and me earlier today at the station? You know how I suffered that night Willie Jenkins broke into our home. The reason he didn’t finish what he was hired to do was because Monroe stopped by to see you over another one of your secrets.”  
“I know you are angry with me and I accept that but you cannot honestly expect me to stand aside and watch you assault a heavily pregnant woman in a police station. I know you think that’s me choosing this woman over you but I love you. I have always loved you even if you question my feelings right now, that is the truth.”  
“Please, don’t make me laugh.”  
“I don’t know what else you want me to say. You are the person that I love and want to be with.”  
“And your baby, are you just going to forget all about him? What about Adalind? You sure could have fooled me today. I have eyes Nick. I saw you, when you placed you palm on her belly, the way you smiled at her when you felt him kick. When was the last time you even smiled at me like that? Every time you look at me, it’s like I bore you. You are always tired. And I heard as well; you two talking privately in Renard’s office, the way you said her name, like a lover’s caress. I have heard it so many times from your lips, I couldn’t take it anymore. This is what I get for loving you, you secretly pining after another woman.” She said bitterly.  
Nick grew tired of beating his head against the figurative wall.  
“What about you and Renard?” he said in anger, his temper simmering to a boil. The look on her face told him she didn’t expect that.  
“What about Renard?” she flustered. Suddenly Nick saw what was under his nose this whole time. While he worked to hold together their sinking relationship, Juliette had found solace elsewhere and it cut him. What a hypocrite, he thought angrily. She stood there in judgement over him and yet here she was, her own sins fouling up the air.  
“This is rich” He said sarcastically. “You are deflecting. It’s so much easier for you to crucify me over one mistake that happened months ago while you and Renard have been doing what exactly…behind my back? I knew he’s had a thing for you for years now but looking at your flushed face, I’d say something’s happened between you two and more than once.” He hit the jackpot.  
“How long has this being going on? You know what, don’t even bother. It’s clear we have both been wasting our time. Dumping all our problems at my feet will not make you feel better. When I said I loved you and wanted to be with you, I didn’t lie. What happened with Adalind was a long time ago, a mistake, clearly my devotion to you these past few months wasn’t enough to make that point clear. You accused me of making a fool of you but I realise now that I was the bigger fool, being the subject of your secret talks with the Captain, the man that has made my life a living hell, the same man who tried to kill you because I was getting too close to the truth.  
“ Aah! I see he neglected to share that peace of information with you. Adalind was the middleman…woman between Renard and Jenkins. The I.A. case was nearing to a close, we’d managed to secure a witness that had tangible proof of his dirty dealings and of corrupting some good cops. He knew I was close to busting him and he went after you to shut me down and I am the bag guy.” His voice dripped with visible disappointment.  
“Nick…” her voice was low. They were both faced with the brokenness of their life together.  
“No, we’ve said all we needed to say. I’m gonna go. I’ll take the overnight bag, I will stay at Monroe’s until I can organise something else.

And just like that, Nick Burkhardt and Juliette Silverton were over.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Here's another chapter from Adalind's POV. It's a long one. I hope y'all enjoy. All reviews are much appreciated.
> 
> ***Plus I do not own any of these character.

Chapter 2

Nature versus nurture, which force was stronger between the two? That was the question plaguing Adalind Schade that morning as she stood in front of the full-length mirror, her chin up, back straight or as straight as she could manage under the circumstances while examining every contour of her naked body, particularly her full belly. This baby was a cause of consternation to her after the crappy life she has lived her whole life. She didn’t plan him and most certainly didn’t plan the night he was conceived eight months ago but she loved him with every fibre of her being, rotten as it was.

This baby now growing peacefully inside of her was a second chance she didn’t dare dream to have after she lost Diana. Her beautiful baby girl was just six months old when she died. Adalind wanted nothing more than to join her but life was simply too cruel, so she lived instead. At the time she discovered her first pregnancy, she remembered her mother’s words so many years ago, cruel words. 

“The Talk” she had with her about what “a horrible mistake” Adalind was. Of course Adalind was too young to understand why “Mommy” was saying all those hurtful things to her. She loved both her parents, they were perfect but according to Catherine, Adalind wasn’t, that’s why no one loved her. It wasn’t difficult to discover the truth herself. Not long after “The Talk”, her father vanished from their lives the day before her fourth birthday. How she cried and cried on the day she was to be celebrated. It was nothing more than a sour reminder of Catherine Schade’s bottomless wisdom. Adalind was unlovable and now she was expected to love this baby, a girl.

For nine months, she carried Diana and wishing for anything but. She was penniless, all alone in Austria and too much of a coward to have an abortion and Diana’s father was the last person she’d ever turn to after her own experience with her parents. Plus they had a falling out before learning of her pregnancy. Adalind didn’t want to be anything like her mother, who was too proud to even cry after her departed father. Only one time did Adalind witness her mother wipe away a single tear before tearing up the last remaining evidence of the man that used to be her husband and father to their one and only daughter. 

Nature versus nurture? She scorned at the cruel irony of it all. Adalind had become her mother. It didn’t matter which was stronger, nature or nurture; both had yielded the same results. Adalind had unwittingly rejected her daughter before she was even born only to fall in love with her the second she was. She was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen in her whole entire life and Adalind Schade had birthed her. 

Her whole life, every moment of every day, every month and year, Adalind pushed herself, always seeking. Being home schooled made her even more desperate, looking outside for something she couldn’t find within. It was no wonder fate took Diana away from her. She didn’t deserve anything so beautiful. Her need to love and be loved charted most of her life and interactions with the two most important people in it, her mother and Sean Renard. No matter what she did for them, it was never god enough.

*/*/*

Adalind went to law school, joined a prestigious law firm that represented the infamous Renard family. This should have impressed Catherine but it only earned her mother’s ire. That’s when she met the black sheep of the Renard family, police Captain Sean Renard, a kindred. Adalind was drawn to him like a moth to a flame and predictably, she got burnt badly. 

He showed her a little interest outside of their professional liaison, taking her on a couple of dates after she helped Berman on a sensitive case for his family. Adalind tried to play her cards close to the chest, acting all coy towards Sean, testing the waters but the pull towards him was too strong. Before long, Adalind was already naming their grandbabies; he was so handsome, so dark, so wonderful or so she thought.  
Sean showered her with expensive gifts, trips overseas and once he even took her to his ancestral home in Vienna, Austria. Upon their return she found Catherine squatting in her apartment. She’d finally caught wind of the importance of the connection between her daughter and the Renard family. Apparently, she’d been there for days, waiting to see her “wonderful” daughter after so long. The last time they spoke face to face was on her graduation day, which Catherine didn’t even attend.  
She should have expected it. “Mommy” was back in her life fulltime; taking Adalind back to those early years after her father abandoned her. Catherine started coaching Adalind on how she was to act in order to win Sean’s heart and become Mrs Sean Renard. Adalind was disgusted by the ideas her mother put into her head. She wanted Sean all on her own and was doing fine without anyone’s help, but now her mother had made it her life’s mission to make it all happen. The dichotomy was glaring. She loved Sean but not on her mother’s terms. She hated her mother but she was still trying to impress her nonetheless, even after the abuse she suffered being raised by the woman. 

That wasn’t the only change in Adalind’s life. Berman, her boss, started giving her even more peculiar cases, nothing like what she handled before or on her own at the firm. Her dates with Sean turned into meetings about those very cases. She didn’t get mad, in fact she relished it. Sean was paying her even greater attention and she got to use her big brain more frequently, bending the law to her…his will and there was the added bonus of a rekindled relationship with her mother, despite their many differences. 

However, there was one request from her boyfriend…no, boyfriend didn’t sound quite right and it seemed too juvenile to define her relationship with Sean. As it so happened, there was an issue that was a cause of unrest for Sean; a private investigator that was causing quite a few problems for his family, him in particular. Since Adalind had dabbled more regularly with the criminal underworld as per request and an extension of her services at Berman Rautbort Law, he couldn’t think of anyone better to help sort this little problem for him.  
This investigator had to be silenced before she could expose certain dealings surrounding Sean and specific criminal activities he partook in the city of Portland while serving as a police Captain, something his father wouldn’t tolerate being exposed. Adalind had to take care of everything, using her experience in dealing with criminals. Sean didn’t care how she did it, as long as it was done. 

She bought an unlicensed .38 calibre handgun in a dark alley. Her whole body shook the entire time she dealt with Donnie “Two Step” Parelta. Her heart beat so fast and so loud, it lodged itself in her ears, screaming “GO HOME! GO HOME!” Adalind thought of turning back and going home. She’d tell Sean she was too much of a coward to go through with his plan but she’d come this far and didn’t want to see the look of disappointment on his face, a look that she’d become quite familiar with in the time they’ve been “together”. Her own mother told her to grow and pair, “or else…”

On D-Day, she waited until she was the last to leave the office, hoping for something and yet afraid to name it. She called a taxi and gave the address to the driver. Twenty minutes from then, she’d have gone from Adalind Schade, attorney at law to Adalind Schade, murderer. She laughed derisively at the thought. For Sean, she’d do anything, she told herself. It was cold comfort, not much but something. 

The investigator stepped out of her run-down building (Adalind recognised her from the photo Sean had given her) and turned left, heading downtown, unwittingly passing her would be assassin. Adalind kept walking straight. She didn’t turn to follow after her. The investigator was elderly, although not that old. She looked like she could be someone’s very young looking grandmother. Last chance, Adalind thought, “Just keep walking straight and don’t look back.” She said to herself. But Sean’s face crossed her mind, forcing Adalind to turn around and follow after the woman. “The things I do for love,” she muttered under her breath.  
“Grandma”, as Adalind now called her, turned into a café and sat at the last table by the window. There’d be no better time than the present. With a shaking gloved hand, she reached into her Louis Vuitton bag, feeling out the cloth wrapped gun. She crossed the street, scouting for a place to conceal herself while making sure she didn’t lose sight of her target. After finding an awkward recess on the side of one building, she fished out the gun and aimed it. 

Adalind froze. All she had to do was squeeze the trigger and be done with it but she couldn’t move a muscle. She wasn’t a killer, it didn’t matter how much she loved Sean. She didn’t know how long she’d stood there in half-darkness before someone yelled “Freeze, POLICE!” The discovery caused her to jerk violently, causing her muscles in her hand to move on reflex. The next sound she heard was the bang from the gun going off. A shop front window shattered and people screamed in all directions. Chaos ensued.

What had she done? Her head screamed in reproach. Adalind dropped the gun and ran. Unfortunately, she caught sight of the cop that spotted her. She recognised him and he did her. It was Detective Nick Burkhardt from Central Precinct, Sean’s Precinct. He was standing all the way across the street, in front of the café. How in the world did he see her? Adalind didn’t have time to worry about that, she knew she couldn’t outrun him, not in her heals. Nick chased bad guys for a living, and she’d helped some those bad guys stay in the street just two days ago, the same guy that sold her the gun she stupidly dropped for Nick to use as evidence against her before she’d be sent to jail for years on a murder charge. 

She saw the look of recognition on his face, pure contempt. He wore that same look when they ran into each other outside of court after Peralta’s acquittal. She kept running, expecting him to jump her any second but fortunately, for her, a bus had stopped right in front of him the moment he tried to cross the street and come after her. And by an even greater luck, a taxi had just stopped in front of her, dropping off a customer. Adalind scrambled towards it, throwing herself inside.  
“GO! GO! GO!” She commanded the driver, as she lay low in the back seat. She was desperately hoping Nick hadn’t seen her climb on to the cab. The driver refused to obey, not before she gave a destination. She cursed him and gave him Sean’s address. The man just didn’t understand her sense of urgency. She sighed in relief when the car began to move. Adalind didn’t dare stick her head higher than the distance it took for her head to rotate while lying flat on her back on a smelly cab seat.  
Her life as she knew it was over. She was going to prison. The million thoughts drowned everything around her except the memory of a pair of darkened grey eyes that were hard to forget. She’d never get over them looking straight at her that night. They were dark and deadly. She had to get to Sean, quickly because She couldn’t go home and the truth was, this was his fault anyway. He had asked her a big “favour”. He would help her. He had to help her. He was Nick’s boss after all. Nick answered to him. 

“Hey lady, we’re here.” The driver said. That was unusually quick, she thought. She paid Akbar and thanked him for his services with a weary voice. Stepping outside the cab into an even darker night, she spotted two black German sedans and a black SUV parked along Sean’s front yard. Shit. “This day couldn’t get any worse than it did,” she mused. She scurried toward the front door and rung the bell. Sean’s housekeeper, Mrs Shearer promptly answered the door.  
“Ms Schade, unfortunately, Mr Renard in unable to receive you tonight; he’s entertaining some guests.”  
“I know, I saw the conspicuous Mercs on the street but this cannot wait. Tell him I need to speak to him urgently!” Adalind pushed her way into Sean’s foyer and headed down the hall to his study. There was no way in hell she was going back to her apartment without speaking to Sean first. It wasn’t even two minutes before he was standing in front of her, visibly angry.  
“I hope this burning need to see me tonight is so you can tell me of your success?” He said coldly.  
“Sean…” She couldn’t speak.  
“Did you or did you not do as I asked?” Adalind ignored the condescension in his voice. Clearly, she came at a wrong time but she didn’t exactly have a choice.  
“I don’t know.” She answered, feeling exposed under his glare.  
“What does that mean? Did you or did you not kill that wretched woman as I asked you? It’s not a difficult question, Adalind. A simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ would suffice.”  
Instead of soft, sweet placating words, Sean’s words and demeanour bristled with checked anger. “I don’t know, alright! Nick Burkardt saw me. I don’t know if I shot that lady, if I shot anyone at all. I barely escaped him. I need your help Sean. He saw me. I panicked and ran as far as I could or else I’d be a jail cell right now.”  
“Hmph! At the very least tell me you still have the gun with you.”  
My ‘deer caught in the headlights’ look told him “No.”  
“Damn it Adalind! I sent you to clean up this mess, not cause another one. My family is here for the weekend, I cannot afford to deal with your incompetency…”  
“Excuse me?” she shot back. “Perhaps you should have done it yourself, since you’re the expert. I’ve never killed anyone in my life, Sean and tonight, I may have turned myself into a murderer, for you!” How could he be so ungrateful, she thought.  
“You’re a big girl. I didn’t need to twist your arm to do anything you didn’t want.” Adalind couldn’t believe what she was hearing.  
“Sean, please…”  
“Look, I can’t deal with you right now. Go home and we’ll talk tomorrow.” He dismissed her, effectively kicking her out of his home. She was unable to move, the feeling of dread sunk to the bottom of her stomach. No way in hell, she was going home. Nick Burkhardt and his shiny handcuffs would be waiting for her. Sean left her without so much as a good and one of his security people took his place. It was clear she was on her own, at least for the night. Being escorted out of your boyfriend’s house in the middle of the night had to be the worst “walk of shame” of Adalind’s life and it had nothing to do with sex. And for the first time, she wished she’d never slept with him, ever.

She made her way to a hotel on the opposite side of her apartment’s location. She confessed her failure and everything else to her mother, she wasn’t sure why. It’s not like Catherine Schade had a shred of maternal instinct in her body.  
“Idiot!” she said after listening to Adalind’s story.  
“For a lawyer, you sure are dumb. You got that from you father, useless like him.” After years of steeling herself against her mother’s consistently sharp, cutting words, Adalind’s heart cracked just a little. Why did she expect any less? Her mother has never supported her in anything outside of winning Sean and this mistake “…would cost them all.”  
“I don’t know why I bother with you, I don’t get Sean either. He deserves a strong woman by his side, not this snivelling waif I see in front of me.” He mother continued. “I thought I raised you better than this!” It hurt, but Adalind was used to this kind of barrage, twenty-five years’ worth of experience, if only she’d stand up for herself, Adalind thought. Never good enough.

It was later that Adalind learnt that the only casualty of her attempt to commit murder was the café window and an old rickety television perched high up on the café wall behind her intended target’s head. Although Nick discovered the gun and processed it as evidence of a crime, none of her prints were recovered from it. The serial number was long erased so even the gun couldn’t be traced back to her. She paid for it in cash. Never, in her entire life has she breathed a greater sigh of relief than upon discovering she wouldn’t go to jail for stupidity. 

That didn’t mean she was free of Nick Burkhardt. The next time she saw the detective, he cornered her at the precinct.  
“I know what you did.” He said through gritted teeth. He dragged her into an unoccupied interrogation room and locked the door behind him. Adalind freaked. When she tried to push her way to unlock the door he grabbed her arms and forcefully shoved her against the door, causinh the key to dig into her lower back. She cried out in pain. He didn’t care. He had her pinned. She looked into his eyes and any thoughts she had to scream crumbled at her feet. He looked like death personified.  
“You tried to kill my aunt!” He roared.  
Aunt! Omg! Omg! OMG! The woman she almost killed, was Nick’s aunt! Her thoughts scrambled. Shit! Shit! Shit! Alarm bells went off in her head, tuning out his rant, so wrapped up she was in her wild thoughts of dying or to a lesser extent, prison. He was coming for her, she didn’t doubt it. He’d never stop until she was behind bars. But three weeks had passed since the incident and all he had managed to do was shove her into darkened room, violently pining her against the door and doing nothing more than make threats of arresting her. 

Suddenly her head cleared. They both knew the drill, Nick had zero proof of what happened that night. It was night and Adalind was in shadow, at least until he yelled for her to freeze. Sean already bought an alibi if push came to shove. Even Nick’s eyewitness account wouldn’t mean much unless someone could corroborate his story and since he had no tangible proof of what she almost did, no judge would ever give him the time of day. Adalind’s fear turned into glee while watching the darkness pool at those grey eyes staring daggers at her. Under different circumstances, she wouldn’t mind get lost in those intense eyes. The truth was Nick couldn’t touch her. Nick couldn’t prove she was even there that night with a gun in her hand.  
“I’m sorry Officer Burkhardt but you have me confused with someone else. I have no idea what you are talking about.” She said, her voice dripping in honey. She flashed him her sweetest smile that only made him angrier. He was cute when he was angry; she saw that even in the dim light. Too bad he wasn’t her type.  
“Cut the bullshit, Adalind. I saw you with my own two eyes that night.”  
“Really?” she stepped away from his grasp, ignoring the sliver of pain in her back and in her arms where he dug deep with his fingers making sure she wouldn’t escape. “I’m afraid Officer Burkhardt, that you have no proof of that.” She purred in his ear as she sidestepped him, taking a seat at the table behind him. She smiled, the adrenalin shooting through her body was making her bold, suddenly. He turned to face her, drawing her back into the bottomless pool of his eyes, gosh those eyes were too beautiful, she thought. She blinked away guiltily, this was no time to window shop, she rebuked herself. As pretty as the detective was to look at and he was, he wasn’t Sean. 

Nick leaned down on her, blocking he escape once again with his left hand on the back of her chair and the other, on the table in front of her, dark, vengeful eyes boring into her soul. He was so close to her, too close.  
“You won’t get away with this. I am going to find a way to make you pay.” He said. The fear she felt only moments ago was completely gone. Her smile turned into a knowing grin. She leaned forward, challenging Nick. Her eyes went from his down to his thick lips and involuntarily she bit her lower lip, flashing her tongue. She watched as Nick’s eye’s dropped down to her lips. Suddenly the air crackled with delicious tension she’d never experienced before. Adalind drank it all in, like some heady brandy warming its way down to her toes. It tasted like heaven. Neither of them moved a muscle, so caught up in their little game of cat and mouse dripping with sexual tension. When she looked up once more at Nick’s eyes, something shifted between them. There was the slightest flicker of something else, not anger, not murderous rage, but something equally dangerous, neither could mistake it.  
“Just know that I will be watching you from now on and unlike your boyfriend, you don’t have a family making sure your hands stay clean. You think Sean cares enough for you to risk his own neck? You made a big mistake going after my family, I won’t forget this. I will make my move when you least expect it, so sleep tight Ms Schade because your days as a free woman are numbered.” He leaned further down, forcing her to sit back. He was excessively close this time; their lips, a hair’s breadth from making contact. She imagined how good his lips must taste. He smiled, but his eyes remained as deadly as ever.  
“Goodbye Miss Schade.” He straightened his back. Turning, he unlocked the door and left, leaving her a little bothered and not at all in a bad way.  
Several days after their heated encounter at the precinct, Adalind found out Nick’s aunt had passed. Cancer. She didn’t know what to feel, relief? No. She felt terrible but any shred of that quickly evaporated as things improved between her and Sean but the reprieve was short lived. Sean didn’t make things easier for her. He was less romantic and often lost his temper around her. Adalind hated how things had quickly deteriorated between them, often feeling like Sean’s pet rather than girlfriend. Every time she did something he deemed “good” he’d give her a “treat” or punish her when she upset him or failed him in one of his stupid tasks. Why she put up with his horrible treatment, she couldn’t tell. He was like a drug she couldn’t quit. And like all drug addicted, she lost herself in him, in pleasing him because then he’d shower her with a fraction of the love she felt for him. That high, short as it was, was all she lived for, which is why she agreed to help him with another one of his big “favours”, Juliette Silverton.  
Apparently, this is what would make things right between them again. She “owed” him for almost ruining the last big “favour” he asked.  
“Juliette Silverton?  
“Yes, Nick’s girlfriend.” He said nonchalantly.  
That was a gut punch. First, it was Nick’s aunt and now his girlfriend.  
“I…can’t” she protested.  
“Come again?” he asked in irritation.  
“I cannot do that or have you forgotten what happened last time you sent me after one of Nick’s loved ones? I am lucky I got away with it and his poor aunt went unassisted. I’m sorry Sean but you are going to have to find someone else to do your dirty work for you.” I argued.  
“Do you love me?” He asked.  
“Well that’s a stupid question.”  
“Then you will do this or else this…” gesturing between the two of them, “…is over.”  
Hello, my name is Adalind and I am an addict.

*/*/*

“Idiot!” Adalind said to the reflection in the mirror, using her mother’s favourite pet name for her. How different her life would be if she’d only lived it to please herself and not two of the most ungrateful beings she had the misfortune to ever meet. She felt her son kick for the umpteenth time that morning, clearly as nervous as she was to meet his father for the first time. 

She didn’t know what to expect from Nick Burkhardt. They had the most tumultuous relationship despite conceiving a child together. She hadn’t seen him since their last meeting eight months ago. That one night of passion together was a fluke, an accident, a mistake, but Adalind didn’t care. Whatever led her to Nick’s arms that night gave her a second chance at life, to be a mother, to love and be loved with something much purer than what she’d ever known her whole life. She would do anything for her son and up until two days prior, shed’s fallen off the grid as Kelly Kessler, an undercover FBI agent had taught her during their short time together, after escaping Austria.

She’d only known Kelly for a few short months but the kindness of the woman was so overwhelming, it touched Adalind in ways she didn’t expect. She met Kelly, after the FBI found her living in squalor in main land Europe. She had no one and Diana was just a few days old. Had Kelly never found her when she did, they would have starved to death in a foreign land surrounded by enemies Adalind couldn’t even identify.  
When Adalind left Sean, she knew it wouldn’t take long before he saw her as a liability. She knew things about him that were dangerous to him and his family and tried to take steps in ensuring her safety. She made contact with the Lehners, offering to sell them intel against the Renards. The two families had being feuding for centuries and no one living on both side actually knew over what. 

They didn’t bite. They were cautious, obviously. They wanted to check if what she offered was worth their time. That’s when she found out about her pregancy. Diana made things extra difficult for her, not only in trying to hide from Sean but also in keeping from being swallowed up in an ancient rivalry between the two families. Adalind soon realised the worth of her life so long as she carried Diana in her belly, making her extra resentful of her predicament. It didn’t take long for the truth to come out and find its way to Sean, that is when she ran but she couldn’t get far out of Austria.

Adalind found herself in the woods in the middle of nowhere, giving birth to her first child. All the cursing and anger at how awful her life was, the resentment she felt towards her unborn baby evaporated the second the man she’d been staying with placed a swaddled baby girl in her arms. From that moment, Adalind discovered a whole new world, a world of kindness and love, everything she’d ever longed for her whole life but it couldn’t last. She had to keep running.

By some chance, the FBI got to her before Sean did. Kelly successfully extracted mother and daughter back into the US under the cover of night, procuring new identities and a new life, away from the Renard’s that wanted her dead. Adalind grew very fond of Kelly, the only agent she preferred to deal with. The woman helped Adalind during the most trying time of her life, staying with her the first month in the witness protection program. And even when she didn’t, Kelly always remained in contact with them even when she went back to her undercover duties. 

She called timeously, and would see them from time to time, being in the witness protection program was a lonely place for Adalind, so she appreciated Kelly’s unmerited kindness, after everything that happened to get her to that point. Kelly did more than just keep Adalind company or call to say “hello”. She shared with Adalind ways to survive, especially with the Renards after her. She taught Adalind to always be on her guard and things like exit strategies and what to do when the baby wouldn’t stop crying and how to identify each cry, whether for food or a nappy change. Adalind couldn’t picture her own mother doing any of this, not after the “chore” she was growing up. Kelly told her that if she suspected Sean’s found her, she should run and never look back. “Just remember that no matter where you go, I will always find you. If I can find you in the forests of Austria, I will find you anywhere and keep you two safe.” She promised Adalind, placing a kiss on both mother and daughter’s forehead before disappearing into the night.

Sean did find them. And so did Kelly but even she couldn’t do anything to keep Diana safe. The day Diana died, she lost the two most important people she had the pleasure of meeting, her daughter and the woman she quickly considered a mother after she took care of Adalind and her baby as long as she did.  
Kelly returning from only God knew where, had woken Adalind from a deep sleep and immediately the smoke in her bedroom choked her. She didn’t know when Kelly had returned, let alone where she came from so late at night but she was glad to see her. Unfortunately, her gladness turned to dread as she realised what was happening. Her house was on fire. And where was Diana?

Kelly struggled to get Adalind out of the house, who was already passing out from the smoke inhalation. When she deposited Adalind outside, Kelly rushed back into the blaze, to Adalind’s horror. She screamed after Kelly, fearing for her life but thoughts of Diana threated to undo her completely. A lifetime passed before Kelly ran out of the door, choking and coughing desperately for a breath of fresh air. That’s when the fire truck turned the corner but that didn’t stop Kelly running back into the burning house. 

One of the fire fighters found Kelly passed out two feet from the front door. They dragged her out to safety but no Diana. When Adalind was strapped onto the ambulance gurney, Kelly had stopped breathing. The paramedics began CPR, pumping furiously at her chest; that was the last she saw her. She never intended to return to Portland after the death of her daughter. It was the last place on earth she wanted to set foot but Sean and his wretched family left her no choice. They’d taken everything from her, stripped her of her dignity, casting her into a waking hell. 

When Sean found out about Diana, he hunted her down like an animal, not that he wasn’t before but suddenly she had something he felt she’d stolen from him. And when Diana was caught in the cross hairs, he denied having anything to do with her death, he blamed his brother instead. Whether it was Sean or Eric that set her house aflame, it didn’t make much difference to Adalind who the guilty party was. They were all born of the same stock, Sean, more than any Renard had earned her absolute hatred and she would see him rotting beneath her feet, even if it was the last thing she ever did, she swore.

She wasn’t hiding anymore. Seeing him for the first time in a year was cathartic. The scales had effectively fallen from her eyes. When she saw him before, he was the personification of a god, her prince, now she saw a pathetic man desperately grasping at the crumbs falling from his father’s table, a petty criminal. All the sexy exuberance that attracted her to him had vanished under the cold harsh daylight. And even better, he no longer wielded any power over her, Adalind was free and all it took was the death of her daughter. 

Later that evening, she made her way to Joey’s for a stiff drink or three, never expecting to meet Nick Burkhardt and those beguiling eyes of his. 

*/*/*

Adalind waddled into the precinct, her swollen ankles battling to keep her on her feet. For the first time in a long time, fear gripped her but she kept her head high. She was walking into the lion’s den but with a plan. She was formulating her strategy with each step she took. She didn’t fear for her life but she did for her unborn baby. Although Sean’s men had found her hide out two days ago, she was certain he had no idea of her current state. Walking into his office eight months pregnant will no doubt catch him by surprise. But that’s not her goal. He wanted her dead and she needed to give him a reason to pause, which caused her heart to catch in her throat because it meant talking to Nick Burkhardt and telling him the wonderful news she kept hidden for eight solid months.

She has never known two men more driven than those two, one to absolute corruption and the other, to justice. Adalind was banking on Nick’s ultimate Dudley-do-right instincts to kick in once she told him about his son. If Sean was hell bent on putting her in an early grave, she hoped Nick would be more than equally bent to make sure than it didn’t happen, not with his baby facing a similar fate.

Nick. 

She ignored the warmth spreading through her body at the thought of seeing him again. He made her uncharacteristically nervous. Adalind has stared down Sean, his father, hardened criminals but the thought of Nick made her knees weak not for the reason a person would think. She cradled her belly. She wasn’t in love with him, far from it. A person cannot love a person they do not know, she thought to herself. She was nervous however, because despite their inebriated night of passion months ago, the animosity between them didn’t wane. 

She stepped of the elevator on his floor, counting down to a big blowout with the father of her baby. She hoped that it wouldn’t be as bad as she expected because not far from Nick’s desk was Sean’s office and she needed just a few moments to convince Nick he was the father and that he needed to do the right by his son before Sean had a chance to lay eyes on her. 

She was taking a big risk coming back to Portland where no one wanted her but she had nowhere else to go and she no longer trusted the FBI to keep her safe, they had failed her Diana and Adalind would be damned if anything happened to her son because the FBI was incompetent (except for Kelly). For years they had Nick do their job for them, too bad he didn’t succeed, she thought, briefly forgetting that she was one of the reasons he failed in putting Sean behind bars.  
“Damn it,” she swore. Nick wasn’t at his desk and the Captain was walking straight towards her, visibly surprised.  
“Adalind, fancy seeing you here after so long.” He feigned warmth in his voice but she knew better.  
“Captain Renard, how wonderful it is to see you again.” She lied. They kept up with the pleasantries while out in the bullpen. Exposing the reality of the situation between them would not be good for either Sean or Adalind, so fake it they did and they patted each other in an awkward and very brief hug. Sean immediately felt the baby bump. Adalind could see his wheels churning. He knew it wasn’t his and suddenly the identity of the father piqued his interest prolonging this unwelcome interlude.  
“What brings you by these parts?” He asked, he actually meant, “What idiot stooped so low, stuck his dick in you and knocked you up?”  
“I missed Portland, It is home after all.” She replied, she actually meant, “None of your business, you child murdering spineless asshole.” She smiled at him.  
“Will I get to find out who the lucky dad is?” he said, pointing at her belly.  
“Oh Sean…” she faked a laugh. “That’s for me to know and for you to find out.” She was tired and hated having to stand and converse with her former lover. He made her skin crawl.  
“I’m actually her on a business matter; I came to speak with Detective Burkhardt?” That certainly caught his attention. She saw the uncertainty in his eyes, not sure if its’ in relation to her pregnancy or if it was about his extra curricula activities. Adalind smiled internally. It was good to know that Sean wasn’t as bulletproof as he made all of Portland believe.  
“Captain, Hank and I finally caught a break on the Red Lotus case. There was a witness…” Adalind heard Nick’s voice behind her as he walked towards them. It was now or never but first she needed to get Nick alone without his crooked Captain breathing down her neck. Adalind turned around and her heart rapped furiously against her chest. Nick Burkhardt’s Stopped in his tracks, his countenance changed. He was shocked to see her. Adalind wasn’t sure what she saw in his eyes, anger? Hatred? She couldn’t read him, not like before but that was a long time ago, a life time ago.  
“What are you doing here?” He asked stiffly, his voice thick with emotion.  
“Nice to see you too Nick,” she tried to stand straight, flanked by two men she had sex with and fathers both her children, one dead and another yet to be born. Adalind staggered from their intense staring. Sean acted quickly and grabbed her by the back of her arm, making sure she didn’t collapse on the floor. She squirmed out of his reach. Thanking him through gritted teeth.  
“Can we talk…in private?” she turned to Nick, ignoring Sean’s beady eyes on her and Nick’s uncomfortable demeanour.  
“Uhmm…You can use for my office for as long as you need. I’m on my way to a meeting with the Commissioner. Burkhardt, I expect a full brief on your progress of the case. The public is getting antsy because of these murders.” Sean said, sounding all business and nothing at all like the crooked man she knew him to be. He left the two of them standing there. Adalind was sure, he’d already pieced together the reason she returned to Portland but his poker face was too strong. It didn’t matter, she wasn’t leaving until she’d at least spoke to Nick. He would figure out the truth someday, it just burnt that he had to get a head start on the piece of info. Nick ushered her into Renard’s office and closed the door behind him.  
“What is it? What can you possibly have to say to me that I want to hear?” He was angry. She knew it wasn’t going to be easy, so she soldiered on and removed the coat from her shoulders, exposing her extended belly. He stepped back, shock written all over his face as if she’d just cut him.  
“What is this?” he struggled to find his voice.  
“What do you think?” She said angrily. No Adalind, that’s not how you do it, she thought. “Nick, I am pregnant,” she said very softly.  
“I can see that, but what does that have to do with me?”  
“Well…everything. Remember that one night at Joey’s? You were there with one of your friends celebrating his engagement or something. Don’t you remember, because I do. I offered to leave, when I saw you sitting at the bar but no, you stopped me. I was having shitty day after seeing Sean and I was desperate to drown my sorrows. You said I shouldn’t go, ‘this bar is big enough for the three of us.’ And I don’t know how but we started talking and drinking, we talked some more and drank some more. I called a cab but you insisted I shouldn’t be alone and kissed me. I didn’t make this baby on my own Nick.”  
A dark shadow fell across his face, “Oh how I wish I didn’t, trust me.” It’s not the reaction she was looking for. She wasn’t hurt that he wished to forget that night. She knew exactly how he felt, finding out were going to become someone’s parent, with the person you hated the most in life. Adalind was all too familiar with that feeling but she knew it would quickly pass. It did for her, when she held Diana in her arms and she was a horrible person, nothing at all like noble and upstanding Nick Burkhardt. What mattered to her was getting Nick over the shock. She gave him a few moments to let it all sink in but nothing more. She didn’t mean to steamroll him but she was running out of time. Adalind did her best to quash any thoughts of Renard and focused on the man in front of her, whose beautiful eyes she never forgot.  
“Adalind…” he said softly.  
“Congratulations Nick, you are going to be a father.” The baby kicked leading her to suddenly take his hand and place it above her stomach. And as if on cue, the baby kicked again, much harder than before, making both his father and mother exclaim in wonder and joy, respectively.  
“Why now?” he asked suddenly.  
“I am sorry, I didn’t come to you sooner but the truth is I couldn’t. It was just one night and I knew you had your life to live and I had to think of him, first before anything else. I have been running from Sean for over two years now, I already lost one baby because of him, I couldn’t risk his life by returning to Portland.”  
“Then why come back now, why even tell me?”  
“…Because Sean found me. I’m tired Nick. A life on the run isn’t what I want for my son. I’ve been there, done that and suffered badly for It and the people I love have died already and Sean won’t stop coming after me, whether I’m in Portland or Florida, or Timbuktu. I need your help, you are the only person left I trust. I know you hate me for everything I have done to you. I would hate me to, but I need you, our son needs you.” She pleaded, her hand still covering Nick’s over their baby.  
“What the hell is this?”  
“Juliette!” Nick’s face swivelled violently to the brunette standing in the doorway.  
“I can explain…” Nick said in embarrassment, his hands flying deep into his pocket but clearly not fast enough. Juliette was livid after what she saw.  
“Not only do you have sex with this tramp and dream of her, she is also having your baby!” Juliette spat in Adalind’s direction.  
Adalind’s face turned the colour of a grapefruit. Nick was dreaming of her? Stop it, you are not in love with Nick Burkhardt, Adalind reminded herself.  
“I thought we had finally exorcised this trash from our lives and now this.” Juliette continued with venom.  
“Excuse me, bitch?” Adalind interjected. She was happy to sit this little lovers’ tiff on the sidelines but this “bitch” had drag her into it.  
“Adalind please, stay out of this.” Nick turned towards her, moving her away from an increasingly fuming Juliette.  
“I’m sorry Nick but I refuse to be disrespected like this.” She tried not to think of his arms on her.  
“You want me, come get me.” Juliette came after her but Nick stood between them, shielding Adalind from Juliette’s fury. Adalind suddenly cringed, the pain shooting straight from her lower half.  
“Nick…” Adailnd called to him in distress, but he wasn’t paying her any attention.  
“I mean it Juliette, stop it. Take a step back…”  
“Or what Nick. Are you going to defend this whore over me?”  
“I won’t say it again,” he said angrily.  
“Nick!” Adalind yelled at him.  
“What?” he turned, “What’s wrong?”  
“The baby…Nick something’s wrong. I can’t lose him too, not now when I am so close.” She tried to stay calm but the pain was increasing. Nick panicked. “Take me to the hospital, now.” She said, ignoring his beast of a girlfriend. He wrapped his arm around her, supporting her weight and made for the door.  
“You can’t actually believe any of this, can you?” Juliette said; disgusted by what she saw. “She’s manipulating you to do what she wants, after everything she’s done to us…you’re are letting her come between us yet again.”  
“Move out the way Juliette.” He said sternly.  
“You are choosing her over me?” she actually sounded shocked.  
“I’m getting her to the hospital; we’ll talk when I get back.” He said ending their conversation before it could really begin.

Nick drove like a mad man towards the nearest hospital. He didn’t say a single word the entire drive there. Adalind didn’t dare break the silence plus she was still too focused on her baby, praying she wasn’t going into early labour or worse. At the hospital they wheeled her up to get checked by the doctor, to make sure everything was still okay. Adalind couldn’t give birth now, it was too soon. And didn’t want to risk a premature birth. 

The doctor called Nick into Adalind’s room to give a prognosis of the series of tests done on Adalind and the baby. Apparently, she had gone into premature labour but her contractions had stopped on their own. He was concerned about Adalind’s blood pressure; it was higher than he preferred. An immediate fear suddenly gripped Adalind.  
“Is that dangerous?” Nick asked the doctor.  
“It can be if left untreated for too long. But your wife got here before her and the baby’s situation became dire. Under those circumstances, we would have needed to deliver the baby immediately to save both their lives.”  
Adalind gasped in horror. She couldn’t lose her baby. She simply couldn’t!  
“Please Dr Simmons, do everything you can for them.” He said, choking on emotion. Adalind was touched by Nick’s concern, although he only meant for the doctor to save his son, she thought. Adalind was nothing to Nick despite Juliette crazy rant at the station.  
“Don’t worry, Mr Burkhardt, your wife and son are in very capable hands.”  
“She’s not my wife.” Nick finally corrected the man, who had the decency not to show surprise on his speckled face.  
“We need to try and lower your…I mean Ms…Schade’s BP. We will monitor her progress and hopefully the mediation will do its work. Her contractions have stopped but we’ll continue being on our guard. Is this your first child?” he asked.  
“Yes.”  
“No.” They said at the same time causing the doctor to redden.  
He turned to Adalind, “Since this isn’t your first rodeo, you have some idea of what is happening. I know it’s scary but you must cooperate and rest. Your baby will enter this world healthy and safe.” He tried to reassure Adalind but it didn’t work. He left mother and father alone together. Adalind wiped the silent tears from her face, causing Nick to look elsewhere but her fear riddled face. He really didn’t know what to do or how to do it. He didn’t think he’d ever see her face ever again, he almost hoped he wouldn’t but there she was in the flesh, his baby growing on the inside of her. A lump lodged in his throat and Nick had to busy himself, to maintain control.  
“I am sorry.” Adalind said.  
“What for?” He swallowed.  
“Everything. I should have told you sooner but I was scared, scared of what you’d say. We didn’t exactly have the best relationship, you and I and I was doubly afraid of Sean finding out and killing us both. Please forgive me….” The tendrils of sleep pulled her down. The medication worked fast. She didn’t hear what he said as he took her hand in his.

*/*/*

He stayed for as long as he could by her side. Neither of them said anything more before she fell into a deep sleep, sweaty blond hair sticking to her furrowed brow. Even unconscious, she was worried. Nick hadn’t seen her since that day. He flushed at the memory but he soon worried himself about what she said about Sean. Adalind said they talked quite a bit that night but he couldn’t remember much talking. He twitched uncomfortably, remembering exactly what they did in detail but Nick quickly reined in his thoughts.  
Adalind has said she’d seen Sean earlier and was drowning her sorrows and she also mention running away from him for two years, and that Their baby wasn’t her first. Nick was suddenly plagued with too many questions and the only person that had the answers, was unable to talk and according to the doctor, she couldn’t afford to stress, as that would have consequences on her life as well as their baby’s.  
Nick stepped out of Adalind’s room and called for Dr Simmons, explaining the precarious situation around Adalind. He asked the doctor, to keep Adalind’s identity secret and only refer to her under the alias of Catherine Schultz, her mother’s maiden name. It was important no one know of her whereabouts, or her condition, her life and his son’s depended on it.  
“I will do as you ask, Mr Burkhardt. I take it she’s to have no visitors during her stay?”  
“Exactly, and if anything changes, even if it may seem trifle, call me. Here’s my card.”  
“Aah, so you’re a detective? That explains things.”  
“No one and I mean no one is to find out about Adalind…I mean Catherine, not even my boss, do you understand?” He implored the doctor.  
“…No one…Understood.” Dr Simmons repeated after Nick. like a parrot.

And just like that Nick left Adalind and his unborn baby, newly discovered, into the hands of a stranger. He was going to be a father. Nick couldn’t believe it but first he had to go home and face the music….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: To all my readers, thank you for take the time to follow me on this journey. I am feeling a little restless during the hiatus, I miss Nadalind as do all of you. I hope you will enjoy the story. I appreciate any and all reviews.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Here’s the latest update. I had hoped to do more than one per week but alas, I don’t have the time. 
> 
> Please enjoy and your reviews are well appreciated.

Chapter 3

Nick wanted to punch something hard, Renard’s ugly mug for starters. He felt the anger well up on the inside. He couldn’t believe how horribly his life had fallen apart after his argument with Juliette. He had packed what essentials he needed, practically fleeing from the house that used to be his home. No. 805 NE Prescott St, Portland may as well have been a random boarding house after what he discovered. What did it matter that he’d lived in it the longest since the death of his parents in drunk-driving accident that left him an orphan at the tender age of twelve years? His life with Juliette was a big fat lie.

Nick knew he wasn’t guiltless. He made his fair share of mistakes, one of them literally walking into the station earlier that day, eight months pregnant. No, Nick was no innocent, but learning the truth didn’t hurt any less. Despite everything, he truly loved Juliette. This whole day was simply mind blowing. He didn’t know what to think. 

Here were these two very different women and Nick, caught between the two. He was sure someone, somewhere would think it a dream come true but it wasn’t. No one could wrap their mind around discovering their girlfriend slept with their boss on top of finding out that they were also going to be a father with a woman they sort of, kind of despised…maybe. He didn’t know what to do, his whole body shook iolently, ready to explode at the first opportune moment. And one name was at the centre of it all, Sean Renard. He got in his Cruiser and just drove. He had to think about what to do. Unfortunately, whether it was on Adalind or Juliette, Nick always rounded back to the main instigator of his whole life going to hell in a basket, Renard. 

*/*/*

After the accident, his Aunt Marie raised him by herself. Those first few years were the toughest on them both. Nick was very hurt and angry, hating his parents for leaving him too soon, despising the drunk driver that took their lives and caused him so much pain. Aunt Marie didn’t know the first thing about raising a child. She was older than Nick’s mother was but many could never tell, with Nick’s mother always the more serious of the two. His aunt constantly told him how much he resembled her in many ways other than his complexion. She’d get lost in her thoughts every time they talked about his mother and Nick often rebuked himself for being selfish, for thinking he was the only one suffering after their loss.

They were like ice and water but they had his mother in common and no matter their difficulties, she did her best and Nick will always be grateful to her. He owed much to his aunt but while under her care; they never stayed in one place longer than a year or two at most, so Nick couldn’t put down roots in any given city until he came to Portland. She inspired him to become a police officer, taught him how to be a good man and that meant settling down in one place, laying to rest that same wandering spirit leading her from state to state with her work.

“You’re a good man Nicky,” she told him on the day he graduated from the academy. “…And you are going to do a lot of good for a lot of people. Some aren’t going to like it but as long as you stay true to who you are, everything will work out as it should. Never stop fighting for good and never give up hope, never. If something is worth fighting for, you fight until your dying breath. It’s in your blood, your mother’s blood, OUR BLOOD! Do you hear me?” She stressed that last part, like she wanted him to understand something beyond joining the police force and he did.

So it was likely fate, he transferred to Portland upon his promotion as a homicide detective at the Central Precinct Justice Center for the Portland Police Bureau reporting directly to Cpt Sean Renard. Before he even had time to settle in his new surroundings, I.A. approached him, landing him one of the biggest cases he’d ever work in his whole career. FBI agent Martin Meisner was his contact. They had suspicion that Renard was a crooked cop, a major player in the city’s organised crime and they needed someone fresh without any ties to the Captain, someone whose judgement wouldn’t be clouded by an existing relationship, to smoke him out, so to speak.  
Initially, Nick wasn’t interested in the task. He was nothing more than a freshly minted homicide detective, literally on his first day on the job. He told Meisner just as much, that this investigation needed someone else with greater experience, like Hank Griffin, Nick’s new mentor and partner, someone with a better knowledge of the Captain and the precinct he ran who could better assist the FBI on their case. Nick was still wet behind the ears. It seemed folly to turn to him on something as serious as police corruption. 

However, Meisner would not budge. He’d found his man, “Don’t sell yourself short Burkhardt, I read your file. You graduated top of your class and quickly rose in the ranks before you even turned twenty-three. Quite impressive, I must say. You are practically the youngest to make detective in these parts in…I don’t know how long. You are good at what you do and I need the absolute best on this case; someone who isn’t afraid to go digging in all the right places and with a greater sense of justice than is good for them.” The man said with as much humour as you’d find in a funeral procession. After such an emphatic speech, and Aunt Marie’s words ringing in his ears, how could Nick say no?

Meisner didn’t even waste any time bringing Nick up to speed, revealing just how crooked Renard was. All unsubstantiated “hearsay” at that point but no less damning. Renard used his family’s wealth to cover his tracks very well. It would not be easy to bring him to book but Nick would do his absolute best in bringing down Portland’s “finest”, on of its highly decorated officers and that’s without considering of his family name. 

Renard was the youngest son of Frederick Renard, one of the wealthiest business moguls in the US. His older half-brother, Eric Renard, was a US Senator. His family was worth up to at least one European country’s GDP. They are considered royalty in at least one country. Nick had his work cut out for him but he determined to dedicate his life in achieving his goal. A fortnight after his first meeting with Meisner, Nick went undercover in Central Precinct, ingratiating himself to his boss, making himself completely indispensable. Within three years, a fifth of the precinct was behind bars, all except the one person behind it all.

*/*/*

Nick kept driving, to nowhere in particular and losing track of time. Although crashing with Monroe was his first thought after leaving Juliette, he wasn’t so certain anymore. He didn’t feel like answering his friend’s million questions about his relationship with Juliette and his new situation with Adalind. The four of them were all close friends. Juliette and Nick stood up for them at their wedding as maid of honour and best man respectively. He knew the fallout between him and Juliette would automatically put their friends in an awkward position. He was as close to Monroe as Rosalee was to Juliette. That was another change to hit him in less than six hours. Nick slammed his fist against the steering wheel in frustration. He felt like an unseen force held his head underwater and the more he struggled against it the quicker his lungs filled up with water. 

He thought of taking the bull by its horns and go back to the station to confront Renard about Juliette but that meant dangling Adalind and his son before the wolf and he simply couldn’t risk that. His son… the words felt so foreign on his lips and yet so integral to him, like he’d known them his whole adult life. He was shocked when Adalind told him he was going to be a father but deep down he knew he was even before she said anything. What grated him was her timing. Why did she wait for so long to tell him he was going to have a son? He knew why instantly.

Nick wasn’t sure if Renard was even aware of what went on between him and Adalind all those months ago and how could, he when up until that night, Adalind and Nick were staunch enemies? At his command, the woman tried to kill his aunt and sent someone after his girlfriend and yet knowing all of that, Nick still took her to his bed. He was certifiably crazy, giving a new meaning to the term ‘sleeping with the enemy’. If his aunt could see him now…he couldn’t even finish the thought, knowing she’d be very disappointed in him.  
The only people that knew the whole truth about that night was Juliette, Monroe and possibly Rosalee, he doubted there were any secrets between the married couple. What Monroe knew, he expected Rosalee to know, plus she was friends with Juliette. He flashed back to that night at Joey’s. Monroe was there at the bar when Adalind came back into his life unannounced. The most Nick remembered of that night was how plastered he was, helping his friend celebrate; at least Rosalee had accepted Monroe’s marriage proposal as opposed to Juliette rejecting Nick’s just a few years before. It stung but Nick was genuinely happy for Monroe, at least he had found someone who made him deliriously happy and Nick was determined not to let something like a two-year old rejection get in the way being happy for two of his closest friends. 

That night wasn’t the first time he drank himself under the table. He remembered at least two times during high school, when Aunt Marie left him alone for the weekend on one of her jobs. However, not once did he participate in dubious activities with women he couldn’t stand being in the same room with. Despite wrecking his brain, Nick couldn’t explain his actions with the blond woman. It couldn’t be something as basic as that he was actually attracted to her. Never! He thought.   
“…But YOU insisted I shouldn’t be alone and (YOU) kissed me,” those were Adalind’s words to him earlier at the station. He kissed her. He initiated first contact, moving them from enemies into something else. He quickly changed course, not liking where his thoughts were taking him because it would mean Juliette was always right and Nick couldn’t stomach the thought of Juliette at the moment.

His love life was the least of his worries, however. How to deal with Renard was top priority. Now more than ever, he needed to double up his efforts against his Captain. The man had come after his family on more than one occasion over the years and almost succeeded. Now the stakes were even higher. His son was only safe as long as Renard suspected nothing between him and Adalind. Unfortunately, Nick’s problem was how to explain her returning to Portland after she was in the wind for almost a year and especially when she requested to speak to Nick in private. Adalind may as well have put up a neon sign that pointed straight at him that said ‘Here stands the father of my baby that no one knew I was even pregnant with, SURPRISE!’

What possessed her to come to the station in the first place? If she wanted to talk to him, there was plenty of opportunities to do it elsewhere besides where he worked just a few feet away from the man that would love nothing more than to wipe him and all that was his off the face of the planet; unless that was the point. The more he thought about it, the clearer it became. Nick wasn’t the only one meant to hear about his impending fatherhood; the question is why? His mind raced through everything that happened earlier that dat, particularly the very tense conversation between the two people who once or thrice plotted against him in the past.

Although they seemed cordial with one another, Nick could sense tension between the Adalind and Renard. They hid it very well but Nick was very observant, which made him the best detective at the precinct. There was anger and an underlying hatred from the looks passing between them in the midst of their smiles. Whatever love was now lost. Gone were the whispers and the knowing looks of the past, meant to rile Nick up and frustrate him in his duties. Truthfully, he didn’t want to see this new dynamic, he didn’t want to deal with either of them but Adalind asked to speak to him privately. Renard couldn’t have been more shocked than Nick was at that moment. 

Nick didn’t know what to do, the last time he and Adalind did anything in ‘private’ he dreamt about for weeks relentlessly, practically fantasising about her writhing in his arms in pure ecstasy. He hadn’t experienced anything like it with Juliette in years. Nick schooled his features and measured his steps as he followed her into Renard’s office. Any fool could guess what they talked about and Renard wasn’t a fool.   
An invisible clock began to tick, a countdown to the end and Nick preferred it not be his end or that of his child. It was time to put away injured Nick Burkhardt and become the detective worthy of every accolade he’s ever received since he became a cop. It was time to take down Sean Renard and free Portland from his poisonous grasp but first things first, secure Adalind and his son’s safety lest they become casualties in his war with the Captain.

*/*/*

Nick shifted in his chair, trying to be comfortable but hospitals were not known for comfort. He ignored the blunt pain in his lower back as he watched Adalind sleep. She was still under the effects of the sedative administered by Dr Simmons, to calm her and to get her to rest while dealing with her blood pressure problem. He tried not to worry. The doctor had told him so but Nick wouldn’t be at ease unless he worried. He couldn’t afford not to, not with this thorn still by his side. Adalind looked so peaceful, the furrowed brow smoothed over. If only their problems could be smoothed over just as easily.

First, he needed a place to stay and he didn’t know what that meant for Adalind. It was obvious he’d have to find her a very secure place to stay as well. He assumed she’d only been in town for a day or two at the least, wherever she stayed; it was temporary, likely a hotel. Nick knew that situation had to change. But to what end? It’s not like he could afford to split up his efforts, an apartment for himself and a safe house for Adalind and their baby. For the moment, she’d remain at the hospital until Dr Simmons was satisfied the coast was clear for both mother and child and that was at least another day before she’d be released and she couldn’t go back to her hotel, That was out of the question. Nick was almost convinced Renard had already ascertained where she stayed. Nick had to find a place for them both and soon.

It was awkward to think of himself and Adalind as one after years of it being him and Juliette. For all he knew Adalind had a life outside of Portland, a boyfriend, someone she cared about, for Nick to plan out their lives without so much as a yay or nay from her unconscious body was very presumptuous on his part, he thought. Did she have a boyfriend? Why did he even care? But he did, suddenly Nick wasn’t at all too fond of the idea of someone else raising his child. Hardly twenty-fours had passed since finding out about him and already Nick felt a possessiveness he’d never known before. He shook his head to clear his thoughts.   
She stirred but didn’t open her eyes. He couldn’t help staring at her, almost committing to memory her whole body. He chided himself for his curiosity, noting the curves of her body, not unlike before but only now she was clothed and his son grew inside of her. He was a little miracle, a lone reed in the midst of so much pain and even death. Nick knew he couldn’t afford to risk his life. Whatever happened, he wouldn’t abandon him now and that meant Adalind would sooner become a part of his life too, unexpected as it was. 

*/*/*

His phone rang. It was Monroe. Nick sighed. He knew he’d have to talk to his friends some time, to explain why he moved out of his house among other things. It was just too soon. Monroe was his best friend, but even this was simply too much to share with his rather exuberant friend what he was truly feeling, anger resentment, joy and desire all mingled into one. He was grateful for Monroe; he was the kind of person who allowed Nick to step outside of himself when he needed it.

When he realised what he’d done with Adalind, that the woman of his dreams was in fact not his girlfriend he told Monroe. He didn’t find judgement after his confession. Monroe had listened to the whole tale about how Nick mistook one woman for another, that it all happened the night he got engaged. Monroe had asked him questions, like why he took Adalind home that night if he hated her as vehemently as he claimed, hard questions but Nick knew his friend was only trying to help him put things into perspective. 

He chose to cheat on his girlfriend and there’d been nothing to justify his actions back then, at least nothing serious. They weren’t on the outs. He’d kissed Juliette passionately just that morning as she left for her work related function. If things with Juliette were bad, sleeping with Adalind would still make no sense, based on his actual relationship with Adalind. It is no secret that they did hate one another and that both had done everything they could to avoid each another after the attempt on his aunt’s life, Nick told his friend that much.  
But Monroe’s prodding questions yielded answers he didn’t want to hear, that he was in fact resentful towards Juliette. He loved her but at the same time he wasn’t as happy with her as he thought. Monroe’s words tasted like bile, burning all the way to his stomach and like a true friend, he told him then that he would support Nick, whatever he decided. Nick chose to hang on to a relationship that had long slipped through his fingers.  
“Monroe?” Nick asked expecting an onslaught of questions.   
“Dude, what’s this I hear, Adalind is having your baby?” his friend asked on the other end of the line.   
“I take it Rosalee spoke to Juliette?” he said curtly and, stepped outside of Adalind’s room so as not to disturb her.  
“Yeah, and apparently you two broke up.” He said, almost out of breath either from the shock or Monroe was multitasking. “How? When? Well, I actually all that but Buddy, do want to talk about it? How are you dealing with any of this? What are you going to do about Renard?” The questions kept coming, one after another. Nick couldn’t answer one without another taking its place. He really loved Monroe but sometimes his best friend was simply too much to handle.   
“How’s Adalind?”  
“I’m at the hospital right now. Adalind almost went into premature labour at the police station but the doctor assures me she and the baby are not indanger. Juliette practically caused a scene. She made sure everyone knew all our business before we even left the floor and she had the audacity to play the injured party while carrying on with the Captain.” He vented to his friend.  
“Wait, what? Juliette and the Captain, what the heck is going on? She called Rosalee and I could hear her crying over the phone. She’s devastated,” he didn’t mean to defend Juliette against Nick, it’s not what he was doing but it got Nick’s hackles up. “I don’t care what she is. She can cry me a river after I discovered her lies. Whatever happened between me and Adalind was a mistake…I explained myself to her and she’s been holding it over my head for almost a six months and I am tired of coddling her. She doesn’t even feel guilty for Renard. It’s all about her and I am tired, I have a million things to worry about beside my ex-girlfriend bruised ego.” He said angrily.   
“I’m sorry man. I can’t imagine how you feel.”  
“No, I guess you can’t.” Nick tried to rein in his anger. It wasn’t Monroe’s fault his life was perfect while Nick’s was in shambles. Monroe was trying to help him but also without stepping on Juliette in the process. This whole situation was a mess and Nick suspected it was only going to get worse. He saw Dr Simmons walk towards him.  
“Look I have to go, Adalind’s doctor’s here…”  
“Yeah, I totally understand man. Call me if you need anything. Rosalee’s already prepared the guest room for you and she won’t take no for an answer. Just know we are here for you,” and Juliette, Nick couldn’t help but finish the thought. He couldn’t expect them to pick sides, he didn’t want them to but he’d be damned if he was to feel sorry for Juliette after everything she did.   
“I’ll keep that in mind, just do me a favour, don’t tell Juliette anything regarding Adalind. I never thought I’d say these words but I don’t trust her at the moment. I don’t know how deep this thing was…is between her and the Captain and Adalind is very vulnerable right now and I know the Captain wouldn’t think twice of getting rid of her and the baby just to get to me. It’s his m.o. He loved going after my family. I can’t risk my son like this.”  
“My lips are sealed, and don’t worry Rosalee won’t say anything either. She’s just as shocked as I am but she’ll understand. You can count on us.”  
“Thank you.” He hung up.   
The doctor cleared his throat.  
“Detective Burkahardt, I didn’t expect to see you again this evening.”  
“I’m sorry doctor but I wanted to check on our patient.”  
“Yes, Ms Kessler is doing in fact, better than we could have hoped after the scare.”  
“Excuse me…Kessler? I thought we were talking about Catherine Schultz.” Nick was surprised at the name mentioned by the doctor.  
“Oh excuse me; I thought perhaps you knew, or that you had discussed it with the young lady. She woke for several minutes after you left slightly confused. I explained to her where she was and that for her own, safety she was listed under an alias. She panicked upon discovering that she was listed under her mother’s maiden name, apparently the two never got along so she changed it to Evelyn Kessler.”  
“Did she tell you why she picked than name?” He asked, clearly confused.  
“She didn’t give a reason, other than “Sean” would know it was her the second he discovered a heavily pregnant “Catherine Schultz” was admitted to St John’s hospital, not far from Central Portland Police. I didn’t question her and I knew you were adamant that no one discover her whereabouts and this did as she asked. Is there any problem?” The doctor, his turn to look worried.  
“No, nothing’s wrong, it’s just Kessler is my mother’s maiden name but her first name was Kelly but she passed a long time ago.”  
“Kelly Kessler? I guess that’s so not surprising. The patient did mention the name. It was her first choice but she exchanged Kelly for Evelyn. I guess she was afraid of someone recognising your mother’s name as well and track her through it.”

This was news. Nick wasn’t sure he heard right, Adalind and his mother but how? His mother was long dead. He knew there was a story there but the doctor couldn’t tell him anything and Adalind was still sleeping. He was struggling to listen to the doctor, all he heard was that Adalind would be under observation for at least 48 hours and if all was clear, she’d be released from hospital. It didn’t give him enough time to find a place but he knew of at least one under such short notice. It used to belong to one of his aunt’s clients that couldn’t pay in cash. He gave it to her and she left for Nick, including an old family trailer brimming with his family’s history. It was an old abandoned factory on the outskirts of town, far from civilization, far from any threats. At least it would suffice until he could find something more appropriate. The doctor left him to do his final rounds and bid Nick goodnight.   
“Goodnight Dr Simmons. And thank you for everything.” He said absentmindedly, his mind was still reeling from finding out that Adalind possibly knew his mother. The only explanation was that Sean had done his homework on Nick’s family but if Adalind thought Renard could track her using her own mother’s name, it would be no different if she used his mother’s name, it’s not like Kessler is a popular name. 

This situation was becoming a tangled web. He returned to sit by Adalind’s side to think. He needed answers but he would not be satisfied that night. It was quite in her room, apart from the hum of the machines. The room was bathed in darkness except for a halo of soft light above Adalind’s sleeping form. Everything was in its place except for an unruly strand of blond hair curling over the left side of her face. Nick’s hand twitched just a little, there was nothing wrong with brushing the hair from her face but it felt too intimate and Nick refused to move.   
“Stop it,” he admonished himself under his breath, not wanting to wake her up. He folded his arms purposefully over his chest since stuffing his hands in his pockets while sitting down was pointless. Since Adalind’s return, Nick was losing control over himself little by little and it made him uncomfortable. He was being irrational, he thought. Why would a little action like brushing her hair away or holding her small hand in his cause him so much unrest? He was making a mountain out of molehill, he thought. He pulled up a second chair to rest his feet and along with his eyes. He’d be most uncomfortable but what else was new?

*/*/*

He opened his eyes to find her looking curiously down at him. She immediately turned beet red and started babbling something about it being “good” and “morning”. That was the worst sleep of his life; he thought and said so to no one in particular.  
“Morning,” he grumbled in response.  
“Did you sleep in that chair all night?” she asked him, trying to sound nonchalant but he heard something strange in her voice, hope. Nick’s heard her smug tone, her angry tone, her confident tone but hope just seemed too odd to associate with her. It made him see her less as an antagonist and more human. This new Adalind was mystery to him, so very different to the one he knew in the past. This new Adalind was glad he was there and that she was not all alone anymore.   
“Yes, but I wouldn’t call it sleeping. I ache all over.” He said, his mood still unchanged.  
“You didn’t have to do that. You didn’t have to stay the night. I know what I told you must have come as a shock but I actually don’t expect you to…”  
“I am here and I want to be here. You were right; you didn’t make this baby alone. I have equal share in his responsibility.” He cut her off. Yes, this Adalind before him was a complete stranger. She was humbling herself in front of him and Nick didn’t know how to respond to that.   
“But I ruined your life…again.” She stammered, clearly overcome with hormones.  
“Nothing I can’t handle. I am a big boy after all.”  
“…But what about Juliette?”  
“She’s a big girl as well. I can’t control what she does.” He didn’t want to talk about Juliette. “How are you feeling?”  
“Better, the pain is completely gone. I still can’t believe how close it got yesterday. I have been so worried about Sean, I didn’t realise that I was putting my…our baby in danger,” she corrected herself.   
“That’s the thing, you have to stop worrying and especially about Sean.”  
“That’s impossible. I have been here before, only last time Sean was trying to get to my baby, to take her away from me. He killed her and now he’ll do the same thing all over again but with the actual intent to kill my baby…”  
“…Because of me.”  
“…Because of us both. When I left him, I betrayed him because he betrayed me first. I gave my all to that man and he never once thanked me for selling my soul to the devil,” she said quietly. Their history was an active minefield. They were having a baby together but whatever their situation today, the past was a vice threatening to choke them both unless they learnt to navigate the treacherous terrain. This is not how Nick wanted to bring his first child into the world. He thought that he would have settled down with Juliette by now. And that they’d be talking about having children but they never even got over the first stage of the rest of their lives and looking at Adalind now, he knew they never would.  
“After your aunt, I found out about him and my mother during our time together. I never said anything because I was his girlfriend and she was nothing more than a warm bed every now and then. I couldn’t get any lower than at that moment but I managed to outdo myself. He went after Juliette and asked me to do it. I was so infatuated with that puddle of scum; I couldn’t see that he was using me all this time.” She confessed.  
“Adalind stop. This isn’t the time. And honestly, I don’t think there ever will be.” He saw how she was exerting herself, trying to unburden her conscience of the past and as much as Nick wanted to hear it all, he knew that Adalind had to think about the baby first. Renard was a source of pain for her; and talking about him clearly upset her and that affected her and the baby negatively.  
“No. I have to say this or else I will lose all courage if I don’t. I know you may not believe me but I was so glad I didn’t kill you aunt. I never wanted to and I am sorry she died anyway. I know she was the only family you had besides Juliette. And the same goes for her. Sean asked me to kill her as well. He wanted to isolate you because you were getting too close, closer than the FBI dared to hope and he felt by getting rid of those closest to you, you’d lose all drive in pursuing him. But I was a coward, after your aunt, I couldn’t do it again so I paid for someone to do it for me and they were just as incompetent, thank God.” She sighed in relief. It wasn’t easy to listen to her but he kept silent. She told him everything, things he never expected to know. It was strange to hear about his life in third person. There was a weird disconnect between her words and how he experienced everything she was telling him, like he was watching some other guy’s life and not his own. He saw the guilt written all over her face, he heard it in the timbre of her voice, how her bright eyes dulled under its weight. I wasn’t easy for him to hear but he couldn’t imagine how hard it was for her to speak any of it. He could arrest her, she must have realised this but it never stopped her from talking.  
“I shouldn’t have done the things he asked of me but I couldn’t say no to him. I was weak and…Well, after I ‘failed’ him again with Juliette, he chastised me, that asshole. Not too long after that, I finally woke up to reality. I saw the truth staring me in the face. You suspected what I had done and I realised Sean wouldn’t lift a finger to protect me. I wasn’t his girlfriend, I was one of his many minions bought with expensive gifts and trips to Europe, Australia, Africa, you name it. I was too stupid to see that I was expandable to him, worthless and when I did, it hurt like hell so I tried to hurt him back. I ran to Austria, to sell all his family secrets to a rival family but they didn’t believe me. That’s when I found out I was pregnant with Diana.” She told him about Diana, how hate for her baby swiftly turned to love, how she was penniless in a foreign land with no real friends, hunted by the Renards, the Lehners to get to Diana and dispose of her as quickly as they could. She ran and kept running until she could no longer.   
“We could have died had it not been for the FBI. I don’t know how they found us but they did. They convinced me to turn state witness and expose Sean and every one of his dirty dealings. I didn’t want to corporate but this agent convinced me it was the right thing to do. She was the one that saved me. She gave her life protecting me and my baby and it cost the agent her life and my baby died nonetheless.” He saw her eyes burning with a passion and pain at the mention of her daughter and this agent, whoever she was. Somehow, he felt her pain and it irked him how touched he was by her story. The waters between them were muddying even more than before and Nick couldn’t afford to let them.  
“When it became clear that the FBI weren’t going to protect me from Sean, or even arrest him after telling them everything I knew about him, I came back to Portland. I was done running. He’d taken everything from me, my daughter, the woman I learnt to love even after knowing her a short time. I wasn’t afraid of him anymore. He had the audacity to blame his brother but I wasn’t that same stupid girl falling all over his lies anymore. For the first time I tasted freedom and it tasted like gall. I knew I was paying for every horrible thing I ever did to you and so many other people.”  
“That’s when you came back to Portland?”  
“Yes,” she quietly said, looking down at her hands, toying with the bedcover lightly covering her stomach.  
“For what it was worth, you were free, until I came along and ruined it all.” He said, realising that he unwittingly kept her in Renard’s crosshairs the second he saw her at that bar. She had wanted to leave but he didn’t let her and he still didn’t know why he did it.  
“No.” Adalind cried out as her hands protectively covered their baby. “You didn’t ruin anything, in fact you gave me one of the most precious gifts in the world and I wouldn’t change a single thing about that night.” She said, as she looked him straight in the eye. There wasn’t any uncertainty behind them, she meant every word. “I made so many mistakes before and after Diana, this baby, our baby isn’t one of them. He means the absolute world to me, I couldn’t wish him away just to get Sean off my back, I can handle him. What I cannot handle, is not having him, ever.” Adalind said as she rubbed her belly soothingly.

He was amazed at her. In less than twenty-four hours he’d seen more sides to Adalind than he thought existed. He hid his smile. That protective glint in her eyes thrilled him although he would never admit it, not even to Monroe.   
“The doctor told me you of your new alias, Evelyn Kessler…” He really wanted to ask her about his mother’s name, how she knew it and why she thought of using it but he didn’t know how to broach the question.  
“Yeah, about that, I had to change it. Sean and my mother knew each other in the biblical sense and I’d like to distance myself from everything connected to her. I hope you don’t mind.”  
“Of course not, as long as it keeps you safe while you are still in this place, you can call yourself whatever you want. The doctor mentioned that you’d actually picked another name before settling for Evelyn, Kelly Kessler?”  
“Yeah, that’s the name of the FBI agent, the one that got me out of Austria.”   
Nick was floored. It was impossible. His mother was dead. No way the FBI agent Kelly Kessler was Nick’s mother Kelly Kessler-Burkhardt. He’d originally thought she knew that name because of Sean Renard possibly doing a background check on him, to suss out weaknesses, that why he went after his aunt. This FBI agent must be someone else. His mother was dead and not from a fire almost a year ago but from a car accident almost twenty years ago. But there was only one way to be sure.   
“Are you okay? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.” Adalind said aloud to bring him back to the present. He was so lost in his thoughts about his mother and Adalind…impossible, he thought.  
“I’m fine, it’s just that name…”  
“Did you know her?”  
“I knew a Kelly Kessler but from decades ago…she was my mother.”  
It was her turn to be shocked.  
“Impossible,” Adalind expressed his very thought.  
“Exactly. It is impossible the two women are the same person because my mother died when I was twelve years old, a drunk driver…” He said as if that explained everything but his heart was racing. He took out his wallet from the inside of his jacket, removing a small picture to show her.  
“Oh my god!” she exclaimed in shock.  
“What?” His heat was now beating thunderously against his chest.  
“That is Kelly, as in my FBI agent Kelly.”  
They were both shocked at this discovery. But his phone broke the tension causing them both to jump. He looked at the screen, it said ‘Private’. He automatically pushed answer after the second ring.   
“Burkhardt” he yelled to the caller on the other end. He was struggling to rein his emotions.  
“Put me on speaker,” the woman demanded. Nick didn’t question her and did as the caller asked. He wasn’t thinking clearly and it frustrated him because it meant he’d lost control.   
“Addie, can you hear me?”  
“Kelly…is that you?” Adalind was now even more shocked than he was, if that was at all possible.  
“Yes. We don’t have much time. Sean is on his way to the hospital.”“Oh god.” Adalind yelped.  
“Mom?” Nick finally found his voice. “Is it really you?”  
“Yes, baby. I’m sorry but you have to do exactly as I tell you. You don’t have enough time. Take Adalind and go to this address. I will text it to you. Don’t ask any questions, just do it.”  
“I can’t leave the hospital.” Adalind interrupted the unexpected mother-son reunion. “I can’t believe you’re alive, I watched you die.”  
“I promise you both that we will talk, it just can’t be this second. Leave the hospital now unless you want to deal Renard’s thugs. I doubt they are bringing a ‘get well soon’ card.”   
Adalind was already standing half-naked in front of him by the time Nick hung up the phone. That was quick. He turned away from her, more embarrassed in seeing her so unguarded, closing his eyes for good measure.   
“Excuse me.” He coughed.  
“No need for such modesty considering where we are,” She actually joked.  
His eyes may have closed but his ears weren’t and his mind saw everything anyway. He neck grew warm; he hoped his face wouldn’t betray his thoughts. His mother was alive. He didn’t know whether to shout for joy or not. His mother was alive and she’d let him think otherwise for twenty whole years. Now was not the time to dwell on that. They had to leave the hospital, he wasn’t happy about the possibility of risking Adalind’s life and that of his son but it beat having them killed if he ignored the woman claiming to be his mother.   
“I’m ready, we can go.” Adalind’s lightly brushed her hand at his lower back, sending a quick shiver down his body.  
“Right,” he grabbed all her belongings and lead her out the door and out of the hospital without much fun fair. Dr Simmons won’t be too thrilled to discover his patient gone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's an early update. 
> 
> Hopefully you enjoy.

Chapter 4

They didn’t speak during the drive to Kelly’s secret location. Adalind was exhausted, physically and emotionally. Her body was still under the sway of the medication meant to keep her baby out of danger. She didn’t want to leave the hospital but she also didn’t want Sean or even his men to get anywhere near her and her unborn child. Adalind wasn’t religious but sitting on the passanger side of Nick’s truck, she prayed. It was desperate measures and all. She didn’t even know if anyone was listening. She just hoped and desperately tried not to worry about Sean…about her baby’s wellbeing and about Nick, how he felt about being a father to her child; it was proving a difficult task.

Nick almost had to carry her all the way to his Cruiser as they escaped the hospital. She could still feel his arms around her torso. Adalind wasn’t so used to being so close to him. He was so kind and even gentler with every step she took, ensuring nothing was in her way. She told herself not to get used to any of it. Their situation was awkward and temporary, at best. She didn’t want to think too long on any of it. Adalind wasn’t used to people being kind for the sake of being kind and more so when it was Nick Burkhardt. She’d hurt him too much to dare to enjoy all of his attention, if any; that and the fact that Adalind was still reeling from discovering that Kelly Kessler was Nick Burkhardt’s mother. The woman that took care of her and Diana so well was the mother of the man whose life Adalind had ruined to some degree.

She kept her eyes from looking his way. Either staring straight ahead or at the dull passing scenery beside her and not looking at anything in particular. She hated to think what he must think of her. No matter how much he’d tried, Nick can’t seem to shake her off, she keeps clawing at every part of his life. He must hate her, she thought. The drive was longer than expected; the silence grated her already taut nerves. She almost wished he would say something, just to break the ice. At least that way she’d be able to gauge where he’s head was at since they left the hospital. They weren’t friends so small talk was a herculean undertaking.

They drove through the furthermost parts of city, the industrial part of Portland. Where was Kelly taking them? It didn’t really matter, she trusted the woman better than even herself and the further out of everything familiar, the better. Sean wouldn’t think of looking for her in a place that Adalind herself didn’t know. She just wanted to be free of the small confines of Nick’s truck, the uncomfortable suffocating silence between them.   
“We’re here.” He said with finality.  
Adalind looked outside her window. She didn’t recognise anything landmarks apart from several greying buildings, factories. This area wasn’t rundown; it was deserted, if you ignore the two or three cars they crossed along the road before stopping. They drove into the darkened parking area on the first floor of one of those nondescript buildings. Sean would never think to look for her there. 

Adalind looked at her surroundings and saw some heavy equipment to the one side and leftover paint buckets, probably a hundred years old, on the other side. This place was decrepit, she thought. She wasn’t actually complaining. She’s lived in a one room shack in the forests of Austria, this place was practically a castle compared to that and beggars weren’t exactly choosers. Before she could move, Nick was already standing outside her door, holding it open for her.  
“Thank you,” Adalind choked on her words. She took his extended hand and allowed him to lead her for the third time all in one day. She was wrestling with her emotions, overwhelmed by this man holding her upright. She was so used to him spitting venom at her, giving back as much as he took. This was nothing like their drunken night together, where they weren’t in full control of their actions. That was all Jack and Johnny’s fault and a splash of Shirley Temple or was it a dash of Bloody Mary? She couldn’t remember precisely. 

He led her to what looked like an elevator and punched in several numbers on a side keypad as per the text, instructions from Kelly. She heard a disgruntled noise behind the doors as the carriage made its way down. It didn’t look safe and it sounded worse. When was the last time it was serviced? When was the last time any living person was even in this place? Stop it! She reined in her rampant thoughts and got inside the metal cage right after Nick took the honours. It’s not like she had many places left in the world to go, so she kept silent and followed after Nick, who didn’t inspire much confidence either, the look on his face mirroring her thoughts.

Nick cautiously stepped out of the elevator after opening the cage bars. She made to follow him but he blocked her way, he already had his gun out. “Stay here while I make sure it’s safe.” He ordered. Nick Burkhard…always the cop. It wasn’t easy being around him like this but she knew she had to try to get used to it, however long it lasted.  
“Is something the matter? Don’t you trust Kelly?” The words escaped her mouth before she could stop them But what was more revealing was their apparent truth. Nick, it turned out didn’t trust the woman claiming to be his mother after all. They came all this way upon her instruction but Nick felt the need to walk through the loft, checking every corner, nook and cranny before he returned to usher her into the nearly vast empty space about a minute later.  
“I don’t know whether or not we should trust her. Maybe I was wrong in bringing you here. I know nothing of this woman claiming to be my dead mother.” Adalind detected a hardness in his voice. That’s the Nick she was familiar with, not the gentleman from the last twenty-four hours making nice with her.  
“I don’t know anything about that but I do trust her. She knew where I was, she’s always known how to find me even when the FBI kept my location secret.” He led her to one of the stiff wooden chairs in front of the table that was positioned in the centre of the loft. She sat with as much dignity as she could summon under the circumstances.  
“Why would she need to know how to find you, wasn’t she your contact at the FBI?” he asked her, his expression darkening even more.  
“I never said that. I said she was the one to get me out of Austria and the FBI put me in the witness protection programme; that was supposed to be the last I would hear from Kelly. I wanted to deal with only her but she was busy with other things. I found out about her being undercover and almost nearly breaking that cover to get me out. She was the only person I trusted in the whole world at that point, and still is. The second we touched down on American soil, I dealt with Martin Meisner a couple of times.”  
“You know Meisner?” he said in surprise.  
“Yeah, she introduced us. Like I said, Kelly was only meant to get me out of Austria and it was only because she was the one closest to my location at the time. They needed to act fast before Sean could get to me. I was scared out of my mind, frazzled after what happened after Diana’s birth. Kelly made me a promise I didn’t believe she’d ever keep it. I have had so many broken already, what would it matter if she was another one to follow suit? I wouldn’t have blamed her if she did but against all odds, Kelly Kessler kept her simple promise to me…at least as best as she could. Whenever the FBI moved me, she always managed to locate me, checking up on me, against regulations. It was comforting but it also highlighted some shortfalls.  
“I wanted better security for us and the fact that Kelly could always find me made me a little paranoid. Sean had better resources than the FBI and I told Meisner just as much so I threw him one of my little fits and told him to keep my daughter and I safe and better hidden. I demanded that Kelly be my new contact and that if the FBI was moving me for the hundredth time, I wanted Kelly to do it, at least she knew how to stay off the radar…” she realised the enormity of her words and immediately regretted them, she saw that they weren’t lost on Nick. She had hurt him and felt terrible for it.   
Kelly had stayed off his radar for a good twenty years. She suddenly felt a sharpness in her heart which led to heavy thoughts over her precious Diana. It’s almost a year to date since her death and the pain was unbearable for Adalind. She couldn’t imagine the pain of being separated from a child for twenty years. Kelly must have had a very good reason and Adalind couldn’t judge her, not after her own grocery list of mistakes trailed after her everywhere she went. Life, she learnt, wasn’t always fair. 

Nick turned away, as if he didn’t want to hear anymore. Adalind stopped talking. The loft filled in crippling silence. Her eyes glazed over the loft once more. She noted just how different the loft looked compared to the garage below. While the first floor looked very deserted, dilapidated, the second floor looked at least half lived in.   
There was a barely fitted kitchen to the left of the elevator, an unusually large bedroom to the right, a bathroom just ahead with a table and four wooden chairs at the centre. Focus on the benign, she thought to herself, that way she’d avoid the foot in mouth disease she’d become susceptible to catching of late.   
Adalind jumped at the sound of the reluctant elevator descending to the bottom floor. Someone was there, just a floor beneath them. She hoped it was Kelly and not her worst nightmare. Nick stood between her and the elevator. He’d pulled out his gun from its resting place on the side of his hip and aimed it at the elevator door, poised to shoot at the first sign of a threat coming to the loft.

They heard the elevator stop below and heard it come up again before the doors opened to reveal a woman with dark curly hair, whose eyes had become all too familiar to Adalind. She couldn’t believe her eyes. It was Kelly Kessler-Burkhardt. Adalind’s breath caught in her throat.  
“Hello Nicky…” Kelly greeted her son, he child, whom she’s not spoken to since her supposed death.  
“Mom…it’s really you.” Adalind heard Nick’s surprised voice, barely above a whisper; he was more thrilled than she ever could be in that moment. Kelly almost ran into her son’s arms. He caught her, securing his mother’s tiny frame in his strong arms, long gone was the doubt from minutes earlier. Adalind heard his joyous cry at reuniting with mother he long believed dead. Adalind’s eyes began to water but she batted the unshed tears away. Her hormones were no doubt getting the best of her.

*/*/*

Mother and son stayed in an embraced for what seemed like an eternity but Adalind wouldn’t have broken them up for anything in the world. In fact, she felt like an intruder on their very private moment. That one hug couldn’t make up for twenty years of unspoken ‘I love yous’, or missed opportunities to hold her child when he needed her most. It was a million hugs condensed into that one single embrace and Adalind was touched to be a part of it, unwittingly so.   
Eventually Kelly remembered that they weren’t alone. She turned in Adalind’s direction, who tried to stand but her ankles wouldn’t let her.  
“No, no don’t get up.” Kelly quickly made her way to Adalind, landing on her haunches before her chair, “Just let me look at you for a bit.” she said slightly lifting Adalind’s face to the light. “What have I always said, Addie?”  
“…That you will always find me.” Whatever control Adalind wielded over her tears shattered into a million pieces as she felt the older woman’s fingers on her face. She couldn’t keep it in any longer. “I…can’t believe it’s really you. You …didn’t…die…” It was Kelly’s turn to wrap her arms around Adalind. She wept into Kelly’s shoulder, overcome by her emotions. The whole scene was like a movie, it was so unbelievable. Kelly rubbed soothing circles down Adalind’s back to calm her. Adalind sensed Nick off at a distance, observing them silently. She was a blubbery mess and Adalind was angry with herself for giving in to her emotions, she blamed the baby. It was so much easier to blame her son for felling everything. It was nothing like when she was pregnant with Diana; she’d been too angry back then, very bitter.

She couldn’t get a hold of herself and Nick’s steady eye on her made her even more self-aware. This was his moment and she felt like some petty thief, usurping it, his time with his mother. They had twenty years to catch up but Adalind could help herself. She bawled uncontrollably. She’d missed Kelly terribly in the last year. It had to be the hormones because this was not the Adalind Schade way of handling things. Nick cleared his throat, forcing the two women apart.  
“I see congratulations are in order.” Nick’s mother said, making both Nick and Adalind turn bright red.   
“Yes, I am having baby…again.” Adalind said nervously. How does one tell a woman they got drunk and had unprotected sex with their son, one time, and now a baby was on the way because of that one time?  
“Oh please tell me it’s not Sean…”  
“Oh god no! I wouldn’t touch that man with a ten-foot pole, even if we were the last two people on this earth and the human race depended on us….eww, I can’t even…ick. I learnt my lesson Kelly. I told you that I would never ever, EVER, go back to him. He’s not the father but that doesn’t mean he’s given up coming after me and now my son.”  
“It’s a boy?” Kelly smiled.  
“Yes.” Adalind smiled in return.   
“And…is this some sort of government secret is that why you’re stalling on telling me the name? I learnt that you told the FBI to go shove it while I was out of commission and you’ve been out on your own for the last year at least. I only managed to track your movements three months back. I guess you did learn a thing or two from me after all. You’ve given Meisner ulcers…my little Addie. He didn’t expect you to last this long without them but look at you, ready to give birth and smack in the middle of the lion’s den of all places…So are you going to tell me or…”  
“It’s me okay, I am the father!” Nick burst.  
That did it. Adalind dropped her eyes with shame. She couldn’t read Kelly’s expression. She saw now where Nick got his fierce look.   
“You! But how? I thought you were with Juliette?” his mother asked him, still in shock.  
“Yes me. I am sure you don’t need me to tell you all the details about what happened between me and Adalind. It happened eight months ago. I was with Juliette but I am not anymore, end of story.” He really didn’t want to get into it with his mother. He didn’t have to explain himself to her. He was done with all of that. Adalind was having his child and the rest of the world could just chill with all the judgements and the side eyes, plus he had questions of his own. His mother owed him some answers. She nodded slightly but Adalind knew she’d shelved this topic of conversation for another.  
“Are you happy?” she asked him. “Because I know Adalind’s thrilled.” She said without even turning to Adalind for confirmation. Adalind squirmed in the chair, wishing it would miraculously turn to jelly and swallow her whole. She never asked Nick if he was happy she was having his baby. She knew he had a life with Juliette until she rudely interrupted it. She didn’t want to know the answer to that question, although her ears wear itching to hear it. the hand that she’d rested on the table had curled into a fist with nerves while the other sheathed her belly protectively.  
“…Yes.” He said (more to Adalind than to Kelly) after the longest pause of Adalind’s life. She didn’t know she’d been holding her breath until that one syllable filled the loft.   
“That settles it then. I can’t believe I am going to be a grandmother.” Kelly smiled warmly. Adalind relaxed.  
“And now that we’ve got that out of the way, back to you.” Nick said to Kelly, bringing them all back down to earth. “I have already heard half of the story of how you two met; I’d love for you to fill in the blanks, starting with your car accident.” Nick said, all business-like. He pulled out a chair for his mother and took the one opposite Adalind. She averted her red puffy eyes, looking everywhere but him. If the last several days were filled with fear and uncertainty, seeing Kelly sitting by her side filled Adalind with much needed hope. And an unfamiliar peace enveloped her. Although, Sean was still out there, still gunning after her and possibly her baby, it wasn’t any different than before except for one thing, Nick Burkhardt was there sitting across from her. Perhaps he was the real reason Adalind finally let herself relax in eleven months and counting.

*/*/*

“My accident wasn’t an accident. It was a controlled hit. I was meeting your father later that day but I was held up at work and called him to let him know I’d be late. I didn’t know he’d given a friend of our a ride, her name was Gina Serafini. She took my place, I was supposed to die that day but I didn’t. However, The FBI took advantage of the accident, practically forced me to leave you.   
“Your aunt was already taking care of you while I was gone. As much as you father loved you, he couldn’t handle the responsibility of raising you practically all alone so we agreed to have Marie help us. These people I was after, they tried to go after me through the people I loved, I learnt they’d targeted your aunt but nothing came of that threat. That’s when the accident happened.”  
This sounded all too familiar to Adalind. Adalind reddened with double shame over her own actions, thinking of her own dirty deeds against Nick mirroring Kelly’s own experience from decades ago. She couldn’t even look at either Burkhardt, the guilt weighed her down.   
“So you left?” Nick asked, his voice cutting short Adalind’s slow descent to hell on earth. She felt his eyes boring into her. Don’t look at me, don’t look, she willed him to no avail.   
“I knew it wouldn’t be long before they came after you so I took the only option left for me to keep you safe. As long as these people believed I was dead, you were both safe. I told Marie to take care of you because I couldn’t anymore.”  
“Wait, Aunt Marie knew all along you were alive?” Adalind felt his shock reverberate throughout the loft. The two most important women in his life lied to him almost his whole life. Adalind was just as surprised at this revelation even though it had nothing to do with her. She wanted to take his hand in hers, to calm him, to comfort him for some reason. She pushed that crazy thought all the way down and so fast.   
“Now Nick, it wasn’t Marie’s fault she lied to you. I didn’t give her a choice. She was so angry with me, for the longest time, I think. She told me how hard it was for you after the accident. How I wished more than anything to come home to you both but it was years before I was free of that case. By that time, you were all grown up and didn’t need your mother anymore. You have to understand Nicky. These were very dangerous people and I couldn’t risk your life. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you. I know it doesn’t excuse my absence but I didn’t have much of a choice back then. Would I have done things differently? I don’t know but I would give anything in the world to take all of your pain away.”   
Nick wasn’t appeased but he didn’t lash at her any further. He wasn’t satisfied but he understood. They all did. He sat quietly as she continued her story. They sat at that table for what seemed like hours but the sun was still shining through the steel-girded window from the bedroom albeit a dimmed orange glow. It was afternoon and Nick hadn’t gone to the station all day, nor had he called in. This can’t have gone unnoticed, especially by Sean but why hadn’t Hank called, or Wu? 

She couldn’t pursue that thought when she heard Kelly mention the fire and Adalind perked up to listen. Kelly recounted the story of the fire that almost claimed their lives and took Adalind’s daughter instead. Adalind’s heart broke as she remembered that day like it was yesterday. She didn’t even want to see the look of pity written all over Nick’s face as his mother talked. This day had been filled with joy and she didn’t want the weight of her tragedy to drown her as it almost did once before. The tears freely rolled down her cheeks unhindered, forgetting about appearances, especially in front Nick. He suddenly took her hand in his. So unexpected, this gave her a start; the gesture, so small and not at the same time.   
“I was coming back from my assignment; one of my few and irregular check ins with the FBI, to debrief after an extended period in the field. I was there when Meisner got word that the safe-house was compromised. Apparently, there was a leak at the FBI. I tried calling you but I couldn’t get through. There was something wrong with the line. So I rushed to get to you two but I was too late. The house was already on fire. Adalind was nearly passed out from the smoke. I looked for Diana’s cot first but missed it. I knew you’d want her safe but I couldn’t see it, the smoke was so thick and the heat alone was suffocating.   
“I grabbed you and dragged you out as quickly as I could and returned inside for Diana but I was too late. The next thing, I woke up in a hospital, different to the one they took you. They pulled me out and assigned a new agent to your case (besides Meisner). It was a month in hospital and several more months before I was a hundred percent and back in the field but you’d disappeared. Meiner couldn’t find you.”  
Something clicked in Adalind’s head. Something she’s never questioned before, or had reason to question.  
“Kelly, you said Diana’s cot wasn’t in the room when you pulled me out?”  
“From what I remember, I didn’t see it but I thought it was because of the smoke.”  
“So you aren’t sure whether or not it was there in the room?”  
“After I left the hospital, I asked to see the report on the fire. It was heavily redacted. I was lucky to even get a hold of official photos (probably not all of them) documenting the damage. Even Meisner was useless in getting me everything I asked for. From what I saw, the house was nearly burnt to the ground. I was able to make out the layout from what remained and there was nothing resembling a cot in your room.  
“That’s not possible. I always slept with her in my room, always. She was never further than an arm’s reach from me. Is it possible that it wasn’t there at all?” Adalind’s heart began to race at the possibility. It was crazy to even think of such a thing, that maybe…just maybe Diana wasn’t dead after all this time. It was a crazy thought, wild and wonderfully insane thought. Nick’s hand tightened around hers. She’s almost forgotten it as she listened to Kelly, hoping and wishing.  
“It is possible.” Kelly said.  
They let the words sink in as it became apparent that Adalind and Kelly may not be the only ones to escape the grim reaper that night. Diana was possibly alive and she knew exactly who had her.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

24 hours since Adalind’s return:  
Nick’s day was chock full of surprises. He couldn’t believe his mother was actually alive and sitting to his left at the bare wooden table at her secret location. Most of his life was marred with tragedy, his own and that of the many families he had to deliver the worst news a person ever could, that their loved one was murdered. Nick has been surrounded by death longer than he realised, hearing that someone was alive or seeing them in the flesh before his eyes was an alien concept to him. 

He was fully aware of Adalind’s presence, her warm fingers curled around his hand. Something deep within him had driven him to reach out to her. He couldn’t explain why he was so attuned to her distress when his mother brought up the painful memories surround the death of her daughter. Death was a regular companion wherever he went, he knew her face and it was hideous. Nick wanted to comfort Adalind as they sat across from each other. He didn’t even care that he was overstepping the boundaries between them, boundaries set by their history and maybe even Juliette’s existence.  
Their lives were getting more complicated as the day went and even as they had shared an awkward but solitary joy upon Kelly’s miraculous rise from the dead. Their baby was no longer the only link between them. It was strange to watch Adalind interacting with his mother, in a millions years he would not have imagined it. It was all so fascinating to see their closeness, like a mother speaking to her daughter but there was no relation between them. Kelly was his mother and he felt like a stranger eavesdropping on them but there was bitterness in him. The two women were close and Nick would never infringe on that.

He was shocked when he learnt of his mother’s true fate, the fact that she dedicated her life to serving something greater than herself. His aunt had told him he was so much like her, at thirty-two years, Nick finally understood. The lies were hard to digest but he understood. He saw himself in his mother. He was proud to be her son and hoped he wasn’t a disappointment in her eyes.

Adalind had been subdued for most of the talk between him and his mother but he noted the excited change in her when she started connecting the dots as Kelly brought up the fire. She’d practically cracked a case that nobody even suspected. And ultimately, she became more agitated as she pressed his mother for more information. It Nick worried. He hoped the feel of his hand would calm her, she couldn’t afford to get too excited and Nick felt even worse when he realised she’d been sitting on one of these very uncomfortable chairs when Dr Simmons had instructed her to bed rest for at least 48 hours. He’d already screwed that up by removing her from the hospital before the doctor could clear her. There, she receive proper care and he’s just about endangered his son’s life without Renard’s help.  
“My daughter…she’s alive. I am certain of it.” She repeated to them as if saying the words enough times would cause Diana to suddenly materialise before them.  
“We need to find out for certain before jumping to any conclusions.” Nick felt like an ass for dampening her spirits with a dose of pragmatism. He didn’t want to cause her additional pain but he was more focused on keeping her from riding over the edge, exerting herself beyond what her body already handle. She needed to rest, not solve a year old mystery. He needed to put here in bed, where she should have been the second they got to the loft.  
“Nick, she’s alive. I know this may sound crazy but I believe it’s the truth. That night, after Kelly ran back into the house I couldn’t believe my baby girl was gone, I wouldn’t believe it even after the fire fighters pulled out one person from the flames instead of two. They told me she couldn’t have survived the fire, she was a baby and babies are so much more susceptible to things than grown up but I refused to believe it. For days I felt an emptiness inside, I now know it wasn’t because of her death. Sean had taken her from me. He just didn’t kill her like I suspected.”  
“Adalind calm down, you are getting too worked up about this.” Nick rushed to her side, worry etched in his features. He knelt before her so their eyes were level. The sight of her sweating brow was a swift kick to the gut. She needs to rest, his head screamed so loud but nobody else heard.  
“If she really is alive, I promise you I will find her. I won’t stop until she is back in your arms again but until then, you have to take care of yourself and our baby. You know what the doctor said. If your BP goes up to dangerous levels; it will hurt you both. Diana, wherever she is, is too young to lose her mother and she has a little brother she is going to want to meet one day, so please just calm down, for all our sakes.” He said passionately, holding her hands very tightly in his.   
“Nick is right. There’s nothing we can do right this second but we can pursue it. You need to be resting now and not worried about what happened in Colorado eleven months ago. I’ll make some calls.” 

It didn’t seem like she was paying them any attention, so caught in a frenzy of emotions, hope or perhaps wishful thinking. Her eyes searched Nick’s grey eyes, checking if he was placating her or being absolutely sincere; would he actually help her in finding Diana? It had nothing to do with him, but he swore he would. She believed him, it helped bring her down from her high but only slightly. “Nick…I need to…I think I’m going to…” Adalind couldn’t finish. She collapsed into his ready arms but she didn’t pass out, she did look greyer than a cold winter sky, that sent him over the edge.  
“Adalind can you hear me? Just open your eyes for me.” He tempered his own panic, Adalind was clearly weak, freaking out was out of the question. It could have an even greater negative effect on her already fragile state. She needed a doctor. She needed to be in a hospital but Nick battled for control over his fear niggling I the back of his mind and his desire to keep her and his baby as far away from Renard as possible.  
“Here, lay her on the bed.” His mother said, leading him into the only bedroom in the loft.  
”She should be in the hospital.” He said with all feeling, his frustration seeping through the cracks.  
“I know son but we can’t do that right now. Renard is probably watching every hospital in Portland. He missed her at St John’s; he’s going to be ready the second she pops up again in one of the hospitals. She’d be safer as far away from the city as possible but we don’t have that option right now. This loft is the only advantage, it’s precarious right now but it’s better than nothing. It belonged to your aunt but it was never under her name, at least not her legal. Renard will not find her here. Adalind has everything she needs all in this place right now, if there’s anything lacking, I will make sure she gets it. She just can’t leave, at least not until it’s safe to do so. I have every intention to meet my grandson but only when the time is right for him to be born, not a second before that.”  
“…Your…mom is…right. The doctor did say I needed plenty of bed rest and here’s a bed right here, I may as well start now following orders.” Although she tried to be strong, she still sounded pretty out of it. Nick gently laid her on the bed. Kelly recovered a blanket from the closet and laid it over her before leaving them alone. Adalind didn’t take her eyes off him and he couldn’t hide how helpless he felt looking her. He was a cop, it was his job to protect the weak but what could he do, if Adalind’s health deteriorated? Despite the doctor’s assurances at the hospital that Adalind and the baby weren’t in immediate danger, Nick had seen too many times how the situation could change without warning.   
“Okay I did overdo it, or maybe I just wanted you to carry me across the loft.” She joked. He was amazed that in the midst of everything, she was the one trying to make him feel better, when it was her that was in danger. “Come on Nick, not even one little smile?”  
“Well, it’s not funny,” he said sullenly but he was heartened to see her recovered from her dizzy spell and to see the warmth return to her cheeks. Perhaps he was overreacting.   
“You are such a buzz kill; I bet you don’t even have a single funny bone in your body…”  
“Adalind.”  
“Okay fine, I will rest now. I am sorry I scared you. I think I scared me too.” She apologised. Her attempt to lighten his mood didn’t have the effect she hoped. That doesn’t mean he didn’t appreciate her trying. It was all so strange and so familiar at the same time. He had a vague flash of their night together. Adalind said they talked and drank but Nick remembered they also laughed as well. She accused him of not having a funny bone, that wasn’t so true because he could make her laugh, at least he did that night. He remembered her laugh. He imagined she hadn’t had many opportunities to laugh with Sean Renard always hunting her down. He would have to do something about that and soon.  
“Yes, that was enough excitement for the day. I was stupid earlier for not putting you here first thing and I could have made things worse as a result.”  
“No. I should have said something. I should not have gotten carried away. It’s Diana, I wish I was so strong but the thought of her cuts me so deep. Her death…I mean her disappearance has left this big hole in my heart and I cannot fill it. I didn’t mean to put our son’s life at risk. I need to think about him more, he needs me now.”  
“Just promise me you will stay in bed and let me deal with Renard from now on.”  
“We don’t know how long that will be. This isn’t a criticism but you’ve been after him for years and that’s because I…”  
“Stop it right there. The past is in the past. Things are different now. Renard has lost his ace in the hole, this beautiful blond lawyer who decided to do the right thing. Without her on his side, his days are so numbered.” He gave her half a smile. “Do you think you can lie in bed for a whole month? Let me take care of things out here while you take care of things in her?” His hand brushed against her belly. “Now rest.”   
“I really am sorry Nick.”   
“I know. It’s just that I am still new at all of this. Every decision I make from now on has an immediate effect on you two. I was ready to take you back to the hospital and I would have. I would rather take my chances with Sean, than let you fade away in the middle of nowhere because of fear or worse, cowardice.” He couldn’t admit just how frightened he really was at the thought of her dying right there in his arms, unbidden the image flashed before him and sent a cold chill down his spine.   
He was clearly losing his senses. He got a glimpse of her tenacity and a sliver of the protective Adalind but she coupled that protectiveness with a recklessness that agitated Nick. He had to find Diana, the thought stopped him in his tracks. What happened to the Nick that didn’t care if the woman in front of him ended up in a ditch somewhere? He hadn’t seen that Nick in almost a year, at least he admitted that to himself. The thought scared him a little. As he watched Adalind succumb to sleep for the first time since they left the hospital, he tried to summon some, if any, of that old anger and resentment he once felt so passionately for her for no other reason than to see if it was still there? After a minute or so, there was nothing, not even a smidge could he find within himself. 

He left the bedroom and slid the doors as close to shut as he was comfortable. Kelly had brewed him a cup of strong black coffee. He didn’t have time to wonder where it came from, he was grateful to find it placed between his hands. He was finally going to have some much needed alone time with his mother.  
“It’s going to be okay Nicky, you’ll see.” His mother told him as if it was a matter of fact.   
“I want to believe that.”  
“Just like we told Addie, don’t worry so much.”  
“I can’t help it. It’s been a rough few years since I moved here. Worrying has become like second nature to me.”   
“Then let’s changed the subject,” she encouraged him. He didn’t see the point, like Rome, all roads lead to Renard. They couldn’t talk about his work because of Renard. They couldn’t talk about Juliette because of Renard…”  
“So you and Adalind…” That was unexpected. They definitely couldn’t talk about Adalind because of Renard. The man had consumed his whole life, practically poisoning every aspect of it, whether professional or personal.  
“What about us?”  
“I’m not blind Nick. I have been watching you with her this whole time.”  
“What are you getting at?”  
“Okay, I guess I’ll just come out and say it. How long have you had feelings for her?”   
Nick laughed derisively. Feelings…for Adalind? Not possible, he loved Juliette…or at least he did until he discovered her betrayal.   
“I don’t have feelings for Adalind.” His mother didn’t seem convinced. “I know my own heart mother and I can promise you, Adalind’s nowhere near it.” He raised his voice, the tension building in his bones. That reaction certainly caught her attention. If Monroe was there, he’d say he protested way too much, but did he? Nick felt cornered. For months Juliette accused him of the same thing, Monroe even questioned him, however he dropped the subject and now he’s questions his own feelings. He used to have a pretty good idea of what he felt, how felt and now he felt as if he was stranded out at sea in the middle of a tumult.   
“Perhaps I am wrong to assume…”  
“Mother, I’m just tired of everything.”  
“If I am wrong, then clearly soomething is eating you up and inside, I can see it in your beautiful eyes. You can tell me anything and I will listen. I know I haven’t been in your life for a very long time but you are still my boy; if something’s bothering you, please tell me…”  
He gave her a ghost of a smile before reverting to his new default morose setting.  
“I appreciate it. It’s just that too much has happened almost all at once. Yesterday, I found out a one night stand with a woman I thought I hated produced a child. It changes a person.”   
“So you are worried about hating Adalind even though she’s having your baby?”  
“I’m worried about Sean but there is something else. I didn’t have the words or even the courage to name it until today. No mom, I’m not worried about hating Adalind. I think I’m worried about NOT hating Adalind.” He explained.   
“But honey…isn’t that a good thing?”  
“I wish I knew.”  
“Nicky, you are not making any sense.”  
“I know.” He gathered his thoughts. “How much did Adalind tell you about the things she did for Renard?”  
“She told me all I needed to know and more but clearly, from your manner, I see she may have left out some details. I know she almost committed murder for him, at least on two separate occasions.”  
“You work with Meisner, did he never say anything to you?”  
“I didn’t need to know, we aren’t working the same cases, they cross paths on occasion, so we usually stay out of each other’s hair. What is it?”  
“I probably shouldn’t. I have every reason to hate her, mom. For the longest time I did but I don’t know what I feel anymore and I don’t know how to feel about it. This baby…what happened between Adalind and I, was like one of those ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ kind of thing that should never happen. I didn’t plan it, neither of us did. The cosmos must have been playing one sick joke on us both that night. With the kind of history we have, it had to be.”  
“I don’t mean to make the presumption that since I gave you life that I have a say over what you do with it one way or another but there must have been something there between you other than hatred. You two created one of this world’s truest joy together, that can’t have come from a place of hate.”  
“If you knew her as I did back then, you’d be tempted to change your perception and I don’t want to do that to her.”  
“What could possibly be worse that almost killing people?” she asked Nick.  
“…Knowing that those two people were Aunt Marie and Juliette?” Whatever she expected, Nick saw that it wasn’t that. He saw the shock register on her face, maybe disappointment but it passed. His mother digested the news before allowing herself to speak.  
“She tried to shoot my sister?” She said finally.  
“Yes. Do you feel her any different about her than five seconds ago when you didn’t know?” He pushed for an answer. Kelly’s couldn’t ignore what she heard. She wasn’t blind to the person Adalind was before she met her. And It wasn’t like Adalind had purposefully kept the whole truth from her. As far as she knew, Kelly Kessler wasn’t connected to Nick Burkhardt, let alone Marie Kessler. Adalind had told Nick she didn’t know Marie’s name. She only had a picture that Sean had given her. Considering how close she bonded with his mother, it was safe to assume Adalind thought Marie shared his last name, Burkhardt. She never made the link between him and the two women who’d made such a mark on her life, positively and negatively.  
“This is what you’ve been struggling with?” she answered him with her own question. He wanted to know what she thought of “Addie” now that she knew everything, especially when he was more confused about where he stood where Adalind was concerned than ever before. Adalind was going to be the was the mother of his child in a month or so. “You are confused about your feelings for her.”  
“I’ve already told you, I don’t have feelings for her.” He protested yet again, more out of habit than any truthfulness.  
“Alright, I’ll rephrase. You are struggling with the fact that you don’t have feelings for her, specifically, feelings of hate because she almost did something so horrible to the people you loved. You want to hate her but your heart won’t let you,” She placed her hand over his chest. “It has nothing to do with the fact that she’s carrying your child, that’s a separate matter altogether. You are struggling to remember the Adalind from years ago now that she’s sleeping in the other room, closer to you than ever before and I’m not talking about distance.” She guessed right. The ground beneath his feet was constantly shifting, whenever he thought it was safe, something came to disturb it once again.   
“I keep thinking about Aunt Marie, if she could see me now…”   
“She would be proud of the man you’ve become, like I am right now. You are a good man Nicholas Burkhardt. Not a lot of people would be sitting where you are sitting right now, driven by compassion and love instead of bitterness and hate. It’s easy to lose yourself to the latter because someone wronged you. Adalind has hurt you, terribly. I will not speak for her. She’s more than capable of doing that herself. Just stop beating yourself up because you’ve taken the high road, the one less travelled and forgiven her for the things she did all those years ago.”   
It didn’t make him feel any less guilty for it. Adalind’s return upheaved more than just his life with Juliette. His mother was right; it wasn’t about the baby but something far deeper, something that had laid dormant for periods unknown. That is what put him ill at ease. He felt like he was suffocating and needed air to breathe. He needed a change of scenery, to put as much distance as possible between him and Adalind.  
He removed his cell to check the time and saw that it was off.  
“Damnit!” he cursed.  
“What’s the matter?”  
“I forgot to switch my phone back on when I went back to the hospital last night, no wonder Hank didn’t call once to check why I didn’t show up for work this morning. It’s not like he knows what’s happening. Renard’s probably itching to talk to me as well. I’m in no rush for that, I don’t know what I might do to him, all things considered. The man is scum but he’s still my superior.”   
“…Which is why you need to maintain as much normalcy as you can stomach, to keep him off your scent. Go.” She instructed him. I’m going to have to deal with him once I get back to the station but I don’t want to leave Adalind.” He said as his phone buzzed back to life.  
“You can leave if you need to, I can stay look after her. It’s not exactly my first time.” His mother reminded him. He noticed that she’d already moved past his revelation. Was that another trait he picked up from her?  
“No mom, I can’t ask you to do that. What about your work, shouldn’t you be getting back.”  
“What, are you sick of me already?” He didn’t appreciate the joke but didn’t say anything.  
“Are you sure you are going to be alright...? I can stay longer…” he spoke the words but silently hoped she wouldn’t recant her offer. He’d had enough of the loft, enough of being blown to and fro in the raging sea that was his life. He needed to get back to basics, to something he was sure of and had a measure control over, his job. Renard may be corrupt and Nick’s boss but ultimately Nick served the people of the city of Portland.  
“Nick just go, we’ll be fine. I can and will call you if anything changes. Remember what I said, you need to throw Renard off both of your scents. Go to the station or go home, just be you. Do whatever it is that you’d be doing at this moment, it will throw him off. I know you’ve got a big case, the Red Lotus murders. I will be here for as long as necessary, however long you two will need me.”  
“What about your case?”  
“It can wait, this can’t.”  
“Call me…” He said as he got in the elevator.  
“I will.” 

*/*/*

He had over twenty missed calls, most of which from Monroe and Hank. Although the day was almost done, he made his way to work He’d see Monroe later that night. His mother had the right idea. He needed to put some serious distance between him and Adalind. As long as Nick went back to his routine and carried on with his duties, like putting a stop to these killings and stopping this Red Lotus from bringing Portland into utter chaos, Renard would have no cause to pursue Adalind. This meant putting some distance between him and his child. It made him uneasy to put his wellbeing in someone else’s hands even if that person was his mother.

He’ll give his excuses for showing up so late at work; he did have a serious fight and broke up with his girlfriend or come up with something much more benign. Juliette was a sore subject for him. Whatever he came up with should give Renard something else to chew on and give Adalind some much needed bearthing space to recover from the excitement of the past day. He didn’t want to think about his his ex and his Captain by extension. His priorities had shifted drastically. Juliette was no longer the most important person in his life, at least not in terms of needing his protection, to think he wasted the last few years on that futile activity, when Renard had wrought worse damage than even death ever could through their dalliance. He texted Monroe, taking him up on his offer to use his guest room temporarily and called Hank to let him know he was on his way.

*/*/*

“What in the world happened to you today?” asked Hank as he took a seat in his chair. Nick cursed under his breath, was this going to be the norm, people asking him the same questions? Monroe. Hank. Wu would be next as soon the sergeant found his way into the bullpen. And he was sure Renard’s curiosity was at an all-time peak and wouldn’t miss the opportunity of digging for answers, especially along the vein of Adalind’s whereabouts and the paternity of her child.  
“It’s a long story. Where are we on the case? I need something to take my mind off my day.”  
“Detective Burkhardt, it’s so nice of you to show up, and in the nick of time too.” Wu made his way to hand a piece of paper to Hank. “I got that address for you. It wasn’t as hard as we thought.”  
“Whose address?’ Nick asked in confusion.  
“…Our illusive witness, Tyrell Bosch. He lives with his father, a vet on disability. Tragic story really. His father served his country but was never the same after the war. Bosch fell into bad company right after his mother’s death as a result. He’s down in Interrogation.” Wu said.  
“Wu, you’re the best!” Hank said.  
“Don’t thank me for that. You can thank rookie Theresa Rubel, she tracked him down and managed to bring him in. I think she’s trying to earn some brownie points with a certain detective…” Wu smiled in Nick’s direction.  
“Don’t look at me; I have nothing to do with Trubel.”  
“…Trubel?”  
“Yes…I mean Officer Rubel.” Hank just laughed at him. Nick ignored him. He thought about Hank, Wu, and even Trubel, they along with other dedicated officers made Nick appreciate his work. It wasn’t easy at Central Precinct but these people made it work and soon, they would be free of Renard. He trusted just three people with the knowledge that their Captain was corrupt. In the beginning he was apprehensive about Trubel but she proved herself eager and very capable, like he was at her age. She had a similar sense of justice as him; he recognised it immediately. Wu was actually off the mark where she was concerned but he kept that to himself.  
Nick just sat quietly and listened to the sergeant update them on his findings. He couldn’t help but think how his life could have been like Bosch’s if it wasn’t for his aunt. Death was a cruel mistress and against her, there was no law. That is why Nick had to do whatever he it took to keep her at bay, away from Adalind and his baby. He needed to speak with Meisner and soon. Renard had become way too comfortable in the last year or so. He walked around as though he was untouchable. All those years undercover only resulted in Renard’s underlings going to jail, almost all but the man himself. Nick couldn’t let that continue. It was time he doubled up his efforts. He no longer had the element of surprise, and Adalind was an added complication, making his job even tougher than before but he was even more motivated to succeed. Failure wasn’t an option.  
“Hey Nick? Dude, where did you go just now? We’ve caught one of our biggest breaks on the case and you look like you’d rather be somewhere else.”  
“I’m here.” He looked around and saw that Wu was gone.  
“You could have fooled me. Does this have to do with a pregnant Adalind Schade coming back to Portland and Juliette almost attacking here yesterday?”  
“So you heard about that?”  
“The whole station heard about that.”  
“Including the Captain?”  
“I don’t think he’s unaware of it.” Nick grimaced. It seems everybody knew his business; he was surprised they weren’t giving him any funny looks the minute he set foot in the station. ‘Do you wanna talk about it?” Hank asked him.   
“No right now, we have a witness to question and I’d rather get through that first.” Hank didn’t press him any further. He was grateful for the reprieve, focusing on something completely unrelated to the mess that was his life, even for an hour or two would help him calm him. His mother hadn’t called; a good sign that Adalind was still safe, at least that’s what he told himself. They found Tyrell Bosch handcuffed to the table. He looked worse than death. He was agitated, dishevelled and his filthy clothes barely hung on his drug riddled frame.   
Nick saw abrasion marks where the handcuffs cut into Bosch’s wrists but the cuffs weren’t too tight, he saw. It was going to be a long evening. In fact it took them hours to get any real information from their witness who wasn’t just a random witness. It appeared one of his unsavoury acquaintances had promised him the biggest score of his life, if he did him a favour. Bosch readily agreed until he heard a “blood curdling” scream and ran for his life. He claimed he didn’t see “nothing” and therefore they had to let him go. They questioned him some more.

Later Nick sat at his desk, filing a report or at least he tried. Hank had already gone home. Nick was waiting on Renard. He expected his boss would call him to his office to challenge him about Adalind but Renard never left his office the entire time Nick was there. After waiting several more minutes, Nick decided to leave. He called it a day. He took out his cell phone and dialled his mother.  
“Son?”  
“How is she?” he practically whispered, taking no chances that the Captain couldn’t hear him even with his door closed, plus he wasn’t sure any of the officers still in the bullpen were 100% clean and not Renard’s minions. Nick put away many cops but he could have replenished his depleted ranks. If that were the case, Meisner would have known and said something. His identity as mole working for the FBI was never revealed but that didn’t stop Renard from discovering he was the one working with I.A. and the FBI. This was why he trusted just three people in all the station. He was being paranoid all over again.  
“She is still sleeping. Have you spoken to your Captain?” he heard his mother say.  
“Nope, it’s like he’s avoiding me. He didn’t even call me to his office to reprimand me for my disappearing act earlier. Neither of us can keep pretending work is the only link between us. He knows I’m after him and he knows that I know that he knows. This stalemate can’t last long, not with Adalind back in town. Her reappearance is an opportunity for him; he’s not going to want to waste it.” He saw Renard exit his office, “He’s coming this way. I have to go, I’ll call you later.”  
“Ok honey.” She hung up.   
“Burkhardt, you’re still here?” Renard asked. He didn’t raise his voice, he didn’t make any demands of Nick’s whereabouts ant he couldn’t if he wanted an honest answer, not right out in the open where anyone could witness the long overdue showdown. What to start with, Nick thought; Juliette? Diana? Would Nick make demands of his own, like Renard staying the fuck away from Adalind.   
“…Yeah.” He gave a one word answer.  
“I expect a brief of the interrogation on my desk…”  
“You’ll have it first thing in the morning. It seems like Bosch was being initiated as some sort of lackey but he chickened out at the last minute. He tried to say he didn’t actually see anything but we finally got the truth out of him.” This isn’t what he wanted to know but Nick wasn’t going to make the Captain’s fishing expedition for information any easier. He’ll have to reveal his hand first, be the first to crack. The two men stood awkwardly in silence opposite each other, leaving too much unspoken.   
“Was the matter with Adalind resolved?” He finally asked Nick.   
“I hope so.” Nick said. “She was asking about her mother. She wanted to know the details of her mother’s untimely death.” He actually saw the Captain’s countenance drop with disappointment. Nick smirked internally, where did that even come from? What made him think of Adalind’s mother in that second. Although Catherine wasn’t much of a mother to Adalind, her death could at least serve to screen her daughter and grandson from a monster, Nick thought.  
“Is that all? I heard your girlfriend caused a scene yesterday and Adalind needed to be taken to the hospital as a result.”  
“That is correct. I’d rather not talk about it and put the entire thing behind me. Juliette discovered the woman that got away with trying to have her murdered was back in town so she confronted Miss Schade. Whatever my issues are with that woman, I couldn’t just stand by and let Juliette have her way. It wouldn’t look good for the station and Miss Schade is a lawyer, she could end up suing Juliette or the us. I couldn’t let that happen. But it doesn’t mean she didn’t have it coming.” He said seriously. Put the doubt in his mind and widen the gap between himself and Adalind, he thought.   
“So there’s nothing else I need to know?”  
“I left her at St John’s hospital and went my way. I didn’t think there was anything else. I gave her all the info I had on her mother’s murder and that it was unsolved and had gone cold. Without any new evidence, I couldn’t say any more. She thanked me for taking her to the hospital even though she knew I’d sooner see her rotting behind bars after what she did to me. She was right about that.” That seemed to confuse Renard even more.  
“Are you sure that is all?” he repeated.   
“I guess so, was there something else you wanted to know?” Nick said; his patience worn out. Renard glanced around him before stepping closer to his detective so his voice would carry over to the other officers. He looked over at Nick, like he was sizing him up before he could strike.  
“No…I guess that’s all for now.” He said, clearly not satisfied and walked away. Nick couldn’t give a damn. He couldn’t reconcile the man in front of him and the man he thought he was when he moved to Portland. Any respect he may have had for Renard that could have earned him Nick’s loyalty waned the day he accepted Meisner’s offer and it officially died with his aunt’s death. 

Nick didn’t let himself relax. His story with Adalind’s mother was so far out but probable. There was one person that could ruin everything and that was Juliette. He didn’t know how close a relationship she had with Renard, if she had any. It was Renard that ratted Adalind to Juliette, now he wondered if Juliette would return the favour by confirming what Renard already suspected. It wasn’t a question of if but when. He didn’t put it past her to do it just to spite him and to hurt Adalind, who cared if that put his baby in danger? It pained him to think that the woman he used to love was possibly gone or worse, that she was never there.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

It appeared as if Kelly's plan worked for the moment. Nick had stayed away from the loft and it seemed to have the desired effect. He had kept watch over his Captain with Meisner's help, to make sure she and the baby remained safely hidden. He called to check up on her as regularly as he could but it wasn't the same. Adalind had gone against her own advice and had grown attached to Nick Burkhardt. 

On the other hand, iIt was wonderful having Kelly back. She had missed her comforting presence. Apart from the dull bed rest, it was as if nothing had changed. If only Diana was there. The day after Nick brought her to the, Kelly got an old rickety single bed that Nick helped to bring up to the loft. That was the last Adalind saw him. had kept his word, and gave her feedback regarding her daughter and his search for her whereabouts. Meisner had finally given them an unredacted file that included the report on the fire. Apparently, Adalind was drugged and Diana was taken away before their house was set on fire.

Meisner, as per Kelly's request, sent a doctor to check on her and their baby. Because Mohamed could come to the mountain, the mountain had to come to Mohamed, Meisner screened the woman thoroughly before bringing her to the loft. She was blindfolded the entire drive there, right up until she stood before Adalind. Kelly wasn't taking any chances, not with her grandson's life hanging in the balance. 

The doctor checked the baby's progress, Adalind's BP and according to her, all was normal. Adalind even had a chance to hear her son's strong beating heart. It was the best sound in all the world, Adalind thought. She only wished Nick could have been there to listen to his son, at least Kelly was ther as the next best thing. Her son was healthy and all thanks to Nick and his mother and their effort to keep Sean Renard away from her.

*/*/*

That was days ago and Adalind was becoming restless again. It had been over a week and although her and the baby were doing more than fine, she couldn’t help thinking about Nick. The last time they talked, he seemed distracted. The case he was working was taxing, demanding his undivided attention. It's not that she wanted him all to herself, whatever that meant. Nick sounded like he was exhausted. She knew he was pulled in two directions and she could imagine the kind of pressure he was under, trying to solve a crime while working against his boss to keep him away from her while finding evidence to put that same boss in jail. If the Renard family wasn't so powerful, Sean would be in jail by now, serving for the next hundred years. There was no question about that.

Adalind couldn't sleep and tossing and turning was even more harrowing with her extended belly in the way. The little pillow securing her stomach was more of a hindrance than a help, she eventually gave up the struggle and faced the window, willing herself to sleep. She felt the bed sink under the weight of the person sitting next to her. Kelly probably wanted to talk to her about something but she was too tired to move from her position after her long fought battle to be comfortable. Adalind didn’t move, nor did she open her eyes.

She froze when the person got under the covers and laid beside her, their body conforming to hers. It wasn’t Kelly. She felt heat radiating from his body. It was definitely male…Nick, but what was he doing? When did he come in? He scooted even closer to her causing Adalind shut her eyes tighter. She didn't know what was happening. He was so close; his unforgettable scent wafted up her nostrils like a fresh cinnamon bun on a cold morning. It was so strong, so intoxicating and so delicious. 

Nick's arm rolled over her body cradling their baby, almost pulling Adalind tighter against his. She couldn’t help but react to the feel of him against her. Any warning bells that went off in her head that this wasn't supposed to be happening were promptly silenced as he began rubbing her belly in smooth circles beginning in the center and spreading further and further out. She nearly jumped when his hand brushed against her one breast.  
"Are you awake?" he breathed into her neck. Those three simple words sent her over the edge with want, no, with need. She thought she'd explode from just thinking about what he could do.  
"Mm-hmm..." She gave a quick nod as she tried arching her back into him, searching for a telltale sign of his own need; she didn't have to go far. Nick pulled her closer against him. This was crazy, she thought but all rational thinking flew out the window. All she could think about was the heat between their bodies generating enough energy to power a city block alone. Her lower extremities began to rotate involuntary, inciting a low growl from the man laying behind her. She didn't realise how much she missed him until now, how she missed the way he made her body sing with his every touch and it was craving for the feel of his skilled hands exploring every inch of her body right now.  
"Stop that, or else I won't be able to control myself." He hissed, barely containing his own desire.  
"Maybe I don't want you to control yourself." What in the world was she saying? This wasn't Adalind Schade, at least not the Adalind she'd become in times recent. His hand slid down her belly, past the point of propriety, making Adalind's inside shake with anticipation. If she wasn't lying down already, she would have collapsed into a puddle of heat and desire. "Please don't stop," she thought aloud. She felt Nick smile in a satisfaction. She didn't dare turn to face him, afraid of what she'd see in his eyes as much as she was excited by the very thought.   
"You have no idea how much I want you right now but we can't..." He said but his hand had reached its final destination, ministering sweet slices of heaven up and down Adalind's body. She didn’t pay his words any attention. It was was impossible when his hand was saying everything she wanted to hear and didn't appear to stop, drawing closer to release.   
“…You like that?” She felt him, rather than herd him.  
"Just don't stop...a little more...oh Nick..." She begged him but she didn't have to wait long.   
"I love the sound of my name on your sweet lips, say it again."  
"...Mmmm...Nick..." She moaned as a delicious relief swept over her body. She would have said anything he wanted in that moment, no matter how crazy or stupid. Nick owned her body and that was okay because she knew deep down that there would be no one else after him. Foolishly, she'd fallen for him and for the first time she wasn't afraid to admit it herself.   
"Now turn around and kiss me," he commanded.   
That…she was more than happy to oblige. She'd spend days imagining the taste of his lips pressed against hers, their clashing tongues battling for supremacy. She was more than happy to kiss him and when she turned to gaze into his intense beautiful eyes, Nick turned to smoke before her. He was nothing more than an apparition.  
"No don't go," she opened her eyes to a cold, dark and empty room. It was only a dream. He was a dream, a self-inflicted mental construct designed to torment her.   
Adalind grabbed the pillow beside her and muffled her scream. What had she wrought over herself, succumbing to the impossible. She examined her mind and heart and found Nick Burkhardt comfortably commanding every thought and feeling she had and now he’d invaded her dreams, intensifying those pesky desires she neglected to quash when they first reared their head months ago and then at the station, when he helped her against Juliette. She couldn’t have fallen in love with him. One little dream wasn't proof positive of being in love. She was attracted to him, definitely. She uncharacteristically missed him, sure but she’d hardly spent enough time with him to actually fall in love….   
She flung the covers away from the body, welcoming the cold brisk air that cooled the fire burning within her. It wasn’t a cold shower but it would do. She turned her head to view the digital clock beside her bed; it was only 01:37 in the morning. She could try sleeping again but she still felt the ghost of Nick’s too nimble fingers on her person to go back to sleep. A possible second helping was out of the question, she didn’t care how tempting it was. It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy the dream, her problem was that she enjoyed it too much. What she’d give to have Nick do that to her for real but she couldn’t let herself think about that. Her and Nick could never happen. 

She grabbed her robe from where she left it and wrapped it tightly around her body, something not so easy do at this stage of her pregnancy and headed into the kitchen. She glimpsed Kelly sleeping soundly in her make shift bedroom next to the bathroom. There wasn’t much privacy as Adalind walked passed her by but Kelly didn’t complain. “She slept under worse conditions,” she cited. 

Adalind removed a glass from one of the cabinets, filled it with cold water and drank deeply. She refilled it and returned to her room hoping she was over her episode. The baby kicked as she sat back down on her bed. She was less than three weeks away before he would be born. She wondered if Nick would be there. Her son kicked again but harder this time.   
“Whoa there my darling, what are you doing in there, playing soccer? Have a care for your poor mother,” She said but didn’t mean it. She loved the feel of those strong kicks against her uterus. They put her mind at ease, a rarity these days. Her thoughts returned to Nick, wondering what he was doing at 1:43 am…probably sleeping at Monroe’s. She found out about his breakup with Juliette a few days before. It probably explained the barrage of forbidden thoughts and dreams creeping up on her. She never thought of Nick that way when she thought he and Juliette were still together (she tried not to). Nick had intentionally kept his breakup from her, sharing it only with his mother during one of his phone calls to check up on her. She didn’t mean to eavesdrop but this loft was so confined she didn’t know where else to turn to when she heard Juliette’s name. Nick was off limits so long as he was still in a relationship with Juliette and now they weren’t together.

Adalind felt slightly guilty because she knew she was the cause for the fallout between them. She didn’t care about Juliette but she’d learnt to care for Nick, against her better judgement. It was near impossible not to care. He’d been hurt so badly by her and to realize that she kept hurting him without even trying sat badly with Adalind. She didn’t want to think of their son as a mistake, he wasn’t, she just wished…she didn’t know what she wished. She wanted him to have been conceived under better circumstances but what did that really mean? 

If she’d never crossed paths with Nick, her son wouldn’t be here. If she’d grown a pair and divorced her mother and any ill attempts to earn her approval, her son wouldn’t be here. If she’d told Renard to go screw himself the first time he asked her to bend and then break the law for him, her son wouldn’t be here. Adalind was sorry for ruining Nick’s life, but she was so glad her son was there.

*/*/*

“Rise and shine.” She heard Nick’s voice pull her out of sleep. Oh no…not again, she thought.   
“Go away…” she covered her head with one of her pillows. “You’re not real!” She yelled but it only came out as a groan.  
“Adalind wake up, it’s me. I got you breakfast.” He said much louder. That didn’t sound like he was a figment of her imagination. She peaked over the pillow, her one eye spying the father of her baby standing by the side of her bed holding a bakery bag with one hand and with the other, holding what looked to be orange juice.   
“Good morning,” she said still hiding behind her pillow.  
“It’s actually afternoon.” He placed the contents on the bedside table beside her and took a seat on the bed. She gave him a wide berth in fear of being so close to him. She was being irrational, had in not been for the pregnancy she would have landed on the floor on the other side.  
“Are you okay, you are acting kind of odd?” He asked her.  
“I’m fine. I’m just trying to find my bearing. I had uh…an off night.” Her face turned red. She couldn’t look at him, not when the dream was still so vivid in her mind. “What are you doing here? Where’s Kelly?”   
“I wanted to see you.” He said simply. She flushed even redder just listening to him, his lips to curl slightly upward as he looked at her. He actually smiled as she died of mortification. “My mother decided to use this time to take of a few things, she didn’t tell me what exactly and I didn’t ask.  
“How have you been? I am sorry I haven’t been around, I’ve been busy. I know we decided that I should stay away, I am. I just don’t want you to think that I have abandoned you.”  
“Nick, we spoke yesterday…”  
“I know; it’s just that…It’s not the same.”  
“So…Kelly left…”  
“Yeah, it’s just us now and you haven’t answered my question.”  
“How have I been? Well, the baby and I are doing better. The doctor gave a clean bill of health but you know that already.” She pushed herself up to sit against the head rest. Nick moved quickly and placed an additional pillow to support her back. He helped up. “ And he’s been a busy boy these last few days, always making his presence known.” She added.  
“Is he kicking now?” he asked her eagerly.  
“I don’t think he’s ever stopped,” she smiled.   
“Can I feel him?” he reached out without thinking but pulled back at the last second, waiting for her.  
“It’s okay…here…” she took his hand and electricity shot between them. Their eyes locked at the spark between them before they quickly darted away to look anywhere but at each other. The room suddenly felt warm. This scene reminded Adalind of the day she told him she was having his baby. When he placed his hand over her belly, it was so awkward at first and Nick had this lost look on his face, almost like he wanted to be anywhere but there. As she raised her eyes to look at him now, she couldn’t miss the difference. Nick looked like he actually wanted to be there and their son didn’t disappoint. She watched Nick’s face light up with each spirited kick.   
“Hi there Buddy,” Nick leaned over and talked to her belly. “Uh…I didn’t mean to…can he actually hear me?” Nick looked up, embarrassed.  
“He can hear you and he can recognise people’s voices, or at least that’s what I read in a book so I can neither confirm nor deny.”  
“Well it’s good to know.” He smiled at her before placing both his hands on their baby. “It’s me again, your father. I’m sorry it took so long for us to meet and I’m even sorrier I haven’t been around very much but I promise you, I am going to be there for you every single day of your life, until you get sick of me and even then, you won’t be able to get rid of me. There’s things I have to take care of and that means staying away from you (he looked up at Adalind) You have to be patient with me. And while I’m gone, be nice to your mother, she’s had a rough couple of months. She loves you very much, we both do.” He paused before kissing her belly.   
Adalind was stunned. That was unexpected.  
“I am sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”  
“There’s nothing to apologise for. In fact, I should be the one apologising. I should have come to you sooner; the moment I found out I was pregnant. I knew you were with Juliette but you deserved to know about him.”  
“You’re here now and I’m not with Juliette anymore.”  
“I’m sorry about that too.”  
“Well, you actually had nothing to do that, at least not directly. We had some problems and we both did our best to cover them up until they became impossible to ignore.”  
“Do you mean him?” she cradled their unborn child.   
“Yes and no.” Nick covered her hand curling his fingers around it. He’s been doing that quite a lot, at least every time they were together. The first time was in the hospital, and then here in the loft when Kelly came back into their lives and now here, on her bed. She thought she felt his thumb draw circles on her palm. It felt intimate, too intimate. She buried the thought.  
“I have been thinking a lot…about that night.” He paused as if a thought just occurred to him. “Forget it, forget I said anything.” He looked troubled and she didn’t know what to make of his behavior. He looked down at their interlinked hands before releasing it a moment or two later.   
“Are you okay? You don’t seem like yourself but then again I don’t know you that well so I could be off the mark.”  
“It’s nothing, I’m okay. I just have a lot on my mind. Juliette told Renard about us, that you’re carrying my baby. Technically, he guessed it but she confirmed it for him. She just made our lives difficult. I don’t know how long I can keep pretending ‘he’ means nothing to me.”  
“…Juliette and Renard? Since when were they friends, doesn’t she know he was the one that ordered her killing?”  
“She knows but that didn’t stop her sleeping with him behind my back.” He blurted.   
“Oh Nick…I thought she loved you.”  
“I don’t want to talk about Juliette. I didn’t come here to talk about my ex. I wanted a break from everything…to spend time…to see how you were doing.” His neck reddened. Did he want to spend time with her? Adalind didn’t know how to respond to that. They weren’t exactly friends and it’s not like he was there to spend time with their baby who was still in utero. Adalind’s cheeks grew warm. He didn’t say it exactly but it was apparent to them both what he struggled to express. It grew increasingly quiet in the loft, the mood became charged with possibilities.  
“Thank you for my breakfast, I mean lunch.” She changed the subject when she couldn’t take the silence any longer.  
“It was my pleasure.” They heard the elevator descend to the garage, Kelly had returned and cut their time together short. “I won’t be back for at least another week or so. Renard’s being particularly cumbersome. He’s decided he’s going to run for mayor, as if he didn’t have his dirty grubby little hands everywhere else. I hate to think what will happen if he goes ahead with his plans.”  
“That’s horrible and knowing Portland, they’d readily give him the keys to the city, these people are so blinded. I should know, I used to be one of them.”  
“But you not anymore and soon all of Portland will learn the truth but enough about Renard. Let me know what to bring you for breakfast…or lunch the next time I come over.”  
“Alright,” she smiled shyly at him.  
“I have to go. See you next week.” He got off the bed when he heard his mother’s voice call out to him.  
“See you next week.” She responded in kind as he left her bedroom to greet his mother.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is longer than I expected it to be. I hope you enjoy. Don't be shy to post review and thank you for taking the time to read.

Chapter 7

Two weeks since Adalind’s return:  
Monroe was on his case yet again. His friends did their best not to ask any questions when he temporarily moved in with them. They didn’t ask if he and Juliette would patch things up, they weren’t going to. “It’s really over,” he said. They didn’t ask where Adalind was, he didn’t offer. “It’s complicated,” he told them. Monroe understood Nick’s hesitation to share with them what was really going on. They had been friends for a very long time; long enough to know about Renard and his penchant of going after Nick’s loved ones. He didn’t want to put them in danger, it was dangerous enough knowing him.  
“Nick I know you can’t really tell me what’s going but I’m worried about you buddy. You leave for work at the crack of dawn and come home in the early hours. You’re not getting enough sleep and I know you are worried about something. I’d venture and say it’s Adalind. You haven’t told us anything and I won’t push but you have to let it all out sometime before you explode.” His friend cornered him the night before.

Nick couldn’t deny Monroe’s assessment. He spent more time at the station, haranguing Meisner to locate Diana, tailing the Captain at every available chance while trying to solve a crime that was quickly turning serial. Two more bodies turned up, and one of them was that of his only witness, Tyrell Bosch. That set them back to square one and added to his troubles. And every night he’d decide to head North West, to the loft only to reproach himself for his lack of self-control and change his mind and return to Monroe’s. It was careless of him. The Captain probably had him watched. If he was being tailed and was caught heading North-ish, he could only hope that Renard would think he was returning to his former home out of habit only to remember he didn’t live there anymore.

As for his investigation of the Captain, he roped in the ever eager rookie, Trubel, to trail the Captain. It wasn’t easy to do but on days when her FTO permitted her to drive alone, Nick was able to keep tabs on his boss without raising any suspicion. It was a good thing Trubel had proven herself very competent in the field to warrant such trust. All the evidence against Renard over the years past had become almost null and void, not even Adalind’s confession could help expose the truth, what Nick needed was for Renard to incriminate himself now, with new evidence of his ever increasing crimes now spreading outside the borders of his city. It would be even better if he could be caught in the act of corrupting the justice system, only then would he have nowhere to run and hide, especially if Nick could expose the judges and any that helped him to break the law.  
“…And Juliette’s acting weird.” Monroe also said.  
“I thought we agreed not to talk about her.” Nick replied tersely, his lips pressed into a hard line. He was still reeling from her revelation that she’d told Renard the truth about his “mistress” and the fact that they were in fact having a baby together.   
“I thought it my civic duty to let him know you were aiding and abetting a criminal?” she had spat at him.  
“And what do you think you’re doing now, helping a known criminal, a thug, setting him after an innocent…”  
“Don’t you dare tell me that whore is innocent…” she had yelled furiously.  
“…Baby. Adalind, in case you didn’t know, has been working with the FBI for the last eighteen months to bring down Renard.” He had managed to finish what he wanted to say when she angrily spoke over him, almost cutting him off.  
“And that makes what she did okay then?”  
“That’s not what I said. She’s paying for her mistakes every passing day but your dear ‘friend’ continues to live his life above the law, ruining lives everywhere he goes and you, Juliette, are helping him!” How could not see it?  
“Yeah, when you chose her over me, I had to make my own choices.”  
“Are you hearing yourself right now? So you’d put my son in imminent danger, serving him up to Sean Renard just because you have a grudge against Adalind? He is just a baby Juliette and is innocent in all of this.”  
“No child of hers is innocent!” She had spewed. Nick could still hear the disgust in her voice. She didn’t care about him, let alone his baby and he’d be damned if anything happened to his child, if that meant “choosing sides” as Juliette had obsessed, then so be it.   
Yeah, Juliette had lost her mind alright. Nick didn’t want to influence his friends where she was concerned but apparently she was doing that all on her own.   
“Look Monroe, Juliette and I are no longer a thing; whatever she does from now on is none of my business. She isn’t the woman I thought she was…loved. I have too much on my plate to give a moment’s thought to her. She’s made it clear to me that I was wrong and that our time together was nothing but a waste of time. I just want to keep my child safe.”  
“That’s the thing man, she was talking to Rosalee and she was talking about Adalind, ranting about how she was going to make you pay and knew just the thing to do. When Rosalee mentioned the baby she flew into a rage and it was like Juliette had been possessed or something. We didn’t realise how badly she was taking this whole thing between you and Adalind. She’s “planning” something according to Rosalee, she confessed as much and that can’t be good. She believes you’re hiding Adalind somewhere in the city and she told your Captain her suspicions.  
“Damnit!” he cursed.  
“I know you can’t tell me anything about anything but I had to say something. Juliette’s gone crazy man and she probably won’t stop until Adalind’s (along with your baby) six feet under. Rosalee tried to talk some sense into her but she wouldn’t listen. And she scared my poor Rosalee, saying that anyone that stood in her way, she’d deal with them accordingly, practically threatening my life because we’re friends and knows I’d do anything to help you so that put me on Juliette’s hit list. She literally told my wife, I’d be dead if I helped you in any way because that meant I was helping Adalind.”  
What was wrong with Juliette? Not once did Nick suspect her anger would escalate to the point of threatening their friends.  
“When the heck did this happen?”  
“…Today at the spice shop. Rosalee was acting funny and I had to pry all of this out of her. Should we be worried? I mean this is Juliette we’re talking about here. She really wouldn’t hurt any of us.  
“I don’t know, ever since she grew close to the Captain, I can’t say for certain but I’d keep my eyes open if I were you. Maybe it’s time I moved out. That’s probably what has her so riled up right now. She thinks you’ve both taken my side…”  
“I didn’t even know there were side to take.”  
“It’s too late for that. I’ll move out tomorrow.”  
“Where will you go?”  
“Don’t worry, I’ll figure something out.”  
“…And what about Adalind, are you actually hiding her somewhere in Portland?” Nick paused, contemplating if he wasn’t making the situation worse by admitting the truth.  
“Yes I am. She’s somewhere safe and will remain that way as long as I stay away from her.”  
“And how’s that going for you? I know you spend most of your time between my place and the station.”  
“Not so good but at least she’s safe. My baby’s safe.”  
“It can’t be easy being pregnant and all alone with a homicidal doucheface after you and that’s not taking Juliette into consideration.”  
“Well…she’s not alone. She’s with someone I trust, someone we both trust.”  
“Who could that be, it’s not like you two travelled the same circles and have common friends. Speaking of which, does Adalind actually have any friends?”  
“Not that I am aware of. The person that’s with her right now is my mother…”  
“Wait..I thought your mother died years ago?”  
“She did, sort of. It was actually my mom’s friend died and everyone mistook her for my mother. She’d been working for the FBI this whole time and you wouldn’t believe this but she’d been helping Adalind since she escaped Renard’s clutches. I had no idea about any of this until two weeks ago.”  
“Your mother…and Adalind…wow, talk about a shocker. Did they know who the other woman was this whole time?”  
“Nope, they were both totally clueless until two weeks ago as was I.”  
“How did that go, actually, don’t answer that. I can’t believe it, it’s like your life just turned into a regular soap opera…”  
“Tell me about it.”  
“So your mom’s alive huh?” Nick smiled at his friend who was still trying to wrap his head around nick’s drama. Heck, Nick was still trying to wrap his head around everything. It was a relief to finally tell Monroe everything. Although it didn’t solve anything, it was a great load off his back but that only made room for Juliette and her apparent spiral downwards. Was she really planning something against him or against Adalind and his unborn son? He had to call his mother and make sure the security at the loft was still in tight with no breaches whatsoever.

The loft originally belonged to his aunt, who earned it as payment for helping him on a case. His aunt, along with his mother’s help had fitted it with state of the art security; from cameras and alarms, to use a safe house for Nick, should he ever need it. His aunt listed it under his mother’s maiden name retroactively (he didn’t ask how she managed that) and since legally, his mother is dead, it passed on to Nick unawares. The FBI didn’t even know it existed. His mother and aunt were thinking ten steps ahead of him and everyone else. They knew that one day he’d need it after he began his investigation against Renard and they were right. He hoped that it would be enough for Adalind. He would see her again later that morning, to check up on her and not just over the phone as he made a habit of his phonecalls. 

*/*/*

“Here you go sir, two sticky buns to go.” The cashier handed Nick his order and processed the sale. He’d been waiting all week for today. He thought Kelly had timed her trip out of town just so he would spend time with Adalind. It was his day off and for once he was going to take it. It wasn’t every day that Nick intentionally used his off days to switch off completely from work. If someone died, some other detective would handle it. Hank didn’t need him that day and he could easily deal with some of their work load by himself for just one day.   
“Detective, fancy meeting you all the way up here on your day off, and if my senses don’t fail me I’d say that was a sticky bun or two you have there in that bag.”   
Nick turned around, confirming what the hair in the back of his neck told him, Renard was just a few feet away from where he stood at the counter.  
“Good morning Captain.” He said and no more. They were out of the office and Nick didn’t really trust himself to keep things civil.   
“Am I wrong in assuming the pastry is for Adalind? It can’t be for Juliette. I know her disdain for sweet things.” That sounded more like a jab than a harmless comment on Juliette’s taste.   
“Please excuse me,” Nick pushed his way past Renard, doing his best to ignore the man but followed him out of the shop and into the street.  
“We haven’t talked, you and I, to finally put our cards on the table.”  
“We have nothing to discuss.” He replied fiercely, continuing to walk towards his truck, parked inconveniently two blocks away from the bakery.  
“I’m sure you’d like to know who’s been warming Juliette bed every night since you vacated it.” That made Nick stop in his tracks and turn to face his Captain. “I knew that would catch your attention.” Renard leered at Nick, stepping closer to him to Nick’s aggravation; Renard making sure to look down on his subordinate as he forced the converstion.  
“How long has it been since you foolishly started on this crusade against me? I can’t seem to remember. When are you going to learn Burkhardt that you cannot take me on? I own this town. Do you understand? And if I wasn’t being clear enough; that includes your little girlfriend Juliette.” Renard said lowly so only Nick would hear. Nick kept his peace. Renard was obviously baiting him to react and do something stupid.  
“I know what you’re doing, it won’t work.”  
“Oh, keep telling yourself that but I can see it in your eyes, that little fire that says you’d like to take me down, right here and right now. Here (he leaned forward), give it your best shot.” He mocked Nick.  
“No ‘sir’, that won’t be necessary. You’re not worth it and I guarantee you, soon, your day will come and all of Portland will be waiting in line to beat that smug ass smile from your face as they haul your worthless ass off to jail and I can already think of a few people who’d die to be the first in line.”  
“Do you mean Adalind, your of a baby mama?” Nick twitched, visibly annoyed and Renard caught the slip up and pounced. “Aahhh…I see it now. I practically confess to sexing Juliettessix ways to Sunday and garner nothing but cool contempt but the throbbing pulse at your temple and neck shoots off at a hundred miles per hour at the mere mention of Adalind Schade’s name, ha. Who would have thought? Juliette wasn’t lying after all when she told me you were sweet on my little doe-eyed simpleton Adalind. I never would have guessed it.   
“I actually thought Juliette was exaggerating but I see she was spot on. And I was right, you came all this way across town to buy that little whore her favourite pastry from her favourite bakery, pregnancy cravings I imagine.” Renard boomed with laugher hacking away at Nick’s ability to stay calm and in control. Everyword out of Renard’s mouth regarding Adalind left Nick too exposed to Renard’s opportunistic attacks. Nick wanted nothing more than to shut him…permanently.  
“You threw away a real woman for that? I thought you were a smart man but then again here we all are so you couldn’t be that smart after all. I’m really disappointed in you Burkhardt. Adalind Schade, really? The girl couldn’t even cross the road without asking me first, spineless to a fault but she did worship me so it was a complete waste. She would have cut off her foot to please me, or have you forgotten your Aunt Marie? She almost killed your precious aunt over sex. I had her begging on her hands and knees because she couldn’t live without my di…” Nick’s fist collided with Renard’s unsuspecting face and sent him crashing against a nearby table, luckily it there was no one currently having their breakfast on it except a few patrons sitting just two tables away. Renard just laughed all the more. Nick’s had fury boiled over, luckily for him they were out in public or else he would have pummelled his Captain right there on the side walk.  
“Thank you Burkhardt for making my day. I was wondering why you never said anything at the station. I knew about you and Juliette, I was waiting for you to confront me because of some misplaced honour over your girlfriend finding herself a real man. I thought it burnt you to discover the truth about us, to know that she turned to me every time you disappointed her but you typically remained silent, distant…unmoved like the cuckold you are.   
“I was wrong and she was right. It’s not Juliette you love. It’s not her that brings the fire out in you. It’s not her that makes you feel like you’re more than half the man I see before me. That’s all Adalind’s doing. You’re in love with Adalind Schade.” He said as he got up from the concrete ground, dusting himself. Conspicuously, Nick didn’t deny it. “If it wasn’t so funny, I’d actually weep for you. I guess it makes sense that you’d be attracted to her; she’s as weak and as pathetic as you. Thank you again detective for rejuvenating in me my favourite sport I believed long dead and buried; a desire to make that woman suffer in the worst way imaginable. This time, it won’t be killing two birds with one stone, it will actually be three…” He threatened Nick.  
“Stay away from her…”  
“Or else what? You can’t stop me. It’s been what six..ten years and I’m more powerful than the day you walked into my precinct. I found her once and I can find her again. I guarantee it! So run along now Nick, run to your Adalind. Kiss her. Hold her, tell her you love her because I assure you, your time together is almost up. The grimm reaper is coming to collect and he never returns empty-handed”  
“I wouldn’t be so sure Captain. It’s you that should be worried. It’s you that is running out of time. The wolves are circling and before long they’ll have their prey. You’ve been careless and over confident. The people you work with, the people whose pockets you have filled, they are talking. They fear someone more powerful than you or your money. You’ve wasted all this energy on me; you have forgotten that I’m not the only one on your trail. I’d sleep with one eye open from now on. And stay away from Adalind, you and…that woman feeding information. If you value your life, you’ll forget that Adalind Schade exists at all.” Nick wasn’t going to be cowered by this lowlife, he thought. He warned him against any attempts on Adalind and his child and walked away.

He was fuming. That bastard! That asshole! And worse, Juliette was betraying him over that foul excuse of a man. Nick was incredulous over the whole situation. He didn’t want to think about Renard and his threats. His blood ran cold at the off chance Renard could make good on them. Nick couldn’t let that happen, not now and not ever. He had to get to Adalind, it didn’t matter that he was speeding through busy streets just to get there. Until he could see for himself that she was okay, and feel his son’s strong kicks against his hand, he wouldn’t stop for anything. 

Nick drove past NW Nikolai Street, taking the third left and cut the engine on the side of a furniture-making factory. He was right in the middle of the long stretch of road, with an unobstructed view ahead and behind his Cruiser, to make out any tails Renard may have sent after him. After several minutes passed without anything suspicious vehicles driving by him, Nick took off, making nondescript turns, just to be extra safe before driving to his aunt’s loft…his loft. Renard wasn’t tailing him, that meant Adalind was still well hidden from that monster.

He found his mother waiting in the garage. He was only a thirty minutes late, he hoped he hadn’t delayed her. Although she claimed otherwise, she wasn’t entirely free of her responsibilities. She had already exhausted whatever leave she wrangled from the FBI. It would not be long before she was forced to return and Nick didn’t know what that meant for Adalind, him and the baby that was on the way. He was due any day now and Nick was more than a little scared at the prospect of becoming a father to an actual baby. He didn’t know the first thing about that. His life was about to change, there’d be no going back after his son was born. He hoped Kelly would be there, at least in the beginning.   
“What happened, what took you so long?” His mother asked him as she loaded her truck.  
“I got held up. Renard felt it necessary to call me out and threaten Adalind and the baby. I couldn’t lead him straight here, so I took the scenic route to make sure I wasn’t followed before doubling back. How is she?”  
“She’s a little cranky. It’s almost time and your boy is making his presence known.”  
“Must you leave now?” Nick was weary suddenly. He knew he couldn’t keep her from doing whatever it is she chose to do, his father never stopped her thirty years ago, he wouldn’t try now, even if it made him a little uneasy at the prospect of her leaving.  
“Don’t worry. I’ll be back in a day or two three at the most.”  
“Three days?” he gasped in surprise. He had to be back at work the following day. Adalind couldn’t be here alone, not now when she could go into labour any second.  
“I’m sorry, this was very short notice. Meisner got a real lead. He knows where Diana is and I’m just going to drive by and see for myself. He can’t do it himself so I volunteered. She’s with her grandfather, who’s taken time off his busy schedule to to holiday with his only grandchild…”  
“Does Adalind know?”  
“No, I didn’t want to get her hopes up. She needs to focus on her son. We can’t have anything go wrong; she may not be able to handle it. You are going to have to stay here until I get back.”  
“Can you trust this intel, I’m not so trusting of anything these days, not after what almost happened the last time you and Adalind put your faith in the FBI.”  
“Nick what did I say to you about worrying? I have to do this, it may be the only shot we have for a long while to come.” He wasn’t convinced but he bit his tongue.  
“Alright, just be careful. I have several days of leave pending that I can claim now. After my run in with Renard, I don’t know if he’ll agree. It doesn’t matter anyway. I can spare a few days…just be safe out there.” Nick said.  
“Always. I love you, my sweet beautiful baby boy, remember that.” She pressed her lips on his cheek.  
“I love you too.” He hugged her goodbye, holding her more tightly than ever. He had missed his mother growing up and he didn’t like saying goodbye to her even if it was only for a few days. He watched her get in her truck and pull out of the garage, disappearing around the bend before the steel door rolled down again, shutting out all of Portland. 

He flung open the elevator door and entered the warm loft. Every time he came there, it felt homier than the last. He smelled a fresh pot of coffee to his right; he felt the warmth of the sun peering through Adalind’s bedroom windows. The loft didn’t look nor feel as cold as the day his mother instructed him to bring Adalind when Sean almost caught them at the hospital. 

As he placed his boon on the dining table in the middle, he saw that Adalind wasn’t in bed, “Adalind?” He called out her name but she didn’t respond. He called a second time and still no response. Suddenly fear gripped his heart. He ran into the bedroom, she wasn’t there. He quickly gazed round the loft, there was no sign of her in sight. It wasn’t possible for Sean to have found her this quickly, his mind exploded with a million thought, all of which not good. Nick was being irrational, his mother was just there a minute ago and she didn’t act out of the ordinary. It was the opportune time as Adalind stepped out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel that barely covered all of her, hair dripping wet, she’d been showering.   
“There you are, thank God!” He rushed to her and in relief engulfing her in his arms, grateful that his worst fears hadn’t come to pass.   
“Uh…Nick…” His impromptu hug caught her by total surprise, causing her towel to become undone but their pressed bodies kept it from falling, leaving her completely exposed.   
“I’m sorry…” he said after a long moment as he realised what he was doing. He released her, catching her towel before it could reveal more than he needed to see. “I called you name and when you didn’t answer, I kind of lost it.” he admitted, a little embarrassed by his overreaction.  
“I’m sorry I scared you. I was in the shower; I thought Kelly would have told you. She waited for you down below.” She said as she attempted to cover herself with her towel. He could see her embarrassment over its rather short length. It didn’t leave much to the imagination. “Excuse me; I thought I’d be finished by the time you got here.” She apologised for her manner of undress. Nick turned his head in an effort to put her at ease.   
“No need…I practically mowed you down and almost undressed you. I didn’t… it wasn’t my intention.” He flushed redder than Adalind just thinking about what almost and could have happened had he not moved quick enough to hold her towel in place. A familiar heat crept slowly over him. He rocked in place in an attempt to stave off the stirring in his lower extremities. It wasn’t helping much so he moved to the kitchen area and poured himself a cup of coffee. When he turned around, Adalind had already ran to hide in her room.   
“Idiot,” he admonished himself as he looked at the half mast down his pants. He was acting like a teenager unable to control himself in front of a beautiful woman and Adalind was beautiful; her rosy cheeks…full lips and her full breast pressed ever to slightly against his chest. She’d always been beautiful but now, he found her too alluring. Two days, three at the most, that’s how long his mother would be gone. That’s how long he’d be at the loft, alone with Adalind at the mercy of his desires. It’s not even five minutes and already his body reacted tellingly to the first sight of her dripping wet, drawing very illicit images in his head. Nick would not last one day, let alone three whole days in this confined space.

Adalind opened the sliding doors, seeking him out. She turned the colour of beetroot when her eyes locked with his, quickly darting them away to land on the table between them. She was dressed very modestly in warm bedclothes, good, he sighed I relief. Nick didn’t want a repeat of the last five minutes replaying uninhibited.   
“What are you doing up? You should be in bed.” He said.  
“I will be…is that breakfast?” Her lips curled in anticipation. He poured her some fresh juice.  
“I don’t know how you could eat that, it’s like begging to have diabetes.” Her face lightened up even more, knowing he brought her the sticky buns she loved so much. She really was beautiful, especially when she smiled, he thought as he hid his own from her. When did making Adalind Schade smile become his favourite thing to do in the world? He literally could count on one hand the number of times he’d seen her in past (almost) nine months and it didn’t make any sense. It was impossible to comprehend, that maybe he felt more for this woman that he originally thought.   
“It’s a small piece of heaven on earth, trust me…” She took a step down towards the bakery bag on the table.”  
“Uh-uh, what do you think you’re doing? You know the doctor’s orders. Now turn around and march straight on to that big soft bed and lie down.”   
“Yes sir, whatever you want Officer Burkhardt…” she said in a tone that was sweet, playful…bordering dangerously close to seductive. Nick was all too familiar with Adalind’ seductive prowess, especially when she called him “Office Burkhardt” in the past. She knew how to press his buttons. He no longer had Juliette as a screen between them and they weren’t on opposite sides anymore. They were having a baby together, he thought. His lower member stirred up once more at the image of a naked Adalind writhing under him. He shook his head trying to clear away the thought and thinking of the first homicide case he worked in an effort to douse his slowly rising erection…three whole days…

He found her in bed, as he ordered; too bad his mind wasn’t so easily ruled. He placed the inappropriate ‘breakfast’ on her bedside table and turned to leave.   
“You’re leaving me already?” he heard the disappointment in her voice.  
“You need your rest…”  
“Which I will get to right after I have eaten, until then…I uh…I would like the pleasure of your company.” She said with a shy smile, almost as if she was afraid to speak the words, expecting his rejection. He could say no. Somehow, he’d fallen into a dangerous trap of his own making and after his morning encounter with Renard, his Captain was stalking at his feet, having smelled fresh blood. Nick had to say no and leave her to eat her sticky buns by herself, for everyone’s sake.  
“Okay. I’m not exactly good company at the moment and I won’t stay more than necessary. You have to rest.” She flashed him another smile in gratitude. Damn, there was no way he could ever deny her after that. Something was clearly wrong with him.  
He grabbed a chair, placing it by one of the windows that looked down on the street below. He could watch the street and watch her at the same time. Adalind took her first bite, closing her eyes as she savoured the taste. She moaned in pleasure, which only made him more uncomfortable. She turned to him, flushing only just a little when she realised that her eating her sticky bun sounded more like she was having the best sex of her life.  
“Aren’t you going to have some?” She asked him.  
“No, that’s all for you. I already had breakfast at Monroe’s.”  
“How are Monroe and Rosalee?” She asked after the silence between them grew.  
“Good…”   
“That’s good to hear…” They both fell silent once again, counting their words. It was awkward.   
They didn’t know how to be around each other in a normal way. There wasn’t a shortage of words when they were opposing one another. She always knew what to say to get under his skin and he always knew what to say to put her in her place but they hated each other back then. The only time when they didn’t struggle for words was the night they conceived their son but they were both three sheets to the wind, no such luck now in the quiet loft.  
“This is weird.” She confessed as he focused on the deserted road below.  
“Did you say something?” He turned his head to face her.  
“This…us…. Don’t you think it’s weird, how we got here?”  
“I guess…” She was right.   
“We’re having a baby and we don’t even know each other. I mean I know you’re a detective and you know I am a lawyer. Technically, you know a lot about me and I think I know a lot about you but at the same time, I don’t think I know you, who you are as a person that is the father of my baby. Does that make any sense?”  
“I think so.” He said without animation. “It is weird but that’s probably because we skipped a bunch of steps to get here.” He folded his arms across his chest.  
“Boy did we ever?” It was a rhetorical question. “Do you think it’s possible that we can start over?”  
“Start over…?”  
“You know…like boy meets girl type of starting over.” She clarified.  
“I don’t know.”  
“Can we try, at least for our son’s sake? Let’s pretend for a second that I am not the bitch that made your life a living hell for all those years and that you are not the man that almost had me locked up several times and even wished I was dead.”  
“I’ve never wished you were dead.” She gave him a pointed look, “Okay…maybe I did…once but I don’t wish that now.” He admitted, feeling guilty for ever wanting her dead. It was the truth, but now he’d cut off his limb just to keep her safe.  
“Hello, my name is Adalind Schade, an out of practice lawyer…nice to meet you.” She stuck out her right hand towards him.  
“This is ridiculous…” He replied instead. What was this going to achieve? They weren’t exactly meeting each other for the first time.   
“Come on Nick, just humour me a little. I’ll repeat….Hello, my name is Adalind Schade, I am an out of practice lawyer…it is nice to meet you.” She coaxed him.   
“Ok fine, I will play your little game, if it gets you to finally rest.” He huffed. She squealed over her victory over his sullenness.  
“Hello, my name is Adalind Schade, an out of practice lawyer…nice to meet you.”  
“Hi, my name is Detective Nicholas Burkhardt…” He felt very stupid.  
“…And…?”  
“It’s nice to meet you,” she dragged it out of him as she grabbed his hand for a firm shake. It was weird but he didn’t regret putting that pretty smile on her pretty face. It should have put an end to their conversation but they ended up talking for another hour or three, he lost count after the second one passed. The loft wasn’t filled with awkward silences any more. She laughed hysterically when he told her about his failed attempt to get to third base for the first time, the humiliation; thankfully, his aunt moved them to another city before he could discover he was the talk of the whole school. Becky Austen was a kiss and tell type of girl; he knew she would share his lack of prowess with the entire student body.  
“Well, it couldn’t be worse than me. I didn’t kiss a guy until I was in college, it was my second year and Norman Seymour was the definition of a greek god, at least that’s what I thought. Let’s just say after our first kiss I kept having nightmares of snakes tonguing me. It went on for days. It was most unpleasant but any stretch of imagination. I avoided him like a plague until he cornered me after class this one day. He tried kissing me…worst mistake on his part. I kneed him in his family’s jewels. Suffice to say we haven’t spoken once since that day and we shared classes for the rest of that year and the next.” Nick burst out laughing.   
He could picture the scene as it happened, he didn’t mean to laugh so hard at her mishap but she was right. His story was nothing compared to hers. They traded a few more tales of past. He told her she he couldn’t keep her up any longer.   
“I know…but we were having such a great time.” She complained.  
“There’ll be other times, I promise.” He assured her. His phone began to vibrate in his pocket, followed by a ring. He pulled it out, quickly glancing at Meiner’s name. “I need to take this, now rest.” He ordered as he walked out, closing the doors behind him.  
“Hey, what’s the latest?”  
“I’m afraid I don’t have good news.”  
“What do you mean? Did Renard move Diana, did he know we were getting close?” he spied Adalind’s bedroom doors, checking to see if she was listening in on his conversation. If something went wrong and Sean got wind that they were on to him, that they knew where he had hidden his daughter, he’d no doubt act quickly, taking her to the far ends of the earth if he had to, just to keep Adalind away from her.   
“Renard knew…somehow. I don’t know how else to say this.” Meisner sounded too serious for Nick’s liking.   
“Just say it already.” Nick couldn’t take the suspense any longer.   
“It’s your mother. We lost contact with her about an hour ago.”  
“What the hell do you mean you lost contact?” This wasn’t happening, not again, Nick thought desperately.  
“We were tracking her on her way to Frederick Renard’s holiday home in The Hamptons…but she deviated, changed directions, maybe someone was on to her…” Nick hung up and dialled his mother’s number immediately. It went straight to voice mail. He tried again, same thing. He tried again and again and again, but still no change. Meisner called him after his umpteenth time of trying to locate his mother.   
“Nick, I am doing everything I can to find Kelly. She’s an incredible asset to the FBI…”  
“She’s my mother!” he yelled into his phone and he saw Adalind’s worried face peek through the doors to look at him. This couldn’t be happening, he kept thinking. He just found his mother…. He noted.   
“I am aware of that; I can fly you out there in an hour. I already have people on the ground in the last location we tracked, Rhinebeck, NY. We’re still triangulating the exact location…” Nick’s heart dropped. Rhinebeck, New York. That is where they used to live, years ago before the accident…  
Juliette…No, she would never, plus she didn’t know his mother was alive. He expelled the thought as quickly as it appeared in his mind. He told Meisner he’s be at the airport in forty minutes and hung up.  
“Nick, what’s going on?” Adalind asked with fear written all over her face.  
“Something happened to my mother.”   
“Is she okay?”  
“I don’t know. She’s gone missing. I’m flying with Meisner to the last place they tracked her.”  
“Do you think Sean is behind this?”  
“No, it’s probably nothing; I’m just going to go look for her. She’s probably laying low…” He lied.  
“You’re lying. I can see it on your face that something is seriously wrong. You’re trying to make me feel better, it’s not working.”  
“I’m going to call Monroe, asking him and Rosalee to keep you company for a couple of hours.” He couldn’t worry about his mother and Adalind at the same time, he had to choose. He dialled his friend’s number.   
“Hey Buddy, everything okay?’  
“Monroe, I need to ask you a favour. Can you look after Adalind for me, just for a few hours? Something’s come up and I can’t get out of it.”  
“Uhm…okay…” This was unexpected and dangerous for them all.  
“I’m going to bring her over. She can’t be alone right now and there’s no one else I trust.”  
“Alright Nick, you can bring her by, I’ll tell Rosalee.”  
“And another thing, Juliette cannot find out about this, not one peep.”  
“She won’t.” Monroe assured him.  
It was a massive risk, Juliette could decide to patch things up with Rosalee and if she ever suspected Adalind was holed up in his friends’ house, Nick didn’t want to imagine what could happen, it was already bad enough with his mother missing, and Juliette’s ominous threat about knowing how to pay him back for Adalind. It was too much of a coincidence.   
“Thanks man.” He hung up and turned to Adalind. “Are you okay staying at Monroe’s. for a little bit?” He only then asked her.  
“Is Kelly in danger?” He didn’t answer her.  
“Look Adalind, I don’t have time. I need to drop you off at Monroe’s. I don’t have any other choice and you cannot be alone right now, the baby is coming in a few days…” He tried to explain the impossible situation he found himself suddenly.  
“Okay…” she said with an equally heavy heart.   
Nick wasted no time, he quickly grabbed whatever he could that she needed and helped her down into the Cruiser and prayed.

*/*/*

It has been years since Nick drove down the NY 199 road. Everything looked so different and not so different at the same time. They were driving down a long stretch of road where accidents were prone to happen, and on a particular day, one such accident was no accident at all. He was going home. He didn’t say anything to Meiser, perhaps a little hope in him desperately clinging to life.   
“This is where we lost the signal. Thompson said he was close to pinpointing Kelly’s cell phone since it was the last one to go radio silent, after the tracker. ” Meisner told him as he kept driving.   
“Take a right here, into Montgomery,” Nick said simply. Meisner looked at him questioningly. It was pointless to delay the inevitable. “I’m only going home.” That was enough for Meisner to follow his lead. He gave him further instruction as they drove past house after house that he recognised. One of which used to belong to his childhood best friend. Tommy Gendt was his name or was it Timmy Gerdt, he couldn’t remember for sure, so much time had passed. His memories of Rhinebeck were so jumbled up but there was one impossible to forget. 

Nick watched his old neighbourhood pass him by, remembering the past but dreading those memories resurfacing because he knew where they led. He’d known the second he heard Meisner’s voice on the phone. Nick told Meisner to make a last turn and drive to the house furthest down the road.

Nick had left Adalind in Rosalee’s care. He wasn’t left any other choice. She didn’t know any of his friends and they didn’t know her other than what she tried to do to him years ago, that and the fact that she was pregnant with his child, however that happened. He told them about his mother gone missing but he did his best to play it down for Adalind’s sake more than his own. 

Adalind had learnt to depend on his mother much more than him. He was too grown and independent, able to take care of himself but Adalind was fragile because of everything that happened since Diana. He couldn’t imagine the hard life she’s lived in the two years since she turned her back on her former lover. He shifted wearily in the passenger seat at the thought of Adalind and Renard, why should it bother him? It was in the past and he wasn’t with Adalind for it to matter one way or another. Meisner pulled up outside his old house and cut off the engine. 

The street was bathed in eerie darkness, it was a new moon that night and having passed zero working street lights, they had to rely on a measly starlit partly cast light from the stars in the sky and their flashlights. A “FOR SALE” sign explained why there were no lights in the old house, but what about the neighbours…. He pulled out his weapon, and began walking down the curving driveway. A text from Thompson confirmed to Meisner that they were in his mother’s last known location. Meisner indicated he’d try the back door as Nick stepped onto the porch that now seemed smaller than when he remembered it.

He tried the brass knob, turning it in his hand. The door gave way too easily.  
“Mom!” he called out, certain she was in there somewhere. The house was depressingly silent…and it reeked of death. He slipped on some latex gloves he always had stuffed somewhere in his person, just in case. They were walking into a crime scene; that much was obvious. Nick steeled himself, expecting to find the worst. He felt the switch on the side of the door, flicked it up and down…nothing. He couldn’t see much except suspicious dark marks on the floor, which he did his best to avoid stepping over them. The spotlight from his flashlight hampered his progress but he had to be cautious, acting more like a detective than a worried son. He slowly made his past his living area towards the interior of the house. 

He and Meisner met in the centre, having found nothing in the front of the house, including his old kitchen. They made for the doors along the passage, clearing the rooms one at a time until finally, the master bedroom. Nick went in first and the smell was all the more pungent and he didn’t miss the blood stained wall to his left. He ran his finger lightly over the blood, it was maybe two hours old. He didn’t take another step into his parent’s room, not wanting to contaminate any evidence.

“I’ll go find the circuit breaker,” Meisner left him where he stood. Nick’s heart beat ferociously against his chest, vacillating between fear for his mother and twisted hope that this blood belonged to someone else. It did nothing to calm him down. And just like that, light swallowed the darkness, blinding him momentarily. After his eyes adjusted and pushed the door further into the room, a horrific sight confronted him. There were blood stains everywhere, on the walls, on the floor, even on the ceiling but no body. Meisner eventually joined him, if he was shocked by what he saw, he didn’t show it. Someone died in this room and horribly so.

Neither of them spoke as they observed the empty room, making note that the killing took place there but the blood lead out into the passage, in the direction they came. Nick followed them down the hall, back into the living area, he’d originally dismissed earlier. The droplets led to the corner by the fireplace, pooling underneath a singular box, the only content in the empty house. He carefully pulled back the overlapping flaps and screamed a blood-chilling cry like nothing before. Not even as a child learning of his parent’s accident. “NO! NO! NO!” he bellowed desperately, devastated. His mother’s head lay bloodied and bruised at the bottom of the box, as if gift wrapped only for him to find. 

Meisner called it in; the police arrived hardly five minutes after the rest of Meisner’s team arrived. Nick had managed to compose himself, hanging on by a thread, as the crime scene investigators combed the whole house. The FBI and the local police duelled over jurisdiction. Meisner insisted on taking charge of everything since the victim was one of his “own” but the Rhinebeck Police put up a good fight, as the crime happened in their town but they lost that battle eventually. By the end of the night, the FBI had taken full control when it was apparent there were more victims from the neighbouring houses along the street. They were killed roughly about the same time as his mother, according to the coroner’s estimation, explaining why it was so dark driving down the road to the house. 

Nick spent the rest of the night answering question after question, half of which he didn’t have answers to. He could barely breathe despite the crisp fresh air filling his lungs. He wanted to be sick. He knew something was amiss after his mother told him her plans. What happened? Was she ambushed? Was it a trap and set by whom? Renard, somehow he must have detected the FBI closing in on Diana. He’d given her to his father’s care and they’d successfully kept her well hid until this one chance used to lure the FBI, his mother, into a possible trap.

He tracked Meisner and demanded to know where Diana was at the moment.   
“Where is she? You lead my mother all the way to New York; I want to know everything that she knew, everything that you know. I know she was supposedly vacation in the Hamptons with her grandfather, that doesn’t explain why my mother ended up in Rhinebeck, miles away from her target. I want answers and I want them now!”  
“This is not the time Burkhardt.”  
“This is the goddam time, answer me!”  
“Alright…but let’s talk somewhere more private.” Meisner lead him further from the house, though he shouldn’t have bothered. Whatever infor he had, it was everything Kelly had shared with Nick, in their little time together earlier that day. According Meisner, only three people knew of Diana accompanying Frederick to the Hamptons, his closest source to Frederick, Meisner and Kelly.”  
“This so called source, how much do you trust him or her, because of the three of you, it’s only my mother who is dead.”  
“I trust them with my life. I know it’s small comfort at the moment but Kelly trusted me implicitly and trusted my source by extention” Nick scoffed. “I would never have risked your mother’s life over a half a baked lead, never. Something went wrong but I guaranteed you Burkhartd, it was not from our side. My team had one task and that was to trace a device’s gps location and a cell phone. They didn’t know it was Kelly’s, they have never even met her. I was the only one who knew of her deviation from course.”  
“That doesn’t answer why she ended up so far up North, landing almost 200 miles from where you said Diana was. My mother is dead and I need to know why!” He was furious. Nick understood now why Adalind chose to go it alone, the smaller the circle of trust, the less chance of people ending up dead. He didn’t care for Meisner’s excuses, his operation had gone horribly wrong. Someone was responsible for betraying his mother in service to Sean Renard and he would not rest until he found them.

*/*/*

Nick’s mind and body was wrecked as he hailed a taxi from the airport to take him to Monroe’s. He hadn’t slept a wink in twenty-seven hours. He still couldn’t believe his mother was gone. How cruel fate was, taking her from him at the age of twelve and then bringing her back only to take her again in a fortnight? He’d been suckered big time and he was drowning in an ocean of grief, and fury. His mother was gone, for good this time. 

Monroe opened the door before he could knock.   
“Dude, welcome back and judging from the way you look, it’s not good is it?” he’s friend led him inside the house.   
“Well, I found my mother…or at least a…part of her.” He couldn’t get the words out without relieving that horrific discovery over again in his mind. He could see every detail, from the blood stained walls, to his mother and the marks of a terrible beating she suffered that explained all that blood in her former bedroom. The coroner said the lacerations on her face were likely caused by blunt force trauma, explaining the blood splatters. She fought her attackers to her last breath. They took samples of the blood, hoping to find a different genetic marker, hopefully belonging to her attacker(s), that would help in catching them bring them to justice.   
“Oh Nick…I am so sorry.” Rosalee said when she saw his haggard appearance behind her husband tall frame. She ran into Nick’s heavy leaden arms he could hardly lift to return the embrace. He looked as badly as he felt. “You look like you haven’t slept in days…are you sure it was her? Maybe…” she released him ushering him to one of the the sofas while Monroe went into the kitchen to brew a pot of tea.   
“No Rosalee…it was her. There was no mistaking her head.” He felt his eyes brim with unshed tears.   
“Ohmigod!” She exclaimed in horror. “Nick this is so terrible, I can’t imagine what you must be going through right now.”  
“We think it was a trap, nothing else makes sense. Where’s Adalind?’ He asked suddenly as if he’d remembered something his mind had forgotten years ago.  
“Adalind’s fine. She’s finally sleeping. I checked on her just a minute ago.” Rosalee tried to reassure him but he wasn’t moved. Adalind was “finally” asleep, which meant she hasn’t been able to rest since he flew to New York the day before. He felt horrible, for what she must have went through with worry. Now he must tell her of Kelly’s death, there’d be no last minute save like on the night of the fire. Adalind was co close to birth, this was the last thing any of them needed.   
“I have to see her…” He didn’t wait for permission and began climbing the stairs two at a time, afraid that he may find a scene no different from what he saw in New York.  
“Nick…” he heard Rosalee call out to him but he was already outside the guest room door. He actually froze and listened to his erratic heart beating, so unsure he was of himself suddenly. He finally opened the door, stepped in and found Adalind exactly as Rosalee said, sleeping. He saw her chest heave up and down with each breath she took. He closed the door behind him wishing to shut away all those that meant them harm, slowly taking one step after another heavy step to her side. He needing to feel his son, who’d be born in a matter of a week, born into a violent and deadly world where he’ll never know peace so long as Sean Renard was alive. He pulled back the covers and saw the little jerks over her belly, and instinctively cradled his precious son.   
Her eyes flew wide open at his touch. “Nick, you’re home…” She was surprised but relieved. He helped her up as she tried to raise herself to sit up.   
“I didn’t mean to wake you. I just wanted to see you…to make sure everything was alright with you two.”  
“Did you find her? Is Kelly back home with you?” He choked as he detected the hope in her voice. It undid his own resolve to stay strong for them both. His hesitation was all the answers she didn’t want to hear. Hot tears marked her already tired face. They made such a pair the two of them, bereft at the unconscionable loss they were dealt too soon. Nick could hardly bear to see her crying, his face straining with tears he refused to shed after that initial outbreak when he made the gruesome discovery.   
“I am so sorry Nick. It is my fault. She wouldn’t tell me but I suspected where she was going. It’s my fault your mother is gone.” She didn’t wail or cry ugly tears. It wasn’t her loss she expressed but personal guilt over his. She would always remember that his mother died trying to bring back her first child. It didn’t matter to Adalind that is wasn’t her fault, she owned a burden that wasn’t hers to carry. 

He didn’t know what to do, whether to leave her to her tears to deal with his own or to take her in his arms and comfort her, not a lot of good it would do her when he felt so empty himself. He had no soothing words, nothing; except to take her hand in his and try to let her know he didn’t blame her. His mother had made a promise that she would be there for them, looking forward to the birth of her first grandchild…. Nick lost all composure and cried bitterly. He didn’t care that it was in front of Adalind, no one but she could ever understand what he had lost. Adalind pulled him to her bosom where Nick poured out his broken heart. “Shhh…it’s alright Nick…just let it all out…You will get through this…it…it will be okay. It has to be.” she comforted him in the midst of her own pain, her tears mingling with his own.

When he eventually emptied all of himself, his tears all cried out, she made room for him to join her in the tiny bed, pulling back the covers and wrapped them both. He was the little spoon to her big spoon, not an easy feat with her pregnant belly between then but he was too weary to do anything about it. Now they were one. He closed his eyes and hardened his heart, finally sleeping to thoughts of destroying Sean Renard.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is written from both POVs. I think it will be better to do away with individual POVs altogether for the upcoming chapters. It will keep me from repeating things especially between Nick and Adalind.

Chapter 8

She couldn’t believe Kelly was really gone. The look on Nick’s face when she asked him if he found his mother broke her in two. He looked so lost, so defeated. In the years she’s known him, he was this strong immovable force that could take on anything…anyone even when he was outmatched, outgunned Nick always came out on top. When he was knocked down, Nick was never out for the count. Kelly’s death broke him somehow and she hated seeing him like this. 

She held him close when the levees broke and his body shook to its core, no longer able to hold his emotions in check. Adalind did the only thing she could. She held him in her arms to comfort him; a man that used to be her enemy, a man that was now the father of her baby, a man who awoke inside of her a well of desires so deep she couldn’t comprehend. As deep as her own pain was in losing Kelly all over again, it couldn’t compare to Nick’s pain…his loss.

Grief and sleep eventually claimed them both and they laid in that bed in each other’s arms, the weight too much to bear. Morning turned to noon turned to night but nothing else changed. Adalind opened her eyes in the darkened room. She could hear and feel Nick’s strong heart beating beneath her ear, where she laid her head, using him as a pillow. Sometime in the night or maybe the day, they’d swapped position. He covered her in the shelter of his arms, holding her and his baby to his side. She felt his hand caressing her but when she looked up at him she saw his eyes remained closed. She also felt the weight of his leg entangled over hers when taking stock of their set up.

Adalind allowed herself to enjoy this unguarded moment between them. She didn’t know what the world would be like once he woke. She felt like a thief, enjoying a sweet stolen moment but it could last too long, too much had happened between them and around them to ever enjoy this moment. Was there even a word to describe her situation, falling in love with a man whose life she helped to destroy one way or another? She was impossibly in love with Nick Burkhardt and her heart was heavier than she’d ever felt in her entire life.

There is a million songs written and sang every day about love, about how good it feels, how good it makes a person feel but she didn’t feel good at all. Love felt suffocating because she couldn’t breathe every time Nick’s steely grey eyes rested on her. Love was a nightmare because nothing scared her more than the thought of Nick not loving her back; how could he love her? She was Adalind freaking Schade! Nobody loved her, not Sean and certainly not her mother. They all used her to further their own selfish needs and to make themselves feel better by bringing her down.

Love was cutting up massive chunks of her heart and giving them away, leaving her all hollow inside and that hurt a lot without the one she loved cutting off equalling big chunks of theirs to fill that empty void in hers. As she laid in his arms memorising the rhythm of his heart, she wished more than anything that it belonged to her, that he would give it to her as she had easily given him hers. He was the definition of perfection; whether as a cop or a man and soon to be father, yes, he was going to be a great father, she was sure of it. She already pictured him with their son.

Unlike her, he had a kind heart. He was patient, self-assured, beautiful inside and out, everything she wasn’t. He was almost too good to be true. Adalind curled the fingers of the hand she surreptitiously placed over Nick’s hard abs, fighting the temptation to slip her hand under his shirt to map the contours of his well-formed body. She felt like a starving man in front of a buffet given instructions not to taste any of the delectable foods before him. She had to get away from him, from this sweet embrace she didn’t know she craved so badly until now.

The first thing she did was to free her limb from under his, ignoring the tingles of pleasure pooling at the centre of where body connected with his, not too far from what she desired the most since returning to Portland. Adalind unwillingly pulled herself from the safety of his arms but he quickly held her, keeping her by his side, firm against him.  
“Where are you going?” he asked with a voice barely heavy with sleep. She felt trapped and not because of the arm that curled behind to her lower back drawing her deeper against him. She was drunk with need for Nick Burkhardt and he was possibly drunk with sorrow, clinging to the only available body within his grasp for comfort. It felt like heaven being in his arms but she couldn’t help but feel the danger of staying there.  
“I…I need the bathroom.” She excused herself, removing herself from his grasp with greater determination. Adalind grabbed her robe and covered herself with the extra layer of clothing before she waddled out of the near dark bedroom, away from Nick…away from her own feelings. Their situation was getting out of control. She didn’t return to Portland to pursue a relationship with the father of her baby. She came for his protection knowing he would do the right thing because that was the type of man he was, a man that didn’t hesitate to do the right thing.

She locked herself in the bathroom for what seemed like an eternity, coming out only when she realised she couldn’t hide in the confined space forever and the fact that her body demanded the soft folds of the place she readily escaped just minutes ago. She felt ridiculous, hiding in the bathroom but she couldn’t face the alternative. Once upon a time she would have revelled being in this situation, taking advantage of a grieving Nick to get what she wanted. He was vulnerable and in pain. He wasn’t thinking clearly and despite the hunger she felt for the man, she needed to keep a clear head. Marking the boundaries between them, they shared this baby and at the moment, that included Monroe’s unbelievably tiny double bed but nothing else, she thought. She’d keep things that way.

She returned to find Nick unmoved from the spot she left him; his right hand sprawled across the empty space she occupied before making her hasty exit. She disrobed and gently lifted Nick’s heavy arm away from her, depositing it somewhere on his person. She got under the covers but faced away from him, leaving as much space between the two of them without tipping over to the floor beside her. She didn’t move let alone breath for a very long time. She only listened…waited to be sure he was sound asleep. When he didn’t move only then did she relax but sleep would not come. 

They didn’t touch but the heat radiated from his body like a furnace setting her ablaze. There was no way she’d ever sleep now.

*/*/*

She slipped through his fingers, groping in almost total darkness like she was trying to get as far away from him as humanly possible in her condition. He asked her where she was going. He didn’t want her to leave his side but didn’t know how else to say it. He had no right to ask her anything, no right to expect anything from her. What did he even want from her? Was it friendship because her presence was oddly comforting? His mother was gone, she was the only person who understood what he was going through but he felt bad because she had not found the same comfort in him he did in her, choosing instead to run to the privacy of a bathroom.

He stretched out his arm to feel the warmth in the spot she vacated. He could smell her lingering scent, citrusy with a hint of jasmine. Nick inhaled deeply, filling his lungs with her flowery traces. If he felt bad before, he felt even worse now for wanting her as anything more than what was allowed, he wanted her as a man longed after a woman. His body stirred as he thought of touching her, kissing her…things that had nothing to do with his mother. He’d been awake for an hour or so before Adalind, enjoying the feel of her body so close to his. It calmed him. He was at peace for the first time in a very long time. He knew it wouldn’t last, that he couldn’t shut the world out and simply enjoy that moment in life. Renard wouldn’t let him. 

Something completely unexpected was happening, he wanted Adalind to be a part of his life, as more so than just the mother to his unborn child. How did he even get there? He couldn’t help making mental notes between Adalind and Juliette and felt shallow for it, reducing the two women down to how they made him feel. For the longest time he went through the motions with Juliette. Their relationship had evolved so much over the years and not for the better. He tried to think back to the time he felt for Juliette even a tenth of the desire he now felt for Adalind and came up empty. That unsettled him because he was with Juliette for a very long time and even thought of marrying her. 

His mother had asked him about his feelings for Adalind and he vehemently denied them because it didn’t make sense to have any kind of feelings for her other than tolerance after their past. However, Kelly saw something he wasn’t ready to admit. And now that he could admit his feelings, at least to himself, tragedy struck. It robbed him of his mother just days before the birth of his son. It hit him hard to realise Kelly wouldn’t be there for him nor his son as she hoped. 

When Renard threatened him not with Juliette but with Adalind, Nick had lost it. He’d rushed back to the loft in delirious frenzy just to be with Adalind. And not that he had reason to trust anything Renard said about Adalind no longer needing to fear him (he was the reason she even came out of hiding in the first place because he’d never stopped tormenting her), Nick’s feelings for Adalind, feelings he didn’t believe he had, had made her an even more irresistible target for Renard. The man boldly made his intentions clear to Nick, so Nick reacted in kind. 

But it wasn’t Adalind that Renard went after. It was Kelly. How did even know about her? The peace he felt only moments ago evaporated as thoughts of his mother filled his head and crushed his heart. Nick felt like he was split in two. The one half, basked in the sweet light of day with the imminent birth of his son and the possibilities that came with it but he couldn’t even let himself to find joy in that because the other half of Nick was steeped in a violent dance of death with Renard. 

His Captain had come after his aunt and failed, he came after the woman he loved (at the time) and failed again but now on his third attempt, he finally found his target in killing Nick’s mother. Adalind was worse off now than if she’d stayed away from him. Nick attracted death everywhere he and until Renard was completely out of his life, Adaling and his son were not safe. Nick agonised over the solution staring him in the face and that meant missing out on the chance to know his son and exploring his ever growing feelings for Adalind….

She returned from the bathroom and snuck back into the bedroom. He could hear every cautious step she took towards the bed. He didn’t make a move, expecting her to slip back into his arms but she didn’t. She moved his hand away and covered herself, with her back turned towards him. Adalind made sure their bodies didn’t dare touch. It was for the best, he thought. It was safer that way but his fingers thought otherwise, they itched to feel her. He could extend easily his hand and pull her towards him, to hold her close like before, she was so close but he stayed his hand, curling it into a fist instead. Crossing this line was impossible and yet wanted nothing more than to do it. If only they met under different circumstances…

Adalind had come to him for protection but he was nothing more than a dangerous complication for her and their child together. His own mother did for her what he couldn’t do and she has paid the price for it. It became clearer to Nick that he couldn’t give Adalind what she needed, not because he didn’t want to or was incapable but because being with Nick was a danger all on its own. He was a magnet to Renard’s deadly tendencies and no matter how much he longed to feel her body pressed against him, trailing kisses along her neck and tasting her, feeling his child between them, it could never happen. 

Tomorrow, he decided, he’d find a permanent solution to their predicament and distance himself from her permanently which meant distancing himself from the child he would never know, never get to hold, never get to kiss him goodnight or teach him to play ball…all for his sake. His son would live and grow old but away from his father, like he grew up without his mother. Nick couldn’t miss the irony of his situation. He was indeed his mother’s son. 

However, it wasn’t morning yet…and against his better judgement, he reached out to Adalind, giving her a fright.  
“Come here,” he gently pulled her towards him. She tensed up at first but he quickly felt her body melt into his. “Let me hold you for just tonight.” He said when she craned her head to face him in the dark, her glittering eyes questioning him. If he was giving her up completely, he’d at least have this night, he thought.  
“Are you alright?” she asked with concern in her voice. It was now or never. He leaned down in the darkness and planted his lips ever so gently against her. He’d caught by surprise (again) as her gasp disappeared between his lips. The kiss was chaste and sweet. It lasted no longer than a moment but brimming with so much feeling. It took everything in him to hold his composure.  
“I am now.” He told her with sincerity.  
“What was that for?” her voice trembled, he wasn’t sure whether from the cold night or from desire.  
“I apologise. I shouldn’t have kissed you.” He said, sensing her hesitation.  
“No…we shouldn’t…” She said but he heard a “but” in her tone, recognising the opening he honestly didn’t expect and pressed down on her lips for a second time but with much more vigour. He kissed her again, his passion boiling over and when he felt her respond, returning his kisses with equal fervour, Nick came undone at the seams. He rolled her on her back, planting her firmly between him and devouring her lips like a mad man. He groaned deep within when their tongues made contact, sucking and wrestling for dominion while his right hand slipped down her face, to her neck until the reach the sweet round mounds he loved so much. 

He could forget anything about their first night together but never Adalind’s ample breasts, how they looked bouncing in the moonlight, how much they filled his palms like they were created especially for his hands to discover. She moaned in his mouth as he began to squeeze the covered bud on the left and then the one on the right, raising them to full attention beneath Adalind’s lengthy night shirt. They had to stop, he thought but Adalind heaved her chest deeper into his hands in desperate need.  
“Oh…Nick…” she moaned his name and he saw stars as he pushed her further over the edge, her own arousal matching his. Earlier he longed to touch her and now he couldn’t stop to save his life. His hand snaked to the end of her shirt lifting it up her body, sending delicious waves over him at the thought of feeling Adalind’s bare skin beneath his fingertips.  
“I want you so badly right now…” He breathed into her. Impatiently, Adalind pulled over her shirt and chucked it over Nick’s head, exposing her naked torso before him. Nick wasted no time dipping his head over her chest and capturing her very full breast between his lips. He felt Adalind’s hand threading his hair pulling him down on her. She almost cried out in consternation when he pulled back but he took the other breast in his mouth, and she cried out in pleasure instead. It made his head spin. 

Her body was singing for him and Nick’s control was slowly slipping over the edge. He took her mouth in his again. It tasted like a piece of heaven come down. He caressed her breasts thoroughly, and she began roil under his ministration. Nick’s hand swept over her belly and roundabout, heading further south at the apex of her (and his) pleasure mound. He tasted her every gasp and moan the closer he got. He reached his final destination, her breaths shortened as he fingered her folds through her delicate and wet underwear.  
She opened her eyes, looking straight into his and daring him further as he slipped behind the flimsy barrier. She winced in pleasure with every swirl, pinch and pull. By the time his fingers pushed their way into her, her walls collapsed around his thick digits. He watched her eyes close with a satisfied smile curling her lips. It was too soon but worth price of admission, he thought playfully.  
“That was…” She said breathlessly, reeling from her orgasm. But Nick was distracted by his own throbbing pulse left unattended. He’d taken things too far, past the point of no return but watching Adalind come undone under him was worth it. Her hair clung to her sweaty brow, her red cheeks and full lips making it impossible to come down from his high without being satisfied. Suddenly a hand rested against his member feeling him through his thick jeans. He almost lost it when Adalind dug deeper springing him to life.  
“It’s your turn,” she said and unbuckled Nick’s belt but he stopped her.  
“No…the baby…” he said. Nick didn’t want to hurt her or his baby.  
“It’s okay. You are not going to hurt me or our baby.” She unzipped him and held him in her hand, feeling the full length of him. Nick wanted to protest but he closed his eyes instead, surrendering to her nimble soft hands. She fondled him, stroked him gently; Nick thought he would explode.  
“This would be so much easier without clothes getting in the way.” He agreed. She tried to pull down her underwear but he gently pushed her hands aside rolling in front of her resting his knees beside the bottom end of her legs. He slowly peeled back the little item of clothing, hungrily staring at the soft tufts of blond drawing him in. His erection jerked excitedly at the sight. He threw it aside once she was completely naked before, enjoying the view. He stripped down to his birthday suit as she watched unintentionally putting on a show for her viewing pleasure. The twinkle in her eye only made him want her more.  
“You are so beautiful,” he said as his eyes moved from her face and down her body. She turned red at the scrutiny but it was the truth.  
“Speak for yourself.” She blushed deeper. He climbed back atop of her thighs, making sure to hold his weight as he covered her belly, their child, with kisses. The ache below was almost raging but Nick chose rather to shower her with more attention, moving up to join her mouth, eventually. He quickly moved to her side, afraid of hurting their child. They kissed deeply, taking their time to explore each other. 

Adalind’s hand returned to feeling him, squeezing him senseless. She smiled at the effect she had on him. After stoking him to the point of oblivion, she turn her back to him arching it just so, sliding up and down his extended shaft as it teased her backside. She raised herself in anticipation. He fingered her a second time, stroking more rigorously whispering her name into her ear wanting her to hear how much he desired her, making her ready for him but Adalind, patient no longer, grabbed him from behind and guided him to her flaming core. 

Nick, taking the lead from her he plunged slow and then deeply into her sweet abyss. She hissed as he filled her. Nick waited a moment of two before pulling out and plunging deep within her again and again, repeating his actions slowly and meticulously while his hand played with her sensitive nub. It was glorious. She matched his every stroke, twisting her hips the deeper her went.  
“…Yessss…” She moaned.  
“Unghh!” He responded every time she moaned his name. He wasn’t going to last. He felt the tension build crescendoing as Adalind muffled her screams into her pillow. He hoped Monroe and Rosalee weren’t privy to their lovemaking. What would he say? He started pumping quicker with less control as he neared the end. He felt Adalind tighten around him in sweet ecstasy heralding his own blissful ending as his seed filled her to overflowing. He stroked her a few more times before he was completely spent. 

They didn’t move after, enjoying each other a few minutes more in their afterglow.  
“That was…amazing…” she turned to face him. He smiled back at her as he pulled out of her limp and satisfied. Adalind snuggled closer into him, already missing him. Nick enveloped her to him, nuzzling her neck sweetly. It was amazing. She was amazing. He kissed the top of her head and held her tight, committing this night to memory, every kiss and every touch. The way her tongue rolled as she spoke his name. 

By George, he loved her. Perhaps he’s always loved her even when she infuriated him working against him. Perhaps he loved her as his relationship with Juliette broke down year after year since the moment he laid eyes on her one sunny afternoon outside a coffee shop. Nick fell asleep to thoughts of Adalind and their time together leading to this night. This time he’d remember. When he dreamed of her, he wouldn’t mistake her for another woman. He would remember this night long after she was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up changing it as I was editing. Bear with me, I have never written mature sex scenes this detailed in my life. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

There was nothing like the cold light of day to shine a light on one’s mistakes. Nick had woken at first light to find a naked Adalind nestled against him, so it wasn’t a dream. A playback of the previous night’s activities made him warm in all the right places and because of Adalind. He had no regrets for everything that happened between them evidenced by him savouring the feel of her skin on his fingertips mapping circles up and down her arm. She felt so good and he wanted her again but the last night was a mistake, a delicious mistake never to be repeated again. 

Nick berated himself for his lack of control because he only managed to complicate their lives further. Staying away from her was easier when he believed he didn’t love her and that was a lifetime ago. If the last two weeks were anything to go by, he wouldn’t survive a day without her, not when he’d opened up his heart so completely to her. And could he really walk away from his child? Nick couldn’t explain the depth of his feelings for his son, whom he’d only known about a short while but loved him so completely. If anyone had told him a month ago that he’d practically be in love with Adalind Schade and look forward to being a father, he would have laughed in their face. 

Adalind stirred.   
“Hi,” she looked up at him smiling nervously.  
“Good morning, how are you feeling?” He asked her.  
“Mmm…wonderful. How about you?” She asked, self-conscious.  
He gave her a warm smile to put her at ease.  
“If anyone had said what we did last night was even a possibility, given how we met…”  
“No, I wouldn't have believed them either. Everything in our lives is so complicated, but last night, that all kind of went away.” He said thoughtfully.  
“It did, didn’t it? No regrets?” She asked.  
“No…”  
“I sense a ‘but’ somewhere in there.”  
He continued to hold her as the words tumbled in his head, struggling to formulate into coherent sentences that would crush the hope in her voice. He was loath to do so but it was necessary.  
“Oh no, you do regret it!” She pulled away from his hold covering her nakedness with the sheets and uncovering his, only just. He saw shame flood her delicate features, not what he intended.   
“Adalind…no, I don’t regret what we did. I…I loved every minute of it, if I could, I would take you in my arms right here and now but I can’t. We can’t…”   
She looked confused, at least that was a step up from her look of shame. “Adalind, you know me…everything I have been through. The day I took on Sean Renard, I didn’t have a clue what I opened myself to.” He tried to explain himself and pulled her back, not liking the distance between them suddenly. She didn’t make it easy on him. This was harder than he imagined.  
“Look, I was young and foolhardy. I thought I could fix the world and in the beginning it looked like I was until I placed those that I love at Renard’s mercy and you know better than anyone how that turned out. Not once was I afraid of Renard and what he could do to me, I could handle anything he threw my way, but I have never taken into account how the people in my life were vulnerable to that maniac.   
“Over the years, I’ve come out of this on-going battle with hardly a scratch; I can’t say the same for my family.” He tightened his hold around her and felt her squirm; no doubt thinking back to the part she played in all of it.   
“It’s my fault. How could you even look at me after all of that?” He heard the guilt in her voice.   
“Adalind please look at me,” he pleaded with her but she found her hands more deserving of her attention. Nick used his forefinger to lift her chin so their eyes met. He saw her fight to keep her tears in check. This wasn’t easy, their life wasn’t easy.  
“I’m not going to lie to you. I was very angry with you for everything you did but I am a detective so it stands to reason that I would detect just who was responsible for the attempts against my aunt and Juliette.”  
“Nick if I could take it all back, I would. I swear it.”  
“I know or else we wouldn’t be here right now. That’s what I am trying to say, if I could just find the right words instead causing you this unnecessary distress. Ugh…Renard discovered a way to hurt me by going after the people I love. He made it very clear to me the last time I saw him that you weren’t safe, at least not with me around. And my mother is now dead and we both know he’s behind her murder. How, I haven’t figured it out yet. I used to think that I could have it all, that I could do it all but I can no longer afford to be so selfish not with your lives at stake.” He cradled her closely.  
“This is sounding more and more like a ‘goodbye and for good’ speech. Are you leaving us?” He didn’t answer. “That can’t be since we aren’t really together despite last night but you’re leaving nonetheless. Or am I the one leaving?” She sounded hurt.  
“Adalind, you know that those closest to me are in danger or worse, they end up dead and I have to think about you and our son, what is best for the two of you. It’s not safe for you here in Portland…not with me around. Renard has lost it. I need to put all of my focus into taking him down once and for all, especially for what he did to my mother. I can’t do that if I’m constantly worried about you.”  
“Nick Burkhardt if your idea of protecting me is to send me away to God knows where, newsflash! I have been there and I have done that and got the t-shirt to prove it. It sucked and it will not do, not again.” She with renewed life, looking at him like he had lost his mind. She looked ready to go to battle, like she was actually going to fight him on this?  
“Adalind…” He said sternly.  
“No, I won’t let you ‘spirit’ me away like I am some fragile porcelain ready to break if Sean so much as dared breathe in my direction.” She pulled away from Nick, climbed off the bed and picking up her robe to cover herself, putting even more distance between them, to Nick’s annoyance.  
“Nothing and I mean NOTHING would give Sean more pleasure than chasing me halfway across the world on some deadly hide and go seek game. He wants me running scared and he is playing on your fears to get what he wants. He’s done it to me before and the sick bastard enjoys nothing more than to keep those around him quaking in their boots. It’s like an aphrodisiac and it feeds his power fetish more than anything else in the world. As long as he had me running, he had power over me and now he’s reeling you into the same trap. I’m tired of running Nick. I won’t give him the satisfaction.” She said, the tip of her nose spotting angrily.  
“I will make sure he doesn’t find you.” He said but she wasn’t mollified. She returned to his side and caressed his face lovingly. His eyes closed involuntarily at the contact, enjoying the unguarded moment.  
“Oh Nick, you just don’t get it. I appreciate everything you’re doing for me, everything you’ve done. It’s more than I expected, believe me but I know Sean, better than anyone. I have been running for almost two whole years. It’s time I stopped.”  
“Adalind, you cannot ask me to take that risk.”  
“I know this is going to sound crazy but when I came back to Portland all those months ago, I did something Sean didn’t see coming. I came out of hiding and boldly walked back into his office without an ounce of fear in me and he sensed it. I didn’t pay much attention to it until now. I was there to confront him about killing Diana. I walked into the lion’s den and demanded the truth. He lied, obviously.   
“But what’s interesting about that day is that when he realised that I wasn’t that naïve docile drip he had used years before he resorted to his tried and tested method and threatened me, several times in fact but I’d had enough of his bullshit and made sure he knew it too. Normally when Sean threatens people, they typically end up dead within the hour but he let me walk out of my own volition. We both realised that he didn’t control me anymore and that was liberating, at least for me. If I didn’t fear him, he had zero power over me and therefore was of little to no use to him.”

Nick listened quietly.   
“For the first time in my life I was free…free to do whatever, go wherever. I knew he wouldn’t come after me. He had no reason to. The FBI had fumbled the case against him, no offense. My testimony against him wasn’t worth the paper it was printed on, he made sure of it. Chasing me was nothing but a game to him; and what good was that sport if I pissed at the rules and realised I didn’t need to play anymore?   
“But then I got pregnant for the second time and my old fears came back a hundred fold and I did the one thing that would set him off. I was safe for as long as I showed him I didn’t fear him anymore, that he couldn’t prey on me like before. He feeds on fear, that’s why you’ve never been able to catch him.” She was right, this all sounded crazy, how could she be certain his Captain would back off if she stayed? Whatever her reasoning, Nick couldn’t ignore his own instincts.   
“My mother was thinking of taking you with her after the baby was born.”  
“And you agreed with her?”  
“Yes. It’s crazy that you actually want to stay.”  
“I want to stay because I am right. It’s taken me a long time but I finally have that man pegged and I need you to trust me.”  
“You’re leaving Portland, as soon as I can arrange it, that’s final!”  
“And I say I am staying!” She argued.  
“I cannot believe you’re fighting me on this.”  
“I cannot believe that this is even an issue.” She cocked one of her eyebrows defiantly. “You are literally sending your son away and knowing this tune, I’d wager and say you intend for it to be permanent. You believe that staying away, like your mother did with you will keep him safe,” she rubbed her belly. “Well I believe differently. I know you think that it’s the right thing to do but I know what’s best and it’s not me or your son half a world away with little to no contact waiting for Sean to find us.” She huffed. He couldn’t help the little smile on his face and the arousal hidden beneath the sheets. Adalind always knew how to argue and how to win.  
“Do you know how infuriating it is to talk with you sometime?” He asked, getting out of bed to stand in front of her, his state of undress clearly affecting her.   
“That’s…that’s because…uhm…I’m usually right…” She breathed trying to keep her eyes straight ahead of her.   
“No, you just think you’re right.” He kissed her. It thrilled him how easily he did that now, with no questions…no doubts.  
“Fine, then we’re both right. But if we are both right, tell me then Nick Burkhardt, which would you prefer, your son living in some backwater town or would you prefer him within arm’s reach, because I know what I would chose.”  
“That is not fair.”  
“Life isn’t fair Nick but we make the best of the hands we are dealt and this is yours, please don’t cast us aside and give that asshole everything he wants….”  
He had to admit she made a point. If Renard’s hell bent on destroying every part of his life, no distance will stop him and she was right, he didn’t want to be away from his son. He only considered it because he thought it to be the best option available.   
“That doesn’t solve anything.”  
“No, but it will be better than being apart.” She blushed at the implication that they were together. Were they together? He wondered but he didn’t dwell on that thought for too long. He picked up his boxers and jeans from a foot away from where they stood and put them on. It was time to get back to reality.   
“Okay, you can stay in Portland but if things get out of control and I can’t be there for you…”  
“We will be on the first plane out of Portland, I promise.” She gave him a victorious smile. Now that moving Adalind and their son was off the table, he had to move on to the next priority, finding justice for his mother’s killers. He was thoughtful for a while.   
“What is it?”  
“I was thinking about my mother. I know who killed her, even if he didn’t do it himself.”  
“No, he wouldn’t dare. He’s got lackeys for that, anything to keep his hands clean.”  
“I just wish I knew how he got to her. Meisner assures me that they weren’t compromised. I keep thinking back to the last time we spoke, going over Renard’s every word, inflections in his tone, facial expression, but nothing in his demeanour hinted at what he’d planned. In fact, he seemed surprised if nothing else.  
“Surprised?” She took a seat back on the bed, tired from all the standing. Nick didn’t feel like talking about Renard and his thoughts on his fledgling relationship with Adalind right on the heels of his relationship with Juliette upping in smoke.  
“Did my mother ever say anything to you?” He deflected.  
“…About Diana? We talked…a lot about her but she usually kept any information to herself if it was about finding my daughter. I think she didn’t want to raise my hopes in case they got crushed.” She said. “However, there’s one thing, I don’t know whether this means anything but…” She paused, unsure suddenly.  
“…But what?” He turned to face her, his senses tingling inexplicably.   
“Kelly didn’t spend every waking moment watching over me, you know that right?” Nick was confused, waiting for her to get to her point.  
“Kelly used to check in with some of her people, I’m not really sure. She told me she needed to keep in constant contact, in order to maintain her cover. So every few days or so, she left for an hour or two, at the most, nothing out of the ordinary…except sometime last week. She told me she thought Juliette had seen her. They almost bumped into each other on her making fleeting eye contact. Kelly didn’t stick around for her to get a second look. She excused herself and quickly disappeared into the crowd.”

This was news to him and not the good kind. The pieces were quickly fitting into place and Nick didn’t like what he saw. What did Monroe say to him just two days prior, something along the lines of Juliette promising to make him pay and knew just the thing to do…. It was impossible and Nick didn’t want to believe it. The Juliette he knew would never do that to him. She had known more than anyone besides his aunt how devastated he was over his mother’s death. He barely survived it the first time. She wouldn’t actively play a role in having her killed the second time. Never!  
“What is it? You look like you’re going to be sick…” Adalind’s voice called him back to the present.  
“Are you sure that it was Juliette? Could she have made a mistake, she’s never even met Juliette?”  
“Yes, she was very explicit. Your mother never shared her life outside of the FBI. She never even told me what she did for the agency but these past weeks she’s told me so many things; how happy she was when she found out she was pregnant, how she met your father…how proud she was when you became a police officer. She’s sort of been keeping tabs on you your whole life. She may have not met Juliette but she knew her and about you two…” But she didn’t know about us, he read her unfinished thought. “What is the matter? Clearly I have said something to upset you.”  
“Not you…I think I know how Renard got to my mother. It had to be Juliette.” Adalind looked at him like he was crazy, even she couldn’t believe him.   
“You can’t be serious.” She said incredulously.   
“I wish I wasn’t. Monroe told me she threatened him and Rosalee the other day.”  
“…Because of me? I mean I am sleeping in your best friend’s guest bedroom. They were her friends too. She thinks I have taken you all away from her.”  
“What are we, twelve? You didn’t do anything and I am to blame just as much if not more. I am the one that cheated on her. You didn’t owe her anything but I did. She told Monroe she would pay me back and knew how. I thought it was an empty threat. I know Juliette. She’s not a violent person.”  
“But she is angry, apparently very angry right now. And anger will make you do things you would never think to do. It makes people irrational and stupid.” She wasn’t helping and thus bit her tongue for making Nick feel worse. They heard his phone ringing somewhere in the room. Nick lifted several discarded items of clothing searching frantically for the device. He found it and answered it at the last ring. It was Meisner.

*/*/*

Nick put him on speaker, so she could listen in.   
“What’s the latest, do you have any solid leads?” He asked the FBI agent.   
“I am doing everything I can but nothing so far. I combed through everything , your mother’s computer, mine…anywhere, searching for any latent bugs or traces of a hack job but there was nothing. We were both clean. We already looked over the airport footage in Rhinebeck and Kelly's captors were strict professionals, keeping well hidden and out of camera view. You can't even see her in any of the footage, they were that good," said Meisner who sounded exasperated at his failure.   
"Did you look at the footage from the Portland airport? Perhaps we have this all wrong. Maybe there wasn't a leak and my mother's location wasn't intercepted. I think the intel was the bait to get her to leave Portland, to come to them."  
"What do you mean, you think we were fed false information? It's not possible. We had conclusive evidence of Diana's location. It was a last minute decision to pursue it."  
"I think that was expected." Nick paused and looked Adalind's way. "I am convinced now more than ever that Renard set up my mother. He gave you that intel for the soul purpose of eliminating her, one as the agent pursuing a ghost and as the mother of his enemy. Nobody knew she was alive except a handful of people, people she trusted but it appears Juliette may have discovered that she wasn't dead after all and shared the information with Renard." He said wearily.   
"Juliette, isn't she your girlfriend?" he said in confusion.  
"It's complicated." Nick couldn't fully explain.   
"Kelly ran into Juliette a week ago. Hello Meisner, it's been a while," said Adalind across from Nick.   
"Adalind, I didn't know you were there," he paused awkwardly. They hadn't spoken directly in the past couple of months, not since Adalind remained adamant about going out on her own without the FBI hanging over her but that didn't stop Meisner from trying to reel her back under his protection. He'd told her so on several occasions, how she was better off with him but Adalind wasn't threw with his organization and their help. She didn't hold the agency's failure against the agent but it was better to depend on herself especially with their fumbling for over a decade in the pursuit of a known criminal within the justice system.   
"They just bumped into each with nothing longer than a passing glanced between them before Kelly disappeared. Although Kelly made a very quick exit, when we spoke, she was convinced Juliette had recognised her by the surprised look on her face. She had recognised Juliette as Nick's uhm...girlfriend." Adalind continued with some discomfort, offering what little she could to help Nick and Meisner in their pursuit for his mother's killers. It felt weird that the real lead they had pointed squarely at Nick's (former?) long-time lover.  
"Juliette and Renard have grown close. I have reason to believe Juliette passed on the info about my mother to Renard, who then set the trap. I don't think you are going to find anything in Rhinebeck but maybe there's something we can use that was captured on video in the Portland airport security cameras. That's likely our best shot until we can get a DNA profile from my old house but that may take days."   
He and Meisner ironed out what to do next. Meisner intended to forward all of Kelly's belongings to Nick later that day. Nick told him to bring everything to Monroe's home since that's where he was staying, he didn't want to reveal the location of the loft.   
"As for your mother's remains...?" Adalind heard Meisner ask.  
Nick stiffened and she heard the catch in his voice. It affected her to watch him battle to be strong. Nick deactivated the speaker on his phone and raised it to his ear. He didn't want her to hear the rest of their conversation. She sensed he didn't want her to know some things, possibly the finer details around Kelly’s death. Nick had told she died but remained vague about the particulars about how she was killed. She never asked him, he would share in his own time. 

She took up some of her personal items and a toiletry bag and quietly slipped out of the bedroom when he'd forgotten about her. Feeling a mixture of feelings, relief and a heaviness that was becoming impossible to stamp out, Adalind locked herself in the bathroom. She was partly relieved that Nick was a step closer to getting answers about his mother and her death, but it also became more apparent how far reaching the consequences of her actions were than she initially thought. Any levity she felt earlier was completely gone, replaced by fresh waves that beat her spirit down. Adalind stepped under the hot torrent of shower, contemplative about her life and Nick's, how they darkly twisted and intertwined around one another. 

She watched as the water cascaded down her body, circling down the drain wishing desperately that she could wash away so many of her mistakes, stupid and selfish, everything that happened to Kelly, Nick's paralysing pain, everything but one thing. She couldn’t wish away was her baby or having Nick in her life. She could never wish them away, not now after spending the night in piece of heaven on earth with the father of her child.

When she returned to the bedroom, Nick was nowhere in sight. Adalind didn’t know whether to feel relief, having some time to herself to collect her thoughts. They'd made love but they weren't together in any sense. Whatever her feelings for Nick, Adalind wasn't racing to become a permanent fixture in his life. They shared a child together but the previous night was a moment of weakness on her part and a moment of Nick needing the comfort of a warm body. It was harsh to see Nick in that manner (not that she'd blame him) but it was safer than the alternative of actually giving in to love. 

He was right in wanting to go so far as to put as much distance between them as possible if Sean did the math and came to whatever conclusion would give him the most diabolical joy, Sean wouldn’t hesitate to act. Sean Renard's idea of retribution against his worst enemies was never to bring about those enemies' deaths, no. It was to kill all those they loved and leaving his enemies to live long in constant torment in the knowledge of what he'd done and their inability to do anything about it. 

He'd tried that same tactic with Nick in years past, using Adalind as the gun while he curled his finger to pull the trigger, not once but twice. And by some miracle the gun backfired on him. She'd forever be grateful for all her failed attempts against Nick, she could barely look herself in the mirror for what she almost did to the man she unexpectedly learned to love, against all odds.   
However, that didn't stop Sean from being Sean and it now seemed he found her replacement in Juliette, doing what she'd failed to do years ago and actually had Nick's mother murdered. She just couldn’t fathom how Juliette could do that to Nick. Adalind didn't want Nick living with the knowledge that his ex-girlfriend happily/unintentionally helped his worst enemy in trapping his mother and having her murdered, she imagined, in a horrific manner to explain Nick's reticent to talk to her about it.

All the while she was keeping all thoughts of her Diana at bay. It didn't helping knowing Kelly died because Adalind desperately wanted to be reunited with her daughter. If only she'd keep the guilt she felt equally at bay. If she could go back, do things differently, would she? And what would she change? It didn't help, the "What ifs" and “Maybes” were completely pointless and served only to make her feel worse than she already did. Adalind needed to rein in her emotions; her burdens were hard enough as it was without dragging Nick down with her not after convincing him to let her and their baby stay close to him.

Adalind finished dressing, opting for another plain, loose fitting black dress and a thick woollen cardigan, that plus a handful of maternity and not maternity wear of similar worth, practically the full extent of her tresau since living life on the run. She'd long given up on expansive, expensive wardrobe afforded by her hefty salary at a prestigious (but corrupt) law firm and Sean's plenteous "gifts". Truth be told, she wouldn't swap any of her meagre possessions for a castle worth of materials gained through hurting good people, like Nick in particular. 

Satisfied with her presentation she headed towards the door, which Nick, dripping wet, opened before she had the chance. They stood longingly, facing one another in the doorway. Nick stepped forward, forcing her to step back into the bedroom, away from him and any lingering ideas to run her hand across his rippling abs. He was so tempting to behold but Adalind shook her head clearing her thoughts. This wasn't the time to deal with her wanton needs on top of everything else. He was her distraction. She did need to be his.  
"Excuse me." She tried to side step but he blocked her still, taking hold of her arms.  
"How are you doing?"   
"I should be asking you that question." She said with derision. When would she get used to his kindness and not feel terrible for it? Adalind was so used to him being abrasive towards her, even when there was an underlying flirtation going on between them during their years as adversaries. She couldn't handle his kindness and that particular morning, she couldn't accept it.   
"But I am asking you. I know my mother meant a lot to you too." He said but she moved away from him, overcome with feelings all over again. Man she couldn’t wait to get this baby out so she could regain control over them. It wasn't so easy to receive any consideration, whether big or small from anyone, a by-product of her upbringing. And what Nick offered her wasn't by any means small.   
"Why are you being so nice to me?" she asked with her back still turned towards him but she could still picture his eyes searing her innermost soul, leaving her exposed.   
"Because I can and I want to." He closed the gap between them but didn't touch her, his words blowing warm air down her back.   
"Well you shouldn't." She sulked, turning around to face him. He didn't look impressed. In fact he looked a bit annoyed, unimpressed by what he saw in her eyes.  
"I thought we were over this already." He breathed in exasperation.   
"It's not so easy to get over everything when everywhere I turn, I'm confronted by my mistakes and..."  
He softened when he saw her eyes welling up with tears.   
"I am a horrible person Nick. I have done horrible things to you and you're being nice to me. You should hate me…."  
"You know I used to but that was years ago and this (curling his a strand of her blond locks around his finger) is now. I look in your eyes right now and I can see the doubt among other things. I want you to know I don't hate you, I haven't in a very long time but I see you hate yourself for the both of us. Adalind, how can I make you see…understand me as I am today?" he snaked his arms round her back and held her in place.   
"You don't know what you're saying." She broke away from him.   
"I know my own mind. I know what I feel and believe me I wouldn't be here otherwise."  
"...But..."  
"But nothing! You aren't to blame for EVERYTHING wrong to ever happen. We all make mistakes. I know I have done my fair share..." She actually scoffed. "Despite what you may think I am not perfect. I have done things I am not proud of since I became a cop. I chose justice over mercy. I sent some really good people to jail because I became obsessed in proving I was better than Renard. I knew those guys at the precinct, The ones in Renard’s pockets. I had dinner with their families, even stood up for some of them at their children's baptisms and the like. I smiled in their faces while twisting the knife in their backs."  
"But you were doing what was right, they sold their souls to the devil...."  
"How can you be so sure I was right? Most of them are looking at ten to fifteen without their families while the real bad guy is living quite comfortably as a freem man with no sign of getting what’s his. Armitage was at the wrong place at the wrong time when circumstances pushed him to obey orders and inadvertently broke the law. Andrews had a sick child that needed surgery and his health insurance couldn't cover it, not helped since his wife hadn't worked since the recession so he was an easy target for Renard…good men who believed in the same things I did, until they were pushed into impossible situations beyond their control. I couldn’t sleep for weeks after Meisner and his men swooped into the station to make his arrests. I have destroyed plenty of lives in the name of justice and some because of my own selfishness.   
“Juliette didn't turn on me because of you, it was all me. I stopped being the man she needed a long time ago. What if I told you I can't pinpoint the exact moment I stopped hating you. It didn't start that night at Joey's and Juliette sensed it long before I could even admit it to myself."  
"See, you're just being nice even when you don't need to, shifting blame to make me feel better. Stop trying to absolve me Nick."  
"Well stop trying punish yourself, it's not doing anyone, including me, any favours. Look, Meisner's going to be here before long, bringing my mother's things. I'm going to be gone for a while and I need you to take care of yourself and this little guy while I’m away." He kissed her belly causing her to flush slightly. "All of this worrying isn't good for either of you. I have to do this but what good will I be if I leave knowing your state of mind? Yes, you did some terrible things but I have somehow forgiven that and so did my mother. Like me, she knew the truth and loved you anyway.”   
It got quiet all of a sudden, the air heavily pregnant with Nick's stealth confession of love, possibly? They were both aware of it but it came and went by so quickly, rendering them speechless, unsure of how to proceed. Finally, Nick leaned down and planted his lips across hers, breathing in her essence and Adalind allowed herself to melt into his embrace. Her mind fought greatly against the idea of Nick having feelings for her but her heart completely wrapped herself in the sweet revelation. Was it possible he loved her?   
"I think I should leave you to get dressed." She said with her eyes cast down, afraid to read his eyes for an answer she desperately sought and feared at the same time.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Meiser kept his word. He delivered most of Kelly's belongings to Monroe’s as per Nick’s instructions, anything that he could spare while the rest was used as evidence. Monroe and Rosalee offered to stay in that morning, to help him sort it all out and be there for him but he refused to disrupt their lives even further than he did in asking them to house Adalind for a while. Their son’s birth was within a week or so, that was seven days of stepping on eggshells and awkward conversations then hopefully, Adalind could find something much more suitable for her and her son. 

It was time she start thinking about the future, the immediate future. Her initial plans didn’t exactly including sponging off of Nick and certainly not off of his friends. Since returning to Portland, she’s been like one of the tornadoes ripping through neighbourhoods destroying everything in sight. And perhaps Nick was right, that she wasn’t to blame for every awful thing to happen to him if she allowed herself to believe him. If nothing else, at the very least she could make sure she didn’t add to his woes. She convinced Nick to let her stay in Portland, she didn’t, however, convince him to let her stay with him, so she was on a deadline to find a new situation for herself that would satisfy both her and Nick. 

His friends were kind to her, as best as they could afford under the circumstances. Monroe had welcomed her into his home and Rosalee had went above and beyond to make her feel welcome but Adalind could tell it wasn’t so easy. She saw it in their eyes every time they looked at her; she was the “other woman”. And Adalind couldn’t blame them, she was every bit the other woman. It was inescapable and on top of that; they were basically betraying Juliette, their other friend, to help keep her safe. That was yet another bitter pill to swallow but the past two weeks have been nothing but a constant serving of bitter pills, reality finally slapping her in the face, maybe even karma, if she believed in such so she was at least getting used to it. 

It appeared that Meisner brought more than just Kelly’s belongings to Nick. He had a solid lead. Nick’s body tensed up at Meisner’s words. Adalind could see the veins at his temple throbbing in anticipation, his hands balling into hard fists, his whole body ready to bolt at a moment’s notice, just waiting for Meisner to point him in the right direction. They had a clear image of one of Kelly’s captors or killers on camera, the Portland Airport security camera footage to be exact. Nick didn't waste any time when Meisner asked him to join in chasing down Kenneth Bowes-Lyon, the name belonging to the man in the video. 

It was the break Nick was waiting for, and he wouldn’t let it pass him by and he would’ve gone with Meisner even if Meisner hadn’t asked. Nobody could stand in his way, least of all Adalind, he needed to find Kelly’s killers, she just hoped it would give him some measure of peace once he found this Kenneth and whoever else that was involved. But in truth, she knew Nick would ever only know real peace until Renard was taken care of permanently. 

Nick only managed a quick glance in Adalind's direction before the two men left without further delay, off to only God knew where. Monroe followed suit after his wife convinced him she didn’t need him at home, hovering like a big bird over her and Adalind. Just one more week, then perhaps she’ll get back to some kind of normal, where she didn’t infringe on people’s lives against their better judgement, raining down chaos everywhere she went. 

Adalind tried to think back to this time when she was still pregnant with Diana, How she couldn’t wait to be free of her even though she never gave much thought to what she would do after the birth of her daughter. And now that her son was only days away, perhaps it was prudent to double down on what to do after he was born. She wasn’t in the woods of Austria, starving and tired but she wasn’t free either, not with the threats over her and her son but how long could she let that go on? She thought back on the conversation she had with Nick earlier that morning. She was right, Sean fed on people’s fear, the more afraid of him people were, they did half of the work for him without realising it. It was time to take back some of that power from him but she couldn’t do that, not with Rosalee smiling sweetly at her.   
“I’m going to make us a cup of tea.” She said before disappearing into the kitchen.  
This was going to be a long day, Adalind thought. She wished Nick had left her at the safe house. It was a hundred times more secure than his friends’ home. Nobody knew about it, its location and the added bonus, she didn’t have to be stuck in uncomfortable situations, likely making painful small talk with his friends. They were lovely people, she was sure and that meant they had zilch in common with her and worse they were Juliette’s friends too. 

Adalind looked over to the spot where Meisner unceremoniously deposited just three mid-size boxes supposedly stuffed with Kelly’s personal items. She didn’t know whether to leave them there or to try and sort through them. They belonged to Kelly, Nick’s mother. Would he mind if she looked through them, at least to put them in some order for him because she didn’t see him finding the time to do that, not now when he was on his manhunt. Nick looked too distracted to think about anything else other than Kenneth Bowes-Lyon. 

Adalind found herself attempting to kneel before one of the boxes.  
“What in the world are you doing? You know you aren’t allowed to do anything other than bed rest. The fact is, I’m only going gentle on you because I’ve yet to march you upstairs….” Rosalee’s voice admonished her from behind.  
“Ugh! I just wanted to…I thought that maybe I could sort Kelly’s things…for Nick. But then maybe I shouldn’t…”  
“I think I have a better idea; maybe we can do that together, if you don’t mind.” Rosalee offered a moment.  
The house went from four people, to five and then down to two. This would be the first time the two women spent any considerable time alone together. When Nick dropped her off just two days back, he'd practically ordered her to bed and that she shouldn't worry. She did neither. She stayed in the guestroom but remained as restless as ever, worried about Kelly and purposefully avoiding her hosts. Her nerves worked overtime; no matter how much she tried to do as Nick instructed her, it was impossible to relax. Too bad there’d be no hiding in the guestroom now that Rosalee offered to keep her company, going through these boxes. 

Adalind had changed a lot in the past two years but not to the extent where she enjoyed long standing silences. She was a talker by nature, as a lawyer, it’s kind of expected. For years she enjoyed her verbal battles with Nick, antagonising him as much as she could plus she did love watching his eyes come to life every time he gave as much as he took. Outside of that rivalry, they had zero words to speak to one another, what was there to say? They weren’t friends, in fact, they were bitter enemies of sorts. On the night they conceived their son, alcohol loosened their tongues and their clothes. 

They never spoke again until most recently and being in the same room with Nick was just a difficult as being trapped in the house with Rosalee, only they shared a son, at least a topic of conversation. She shared nothing with Rosalee, no common ground…except Nick and even he was off limits. Talking about Nick would be a disaster. She could already see it, “Oh hi Rosalee, let me tell you how your friend’s ex made me scream his name over and over last night with nothing but his fingers.” Yeah, that ‘girl talk’ would go down very well between them, she smiled wryly. 

She missed Kelly more profoundly at that moment, her only real friend. Kelly didn’t judge her. Kelly didn’t make her jump through hoops to earn her friendship. And even after she found out the whole truth about her past and everything she did to Nick, Kelly didn’t turn her back on her. The two weeks she spent with her cooped up in the safe house were a godsend. Adalind would cherish them for the rest of her life. They reminded her of their time together when Diana was still with them but only slightly better because they now they shared a physical connection and not just an emotional one through her son. It wasn’t fair, damn Sean Renard for being nothing more than a bastard, true to his nature!

Adalind batted her tears away, wishing to remain aloof to the woman before her. Just one more week and Adalind could cry when she wanted, scream when she wanted, do something, anything because this holding everything in was driving her insane, first with Nick and now with Rosalee and Monroe. Prison was a lot freer than being in this house. She was grateful to Nick and his friends for what they did for her because God knows they didn’t need to lift a finger to help her. They could just as easily let Sean do away with her and she’d cease being such a burden to everyone around her.  
“Here, you should probably sit down now and leave all the heavy lifting to me. I don’t have to be at the shop until later. I would like to help you if I can…if you will let me.” With Rosalee, every word and gesture felt genuine and this unnerved Adalind even more because Rosalee knew her history with Nick and was friends with Juliette. Everything she’s heard about her and anything she could have guessed on her own was true, but here she was tendering to Adalind and making sure she had everything she needed and was well rested. A bitter pill.

Rosalee brought all three boxes and placed them in front of Adalind, clearing the table before. She took the opposite seat and waited on Adalind. After a minute more of doing nothing but staring at the boxes, she adjusted in her seat and opened the first box. They opened all three boxes, spreading all the contents on the table in front of her and the floor around her. Adalind was saddened at how little it was. This couldn’t be all that was left of Kelly Kessler-Burkhardt. 

There were files from old cases, some keep sakes; a locket with Nick's photo, probably taken around the time she was separated from him, a framed family photo from when she was young among other family heirlooms. Adalind set it all aside gently, separating every item according to importance. It wasn't much but Adalind treated every item like it was precious, folding here and boxing up there. They worked in silence, both counting their words and still unsure what to say to one another. 

"I would like to thank you again for all your help." Adalind finally spoke up as they closed up the last box..   
"It was really no problem. I mean we both clearly care for Nick and I wish I could have known Kelly, she was a special woman...to both of you."  
"Oh thank you but that's not what I…. What I meant to say was thank you for letting me stay in your house. I know you didn’t have to but you were gracious enough to not hold my past against me. You don't even know me and what little you've heard isn’t a ringing endorsement." Adalind clarified. If they were going to be forced to talk, she may as well dive into the deep end and get through all the uncomfortable dead weight hanging between them, perhaps it might go away at the end.

"Well, don't mention it. Nick is our friend and he needed our help and we gave it."  
"I know this couldn't be easy for you, all things considered…I mean Juliette…. Not many people would do what you're doing and that goes for Nick as well. Thank you Rosalee, for all of your help...you and Monroe."  
"Adalind, I don't proclaim to know exactly what you must be feeling right now with everything but I have made my own fair share of mistakes. I have done things I am not proud of, some things I would like to forget. I cannot judge you and you don't need to explain yourself to me."  
"But you don't know what I done..."  
"Actually I do. You must know by now that there’s no secrets between Monroe and Nick and there are no secrets between me and Monroe but that doesn’t change anything. Like I said, Nick is our friend and we’d never turn our back on him.”  
“What about Juliette? I don’t mean to put you on the spot,” she said uncomfortable but she’d already voiced her thoughts before she could bite her tongue. Monroe and Rosalee were Juliette’s friends, so did that mean that by helping Nick, they’d essentially turned their back on Juliette? And what if they haven’t? She thought suddenly.   
“I can only speak for myself. Yes, I am friends with Juliette; at least I thought we were friends until she threatened my husband. This situation between you, Nick and Juliette is complicated at the very least. Nick is a good guy, or at least he tries to be and the Juliette I know is a good person but life has a habit of throwing us a curve ball when we least expect it.  
“You are right in that I do not know you. I don’t know what led you to do what you did to Nick and Juliette all those years ago, you have your reasons. I know you probably think I should hate you or something but I don’t. You made mistakes, we all do. I guess what I am trying to say is that we are all responsible for the choices we make and the mistakes we make along the way but what matters in the end is trying to make things right and I think that’s what you were doing when you met Nick’s mother.”   
“You know about that?”  
“Yeah, like I said, we have no secrets. Do you want to know something? It was years before I could even look myself in the mirror, so you aren’t the only one here with a very chequered past.”  
“Yeah, but is Monroe entangled in that past?” Adalind asked pointedly.  
“No, I guess not. I guess it’s hard when the person you love the most is the person you’ve hurt the most.”  
“I didn’t say I loved Nick.” Adalind fluttered, busying her hands to hide her real feelings.  
“You didn’t have to. I can see it on your face and the walls are kind of pretty thin,” she said as she gulped the last of her tea. Adalind’s face blossomed into the deepest shade of red.  
“Oh my word, you heard that?” she covered her face, wishing the earth would swallow her whole. She was embarrassed. She thought they were quiet but clearly not quiet enough.  
“I didn’t want to say anything knowing how you’d react.” Rosalee added apologetically.  
“I am so embarrassed!”   
“You shouldn’t be, you love Nick and…”  
“Oh my…we can never happen.”  
“But you already did,” she pointed to Adalind’s soon to be born baby.   
“This conversation isn’t really happening, is it? You’re friends with Juliette!”  
“What can I say, it’s complicated.” Rosalee retorted. “I meant what I said; we are all responsible for the choices we make. You made yours, I made mine, Nick made his and so did Juliette. Do I wish things were different? I wish many things were different, I wish I never rebelled as a teenager. I wish I met Monroe sooner than I did. I wish Juliette hadn’t done what she did and Nick’s mother wasn’t dead. I wish I could stop worrying about Monroe every time he makes a house call or walks out the front door to fetch the newspaper every morning. I wish for many things, but I cannot change what’s already happened. My friendship with Juliette wasn’t dependent on her and Nick staying together. Nick is a grown man, capable of living his life as he wishes and so is Juliette. I’m sad that one of those relationships has maybe crumbled into dust but that was all Juliette’s doing and no one else.”  
“But I…”  
“But nothing, I blamed my family for a lot of shitty things I did growing up and who got hurt by it? Me. My family wasn’t perfect but they didn’t stick dirty syringes up my arms. Thank God I finally opened my eyes to the truth and made things right for myself. You didn’t make Juliette do anything, end of story. Now I am going to make myself another cup of tea, I don’t know about you….” Rosalee got up from the floor in a bit of a huff, clearly emotional about something, leaving Adalind to mull over the last five minutes. 

Where did this come from? All she wanted to do was thank Rosalee and be done with any attempts at conversing, she didn't want to talk about Nick and whatever existed between them, did it even have a name? And it seemed inappropriate with them sifting through Kelly's belongings earlier. When Rosalee returned, she picked something up from the floor, a down-turned photo.  
“It looks like we missed one more…” She turned to look at it and gave Adalind a weary smile, handed it to her. It was a picture of Adalind and baby Diana, taken just days after returning to the US. They were in hospital, being treated for dehydration and a battery list of other things contracted in the woods of Austria. Adalind didn’t even know Kelly had taken the picture. They barely knew each at that time.  
“Oh my baby…” She traced her finger over Diana, fighting back fresh tears and failing. “I didn’t know Kelly had this. I didn’t even know she took this photo. I don’t have a lot of pictures of my baby. She must be so grown up by now. I wonder if I will be able to recognise her the next time we meet. I hope so.”  
“I hope so too.”  
“I was still I shock after escaping Austria and certain death. I was so scared and Kelly took care of us and she didn’t need to and now she’s gone.” The tears were falling in earnest.  
“I am so sorry for the pain you must be feeling Adalind.” Rosalee sat down beside her, wrapping a comforting arm around Adalind’s shoulder.   
“Can you tell me about her, Nick’s mother?”  
“Unfortunately, I never met Nick’s mom until about two weeks ago but I will tell you about Kelly Kessler, everything I knew about her and for that I have to start with Catherine Schade.   
“I think my mother loved me, in her own way but I don’t think she ever cared for me, not in the way that mattered. You think your parents were awful, mine were worse. My father left us the day before my fourth birthday. You see, my mother had given her whole heart to my father and when he left, she didn’t have enough room in it for me. She did her best, I think but my father abandoning us broke her somehow. I don’t hate my mother, or even blame her for how my life turned. I made my own choices as you well know. It’s true, there comes a time when you stop blaming other people for your poor life choices and face reality. I had to face mine and it’s not easy at all.”  
“Amen to that.”  
“My poor choices almost killed me and my baby but then Kelly found us and saved us, everything after that changed. I began to see the world through different eyes. When I had Diana, I stopped being selfish. I discovered I could live for someone other than myself but when I met Kelly, I realised they world wasn’t filled with selfish people intent on stepping on others weaker than themselves. It was a revelation; believe me. I didn’t know her long but she was more a mother to me, more so than my own mother.” Rosalee gave her a reassuring smile and squeezing her hand as a sign for her to continue.

Adalind found it easier to talk about Kelly, a much safer subject of conversation. She opened up about everything right through to discovering the woman she loved was Nick’s mother. She blushed profusely every time she mentioned Nick’s name, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Rosalee. It couldn’t be helped, despite every attempt to remain unaffected by thoughts of Nick and the fact that Rosalee was now privy to the intimate nature of their relation the night before. 

“She sounds like she was wonderful. I am glad you had her for as long as you did. I can relate to that, having someone believe in you even when life tries to beat you down, having someone in your corner is wonderful and in a weird way, it’s Kelly Burkhardt that brought you and Nick together.” Rosalee’s phone rang and she quickly stepped away to answer, probably one of her customers. 

Adalind didn’t have a response to Rosalee’s words, a statement, not a question but it made her think. Did Kelly inadvertently bring her and Nick together? Neither she nor Nick knew their “Kelly” was one and the same so how could she bring them together? She’d never really thought about it until at that moment in Rosalee’s living area. Maybe Rosalee was correct, perhaps Kelly did bring her and Nick together unwittingly. It was fate that sent Kelly to Austria. Despite everything, she bonded with the older woman, to the point of seeing her as a surrogate mother at her most desperate need. 

Her thoughts segued to Nick. Where was he? Had he found Kenneth? Was he still safe? It was already midday and he hadn't yet called. An unfamiliar feeling swept over Adalind and she hated it. When did she become one of those women constantly fretting over their men and when they'd be home? She knew one or two girls at college who ceased to function because of a boy. She'd call them pathetic for giving up so much of themselves to men that were hardly worth all that effort. But they worried about other girls and not about their boyfriends being killed.

The tables certainly turned on Adalind. For years she was the pathetic one but not for worrying over Sean or when he'd come home. They never lived together. And she always went to him, he never came to her. Their relationship was always on his terms so she never had to sit at home and worry about him, how he was doing, when he'd be home but now she worried about Nick Burkhardt and they weren't really together and she didn't feel at all pathetic for it. She just wanted to see his face or even hear his voice and know that he was okay. 

A cold fear gripped her heart and squeezed for good measure. The thought of Nick falling prey to Sean and his machinations in the same manner as Kelly was too much for Adalind. Kelly received information that appeared to lead her to Diana and now Nick had received information that appeared to lead him to his mother's killers. Coincidence? There were no such things. 

Did Sean intend to kill Nick? No! Her heart rebelled at the thought. She couldn't afford to think like that. Adalind pushed herself from the sofa and began to pace. Where did Rosalee disappear to? She needed a distraction before she became completely undone. What was happening to her? All this worrying served only to heighten her fears, precisely what Sean wanted.   
Adalind hadn't laid eyes on him since that afternoon at the station, the day she told Nick he was going to be a father. And even though she was a foot and some shorter than Renard, she stared him down. Where was that Adalind gone to? She must summon her once again and show that corrupt and murderous piece filth that she would not be cowered anymore and maybe, just maybe, she could actually be of some use to Nick in his quest against Sean Renard. A thought dawned on her....

If Nick were ever to find out what she thought at that exact second, he’d no doubt forbid it. And even she wasn’t sure of it. All she knew was that Sean could not be allowed to get away with everything he did, especially to Kelly. If she truly learnt anything from Nick's mother, Adalind had to stand up for herself and those she loved and that included Nick. The advantage was clearly in Sean’s corner but it was time they changed things about, and took control, for once. 

Although Nick was a cop and could take care of himself, Adalind did worry about him even if she tried to hide it. What she needed to do now was redirect Sean’s attention, perhaps that’s how best to help Nick but did that mean taking the brunt of Sean’s anger and what about her son? Nick would throw himself in front of a bullet a million times over before he let anything happen to his son. Did she want to incur his anger on top of dealing with Sean and his inevitable retribution?

There was a tonne of reasons not to do anything, that's what Nick wanted from her but her mind was made up, she would help Nick and she had an idea, thanks to the FBI’s ineptitude. It never sat well with Adalind that despite all the evidence she gave to the FBI to assist them in their case against Sean that nothing came about it. If the FBI couldn’t use all her knowledge, she’d find a way to put it all to good use and no one could know her plans, least of all Nick. She could already see the thunderous anger in his beautiful grey eyes should he discover what she planned for Sean, all the more reason to act and soon. 

It was to everyone's benefit to loosen Renard’s hold over both their lives, the sooner the better. Nick might get angry but in the end, if she succeeds, it will be worth it all and their son would have the chance to live a care-free life, never looking over his shoulder, running and hiding because of scum like Sean Renard threatening his life. And maybe then, she and Nick could finally live their lives and if that meant together, then her crazy plan wasn’t so crazy after all, she smiled at the thought.

Sean had already made an official announcement to run for the mayoral position. His candidacy was a sure thing and what better time for all his skeletons to be let out of closet than now? The FBI thought her testimony would not stand in court but maybe in the courts of public opinion, Sean Renard would be found guilty of all charges and they'd sentence him accordingly, he may not end up imprisoned but his power base would be halved at very least. The more she thought about it, the eager she was to start bringing down the giant of Portland. 

Adalind called Meisner.   
"Adalind, is anything the matter?" he answered shortly after she dialed his number. "If you want to speak to Nick I am afraid I won't be of help, his team is in a different location than mine. We had to act fast on Kenneth. We had two separate locations, Nick took the closest. We couldn't afford to waste anytime if we wanted to retain the element of surprise." He went on. They split up? She couldn't help hanging on to what Meisner told her but this wasn't the time to focus on Nick. He was doing what he had to and she had to do what had to be done. 

"That is not why I called. Martin, I need Kelly's laptop. Technically I need a computer but I need a clean one and I was hoping you had it or at least were finished with it."  
"I do have it but why do you need it?"  
"I can't say other than its got state of the art firewalls and won't be easy to trace..."  
"You are planning something and I want to know what it is."  
"Well I am sorry I can't say, the less people know, the better."  
"Do you mean the less Nick knows about this, the better?" She didn't answer but her silence was confirmation enough.   
"He's not going to be happy about this, Adalind." He warned her.  
"He'll have nothing to worry about if you tell him nothing about this conversation. Just bring me Kelly's computer, it belongs to Nick anyways," she reminded him.  
"No, it's government property."  
"Don't even, I know we'll very she had a personal computer apart from the FBI's, let's not play games here and I needed it yesterday." She said more aggressively than she intended.   
"Okay, you'll have it within the hour."

*/*/*

"Nick, thank God. I have been trying get hold of you, I don't know for how long..."  
"Rosalee?" His voice barely above a whisper. They were combing through the building, a private residential but it was long abandoned when Nick and half of Meisner's FBI team broke through its doors. They still swept through the house room by room, clearing it as they went until Rosalee’s call.   
"You have to come back, Adalind's water broke. We are on the way to the St John's Hospital as we speak." He didn't even wait for her to continue before he hung up and raced to his Cruiser. Adalind was having his baby! Was is too soon? Dr Simmons had told him when it'd be time and that was days away. What the heck happened? Nick battled to remain calm, she had to be okay, they both had to be....


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Adalind was in labour. Rosalee didn't say much else, not that he gave her a chance before speeding through all of Portland to get to the hospital in time. Nick didn't want to think about what could have sent her into labour. He thought they had enough time. He needed more time…time to catch Kenneth, another day or two to get enough evidence to arrest Renard for what he had done and perhaps he’d finally be rid of that man for good. He was so close to being free. 

Nick realised he didn't want to bring his son into a world where he'd constantly fear for his life, to always have a target on his back. That wouldn't do but his son had other ideas. He was early, and as Nick swerved and screeched around every bend all the way to St John's Hospital. He thought about Adalind, how she was alone when she had Diana all those years ago; desperate and running for her life. Things were different now. She was alone no longer, he’d be there for her, for his son and he was ready to stand between any that threatened her or his son. 

He pulled into the parking, double parked the Cruiser and saw Monroe pacing outside the massive glass entrance doors.  
“Dude, FINALLY!” His friend embraced him.   
“Where is she?”  
“…Upstairs…in Delivery. Rosalee has been calling and calling.”  
“I know.” He felt awful, he didn’t need his friend to make him feel any worse. He just hoped he hadn’t missed anything.”  
Monroe lead him through the hospital to her floor. They found Rosalee in the waiting area.  
“Thank God, you finally made it.” She gave him a quick hug.  
“What happened?” he asked.  
“Nothing really. We spent the morning sorting through your mother’s belongings. Adalind felt you wouldn’t have the time, not with trying to find Kelly’s killers and I think she needed to do it. I didn’t know how much Kelly meant to her. Everything was going well, we talked and some FBI agents dropped off more of your mother’s things, her laptop and her truck. She excused herself and returned to her room, taking Kelly’s computer with her. The contractions didn’t start until much later.”  
“What the hell was she doing? She should have been resting.” He didn’t mean to raise his voice. He calmed himself down. It helped no one to go into a tirade.   
“She was. I made sure she was off her feet the whole day.”  
“I’m sorry for being jumping on you.” He was grateful to Rosalee for everything she did, helping him with Adalind.  
“Nick I completely understand. You are under a lot of pressure but she here now and you’re here. You are about to become a father and that’s so wonderful.”  
“Yeah,” he actually smiled. It was wonderful. They went to the nurse at the front desk.  
“Where can I find Adalind Schade, she was brought in earlier….”   
“…And you are…?”  
“I’m the father…I’m the father of the baby she’s having.” He stumbled over his words.  
“Alright sir, your wife is close now…Nurse Stevens…” She instructed another nurse to direct him where he needed to go.   
“Right this way…”  
The nurse left him outside her door. He heard her screaming through the doors, his heart twisted within. He heard Dr Simmons instructing her to push.   
“No, I cannot push. Nick needs to be here. He has to be here for the birth of his son. He couldn’t be there in the beginning because me, I cannot rob him of this moment as well, so I WILL NOT PUSH!” she screamed at Dr Simmons. “Just make it stop, please doctor, make it stop.”   
“Ms Schade, it’s too late for that. You’re fully dilated. Your son is coming. Now I need you to push!”  
“Nooooo-aaaaarghhh!” She cried out, the pain unbearable.  
“Adalind, I’m here. I’m here.”  
“Nick?”  
“Oh Detective Burkhard, thank heavens you’re here. She’s been adamant since the labour pains began. She needs to push now and not delay.”  
“Adalind you have to do what the doctor says, for our son’s sake.”  
“Oh Nick, I just couldn’t. I was so wrong, all those months ago. I should have told you about our son. You should have been there from the start. You should have been there for all the doctor’s appointments, his first kick. When my water broke and you weren’t there. I panicked because Rosalee couldn’t find you and I was afraid that I was also going to take this away from you. I was wrong Nick, please forgive me.”  
“Ms Schade…” The doctor called out once more.  
“Adalind push.” Nick pleaded with her.  
“Forgive me?”  
“I forgive you.” He said flippantly.  
“I’m being serious Nick, aaaaarghhh!” She clung to his jacket in desperation, her eyes pleading for forgiveness, not for going into labour or for keeping the truth of her pregnancy from him. She was asking for him to forgive her for everything and couldn’t do what she needed without his forgiveness.   
“I forgive you.” He said sincerely. “Now push.” She smiled through her tear-streaked face and began to push freely. He threaded her fingers together with his.  
“Come on. Push. You've got it. Just push. Come on.” He heard the doctor say. Adalind screamed in response.  
“You're doing good. It's going good. Just keep pushing.”  
“How much longer?” Adalind asked the doctor after a while.  
“You're doing fine. Just take a breath.” He said.  
“Doctor, the heart rate's dropped from 160 to 120.” One of the nurses said.  
“What does that mean?” Nick asked, worry written on his face. He felt Adalind squeeze his hand.   
“Keep an eye on it.” Dr Simmons said.  
“It's still dropping. Heart rate is 60. It's not rebounding.”  
“Get her on O2 now. Run fluids.”  
“What is happening?” she moaned.  
“It's stopped.” The nurse said.  
“It's coming again,” cried Adalind.  
“No, no, no, no. Don't push.” The doctor ordered Adalind.  
“What's wrong?” Nick demanded.  
“We've lost the baby's heartbeat. Get her on her side now.”  
“Nick, what's happening?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“Something's stressing the baby. We're gonna have to do an emergency C-section. Set up in OR-2.”  
Adalind cried out once more as the wheeled her out for surgery. He couldn’t lose his son, not now. He ran into his friends.  
“What’s happening?” Rosalee asked.  
“They have to perform an emergency C-Section. Something’s wrong with him…his…heart stopped….”  
“Oh Nick,” she hugged him.  
“He’s going to be okay man, you’ll see. Adalind and the baby have the best care this side of Portland, everything’s going to be okay.” Monroe encouraged him.

*/*/*

Nick paced the sterile floor impatiently. They didn’t let him follow after her into the OR. That was fifteen minutes ago. How long did a C-Section take anyway? Don’t they make a little incision and then out comes the baby? It can’t be all that complicated could it. He had heard one of the nurses mention “fetal distress” that’s why they had to perform the emergency surgery instead. He waited some more, his blood pressure spiking with worry.

The same nurse walked past him and Nick accosted him, demanding information on Adalind. She explained to Nick that it wasn’t because of anything Adalind did or didn’t do.“Sometimes these things happen.”  
“So Adalind not pushing…”  
The nurse gave him an encouraging smile, “Ms Schade’s uterus was doing most of the pushing for her. We usually tell mothers to ‘Push’ just to give that little extra nudge, using those abdominal muscles to assist with the birth. When the baby decides it’s time, nothing will stop him. And Ms Adalind wasn’t in labour for long…. Something else was causing fetal distress. The doctor is doing everything he can for both mother and child.” The nurse left him. That was fifteen minutes ago. He looked at his watch, no, that was thirty minutes ago. What was taking so long? 

Monroe offered him a seat but he may as well have been invisible to Nick.  
“I think I’m going to get some coffee while we wait.” That was Rosalee but he never even saw her leave, so preoccupied he was with the progress in OR-2. Up and down he went, resuming his pacing and wearing the tiles on the floor and Monroe’s patience.  
“Hey Nick. Nick?” Monroe grabbed him by the shoulders to make him stop. “I think it’s time you sat down now because you’re making me dizzy and I think you’re stress is catching. I was just about ready to join you up and down this corridor and I don’t think that nurse appreciates it.”  
“I’m sorry. I’m just a little worried. We should have heard something by now.”  
“…And we will, just have a little faith…and patience.”  
“Yeah, doctors do these types of surgeries all the time right? So nothing is going to go wrong.” He said, trying to convince himself.  
Monroe only smiled. “They are both going to be fine,” his friend told him. 

He believed him; he had to because he couldn’t comprehend losing them, Adalind and the baby. Although he never really told Monroe how he felt about Adalind, he friend knew enough to connect the dots and he was grateful for that. It saved him from ever explaining himself and there was the fact that he forced Monroe and Rosalee to seek the solace in his living room and listen to Bach at odd hours of the previous night. He never told Monroe he loved Adalind yet Monroe knew it all.

“I cannot lose them.”  
“You won’t.”  
“It feels strange.”   
His friend didn’t say anything, instead letting Nick continue with his train of thought. “Being here, right now…I keep thinking…ugh, I don’t know what I am thinking.” He ran his fingers through his hair as if that would clear his mind and order his thoughts into something sensible.  
“You’re thinking about Juliette?”  
“Yeah. I am in a way. How can I explain what I am feeling now? A month ago, Juliette and I were happy; at least I thought we were. I never would have imagined that this would be my life, that I’d be a father and…”  
“…In love with someone else?”  
“Yeah…is that even normal. I mean nothing in my life is ever normal but this is pushing it, I think. Is it wrong?”  
“What can I tell you man? All I know is that the heart wants what it wants. I know what mine wants and I can tell you we had our fair share of being “wrong”. I mean my parents still hold on to their old ways and are purists and so on, which in today’s age shouldn’t even be a thing by the way. To them, Rosalee was just a different “class” and not worthy to being my wife and I’m putting it mildly. You can’t stop love. When it comes knocking on your door, you have to open that door and let it in or else you’ll never know what it truly means to live.”  
“I’m in love with Adalind and I didn’t mean for it to happen. I don’t even know when it happened. It just did.”  
“And that is okay man…”  
“Is it? My mother is dead and Juliette may have played a part in that.”  
“Yeah…about that, are you sure she’s involved? Maybe it’s just a coincidence.”  
“I hoped so but it looks more and more likely that she’s involved. Trubel has been tailing the Captain and has seen them together on several occasions in the last week alone. It’s like they are not even hiding it anymore.” He swallowed the bitterness.  
“What are you going to do?”  
“For her sake, I hope she’s innocent because I intend to make my mother’s killers pay.” His blood began to boil.  
“Here you go…” Rosalee said and pushed a hot cup of coffee in his hand, putting an end to his conversation with Monroe. He thanked her as she passed another to her husband sitting beside him and keeping one to herself. “Is there any news?” She asked them.  
“Nothing yet.” Monroe replied, eyeing her reproachfully. 

It was almost an hour past and Nick had almost forgotten where he was until Rosalee’s untimely reminder. The tension was back, gnawing at his shoulders as his mind flooded with thoughts of Adalind and his baby. An hour was almost past and the doctor, not even a nurse, had come to tell him how they were doing, maybe something had gone wrong, maybe….

“Nick, here comes the doctor.” Rosalee said, bringing him to attention. Dr Simmons was indeed headed their way. Nick didn’t wait for him he rushed to the bespeckled elderly gentleman.  
“Doctor, how is my son?” He asked desperately.   
“The baby's all right.” He answered.  
“What about Adalind?”  
“She's exhausted, but she's okay. Son and mother are healthy and resting respectively. They are both fine. The C-Section was a success.” Dr Simmons assured him.   
“What happened?”  
“The baby's arm was above his head. It was blocking him from coming out.”  
“Can I go in to see them?”  
“Of course, I believe she’d like that.”   
“Thanks again doctor.”  
“It was only my pleasure, now please excuse me.”   
Nick turned to his friends.   
“Go, we can wait,” said Rosalee.  
“Thanks for being here you guys. I don’t know what I would do without you. He hugged them each.  
“Congratulations man, you’re a dad now!” Monroe patted him several times on the back before letting him go. 

Nick stood outside of her door and took a deep breath. He pushed back the door and saw Adalind cradling their son. She was cooing softly, smiling down on him, she didn’t notice him until he stepped into the room.

“Hey…are you okay?” he asked her, stepping closer to stand by her side.  
“I’m better now that you’re both here. Oh Nick, he’s so beautiful. He’s perfect. I can’t believe he came from inside me.” She had tears in her eyes.   
Their son looked so tiny in her arms, he couldn’t believe he was finally there and healthy, according to Dr Simmons.   
“I don't want to raise him by myself. He's as much of you as he is me.”   
“I don't know if that's good on either side.” He regretted his choice words immediately.  
“Well, maybe he won't be like either one of us.” detected something deeper in her words. He’d been around her enough to know she didn’t think too highly of herself and knew why. He wanted to erase those thoughts from her.  
“You did good.” He smiled at her, placing a kiss on her lips and enjoying her taste. He brushed a finger gently across his son’s brow as he pulled away.  
“I know I can't make you to be there for him but I want you to be a part of his life.” 

He remembered what he heard earlier while Dr Simmons was asking her to push. Adalind regretted keeping him away from his son while she was pregnant. She had told the doctor she didn’t want to rob him of everything else anymore. They had never really talked about what to do after the birth of their son, let alone come up with a name for him. They hadn’t talked much about where she’d live. Where was he going to live? He couldn’t shack up with Monroe and Rosalee forever. For now, the loft was their only option. It was already his; and Adalind was already familiar with the place and the security was more than stringent. It was essentially perfect, at least for their immediate needs, he thought.

“I will be,” he confirmed.  
“Do you want to hold him?” She saw the panic streak in his eyes. “Don’t worry, he won’t break.” She delicately lifted their son into his hands, helping him only just. Adalind was right; he’d never seen anything quite so beautiful and fragile.   
“I thought of a name for him.” She said nervously.  
“Don't you think we should…” he began to protest.  
“Kelly.” The name stopped him mid rant. Kelly. She named him after his mother. He choked on some emotion as Kelly attempted to curl his baby fingers around his forefinger.   
“Okay.” He said.

*/*/*

He stayed the night, refusing to leave their side. Kelly’s cot was wheeled to Adalind’s side so she could feed him when he was hungry. The anesthesia eventually wore off and Adalind had to be given pain medicine because the pain from the surgery became too unbearable. She tried to hide from just how much in pain she was, insisting on holding Kelly herself. Adalind had this deep need to feel their son in her arms; she even woke from a nightmare calling out Kelly’s name.

“Where's Kelly?”  
“Adalind, it's okay. The nurse took him to the nursery so you could get some sleep.”  
“Oh, right. I must've had a bad dream.”   
“Everything's all right. You should try to go back to sleep. You need to regain your strength. The doctor says if all goes well you’ll be home no later than Tuesday, Monday at the earliest.”  
“Are you sure he’s fine?”  
“Yes, I just saw him in the nursery.”   
“Alright…” her eyes drifted shut, the medication the sedative the nurse gave clearly still in effect. 

Nick could use some sleep himself, too bad the chair was as uncomfortable as he remembered, he thought.  
As he promised, Adalind and his son were discharged on Tuesday. Dr Simmons was satisfied with her sutures and the healing progress. He warned her that it would take longer to recover from the surgery compared to recovery from a natural birth. He advised her to keep mobile despite the pain. Nick drove straight Monroe’s and found a mini sized “welcome home” party. 

“Oh my God. You did all this?” Adalind said as they walked through the door, wonderfully surprised by his friends’ forethought. 

The living area was brimming with baby items, from a crib and its baby mobile hanging above it, to baby stroller to baby clothes…Nick wouldn’t be surprised if they bought the whole store. Nick realised once more how alone Adalind Schade was in the world, no mother or family to speak of and practically no friends, no outside connection beside him and by extension, his friends and that happened by accident, a happy accident, he thought. 

“Well, it's not as if you two had the time,” chimed in Monroe. 

That was true. While Adalind was in the hospital, Nick had been pursuing Kenneth Bowes-Lyon. According to Meisner, their only real suspect hadn’t left Portland yet. They were diligently monitoring the airports, roads, and trains, Kenneth would not be able to escape so easily, not with a warrant out for his arrest. This development didn’t go unnoticed by Renard. Nick had taken compassionate leave in order to track down his mother’s killers, a “surprise” to his Captain who’d known Nick to be an orphan at an early age. Nick could’ve have punched him the face for merely uttering his mother’s name, if they weren’t at the precinct with at least twenty cops as witnesses. No, he didn’t have time to do some baby shopping, he didn’t even know where to start, everything was a mess and he was just barely making it.

“And I picked up a few things for the new mom too.” Rosalee said  
“That is so sweet of you.” Adalind said genuinely.   
“Let me see. Oh, he's so cute.” She said as she admired his son. Nick was sure this was the hundredth time she’s said that about Kelly since the first time she saw him at the hospital and he didn’t think she’d ever stop; babies seem to have that effect on women.   
“Why don't I show you where everything is.” She said to Adalind and the two women went into another room, leaving the two men and the baby alone.  
“Thanks for doing this.” Nick said to Monroe.  
“So have you thought about where you’re going to live? It’s not that I am chasing you out Buddy but I know they are going to need to settle and I’m not sure my house is the best place for them.”  
“I know, I’m thinking the safe house…the loft, is the best place for us right now. In fact I just wanted to pick up the rest of our stuff but now we’ve got all of this…thank you Monroe, really.”

Adalind was already worn out from the day, Nick insisted she get some rest on her first day back. He decided to move everything to the loft first while she slept and Rosalee could spend a few hours looking after Kelly. Monroe followed behind him in his mother’s truck. He had to figure out what to do with his mother’s things. The FBI already took care of her burial. 

It wasn’t a big affair, just him the minister and a few of her close colleagues. He felt terrible because he knew Adalind would have wanted to say goodbye to his mother but it was beyond him because of her work and the fact that he was a well-known cop, even if he was only from Portland. He’d made too many waves over the years and the FBI didn’t want to compromise all the work his mother had done, technically revealing who she was. She wasn’t the only agent undercover and so their identities had to be protected even in her death.

“So this is the safe house?” asked as Nick closed the garage door.  
“Yeah…it was my aunts,” he said as he punched in the code for the elevator.  
“And what’s with the security?”  
“You don’t even know the half of it.”  
“Is this the only access?” Monroe asked as the entered the loft area.  
“There's a heavily bolted door to the fire escape, and there's the roof, which you can only access from here. And this… (he opened the secret door) it's not even in the city plans. I think it was built during prohibition... Leads down to the tunnels beneath the city, Shanghai tunnels maybe, but... it's been blocked off. That’s the bedroom.”  
“Isn’t it a little exposed?”  
“Not really. Those are three inches of solid steel shutters; nothing can get through that once closed. I know it's not exactly charming, but safety is a priority right now, so this fortified warehouse will be our home sweet home.”  
“I totally get it, man and as you say she stayed here before…”  
“Yeah, that was with my mother but now there’s a baby and after everything that happened, I'm not taking any chances with my son or with her.”  
“Amen to that.”  
“So what’s going to happen with your Captain? Will he still be your boss even though he’s now running for mayor?” They saw one of Renard’s campaign posters on their way to the safe house. No matter where Nick turned, Renard’s face was always there and to think he had the audacity to run for mayor, claiming that this city deserved safe streets, and he was committed to it as one of the “hardworking” police officers that kept Portland neighbourhoods “secure”. It was sickening.  
“No, he’ll have to leave the department.”  
“But doesn’t that mean he’ll have even more power than he already does as a police captain? He will be mayor!”  
“I know what it means. Let’s just hope it won’t come to that and Galligher actually wins but Renard has people eating out of the palm of his hands. Last I checked, Andrew Dixon was running and the man was gunned down at a rally. As my Captain, he couldn’t make a move against me directly, I may have to start looking for a new job if he wins but I’m hoping that Kenneth will lead me straight to Renard and this will finally be the end of the road for Sean Renard and I’d personally love to wipe that smug look from his face.”  
“He does have a face you’d love to punch.” Nick only nodded in agreement. 

They moved up the last of their belongings and returned to Monroe’s in Nick’s Cruiser, leaving his mother’s truck in its parking spot, almost as though she was still there, he felt a pang in his heart as he drove out of the garage. He made a decision to sell the truck and get Adalind something much, more appropriate for her and Kelly. She would need to get around eventually but for that to happen, he had to make Portland safer for her and his son. 

*/*/*

Barely ten minutes away from Monroe’s house Nick got a call, it was Adalind. He put her on speaker.  
“Is there a problem?” He felt like that all he ever said every time he answered his phone.   
“Maybe, I don’t know. Juliette was here a while back.”  
“Juliette was there?” They both yelled in unison.  
“I think so. I was resting upstairs and…”  
“Kelly?” Nick gasped in fear. His foot automatically pressed lower down the accelerator, increasing his speed and shorting the distance between him and Monroe’s house quicker.   
“No, he’s fine. He’s with me and has been sleeping for a while. Rosalee laid him in his cot beside me.” It didn’t help him to relax, he had to see for himself. They were now five minutes away.  
“Where is Rosalee?” interjected Monroe at the mention of his wife’s name. Let me speak to her.”  
“She’s not here. When I woke up Rosalee was gone.”  
“No….” Monroe couldn’t contain his fear either.”  
“She left me a text, saying Juliette had come to the house and that they stepped out to “talk”. She sent the text thirty minutes ago….”  
“That bitch! I swear, if she touches one hair on Rosalee’s head…I don’t care she was your girlfriend but she’s dead.” He pulled out his own phone to see if his wife had sent a distress call or text and there was at least one message. It was also thirty minutes old. He opened his inbox. “She texted me.” He said hurriedly.   
“I am so sorry Monroe, I didn’t know….”  
“She said she was on her way to the spice shop. She had to make an excuse to leave the house and not invite Juliette into my house. Maybe if she reminded Juliette of her threat against me, it would have been enough to tell her to get the hell away from her!”  
“Adalind, we’ll be there in a minute, lock the doors until we get there!” Nick ordered while Monroe dialled his wife’s number.  
“There’s no answer!” he said in frustration. He dialled the spice shop’s number and there was no answer there either. Nick could see his friend was close to losing it but he could only focus on one thing at a time and he felt terrible for it.  
“Try again,” he said to Monroe, “maybe she’s busy and can’t come to the phone.” He said as he slammed the brakes in front of the house. He heard Monroe’s relief at finally reaching his wife.  
“Rosalee, thank God!”  
Nick didn’t even wait to hear the rest as he ran up to the front door and banged his fist on the wooden door.  
“Adalind, open the door!” he cried out. 

He heard nothing behind the door. He tried once more. He was about ready to break it down when Monroe came up from behind him with keys. He seemed much light hearted now that he’d spoken to his wife, clearly Rosalee was more than okay but that didn’t assuage the lump in the pit of Nick’s stomach. He’d just spoken to Adalind but he was desperate to see her. Monroe unlocked the front door. Nick pushed passed him and stopped suddenly at the foot of the stairs. Adalind was clinging to the wall at the top of the stairs, perspiration visible across her brow. She looked like she’d just finished the New York Marathon.

“Oh thank God,” she exhaled. "I didn’t think I was going to make it down these steps after the first trip and Kelly’s fully awake now." 

Nick could hear his son’s wailing all the way down. It likely filled the whole house; he was that loud. He could only be thankful Kelly didn’t make his presence know when Juliette showed up. Adalind turned her back to him. He felt her desperation to return to their son but was hampered by her slow progress. Nick climbed the stairs two at a time, reaching her side before she even took a first step, offering his help. He apologised for forcing her out of bed.

“It’s okay, I needed the exercise. the doctor did say I should walk more.” She let him lead her back into the guest room, to Kelly.”  
“Yeah, I know you need it but not up and down the stairs…you should have stayed in your room after locking the door. I should have waited for Monroe to open instead of causing all this commotion, dragging you out of bed and now he’s awake and you look like you haven’t slept a wink.” She really looked fragile and felt so in his arms.

Nick was afraid to lift her in case he caused her stitches to tear so pulled her to him, so he would carry most of her weight until he could lay her back on the bed. Kelly’s screeching was deafening once in the bedroom. Adalind was already reaching for him before Nick could lay her on the bed. She tried to lift Kelly into her arms but winced in pain and collapsed back against her pillows.

“Take it easy,” he said, cautioning her. “I will get him for you.” Nick obliged her. 

He picked up his squalling son and placed him gently in her arms. He saw her bite back the pain of holding him against her, inches away from the where the doctors cut her open in order to bring their son into the world. She had a natural birth with Diana but Adalind would forever carry the evidence of carrying his son for nine months just below her waist. No one would ever see it…except him, he thought.

"We need to talk about what happened earlier.” Nick the detective finally made an appearance; he’d sat by the side lines long enough.  
“He must be hungry by now,” she said instead after several attempts to calm Kelly down, ignoring him in the process. 

Nick took a seat beside her and watched mother and child, drinking them in, wild horses would not drag him away from their side. Adalind gave him a look, he couldn’t make heads or tails of it until she spoke.

“I’m need to feed Kelly…” she said, with added emphasis on the word “feed”. His ears burnt red at the implication.   
“But…” he was at a loss for words.  
“You can stay…if you want. I’m not chasing you away…” She said, her eyes downcast, hiding behind thick lashes. 

No, she wasn’t chasing him out, in fact it felt more like an invitation but not to talk. She wanted him to stay as she prepared to attend to their son’s need. Whatever she was really asking, he could see she was as awkward as he was embarrassed by the sudden turn of events. Nick remained seated, unsure of what to do. 

This was his son about to feed and he’d already seen all of Adalind so really there was nothing to fear or be embarrassed about. Adalind unbuttoned the top half of her cotton pyjamas, exposing herself. Nick averted his eyes as Kelly took her left teat full in the mouth and began to suckle. He tried not to think of Adalind’s full breast as his son fed and that only made the rest of his face turn red. He heard and saw a whisper of a smile touch Adalind’s lips, clearly finding amusement at his cost. 

“It’s not funny,” he said, reading her thoughts.  
“…Only a little.” She admitted. 

Her smile broadened, causing him to see the lighter side of his circumstance. It was a remarkable sight but Kelly had other ideas. Hardly five minutes passed before Kelly had enough. She tried changing sides but he refused to suck any more. Adalind covered herself and nestled him against her shoulder until she heard a little burp, followed by a more robust one before she was satisfied. She cradled him instead of placing him back in his cot. They still had to talk but she seemed more interested in the baby, almost too much so, it dawned on him. 

“You know you have to talk to me some time.” He placed his hand on the other side of her, essentially blocking her, forcing Adalind to look at him instead of Kelly.  
‘I know…” She sighed.  
“Tell me seriously, are you feeling alright? You’ve been acting odd since we came back. On the phone you were talking freely about what happened and now, it’s like you’re hiding behind Kelly.”  
“I’m doing no such thing.”  
“You used to be a better liar than this, What happened between the phone call and now?”  
“Nothing, I swear.”  
“Well, something’s happened. You know you can tell me right?”  
“It’s okay, really. I’m okay. We’re okay. Did you talk to Rosalee? I don’t hear Monroe freaking out….” He didn’t appreciate how easy she changed the subject. 

It’s an oddity he’s picked up since her return, another one of those changes he noticed in her character. The woman before him shied away from the attention, almost always deflecting it away from her. She was almost ready to collapse in his arms when he took her in his arms and led her back to bed but she’d rather play with Kelly or talk about Rosalee. The old Adalind would have lapped up all the attention and found a million ways to keep the focus on her. 

“Yes, she was at the spice shop with Juliette. She said she had to leave suddenly because she didn’t want Juliette knowing you and Kelly were home with her.” He answered her question but he’d rather talk about her. 

It was crazy to miss the old Adalind because at least she would let him know, no holds barred, what she really thought, how she really felt. She wouldn’t keep him in the dark so much. 

“Oh….” A strange look settled on her features.   
“Okay, I know that look; now tell me what’s really going on with you. And I am not moving until you tell me. I am a CPP’s best detective and have means and way s to get my confession now spill it!”  
“Okay fine. Maybe it’s nothing…” She said.  
“Maybe it’s something.” He countered.  
“I think Juliette knew I was here all along. I think she wanted Rosalee out of the way.” That unsettled him.   
“What makes you say that?” He asked impatiently.  
“I don’t know, it’s a nagging feeling. When I called you, I had just seen the text from Rosalee and so I called you immediately but after I hung up, I started thinking. When I woke up, I heard something…a tickering sound outside the window, I’m not really sure. I think whatever noise I heard, woke me from sleep. I forgot how having a baby made me into light sleeper, like sleeping with one eye open. I did that with Diana. I snapped awake at first, thinking of Kelly. The sound was right out the window then it fade away so I dismissed it…”  
“…But…”  
“…But then I heard from the front of the house. It wasn’t as loud but I could still hear the tickering. I called out to Rosalee but she didn’t respond. I got worried when I realised the house was too quiet except that tickering. I saw her text and called her immediately but she didn’t answer.”  
“You did what? What if Juliette had answered instead.”  
“Oh don’t worry about that. Rosalee doesn’t have my number saved on her phone.”  
“You still shouldn’t have done taken that risk. You should have called me first.”  
“I did call you when Rosalee wouldn’t pick up. That’s when the tickering stopped. I heard at a voice.”  
“You think someone was here, trying to break into the house?” He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.  
“I’m not really sure someone was trying to break in but whatever I heard, it stopped and I haven’t heard it since. Maybe I was imagining it and I wanted something to be wrong. I found it weird that Juliette suddenly made an appearance and I couldn’t get hold of Rosalee. The last sound I heard was you banging on the door. Maybe I am being paranoid…” 

He didn’t think she was, his whole life, he was taught to always trust his first instincts, more often than not, they proved to be true. If Juliette didn’t know Adalind was here, it wouldn’t be long before she did find out, all she’s have to do is ask one of Monroe’s neighbours. Everyone and their dog likely knew Adalind was now at Monroe’s but that shouldn’t matter much for long, he would take her and their son to the loft and soon.

“I don’t think you’re being paranoid, in fact I’d like for us to go back to the loft and soon. At least there, you would both be safe from Renard or Juliette” He said as he stroked the little hair atop his son’s head.   
The heard a knock on the door.   
“Hey, are you okay?” Monroe stuck his head through the door.  
“We’re okay. How’s Rosalee?” She asked.  
“Relieved. She apologises for abandoning you the way she did, but she had no choice.”  
It’s okay Monroe. We are all okay and that is what matters.”  
“She’s on her way now. The whole thing was just weird. According to Rosalee, Juliette was desperate to talk and when they go to the spice shop Juliette did a 180, like she couldn’t wait to leave. They talked but nothing consequential, it was like Juliette was buying time but for what? They were both there when I called the shop. She didn’t answer the first two rings. Juliette hightailed from there pretty soon after, like she got what she wanted…or rather she didn’t. Like I said, weird.” 

Nick suspected that she ran when she realised her subterfuge was discovered. The question was did she act alone or was Sean the mastermind behind all of this? They waited until Nick away and totally unawares. It was a good thing Adalind woke when she did or else who knows what would have happened, what he would have found. The thought sent a chill down his spine. He did his best not to think about death as he watched Adalind watching his son. 

“I’m really glad Rosalee’s okay but I think it’s time we all got out of your hair.” He said to Monroe who just passed him a knowing look and nodded before leaving them alone. 

Adalind had exhausted her stay and their hospitality and Nick couldn’t continue to put everyone in his life at risk. If Juliette was indeed trying to get to Adalind, she would try again and she may not even bother to spare their friends to do it. Another thought crossed his mind. Did Juliette know about his son’s birth, is that what prompted this audacious move? Perhaps it would have been better to have gone to the safe house directly from the hospital but hindsight was 20/20 and there was nothing he could do about what almost happened. What mattered now was what he did to ensure his friends and more importantly, his family’s safety. 

His family…he tried the word several times over in his mind. His family…. That is what Adalind and Kelly were to him now, his family and Nick would protect them from Sean and even from Juliette or any other threat that comes their way, unto his dying breath.  
“What are you thinking?” Adalind asked him.   
“Hmmm….”   
“I asked what you were thinking. You looked like you were a million miles away just now.”   
Nick took her one free hand and brushed it against his lips. “I was just thinking.”  
“About…?”  
“How our lives have changed.”  
“Are you having second thought about keeping us with you in?”  
“No…never. We’re a family now, you, me and Kelly. I could never send you away.”   
“We’re a family…” Adalind repeated after him, feeling out those three little words herself. He loved her smile, the genuine one that she never showed anyone other than his mother and now him. It was the only time she let herself be vulnerable, showing genuine emotion behind the walls she’d built over the years. Nick lowered his lips to hers.  
“What’s that for?” she asked him after he finally pulled away.  
“Thank you.”  
“What for?” she looked confused.  
“For being you.” He kissed her again and longer this time. A devilish smile remaining behind as she pulled away from him panting to catch her breath.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Nick didn’t waste any time. After Rosalee returned from her aborted meeting with Juliette, he questioned her extensively about the whole encounter. He asked questions pertaining to when Juliette showed up (she arrived at 14h35), how she looked (she looked good, as far as Rosalee could tell), what they talked about (mending their broken friendship or rather an attempt at the very least), what were her mannerisms (at first, insistent and later on, distracted) etc. He asked Rosalee for every minute little detail. He was convinced, as Adalind, that Juliette was there for ulterior motives but didn’t voice his suspicions. The last time the two women talked, Juliette wasn’t interested in salvaging their friendship. She had threatened Monroe’s life, going off the deep end.

Monroe had a protective arm around his wife’s shoulders as Nick, in detective mode, prodded and pushed Rosalee to remember more. “Any detail you can think of will help….” Nick said with emphasis.  
“Do you really think she was up to no good?” Adalind detected some disappointment in the other woman’s voice. She couldn’t blame Rosalee for holding on to the woman she used to know, her friend. Adalind didn’t have many of those, not that she had them in the past but she empathised with Rosalee at the thought of losing one. It couldn’t be easy, accepting a new reality that wrestled so dramatically with the old.

“Nick, what are you thinking man?” Monroe asked his friend, sensing a deeper reason behind Nick’s meticulous gathering of seemingly benign details surrounding Juliette. Adalind didn’t detect any regretful sentiment behind Monroe’s words. Of the married couple, he was the only one interested in the facts as they presented themselves. There was no latent mourning of the broken friendship with Juliette. Adalind guessed that worrying about Rosalee, even if it was for a fraction of the afternoon, depleted any attachments he may have felt for Juliette, should it be revealed she had nefarious intentions against his Rosalee.

Nick told them what Adalind had shared with him earlier, the possibility of Juliette distracting Rosalee for a possible kidnapping.   
“How did she know that Adalind was even here? I swear we’ve been careful, trying to keep to our regular routine as much as possible, no way Juliette could have known plus she was just in the hospital for a few days, having a baby…” Rosalee gasped with horror as her thought reached its inevitable conclusion. “You don’t think she was here to get to Kelly, do you?” she asked Nick.   
“I don’t know what to think any more. I want to think that Juliette is the same Juliette I met years ago but I am afraid that, maybe in her anger towards me, she’s aligned herself with very bad people who want to hurt me and Adalind. Renard is a manipulative piece of garbage. It wouldn’t shock me if he took advantage of Juliette after our breakup. But I can’t worry about her any more. Our paths have hit a fork in the road and there’s no turning back.” He looked directly at Adalind as he spoke.

Monroe tightened his hold and drew his wife to him in comfort. Adalind saw the guilt mar Rosalee’s kind features. She’d wondered the same since she spoke to Nick in her room. Of course without conclusive evidence, accusing someone that was once a significant other-almost-slash fiancé of attempted kidnapping or maybe even attempted murder was massive and something Nick couldn’t take lightly. Adalind couldn’t imagine what went through his mind. Did Juliette mean her harm, her blood ran cold when she thought of someone taking Kelly away from her. She already lost Diana, there was no way she’d let anything happen to Kelly, not ever! 

After an exhaustive afternoon, Nick packed up what little was left of Adalind and the baby’s belongings to leave for the loft. He secured Kelly in his baby seat before helping Adalind into the passenger side of his Cruiser. They waved his friends goodbye and left for the security of the secluded factory-safe house-loft. Nick’s aunt had originally meant for it to be a temporary hideout for when Nick might need it but what was meant to be temporary was becoming more and more less temporary and Adalind had actually missed its dry milk toast sort of feel. It was one of the few places in the world she remembered being happy despite everything.

Nick pulled into the garage, right next to Kelly’s truck, parked conspicuously in its place.   
“Well, home sweet home,” he said before cutting off the engine.   
“Home…” Adalind repeated but neither as a question nor a statement.   
“Yeah…at least for the foreseeable future, until things improve.” He meant until Sean Renard was no longer free to terrorise and threaten their lives. “I hope you do not mind.”  
“Mind? I actually miss this place. I am grateful your friends took me in but I liked and missed the freedom of this place?”  
“…Freedom…you missed being cooped up in this fortress?”  
“I’ve lived in worse and this place isn’t so bad once you get used to it. What can I say, it grew on me.”  
Kelly began to fuss, the hunger finally catching up to him since turning down a perfectly good meal earlier that day.  
“Let’s get you both settled in,” Nick said in response to his son’s muffled cries.   
He unsecured Kelly’s seat and lead Adalind to the elevator and into the loft.   
“He must be hungry by now,” Adalind said once they entered the bedroom. 

She really did miss the loft, never did she imagine it would be her home. The only reason she stayed as long as she did before Kelly’s death was the baby. They couldn’t afford to move Adalind outside of Portland and even further away from Renard’s grasp because of her pregnancy and even though Kelly was no longer with them, she was glad to be back here, the place where they got to spend her last days. Adalind remembered how excited Kelly was about being a grandmother. She felt the dull pain in her heart over her death. She never got to keep her promise. She named Kelly after his grandmother in memorial to the amazing woman who went above and beyond the calls of duty, like her son and hoped her son would follow in their footsteps, to be principled, gentle and strong immovable forces for good in a bad world.

Adalind settled on the bed, her back supported by the pillows as Nick lifted their son and placed him into her open arms. She didn’t wait for Nick to leave the room before attending to Kelly, whose fussing had descended into full blown cries. All her attention turned towards her son. She soldiered through the pain emanating from her lower belly, the pain medication doing its work, not enough to take the pain completely away but enough that she can remain functional to tend to her son. 

She would suffer through any pain necessary a hundred times over for her son, just to hold him in her arms as she did that moment. And she was grateful for it because it was a testament to his existence. She admired his countenance, his healthy colouring, She remembered the hours just before his birth. Guilt wrecked her when the nurse said they’d lost his heartbeat. A million thoughts went through her mind, like did she somehow kill him while still in her womb? She had refused to push when Dr Simmons told her to and Adalind worried that her refusal jeopardised her son’s life. She begged and pleaded with the doctor to do everything in his power to save his life, “Even if it kills me, save my baby!” she ordered him. 

Adalind couldn’t stop looking at him in wonder. It was almost impossible to believe that he was there in her arms, her little bundle of joy. It didn’t fill the emptiness left by Diana’s absence but she made more than enough room in her heart for her little Kelly. She committed his face and features to memory. He was perfect, noting the blond wisp of hair on his head that would likely darken when he’s older, his grey eyes, Nick’s eyes staring up at her. She ran her finger on the little dimple barely visible at the bottom of his chin, her mother’s nose, her nose. He was weird combination of his both parents, the good and the bad. She hoped the good would dominate any flaws he may have inherited from her. She couldn’t take her eyes of him and after their eventful first day back from the hospital, she determined she never.

When he refused to suckle anymore and burped him and Adalind laid him to sleep in his new bassinet, a beautiful gift from Rosalee. A delicious smell of dinner wafted up her nostrils. It drew her from the comforts of a warm bed. She saw the table set for two, nothing romantic but not unromantic, she thought. For the first time, it was just her and Nick. There was no Monroe to help drink under the table after his engagement to Rosalee. There was no Kelly to buffer them, although baby Kelly was there, unlike his grandmother, he wouldn’t join them for dinner or make conversation about his day. It was going to be just Nick and Adalind, alone together for the first time and suddenly she was nervous. 

“Hey, I bought us some Chinese food, I hope you like Wonton noodle soup. I didn’t know what you’d like…” Nick greeted her from the kitchen side, throwing away the empty boxes.   
“I love Chinese. But how…when…?” She turned to look once more at Kelly but he brooked no complaints.  
“Oh don’t worry, I bought this earlier today, I just warmed it up. Nobody knows we’re here. So you can relax, he’s not going anywhere. What you can do is join me for dinner, I promise you, nothing will happen to our son, not while I’m here.”  
“Thank you. You think I’m being paranoid?”  
“I think you’re being a mother and you are being cautious. It’s understandable.”  
“No, you are right. This place is a fortress, Kelly is sleeping soundly and I have nothing to worry about,” she tried to convince himself.

She stepped down to join him at the table but she was moving too slow as needles of pain pricked her abdomen insistently. Before she could think, Nick was already by her side, half lifting her half guiding her, his hand brushing briskly down her lower back, ushering her to the table. He pulled out a chair, the one that faced the bedroom allowing her a view of Kelly even as they ate. She thanked him for his attentiveness and secretly enjoyed the thrill elicited by the touch of his fingers down her back, through the cotton fabric, how it set her body aflame in defiance of the pain she felt and the almost numbing of sensations from the pain medication prescribed by her doctor and took her seat. 

This newfound closeness between them was so strange and yet comfortable…too comfortable, Adalind thought as she watched Nick pour her a glass of fresh juice. He was satisfied taking a swig of his beer. She would have preferred a nice glass of wine but that would have been too romantic, she thought and it honestly wouldn’t have been allowed anyway seeing that she was off the alcohol, at least until she was off her meds. 

“It smells divine,” she said, savouring the hot food before her.  
“Good, because it was either that or pizza…” Nick took the seat opposite her. He looked even more delicious than the food and knew he smelled even better; she imagined but schooled her thoughts, focusing instead on their dinner.  
“Hmm, Chinese…pizza, it’s all the same. It’s real food, compared to whatever the hospital served as food. After that first night, I was dying for some fish sauced wings. Honestly, anything deep fried would have been good enough, I was that desperate.”   
“I will keep that in mind for next time.” He smirked.  
“Mmm…this is amazing.” She sounded like she just orgasmed which made Nick stare in wonder.   
She flushed.   
“I didn’t know it was THAT good.” Nick actually laughed. 

He had a deep throaty laugh, she didn’t realise she’d missed. Her life was a barrage of a difficult upbringing, bad choices and horrible consequences. Looking back, there were a few good moments that she could remember and cherish; like the day she held Diana for the first time, her first night with Nick and the day Kelly was born. Somewhere between the last two moments, she’d learnt to care for the man now sitting across the table from her, to cherish the sparkle in his eyes and the timbre of his laugh on the rare occasion something brought him joy, because Adalind couldn’t remember the last time she heard that sound. The last time Nick’s eyes shone like that was when he held his son for the first time, she’d never forget that day, how happy he looked in the midst of all his burdens.

“Hello, Adalind…” she heard him call out her name, so lost she was in her thoughts. Adalind pushed aside her plate.  
“What is it?” Nick asked her, concern written on his face.  
“It’s nothing, really.”  
“Clearly it’s something because you looked like you were a million miles away just now. A penny for your thoughts….”  
“I was just thinking…I’m worried about you.” There, she’d finally said it.  
“Me?” he said in genuine surprise, which only made her more uncomfortable. This was more than a little awkward, their “relationship”. The ground beneath her feet was constantly shifting, nothing was certain. Were they friends? Lovers? The only certainty was that they were both Kelly’s parents, and for that reason alone she was allowed to care about Nick, to worry about him.  
“Yes, you.” She coloured under Nick’s scrutiny. “I’m wondering how you’re still standing after everything. You have taken on so much and taking every hit life’s thrown your way…”  
“I can say the same thing about you.”  
“ But the problems I have, I brought it on myself.”  
“Don’t do that, make excuses for that man and every terrible things he’s ever done to you.” He said with passion. It sent a delicious shiver down her spine just looking at him.   
“It doesn’t change anything but this is about you and not me. Nick I know everything you’ve done, how even after all these years, you’ve never given up on getting Sean despite the cost to you. Then I came along, bringing my own brand of problems. For so long, I was nothing but a first class bitch to you. Then I show up out of nowhere…”  
“Hey, I thought we were leaving the past in the past?” He interrupted.  
“Just let me finish…I show up out of nowhere, pregnant and you still took me in, no questions asked and you have even helped look for my daughter despite all the evidence to the contrary in the beginning, incurring more of Sean’s wrath on yourself. You lost your mother and you are still taking care of me (and our son). I don’t know how you’re still standing. I would have lost my mind a long time ago.   
“In the years that I have known you, you’ve never taken a break, not once and yes, I noticed. And I’m willing to bet that in the years that I was away, you were right there in the thick of things, when someone needed you; doing what you’ve always done which bringing criminals to justice and serving and protecting the people of Portland from scum like Renard. My point is, you are always taking care of other people and I’m wondering if anyone’s ever taken care of you.”

It got quiet suddenly. Perhaps she revealed too much but it was the truth. Nick had always been selfless, giving his time, his energy into helping others. She witnessed it first hand when they were on opposite sides of the law and now she experienced his selflessness directly and it bothered her that she hadn’t done more to return the favour. Her attempt on the day she went into labour proved fruitless. It had been several days now since she decided to use all the information she knew to help Nick against Sean and nothing had come of it. Perhaps Meisner caught wind of what she had done and intercepted all her efforts before they could pay dividend. Looking at Nick from across the table, she wished more than anything that she’d succeeded. 

It’s been days since she submitted that article on “Portland Corruption” read: Sean Renard and all she’s heard since returning from the hospital is how Sean may be the answer to Portland’s problems, should he become its new Mayor. Her attempt at writing an exposé on the corrupt Police Captain was probably embargoed before it even saw the light of day. Meisner could have hacked Kelly’s computer, and stopped her before she did anything he may have deemed stupid or felt jeopardised his case against Renard, but how could he when Kelly told her explicitly that it couldn’t be done. No one could hack her computer, at least not as easily or as quickly as any regular computer for someone with nothing to hide, there wasn’t enough time for Meisner to do anything.

Or perhaps her article did go through to OregonLive but the editor trashed it. No self-respecting editor would publish a piece of unsubstantiated work, particular when it involved the bastard son of one of the biggest families in the US as well as Austria. She didn’t name him as the kingpin of almost every organised crime the CPP failed to close or convict but any smart reader could add two plus two and know exactly whom the article as about. She made sure nothing could be traced back to her, it was import she remain anonymous so when the shit hit the fan, Sean wouldn’t suspect a thing.   
She wanted him to think it was one of his many disgruntled employees he’s betrayed and destroyed throughout his illustrious career as a cop and a criminal. Nobody (especially Nick) could know what she did, for all their sakes. She peered once more across the table at Nick, trying to keep a straight face, knowing how quick his instincts were at picking little subtle details, perceive guilt from just a look at a person’s face. But nothing had happened. Sean was still running for Mayor, then why worry about Nick finding out what she’d done. Nothing had come of any of her actions, anonymous or not?

Nick smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Thank you for caring but I am okay.”  
“It’s not fair. You deserve better….”  
“Life isn’t fair but such is life. Losing my mother for a second time and so soon after I found her again…I cannot fully describe what that pain is like. I never got over it the first time and I don’t think I ever will this time. But life can sometimes surprise you. I have lost so much but I have also gained so much in return. There’s this indescribable feeling, I don’t know what it is but when I think about Kelly, my heart swells so much I think it might burst from sheer joy…and terror. When I think about what could have happened to you both, if Juliette had gotten to you two…I don’t think I could survive that. I will take a break the day Sean Renard is completely out of both our lives.”   
“But it shouldn’t be that way. Why must you be the one saddled with all of this? Why couldn’t Meisner do his job and leave you to live your life instead of shouldering so much burdens alone.”  
“But I am not alone….” Allow his implication to settle between them. 

He wasn’t alone because she was there with him, she understood his struggles, his pain and yearned for everything he did, to be free. He deserved to enjoy the warmth of the sun on his face, or the kiss of a light ocean breeze…. She closed her eyes, feeling the warm sand between her toes; tasting the salty ocean breeze as Nick lavished sweet kisses down her neck…She quickly opened her eyes to find him looking intently at her, thankful and slightly disappointed he couldn’t read minds.

“I guess I have never thought about it before, always doing what had to be done, I never noticed. When I was growing up, I never learnt to relax, my aunt moved us around a lot and that meant never staying in one place for too long. At first I thought it was because of her job always keeping her on the move but I realise now that it was because she didn’t want us to stay in one place for too long. I never knew she stayed in contact with my mother all this time and whoever my mother’s enemies were, they knew she had a kid and I guess to keep me safe, we became nomadic.”  
“But then you came to Portland and that changed.”  
“Yes but not so much. I became a cop, almost following in my mother’s footsteps; Although I decided to stay in Portland, my spirit couldn’t quieten down, always pushing myself, that’s why I made detective too early. In a way, my mother’s genes and the way my aunt raised me, it was a bad combination from the get go that made taking a “break” impossible. I couldn’t say no to Meisner even if I wanted to.”  
“Well… it wasn’t always a bad combination. There were times when it was just sexy.” She said before she could stop herself.  
“Sexy…really?” He leaned over the table with a devilish glint in his eyes.   
Yes, most definitely sexy, Adalind thought as a knowing smile touched her lips. She lowered her eyelids, as she bit her lower lip trying to ignore the warmth pooling down below. When she raised her eyes to Nick’s, he licked his lower lip, shooting wild electricity right through her whole body, flashing her a smile that spoke of want, desire and heat all at once. Her own tongue quickly jutted out wetting her lips at the thought of her and Nick. But she stopped herself, this was not the time to be flirting with Nick Burkhardt, she reprimanded herself but to no avail when he looked at her as he did, hungry but not for Chinese soup between them. 

She remembered one of their many heated encounters from the past. He’d look at her with the same fiery passion, but never with the intent to actually kiss her at the end as she was certain he wanted to do right there in the middle of the loft. She had teased him and toyed with him mercilessly knowing he’d never give in. He was a police officer and she was his suspect and there the fact that he had a girlfriend. But no, he was still a cop and they shared a child together and Juliette was no longer between them, increasing the thrill of tempting him like before, a hundred fold knowing how it could end if they both let it.

“Really.” She whispered, before deciding to take the proverbial plunge. “One of the several times you cornered me into your interrogation room without Hank, I may have imagined you having your way with me right there in the middle of the station…or not…” she admitted.  
“Interesting…I think I remember at least one of those times, you practically threw yourself at me, playing the innocent victim put upon by…how did you used to call me…oh yes, ‘Officer Burkhardt’.”  
“I did no such thing!” She protested but they both knew it was a front. Nick just laughed at her false indignation.   
“Okay fine, you caught, Officer Butkhardt,” she said in that same sexy voice she used on him years ago, in a different lifetime, enjoying his reaction this time.  
What was she doing? Had she lost her mind? Nobody knew that she had a secret fetish for the strong arm of the law that was Detective Burkhardt from Central Precinct. She watched as his smile broadened, lighting his features even more. That was a face she’d never tire of seeing every day for the rest of her life, especially when it was directed at her. On any other day, she’d die of mortification just thinking about those dubious days as Sean Renard’s lackey, corrupt lawyer on retainer and a thorn in Nick’s side hampering one or more of his many investigations, but to see the look on Nick’s face was worth it.  
“So you wanted to have your way with this sexy detective?” he laughed out loud.   
“Stop it.” She said trying to temper her embarrassment.  
“You think I’m sexy.” He chimed, teasing her even more.  
“Oh for crying out loud, I had one stupid fantasy Nick, no need to make a mountain out of a mole hill and we weren’t talking about me.” She tried to change the subject, unable to control her feelings from showing on her face like Las Vegas Boulevard neon lights flashing.   
“Well, we can’t really talk about me, without talking about you and you’re one that called me sexy, I had nothing to do with that…”   
“We can drop it now, I feel so embarrassed.” She turned the colour of beetroot and lifted her hands to cover her face but it was too late for that.   
She heard the wooden chair graze the hard floor as Nick pushed back his chair, stood up and walked around to her side. He knelt before her and attempted to uncover her hidden face.  
“What are you doing?” she asked him as her whole body tensed. “I don’t want you to see me.”  
“Why? Because you think I’m sexy?”  
“Can you stop saying that, I feel embarrassed enough right now, no need to have it on repeat.”  
“You’ve got nothing to feel embarrassed about. I will make my own confession, it’s only fair, don’t you think?” He said as he peeled her hands from her face.   
Adalind eyed him suspiciously.  
“Hi.” He greeted her with a smile when their eyes locked, gosh she really loved his eyes.   
Nick lifted himself off the floor and grabbed the nearest chair available, closing the distance between them.   
“The first time I saw you, I thought you were sexiest woman I had ever seen.” She scoffed in disbelief.  
“It’s true. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. The first thing that caught my attention was you gorgeous smile, then your incredible body and lastly the shape of your legs. I swear I had never reacted so viscerally to a woman before or even after that day. You caught me by complete surprise. I didn’t know what to think. Hank was with me that day and even he saw my reaction to you.  
“I tried to deny it when he asked me what I thought of you. I even made up some story about you wearing Armani, making low six figures, driving a BMW and falling for your senior partner at your law firm.”  
“Wow, that’s three out of four correct. I did wear Armani, drove a 6 Series Coupé with what Berman paid me but I drew the line when it came to office romance, it’s bad for business and the senior partners were all in the fifties, eww.”  
“The point is, I couldn’t admit to looking at another woman other than Juliette and actually desired her. I have been attracted to you since the first day I laid my eyes on you. Not only were you sexy, you became a challenge.”  
“Don’t you mean I became a nuisance?”   
“Hey, are you going to let me finish or what?” he rebuked her.  
“As I was saying, you challenged me and in a way I didn’t appreciate until later. You Miss Schade pushed me to do better as a detective.”  
“That’s me, Adalind Schade, woman of the year.” She couldn’t keep the derision from her voice.   
“I am being serious. You kept me at the top of my game. Yes, you were infuriating, but I worked all the harder to make sure I put the right people behind bars where they belonged.” He silenced another one of her interjections to the contrary, Sean Renard.   
“Apart from my inspired diligence at work, you also made me feel things I never wanted to admit at the time, not even to myself, until now. You Adalind Schade, are very sexy but even more than that, you are incredibly beautiful. I admire you, your bravery in the face of insurmountable odds, to go against a man like Renard knowing who and what he is, I couldn’t ask for a better, stronger mother for my son.”

It was hard to believe that he was talking about her, of all people. She’d never inspired anyone in her whole life and for him to take all her mistakes and put a spin to her actions as something good was just too much for her.   
“You’ve surprised me every day. I thought I knew you, everything you were about. I buried all of those feelings I had because of your relationship with Renard, I was disappointed and thought you were something (I now know) you were not. A part of me wanted you still. Whenever we argued, my blood boiled from more than just anger and frustration at you standing in my way, I know it craved to feel your body pressed against mine. After all these years, I am glad to finally know the real you, the woman that isn’t selfish or unfeeling. You actually care about someone other than yourself, my mother, Rosalee…me. It’s taken years but I don’t have to pretend or hide what I feel for you anymore and I don’t want to. I like you Adalind Schade, a lot and that is the honest truth, get used to it.”

Adalind searched his face for a hint of duplicity, it wasn’t like Nick to lie, he’d always been up front with her. But she wasn’t the gullible girl from yesteryear ready to swallow whatever compliment men threw at her, shallow or otherwise. But what reasons did Nick have to lie to her? He wasn’t Sean who always used his words to get whatever he wanted, from her, from everyone else…. She searched his face, looking into the eyes she knew so well, looking for any hint at all he was lying. He wasn’t. It is said that eyes were the window to a man’s soul and she knew those grey eyes better than any other she’d seen. She knew their anger, the conflict within them, their confident glint, the sorrow behind them and now when they shone with happiness, Nick wasn’t lying or even trying to make her feel better about her wretched past.

She didn’t know what to say. Nobody had ever said anything like that to her and actually meant it. Her mother never could, not that she ever tried to be nice to Adalind and Sean was too self-absorbed to even notice her. She choked on unspoken words, bursting to spill out into the open and tell him how much it meant to hear how he felt but she couldn’t Her eyes began to water under the weight of this revelation.

“Is what I have said so hard to accept?” he squeezed her hand, and she aware of not just his physical presence but looking back into their past with a new eye, picking apart every word spoken, every touch, how their lives could have been different….  
“When you’ve lived my life, you realise that trust isn’t a natural thing. It’s not that I don’t want to.”  
“I know, I was like that when growing up moving from state to state. I never could truth anyone except my aunt. I learnt from her more than what was good for me. I learnt not to trust people. She did her best but I noticed how she closed herself to our neighbours, not because she didn’t like people or that we were going to stay for longer than necessary before something made us move. She was the only constant in my life. Everyone else well…there came a time when I used to think why bother getting to know this person or that because I was leaving tomorrow even when we didn’t. I made acquaintances, not friends because I couldn’t trust anyone to be there for me. I know it’s not the same but it gets to be very lonely still and you said it yourself. I came to Portland and things changed. I learnt to open up myself to those around me, to put my trust in people.”  
“You make it sound so easy.”  
“It is. There comes a time when you must stop letting the past colour your present and dictate your future.” He paused and looked intently into her eyes. “Do you trust me?” he asked.  
“I do.” She answered in earnest.

*/*/*

They ate the rest of their dinner in awkward expectancy. Talking so freely about their past led to some tip toeing about their present.   
“Thank you for the food.” She said.  
“It was nothing,” he said as he cleared the table.  
“I guess this is goodnight,” she said when she couldn’t think of anything else to say. 

Nick turned around to face her, and wished her a very goodnight. Adalind disappeared into her bedroom, closing the doors behind her. She checked on Kelly first, needing to be sure he was more than okay. He was still fast asleep, without a care in the world. She watched as he took little breaths that filled his tiny little lungs, sustaining his life. He was at peace. She envied him a little, she has never know that kind of peace, to be in absolute rest. And the stiffness in her bones and weary mind were the opposite of what she needed to get a good night’s sleep, let alone rest. She should be used to it by now.

It didn’t take too long to get herself ready for bed, all she did was changed from her drab unflattering outfit to some pyjamas and tying a band around her hair and that was it, not the preening fan fair of so many years ago when she took too much pride in her appearance, desperate to catch Sean’s attention. She switched off the light and got under the warm covers as she listened to Nick go through his, Kelly’s security checklist before bathing the loft in total darkness and sleep the rest of the day away.

Adalind tossed and turned for what seemed like forever, she couldn’t sleep. She pricked her ears listening for any movement outside her room but it was as dead as a graveyard. She looked at the clock beside her a bed, it was just over an hour had passed since Nick went to sleep and she couldn’t. 

Adalind closed her eyes, willing her body to relax and give in to the tendrils of sleep but still nothing. She checked the clock one more time and saw that only eighteen more minutes had passed since the last time.   
“Just close your eyes, find something you can focus on…like Nick… ” she said to herself as she closed her eyes.

It worked. She felt herself drifting but instead of seeing Nick’s face, Renard and Juliette were waiting for her on the other side. They were there in her room, in the flesh, smirking down over her face. How did they get there? Nick…Kelly! She freaked. Adalind tried to move but her body felt like a boulder sunk to the depth of the ocean that was her bed. Why couldn’t she move? Where was Nick? What did they do to him? And Kelly…she had to get up and save her son, she thought desperately.   
“You know better than to run for me Adalind, I will always find you.” Sean sneered as he sat at the foot of the bed snaking his repulsive hand over her body. Adalind cringed, desperate to get away from him but remained glued to the spot. Something had paralysed from the neck down to her toes.

“What did you do to me?” she yelled at him.  
“Me? What have you done Addie. You thought I’d never find out. At first it was my distant cousins, the Lenhers in Austria, then it was the FBI and now you think you can ruin me by sharing our dirty little secrets with the world? OregonLive, really? You had to know I’d find out what you were up to you stupid little girl.”  
“You deserve it so much more!” she spewed in his direction.   
He only smiled in return, “Yeah, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. I hope you realise if I go down, I am going to drag along with me and this little fantasy you’ve got going here will go poof in a pillar of smoke.”  
“I should have killed you when I had the chance.” growled Juliette. Adalind was swivelled her head towards the brunette, moving the only part of her body she had the power to command.   
“Not yet my pet. I’m not through playing with my food. You’ll get your chance soon enough,” Sean said to Juliette, who had been quiet since Adalind made her out in the dark. Adalind saw the hatred blazing through the dark abyss that was her eyes. Juliette creepily turned away from Adalind and sensing a better target than the woman that ruined her life and stalked to Kelly’s bassinet painfully out of Adalind’s reach.   
“Move damnit!” Her mind screamed at her useless limbs but there was a disconnect between her mind and the rest of her body.   
“Here Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly…” Juliette leaned ever so slowly over Adalind’s son, making sure to keep one eye on Adalind, no doubt enjoying the fear she instilled in Adalind. The weight of fear descended on Adalind not helped by the fact that something bound her to the bed. She could hear Kelly’s little whimpers as he woke from his sleep at Juliette’s ministration. Adalind was completely powerless to stop the embittered woman from lifting her son from his bassinet, cradling him against her cheek. 

“You stay away from my son, you bitch!”   
“In another life, you could have been by son. I could have been your mother. If only your father stayed loyal to me.”   
“Give him to me,” she commended Juliette but she may as well have been talking to a wall as Juliette bounced Kelly in her arms like he was her own. “He’s not your son!” she screamed.  
Adalind could hear Kelly little whimpers turn to actual cries until finally he began to wail in earnest. She watched helplessly as he tried desperately to free his little body from Juliette, she was hurting him, holding him too tight against her chest.   
“You’re hurting him. If you want to hurt me, well here I am. He’s innocent!” she cried.   
“It’s nothing less than he deserves, he is after all your son, no child of yours is innocent.” Juliette finally spoke.  
“Juliette, please…” She pleaded as her son’s wailing crushed her heart.   
“Now isn’t this interesting. First Diana, and now your son…” Sean left the bed and stood beside Juliette.  
“His name is Kelly…”  
“How sadly ironic, you named him after Nick’s mother, perhaps it’s only fitting he join her…” said Juliette.   
No!  
“Get him to me, I’m begging you!” Adalind screamed over and over while fighting to break free of the spell that held her so captive before her enemies. Kelly’s cries increased, almost deafening her.  
“Kelly, mommy’s here. I won’t let them hurt you!” she kept talking, hoping the sound of her voice would reassure him. As she finally regained used of her arms and legs but that’s when Sean, Juliette along with her sign vanished before her very eyes, leaving behind an empty bassinet and her, completely distraught.  
“Kelly? KELLY!” she screamed herself horse. 

“Kelly!” she called out into the dead of night, her pyjamas soaked wet with sweat and tears. It was just a dream, a very horrible dream, she thought but she flung back her heavy covers and rushed to where her son slept. And he was exactly where she left him just hours before, sleeping soundly, oblivious to his mother’s distress. Although she sighed in relief, Adalind could feel her heart hurtling against her ribcage, like someone had set it on fire. Her baby was still safe and there with her. There was no Sean or Juliette to take him away from her, but couldn’t find comfort in that knowledge. Her dream was so really and so vivid, she swore she could still smell Sean’s putrid cologne wafting through the air. 

She stayed by Kelly’s side, watching over him, ignoring the sand in her eyes. There was no way she was going to sleep after that dream, fearing what other terrors laid beyond the darkness. But her whole body was yearning for the comforts of a bed and she couldn’t resist all night, she thought. Barely five minutes passed before her head dropped heavily over the side, forcing her awake. She must not sleep, she told herself but her body betrayed her time and again. After the fourth or fifth time she gave up trying choosing a different tact. It was crazy to think Sean and Juliette could ever take her son away that night, they didn’t even know where they were but she had to be certain there’d be no chance of that happening, no matter how infinitesimal. If only she’d stop seeing Sean and Juliette every time she closed her eyes….

She looked beyond the closed door, her mind made up. Adalind groped around in near darkness, opened the doors into an even darker loft looking for Nick. She descended the two steps onto the main floor and heard his voice.   
“What is it? Is there a problem?” He asked her, suddenly alert.   
She eventually saw him sleeping in the same place his mother slept.  
“I couldn’t sleep. Isn't it the baby that's supposed to keep the parents awake? Kelly's sleeping like…a baby if you can believe that. He’s got a lot less to worry about. For now at least.” She tried to make light of her situation.  
“Do you need something?” He asked, clearly concerned.  
“I do…you. Nick, I don't want to be alone right now.” She didn’t want to sound pathetic or needy but she needed him. 

He was the very definition of strength and she longed for the comfort of his arms. Why did he sleep all the way out here instead of with her? A bit presumptuous on her part but they’d already shared more than a bed and at least more than once before. What could it hurt? They needed do anything, jus sleep, she thought.   
Adalind walked right up to his bed and took hold of his hand, pulling him to his feet. Nick didn’t resist.   
“Are you okay?” He asked her again.  
“I know this is…well, whatever it is…maybe just for tonight, you could sleep in our room…” It wasn’t a question.  
Although she did her best not to seem spooked, Nick was an intelligent man. He probably figured it out already but she didn’t care, as long as he was in the same room as her and Kelly, she thought.  
“Alright.” He replied.  
“Thank you,” she said in return.

He quietly let her lead him into the bedroom, content to let her take the lead. Adalind felt heat radiating from him as his front made contact with her back, the heat in stark contrast to the cold hard floors. He didn’t once side step her and take the lead, despite her slowed pace, something he could have easily done.   
The minute they got into bed, he immediately wrapped his arms around her shivering frame, whether he thought it was from the cold or something, she could not bother. She was only grateful he was there. Adalind curled her arm around his waist, inching a little closer to Nick, only then did she allow herself to relax. 

“Are you okay? You can tell me.” He seemed to want to talk but already sleep had had all but laid claim on her consciousness.  
“I am now…” she managed to say before she was out like a light and for the first time that night, there was no Renard or weird crazed Juliette waiting for her on the other side.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

The first thing he saw (and felt) was Adalind’s blond hair tickling his face as he held her closely against his torso. He could definitely get used to waking up this way, every morning, for the rest of his life, he thought. Nick smiled as Adalind snuggled even closer into his embrace. He still couldn’t believe his life had turned, he had a dorky little grin on his face, and one Monroe would mock him endlessly if he ever saw him. The nights were getting longer and days getting shorter but he didn’t feel the cold because of the warm body pressed against him to keep him warm.

Nick resisted every urge to run his fingers across her body, fearing she’d wake and put an end to his little fantasy become a reality so soon. Nick wasn’t blind to the fact that less than a month ago, he’d never given Adalind more than a thought, why would he when he was with Juliette and Nick wasn’t a two-timing cad, even at his worst. But he remembered Kelly, his son and rethought his idea about his honour when he did cheat on Juliette. His memory was still a little foggy about that night. When at first he couldn’t remember Adalind at all, he now could see her that night at Joey’s, in his bed as clearly as he did that morning, sleeping soundly in his arms.

Nick examined his mind. He searched his heart for any conflict regarding his circumstances with Adalind. Yes, they shared a baby and yes, he loved her and perhaps for the first time, he felt no guilt for his feelings. He didn’t want to think about Juliette, but that was inevitable, he just didn’t want to think about his ex-girlfriend at a time when Adalind scent and feel of her body consumed every inch of him. The shift from one to the other felt almost instantaneous but that felt too much like a misnomer on closer examination.

Nick couldn’t deny his feelings for Adalind, not any longer. As they lay together that morning, he knew that his feelings for the mother of his child weren’t like some fledgling struggling to take flight for the first time. His feelings were like a volcano, long dormant hidden in plain sight as life around it carried on. His feelings were fiery hot. They ran deeper than he imagined and after years of the pressure building slowly, unimpeded beneath the surface, except for the occasional release of energy every time they met, it was only inevitable that one day that volcano would erupt and it did just that in so spectacular a manner, nothing could be the same thereafter.

Looking back at all those years, he wondered if he could’ve done things differently. He was incredibly grateful to his aunt but there were times Nick felt “stunted” by her unique brand of childrearing, at least that’s what his psychologist at the station called it during one of their many sessions since he joined Central Police and as a result, Nick “overcompensated” in his present for ever past “shortfalls”. He had moved around a lot as a child and as an adult, he had sought to create roots for himself by moving to and staying in Portland, she told him. There would be no more moving around, every decision he made was to foster a sense of permanence, a blatant rebellion to his past. So it was no surprised to realise one of those decisions was his continued relationship with Juliette. 

Years ago, on one sunny afternoon, Nick was faced with an existential dilemma and subconsciously he did what he’d taught himself to do and made the safe choice. Adalind had presented him with a situation he wasn’t quite ready to confront, so caught up he was in creating this good life for himself, not perfect, nothing quite that impossible. He felt uneasy at the thought of reducing his time with Juliette as something inconsequential, he’d given a good chunk of his adulthood to a life committed to her. He’d met her a couple of years after moving to Portland before summoning the courage to ask her on a date almost a year later. They were together six years after that, but barely two years into their relationship, had fate put Adalind in his path. 

Hank had the right idea, questioning Nick about his real thoughts on the blond albeit for less than noble reasons, Hank was already thrice divorced at the time and wasn’t exactly the authority on love, enabling Nick to disregard that little voice that whispered the beginning of the end for him and Juliette. Staunchly, Nick denied he felt anything for the blond and hid his true thoughts behind giving flippant description of her character.

If Nick had been truly honest with himself from the very beginning, he could have changed the course of all their lives and possibly spared Juliette and himself a lot of heartache in the process. Had he acknowledged, even in its smallest measure, that the day Adalind crossed his path, he couldn’t honestly build a life with Juliette, let alone continue as though his heart didn’t experience a shift of seismic proportions, how different their lives would look today. The Nick that woke up that morning with the intention to buy Juliette a wedding ring was not the same Nick that went to sleep later that same night, engagement ring well hidden in a chest of drawers. That was a fact. 

And for years, he had dodged the truth slapping him in the face every time he saw Adalind, fought with her, touched her until by forces beyond his stubborn control, he gave in and he finally spoke to Adalind, the full blooded woman who’d mesmerised him from day 1. He had loved Juliette it’d become apparent that he was never in love with her. And even though Adalind had driven him crazy for years working for Renard to undermine him in his investigation, Nick had fallen truly, madly and deeply in love with her, against all odds.

Nick leaned down, lightly brushing his lips on the soft top of her head, enjoying himself so much more than he ever thought he would. It was strangely liberating to finally admit the truth to himself and it was equally exhilarating to admit it to Adalind, or it soon would be once she was awake. A thrilling, yet unfamiliar excitement swept over his sinews at the thought of giving voice to such feelings welling up inside of him. He couldn’t wait for her to wake up, to look into her playful big blue eye so he could tell her just how much he loved her, how much he was in love with her. He wrinkled his knows as her hair blond hair tickled his face, inhaling deeply, relishing her nearness. She was a drug to which he was becoming more addicted to with each passing day. 

*/*/*

Nick felt Adalind shift carefully within his arms, she was awake.  
“Good morning,” she said, her voice dripping with heavy sleep.  
“Good morning.” He said cheerily, maybe a little too cheerily, he chastised himself.  
It was too soon to their relationship for his quirks to rear their ugly head. Were they in a relationship, he wondered. “Did you sleep okay?” He asked sans the goofish grin that plastered his face just moments ago.  
“Yes, thank you.” She replied formally, a little too formally, he noted. 

He detected no regret in her words but they did lack the similar sort of joy that he felt. Adalind half turned her face but didn’t reach all the way so their eyes could meet, like she had remembered something and didn’t want to meet his eyes, in case he didn’t like what he’d see in hers. Nick tried hard to not it her demeanour trouble him, not when the pieces his life were beginning to seemed to fit in all the right places.

“I’m really glad.” He said and nuzzled the crane of her neck.   
“I think we need to talk,” they both said at the same time.  
“What?” they did it again. 

Adalind swivelled her head fully, allowing him to finally see her in the first light of day. Damn, she was indeed very beautiful he thought to himself. It tickled him some to realise that he could think that, no, that he could say that and not be ashamed because it was the truth and he was free to tell like it was. Adalind turned the rest of her body to face him, breaking their morning connection and forcing them apart, something Nick didn’t appreciate at all.

“No you go first,” she told him shyly.  
“No, ladies first…” He insisted.  
“Alright fine...about last night…” She hesitated, her brow furrowed, causing Nick’s insides to twist uncomfortably. 

Oh no, what was that a look on her face? He agonised. He mentally took note of the space between them, a crevice but it may have well been the Grand Canyon if whatever Adalind struggled to say went against everything he was desperate to tell her; he loved her and wanted her in his life. Adalind seemed to take her time. He could see her counting her words, uncertain how to proceed, possibly crushing his heart before it had the real chance to soar.

“I feel a little stupid…after last night. I shouldn’t have…”

He said nothing, in case he put his foot in his mouth but his heart was beating so erratically, thundering against his chest, demanding some reprieve after years of being caged up like the many perps he put behind bars. For years he’d wrongfully imprisoned his heart for feeling something for this woman, he’d be damned if he spent another day locked up, s to speak. Without thinking, Nick kissed her, catching her by total surprise. It was very blunt and a little sloppy as his tongue desperately sought hers out, no finesse, no patience, and just raw unadulterated need. 

It was official, Nick had reverting to his teenage years, hormone fuelled, clumsy and brash and it scared him, who cared about morning breadth when all he wanted was to taste her to be inside of her. And luckily, he was rewarded when she began to kiss him back with equal fervour and rolled beneath him. This was so unlike him, letting his emotions get the best of him and ceding control to the flame rising deep inside of him for her and only her. 

“What…was that for?” she asked him after coming up for air. “Not that I’m complaining,” she added quickly.  
“I have been meaning to kiss you for a while now and having you so near it was getting harder to keep thinking about your lips without kissing you.”  
“You’ve been thinking about kissing me?”  
“I’ve been thinking about it…a lot, that and a lot of other things too.”   
“Really,” she blushed at his confession, to Nick’s contentment.

It was true, even if it was hardly twenty-four hours since they last kissed, it felt like it was an eternity instead. She tried to hide her smile He really loved her smile, the way her beautiful eyes sparkled, with a sweet shyness that tugged at his heart but there was he noticed something more that began to irk him. The firebrand that was Adalind Schade of old was replaced by this meeker substitute, beautiful but still very different to the Adalind that got his blood boiling in more ways than one. For just that morning, he wanted feisty confident Adalind back, the one who matched him barb for barb. 

He looked deeply into her eyes, getting lost in their depths, gleaning every ounce of adoration reflected back to him and he wished to do the same for her but she closed her eyes too soon. Her shy manner only emboldened him. Whatever went on in her head, he hoped she’d let herself enjoy this moment. Where she faltered, he pushed further and rained feather light kisses on her lips, her cheeks, her closed lids down to the nape of her neck, just behind her ear, a spot he was learning made her a little excited and completely powerless. Adalind began to writhe underneath him, just what he wanted.

“What…are you…doing?” She panted.  
“Nothing,” he said as his lips marked her every part of her skin exposed to him, her face, neck and shoulders.   
“Nick…” she breathed.  
“You were saying something…?” He managed to speak, he too overcome and undone as his need began to grow past the point of return.   
"Mm-hmm." She said, unable to formulate any coherent words.

He captured her lips once more, in ardent desperation. They had to stop, he had to stop himself while he still had the strength and will to do so but Adalind's nimble fingers began to slowly work their spell on him, searing their way across his chest and stomach, marching decidedly southwards, pulling at the string around his pants. His lower half began to grind involuntarily in anticipation. He moaned feverishly into her mouth when her hips rose and fell not quite meeting his. If he wasn’t so wired, he’d probably never notice it her movements were so small. Whatever she wanted to say to him, it was forgotten under the torrent of their mutual desire reawakened with the new day.

Nick was careful not to lean his whole body over hers, wary of the fact that she wasn't healed yet after giving birth to his son, a thought that intensified his need rather than assuage it. How many times had he heard his fellow police officers bemoaning the reduced sex drive after their wives gave birth to the children? One or two didn’t even find their wives or girlfriends desirable as a result of the birth of their and there was Nick, burning with a fire hotter than a thousand suns for Adalind Schade, the mother of his new born son. But then Nick and Adalind were anything but typical. Their whole relationship was backwards, unconventional at the very least. 

"Ungh…” he grunted, the second her hand reached its destination. “We better…hmm…Mmm…" He began to say.   
"…Uh…huh…soon…" She kissed him deeply, lifting herself to maintain contact.  
"Ada…lind…" He really struggled in earnest as she pumped him slowly.  
"Just shut up and kiss me." There’s the Adalind he knew and remembered, the one that took charge of the situation. Her commanding him, turned him on even more, he was losing focus.   
"Adalind, we can't. The doctor said not for another six weeks and we haven't even made past the first week…."  
"How did you…?"  
"I was curious," he said sheepishly, but she didn’t stop what she was doing. In and out, up and down her small hand went around him, spinning his world from its axis.   
"No…for…six whole weeks…" He said.  
“Do you want me to stop, Detective Burkhardt?” She said in that sexy voice he knew so well.  
No, he thought violently.  
"What's six weeks?" He drawled with each ministration of her hand, bringing him ever closer to the edge but not quite pushing him over. Why fool himself? He wanted to make love to her right there and then.   
No sex.  
Six weeks.   
No sex for six weeks.

His brain repeated those five little words over and over…struggling to think clearly with every touch, every kiss from Adalind. What was the problem? It wasn't as if he'd never gone without sex for extended periods of time before. The last year with Juliette was testament to that. He thought he could count on his one hand the number of times they took time for each other. So what was six weeks when he'd been through worse and did it without complaining? What was the difference? Looking down at Adalind, the warm glow radiating from her and he instantly knew why it was different. How could it not?   
"This is all Kelly's fault" He sulked, to which she smiled. What was he saying, Kelly had nothing to do with this, he thought it was all his doing, being stubborn for all these years.  
Up and down, in and out, only faster now and the closer he got.   
"It's only sex and it's not like we can't find other…means…." He swallowed up her laughter in hungry kiss. 

She made light of their situation but it wasn't helping. Though her hand was doing all the help he needed, he battled to string his thoughts together. He groaned deeply. And for the first time, for a fraction of a fraction of a second, Nick selfishly regretted the birth of his son so soon before he and Adalind could have a chance to…a delicious relief rapidly enveloped his entire body, all thoughts banished under the waves of an acute orgasm.

“There…” She said soothingly before kissing and milking him to the last before cupping his face with both hands. 

He closed his eyes, letting his whole body relax. He didn’t want to roll away from her but circumstances forced him to, he didn’t want his whole weight to crush her when she was still in pain from the surgery. Nick didn’t even waste time, he reclined on his side and lowered his hand down her front, slipping it underneath her pyjama top and landing on top of one of her beautiful breast and began to knead it gently and then rubbing and pinching her peak and did the same to its twin, inciting moans of pleasure from Adalind. 

Adalind closed her eyes, lifting her chest into his hand. And in a perfect mirror to her own actions, Nick, slowly and intentionally made his way south, going past her scarring, past her apex, pushing her thighs apart. When his hand rode back up to her centre, applying sweet pressure against her nub through multiple layers of clothing, Adalind carefully rocked her lower half against his hand in earnest and it turned him on like a light switch in a dark room. He could feel a dampness that threatened to undo him all over again.

“I want you so badly right now,” he whispered in her ear.  
“I…ah…s-stop…we have to stop…doctor’s orders.” She rested his hand with her own, drawing it away. “If I let you, I won’t be able to stop myself from taking more than I can take and I want you so much right now. I want you…in me right now but we really can’t.” she said, fighting through her flushed stated.   
“You said it yourself, there are other means…and you don’t even have to exert yourself, I will do all the work.” He snatched his hand from hers, lowing it to the flamed spot desperate for release and began to knead her centre with renewed vigour. Adalind squirmed, her delight evident.  
“Let…me…satisfy…you….” He kissed her mouth with each word and on the last, as if their lives depended on it, bringing down the last of her resistance.   
Round and round, up and down.   
Nick slipped his hand inside her pants, past her panties and Adalind heaved a sigh of relief when she felt the brush of his calloused fingers against her sensitive skin. She mewed softly, writhing as he rubbed and pinched her bud expertly, commanding her whole body with only a few digits of his hand.   
“I…want…to…satisfy…you….” He repeated.  
“….oh…hmm-mmmm…yes…yes….” Her erratic movements told him she was close to release, but Nick wasn’t in a rush. “Now Nick…I…I don’t think I can wait any…ahhh…longer….” She bit her lip bloody red, drawing Nick’s own lips to cover their fullness.  
Round and round, up and down in and out.   
One finger, “almost there….”   
Then two fingers, “nearly there…”   
And finally three, “…YES!” She cried out, her face broke into a myriad of joy, relief, satisfaction.  
Kelly roused from his long sleep at that very moment with a pained cry for his mother. Nick smiled. His son had impeccable timing, that's for sure.  
“He’s finally awake,” Nick forced himself to pull away as Adalind expectedly switched her focus, moving from Nick to Kelly in no time at. Adalind kissed him.   
“Thank you…for staying with us last night and for…a very wonderful way to start a morning.” Nick kissed her again before releasing her to tend to an increasingly upset Kelly. 

Adalind pushed herself up, a simple thing for anyone but an extraneous exercise for mother too soon out of life giving surgery, Nick gently pulled her back, “Relax, I’ll get him for you.” He offered to bring Kelly to her instead.   
He dragged himself out of bed and circled around to Adalind's side, where Kelly's cot stood closely by. Kelly's screams got louder and even more unforgiving when he saw his father's lightly whiskered mug instead of his mother's softer, more delicate face.

"Alright, alright little guy. I promise to hand you over to mommy in just a sec…." He soothed his son as he gently scooped him into his protective arms, rocking him. Nick brushed his lips against his son’s brow before finally placing him in his mother's ready arms. Adalind happily cooed at her son, unbuttoning her pyjama shirt for his son's sustenance and not at all for Nick’s own viewing pleasure. Nick couldn’t fathom how he was actually (slightly) jealous of own son. Nick shook his head in bid to return to his senses, before sinking any lower than he already did at that moment. 

He turned a warm shade of colour when he saw that Adalind had turned her attention back to him.  
“I’m sorry….” Her blue eyes said apologetically. Obviously, she’d read his mind and noticing the little tent already formed in his pants.  
“It’s my fault really, for waiting this long to have you all to myself. I’m off to get a not so nice long, cold shower.”  
“Just remember, it’s only a few months and counting, then you can have me all to yourself,” she promised him.   
“Please, don’t remind me.” He said with feigned sadness and briefly kissed her lips. “I love you,” he wanted to add but decided against it. It didn’t seem like the right moment to declare his feelings, he didn’t want Adalind to get the wrong impression because of the endorphins flooding his system after their “good” morning and Nick really he wanted the moment to be special and for Adalind to cherish those three little words because she knows he meant them. So Nick left mother and son for the cold embrace of a shower after such a warm and wonderful start to his day.

*/*/*

She heard Nick’s joyful laughter booming through the bathroom door. Nick said something to her but Adalind missed most of it, as she turned off the water from the shower. The acoustics in the loft were horrible, the sound travelled easily enough but words seemed to get lost in the white noise so even if she yelled something back at him, Nick would never hear precisely what she said so she didn’t respond.

Adalind wrapped herself in a towel before stepping out into a whole new world. She’d been pinching herself since she woke up that morning, unable to fully comprehend her new life, how seemingly perfect it was, so long as she didn’t think about all the people that could ruin it all for her, Sean Renard and Juliette Silverton. They had already ruined her first night back at the loft. 

The nightmare reminded Adalind of the last few weeks in Austria, when she was all alone, utterly miserable and scared to death that every face was a Lehner’s agent or worse, Sean’s henchmen or women because he didn’t discriminate that way. So terrible her situation had become, she couldn’t even escape her pursuers in her dreams. 

Adalind felt childish for letting a simple but cursed dream get to her so much so, she awkwardly asked Nick to join her and Kelly in their room. After wishing him goodnight, she didn’t know what to expect from him. She assumed he’d join her but he opted for mother’s bunk bed instead and there was nothing Adalind could do, not without looking desperate somehow. If there was one thing she was most familiar with, it was desperation and had learnt that from the greatest teacher who ever taught it, Sean Renard. Adalind was very conscious of not repeating the same mistakes with Nick that she committed with Renard. 

Waking in Nick’s arms that morning was a dream come true, one she didn’t even realise she had. It sort of fell into her lap unawares, unplanned and so far, free of the typical ‘Adalind Schade Neurosis’ tainting it, the name courtesy of her not so dearly departed mother. She still didn’t know how to act around the man. Sometimes when he looked at her, she reverted back to her old self, the one that had learnt to use her sexuality to gain an advantage, she saw the desire in his eyes and knew how to manipulated but she couldn’t do it. And sometimes it was as if he was looking at her for the first time, with wonder and curiosity that made her insides curl with delight. It was all very confusing. 

She entered the bedroom with a quiet grace, taking in the sight of father and son entertaining one another.  
“Hi,” Nick looked up at her. “Say hi to Momma….” He looked down at Kelly.  
“I think it’s a little too soon for him to start talking.” She stifle a laugh at Nick’s dorkish side making a rare appearance. Nick smiled in her direction and then returned to their son, making faces at him to try to get Kelly to laugh. Kelly seemed to respond enthusiastically, flapping his limbs and making garbled happy baby noises.   
“I think I’m actually making progress, aren’t you big guy? Yes you are! I swear he said ‘da’ while you were in the shower.” Nick continued, paying Adalind’s scepticism and pragmatism no real attention. 

Adalind paused suddenly, debating with herself on whether or not dress in front of Nick. The awkwardness was back again. Would she ever be ‘free’ with Nick? Free to love him? Free to be herself with Nick? Free to build a life together with Nick? These were only some of the questions she wished she had real answers to. Nick had a way of reducing her to a ball of nerves without even trying and in that moment, it was no different as their eyes met. Out of nowhere, Adalind was acutely aware of her body, how it looked, how it was stupid, to worry about that after he’d see her naked at least more than once, yes but not like ‘this’ and certainly in the light of day, the thought flashed across her mind unbidden. But Adalind was nothing if not capricious, she stamped down her insecurity under Nick’s watchful gaze, temporarily removed from their son questioningly and that’s when she dropped her towel on the floor without a second thought and moved across the room. 

She’d watched him swallow and heat collect at the base of his neck and heard his conscious little throat clearance while her back was turned to him. It gave her the much needed confidence boost. She sensed his eyes on her the whole time as she went about her routine. Poor Kelly, she thought, suspecting his father no longer paid him his undivided attention. It’s not like she looked like a model since giving birth to Kelly, far from it and she had this big scar (still bandaged) she couldn’t hide. And Adalind was in no hurry to get back her ‘bikini body’ any time soon, especially with more pressing matters to deal with like staying alive and making sure her son was safe from harm. She did her best to carry on as normal but that was impossible.

“Uhm…we can leave if you want…” he said but it was more like a cough.   
“I never said that,” Adalind walked over to the chest of drawers, selecting a simple colourless combo that was more comfortable and less “sexy”.   
It was part of the meagre belongings to her name since her life changed so dramatically in the past two years, going from rich corporate layer to homeless alien to dependant of the state and now…? She didn’t know what she was, to Nick or even herself. She never claimed any of her mother’s belongings after learning of her passing, opting to leave it all in storage. While growing up, her mother had chastised her continually about “ruining” her things, she learnt not to touch anything unless it was absolutely necessary and even now as an adult, her mother’s precious things would remain untouched by her, even if they were hers, inherited but still Catherine Schade’s, some habits were just hard to break. 

Adalind’s senses were on high alert, she heard Kelly’s happy babbling just to the right from behind her but she felt the wooden floor creak under a sudden weight moving across. She couldn’t see him but she felt him. She froze the second she felt his body heat directly behind her. Nick’s hands landed just below her waist and pulled her hips against evidence of his need. Adalind legs immediately turned to jelly. Nick wrapped one arm around her waist, careful to avoid the bandaged lower abdomen and lowered his head do his lips were right up against her ear lobe, his warm breath sending ripples of excitement from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. 

“God, you are so beautiful.” He whispered into her ear, sealing his words with a kiss to the most sensitive area. “But I think it’s best I let you dress in peace or else I won’t be able to keep my hands of you.” He broke away, reluctantly and Adalind was even more disheartened as a cold breezed washed over her as she turned and watched Nick return to Kelly, carefully lifting him from the bed and supporting his against his chest. Nick gave her a wink and flashed her his dazzling smile and in an instant Adalind was standing horny, naked but alone in her bedroom. 

When she eventually joined him, fully dressed, Nick was making sandwiches.  
“Hey, I hope ham and cheese are okay.”  
“Hi, and yes, that sounds perfect.” She stepped down and took a seat at the breakfast nook. “Where’s Kelly?” she asked him.  
“Oh, he's sleeping fine.” He tilted his head, pointing to his son who was in his baby seat nearby. “How about some lettuce, tomato, mayo?” he asked her.  
“I'm allergic to tomato.” She replied.  
“That’s good to know. Is there anything else you're allergic to?”  
“Just raw tomatoes. I can eat them cooked. I actually make a pretty good Bolognese.”  
“I like Bolognese.” He smiled at her as he put finishing touches to her sandwich before pushing the plate in front of her. “I actually make a pretty mean…”  
“Hmmm…sandwiched, this is really good,” she exclaimed and took another bite.  
“Well, I’m glad you like it.” He took a bite of his own sandwich. 

They ate in comfortable silence. It was very comfortable, her and Nick were shooting “looks” and knowing smiles to each other, a silent communication. She coloured slightly, thinking about their wonderful morning together and they had at least several more days full of so much possibility. It was all so domestic. Adalind had never been in this position before. She’s only had one long term relationship from hell, so this situation was as equally wonderful as it was scary, uncharted territory.

After a while, Nick broke the silence, “A penny for your thoughts?”  
“I was just thinking…”  
“About…”  
It was time they put their cards on the table, “I think we should talk.”   
“This sounds serious.”   
“Maybe…It’s just that we’ve never really talked about what going on between us. I think we’ve talked around it, we’ve talked about everything from and even a little about the future, that time when you wanted to send me and Kelly away from you.” She looked down at Kelly. “But we’ve never really talked about…now, this…thing between us. Is it even a thing?”  
“You’re right.” Nick cleared his throat. “We do need to talk about us. It’s been on my mind, I just didn’t know where to begin.”  
“I get it. I mean it’s you and there’s me. It’s not every day two people who were technically enemies for the longest time make a baby one night and find themselves living under the same roof as a consequence.”   
“Are you worried about Kelly?”  
“Kelly…you…me…. Thinking about it was a lot safer…”  
“I don't think there's anything safe about us.” He interrupted her.  
“Well, that’s true.”   
“Hey, I would never hurt you.” He told her sincerely, taking her hand and holding on tightly.  
“You say that now but we barely know each other.”  
“Hey, what is this? Where is this coming from? I thought we were finally on the same page this morning.”  
“We were…we are….It feels like it’s too soon or maybe that it’s all backwards. I don’t know.” She dropped her gaze.  
“Hmm, I had the exact same thought just this morning.”  
“So you do understand?”  
“No, you sound more like you want to break up or something and we’re not even dating.” That cut her but she didn’t let it show.  
“Exactly my point, we’re not dating. We’re not girlfriend and boyfriend.”  
“We’re Kelly’s parent’s.”  
“Yes but what else? Until we can both answer that question, can we honestly take ‘this’ (pointing her finger in the space between them) any further? I don’t want to hurt you or Kelly, not especially him. He’s just a baby and I don’t want him caught up between us because history has a tendency to repeat itself.”  
“He won’t. I already told you I would never hurt you. I have real feelings for you, and yes we do have it backwards. We used to hate one another, then we had Kelly and I know I care about you, a lot and history can always be rewritten, we’ve already proved that. I know it because I admitted as much yesterday.”  
“People change their minds, Nick.”  
“Look, I like you a lot and I know you feel the same for me. We are in this together. None of us can predict the future and we can’t live like that, half expecting the other shoe to fall, life is tough enough as it is.” He said passionately.

Was it really so difficult for her to grasp? That maybe life wasn’t playing some cruel joke on her just because she’d had the worst of it most of her life. That Nick was right. Expecting things to fall apart between them, even before they had a chance to begin wasn’t the best thing to do for any of them. Maybe it was time she buried the ghost of boyfriend past that was Sean Renard; the last person on earth she wanted to waste another precious second thinking of when she could be enjoying her time with Nick, one of the reasons she wasn’t free.   
Renard was literally the stuff of her nightmares compared to Nick and she needed to purge her mind, her entire life of the hold he had on her and focus on the present and even her future with the man she loved so effortlessly and completely. Nick wasn’t Renard, he would never hurt her, not in the way Renard did and relished it. It was sacrilege to even dare compare the two men together, who they were, how they treated Adalind at her most vulnerable and her own feelings for them. 

Years ago Adalind had quickly given in to her infatuation for the star lieutenant, fifteen years her senior. She met him once when she was eighteen and he looked more like a model than a police officer. The second time they crossed paths, was several months later during a ball thrown by the mayor in honour of the newly appointed Chief of Police, Adalind and several of her student body were tasked with serving the guests as part of their curriculum that year, a tradition most hated by the student body but seen of vital in networking. 

That night, her teenage crush blossomed like a weed on fertiliser and she’d been doomed ever since. Sean had cornered her in the darkened garden and whispered empty promises dumb eighteen year olds easily lapped up because they knew nothing of the ways of the world, more so Adalind Schade who’d practically been imprisoned by her mother and had little knowledge about the opposite sex apart from Norman Seymour’s disastrous kiss. 

Renard had picked her out of a whole bunch and Adalind imagined this made her special somehow and since that night she’d unwittingly pledged her loyalty and love to the worst human being on earth who he hadn’t even bother to learn her name until after he took her virginity. It didn’t help that her mother had been the Renards’ mouthpiece for several years prior, after one accidental meeting with between her and Sean’s father at a social gathering when Adalind was only ten. Catherine had been singing their praises since, forming Adalind’s distorted view of who Sean Renard was. 

The infatuation lasted a decade, too long for the kind of toxicity she partook with Sean Renard. It took ten years for Adalind to finally open her eyes to the truth but she’d carried his ghost everywhere since. She had given him the best (and worst) of herself and suffered the ultimate price. It was long overdue she finally let “him” go, she thought as she looked up into Nick’s eyes.

It wasn’t fair on Nick or herself to base their situation on a past that had no place in their present. She “loved” Renard for too long and not once did he say he loved her back. Nick deserved better than to be compared to a man incapable of love, that had no heart to love anyone other than himself. Nick was too kind, too gentle and had shown her more love in their short time together without any need to say the words, perhaps that was more than enough. 

It was irrational to think Nick was anything like Renard, the “love ‘em and leave ‘em’ sort of guy that used women. She knew that he wasn’t like that but Adalind was allowing her past to get in the way of her happiness remembering her mother’s own words that nobody could ever love her, that she was unlovable and how she ruined everything around her. For years she believed and perhaps she still believed. She was an awful person, a leopard never changed its spots they say. And soon, Nick would realise it and kick her out of his life and then he and Juliette could raise their together, she panicked.

“Adalind what is the matter?”   
“I’m a terrible person Nick, I can't help but wonder if you think Kelly should have been Juliette's child.”   
He looked visibly shocked. After a moment, Nick dropped his sandwich and walked around to her side, turning her stool so they could face each other, placing his hands on her shoulders and looking intently into her eyes. “I lost my mom when I was twelve years. And then I got her back, and…I lost her again. You are Kelly’s mother, not Juliette, no one else. I would never take him away from you. I would never do that to Kelly or you.”  
“I don’t want to hurt you.” She cried.   
“And I would never hurt you.” He said with feeling as if sensing what really bothered her even when she didn’t say it. Adalind was afraid of getting hurt, not like with Sean. She already established that Nick was nothing like Sean but that didn’t mean she wasn’t just as vulnerable to him, in fact she was more so because he was nothing like Sean.  
“I have an idea.” He patted himself getting rid of any breadcrumbs and raked his hand through his hair, like he was standing in front of a mirror and stood up straight and shoulders back with his right hand sticking out towards her.  
“What are you doing?” She asked confused.  
“Hello, my name is Nick Burkhardt…” He ignored her, extending his hand further towards her.  
Adalind watched him sceptically and raised her brow towards him. When he stood there without saying anything else, knowing what he was waiting for, she extended her own right hand to meet his and she watched as he tilted his head in expectation.   
“Okay fine, I guess I can indulge you this once. Hi, my name is Adalind Schade, nice to meet you.” She relented, still puzzled about what was he getting at.  
“Well Miss Schade, would you give me the hour of taking you on a date?” he said, lifting her hand and turning it mid-air so his lips could brush against her knuckles, causing her to blush.  
“Nick, what are you doing?”  
“I thought it was obvious, I am asking you out on a date, now of course, we can’t leave the loft but that doesn’t mean I can’t still treat you out to a picnic on the roof, I hear the sunset is magnificent this time of year and the view is spectacular from up there.”  
“It’s not necessary,” she didn’t mean to burst the bubble but Nick remained undeterred.   
“You said it yourself, we’ve done all of this backwards, it’s time we start moving forward and what better way than to start from the beginning. What do you say Miss Adalind Schade?” He gave her his most seductive look yet, how could she resist him?   
“Alright, I accept your request Mr Burkhardt, I would love to go out with you.” 

He grinned so hard, she thought his face would surely crack and gave her a long kiss. “Oh sorry, I have to wait until after our date before I can do that.” He said, stepping away from her, his face still beaming brighter than the sun. It made her heart melt. She spent the rest of the day agonising about the picnic. A weird sort of anxiety descended upon her, nothing like she’d experienced in the past. There was no fear, no doubt this time, no worrying about getting it wrong and for the first time, she had confidence that it would go well and end well with absolutely no regrets.

*/*/*

The date went great. Nick treated her like a lady, lifting her up the fire escape behind the bedroom and onto the roof above the loft. He did his best to hide the hard edges with some shrubbery that wasn’t there when she was staying at the loft with his mother. There were pot plants and some that sprouted bright flowers. It actually looked like a real garden even though it was factory roof. A picnic blanket was rolled over what she suspected was his mother’s bunk mattress and a picnic basket laying on the side, its contents spread before her. It was truly beautiful. Adalind didn’t even know when he had the time to do everything but she was moved by all his efforts, she couldn’t find the words to express her gratitude.

“The look on your face says everything I need to hear.” He said and lead her to their picnic spot.  
They didn’t have their picnic alone, Nick fetched their son and the three of them enjoyed the last of the warm afternoon sun. That evening was the first of their “dates” Every day, Nick planned something special for just the three of them, more special than the last. It was all so overwhelming for Adalind, the way he treated her, the way they talked, encouraging her to live in the moment and forget about the past, at least all the bad in it, which in Adalind’s case, was a great lot to forget. He made her laugh, made her feel special in a way she’d never experienced before. 

He started with the picnic, then there was the dinner the following day, a baked stuffed trout. It was an Italian recipe that he learned years ago to impress a girl, it was the only thing he knew how to cook “ with his eyes closed,” he said and it tasted like heaven on earth. She complimented the chef with a very clean plate and a lingering kiss too risqué for public consumption but they were all alone so it was acceptable. And the following day, Nick treated her to an amazing breakfast in bed that included her favourite sticky buns (cinnamon buns were his), and yes they shared the bed every single night since that first night, she didn’t ask him but was glad when he offered and there was no way she’d say no to him. They simply slept together, and not as some precursor to sex, they both followed after Dr Simmons’ instructions and it wasn’t so she wouldn’t have any more nightmares. Those never returned after that first night. Adalind cherished those nights more than anything else because they were so innocent, embracing one another in each other’s arms and nothing else. It was three days and nights of pure bliss, the happiest she’d ever been in her life.

“Thank you.” He said to her later that Friday night as they laid in bed, her head in its favourite spot, over Nick’s heart. She told him just days ago, that she loved listening to the sound of his strong heart.   
“What did I do? I haven’t done anything. I don’t remember doing anything.” she looked up at him.  
“But you have…for giving us…me a chance, I know it hasn’t been easy for you.” He twirled some of her hair between his fingers while her fingers toyed with the remnant dark curls on his chest, her favourite Nick Burkhardt feature, next to his grey eyes. In the last few days, she’s come up with every excuse to run her fingers down his torso and he seemed to enjoy it, to her pleasure. And like the nights before, he’d given her a kiss goodnight and Adalind dreamt about what else he had in store for her. They had the weekend and come Monday, Nick would go back to work and have to face Sean every single day. But had other plans….

While cooking dinner together the following day, the alarm tripped and a loud noise filled the loft, shattering the peace around them, throwing them back to reality. Nick automatically grabbed his gun and pointed it at the elevator. Kelly screamed in response to the rude and loud awakening and Adalind rushed to his side immediately. They heard the garage door whirring open.

“Someone’s broken the perimeter,” Nick said “Go to the bedroom and lock the door behind you. Do not come out unless you hear my voice.”  
“But Nick…” she wanted him to stay with them.  
“Just go,” he commanded her and kissed her, to soften the harshness of his voice. “Get inside and lock the door.” He said gentler. “And take this,” he lifted one of the floor boards and pulled out a gun, eerily similar to the one she almost used on his aunt. Adalind refused it immediately. “Take it!” he ordered.  
She did so reluctantly. “If my face isn’t the first one you see, I want you to use this.” He forced the gun into her hand, placing a box of bullets on the table behind him.  
“What about the shaft?” she suggested an alternative.“There’s no time and you aren’t completely healed. I haven’t had a chance to explore the tunnel. I don’t know where it leads, or what’s even down there. Now go!” He didn’t wait for her to make a counter offer and got into the elevator and pushed the button down. 

The doors closed and that was the last she saw of Nick for a good five minutes, the longest five minutes of her life. Adalind flung the gun away from her, she didn’t want to hold the deadly weapon while cradling her son in her arms. She entered their bedroom and placed Kelly inside his cot before returning for the gun. 

She really hated that gun, it brought back so many unwanted memories and she hated that it meant Nick wasn’t by her side. She couldn’t imagine what had happened to him. She looked over at the monitor that showed the different views from all the cameras around and inside the factory. She couldn’t see anyone, not even Nick. She dragged herself away from the screen, doing what he told her and took the gun and the bullets and locked herself behind the heavy bedroom doors. 

Adalind pointed the gun at the door. She didn’t know how secure she was behind them and clearly Nick didn’t trust they would hold if someone decided to break through them which is why he gave her the gun instead.  
Nick. Where was he? The loft was too quiet, if Sean had found them….no. She wouldn’t think that way, she couldn’t. Nick was coming back for them. It was probably a cat or something, she thought desperately. But she did hear the garage door opening….

*/*/*

Nick had his gun aimed the second the elevator doors opened into the garage. It was bathed in darkness with the outside door rolled back into place cutting off any light from the outside but the light from the elevator provided his with enough light to make out the layout. Nick stepped outside of the elevator, closing the door to cut off the remaining light. He didn’t want to give the intruder the advantage of picking him easily out of the darkness.

“You are difficult man to find Detective Burkhardt.” Nick heard an accented voice, a familiar voice.  
“Damnit!” he cursed. “Meisner what are you doing here?”  
“Hello Detective.” Meisner stepped out the supporting column between his mother’s truck and his Land Cruiser.  
“I could have shot you, you know.” Nick said as he put his gun away.  
“I know. That’s why I made sure you couldn’t see me.”  
“How did you even find this place?” They briefly shook hands.  
“It wasn’t easy, I can tell you that much.”   
“You scared my son and Adalind half to death with your little stunt.”  
“I apologise but it couldn’t be helped. We need to talk.”

*/*/*

“Adalind,” Nick yelled her name, telling her it was safe to come out. He ran up to the front of the bedroom doors and they opened up before him and saw a relived Adalind.  
“Oh thank God, I was hoping I wouldn’t have to use this.” She hugged him, even though it must have hurt like crazy to do so.  
She quickly deposited the gun back into his hand, along with the box of bullets. “What was it, who was it?” she enquired nervously.  
“Hello Adalind,” Meisner said from behind Nick, stepping into her line of sight.  
“Oh it’s you.” She didn’t sound at all too happy to see him.   
“Are you both okay?” Nick diverted back her attention so she face him.  
“I am now, knowing you’re okay.”  
“Look, I hate to break this…up,” said Meisner, unappreciate of being ignored. “We have to talk, the three of us.”  
“It better be important, considering what you’ve just put us through.” She said sternly, uninterested in making him feel welcome.”  
“It is. It’s about you and what you’ve done.”  
“Me?” she was incredulous.  
“Yes you. Tell me the truth Adalind, are you or are you not Shelly Kebbler?”  
“Shelly Who…? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She coughed.  
“You know exactly what I am talking about.”Meisner insisted.  
“Well I don’t.” Nick huffed in controlled anger at being left out of the loop. 

He didn’t like that Meisner knew something about Adalind that he didn’t know and worse he hated thinking that there was something between them that she kept away from him. He was definitely jealous and he hated it. He was never the jealous type. He had no reason to be jealous before, then he remembered their first morning at the loft when Adalind had to feed Kelly but that wasn’t serious and Kelly was his son, not a grown man with a German accent and pectoral muscles rippling through shirts two sizes small.

“Have you read the newspaper, watched the news, listened to the radio at all since you got here.”  
“No, why?” Nick said tersely.  
“Well it seems Portland’s famous resident, a highly decorated officer and future mayor has been hit by a scandal of unprecedented proportions. I’m surprised you haven’t heard anything by now, considering it’s the talk of the town, I thought maybe your partner would have been the first one to tell you since you all work together.”

Nick checked his phone for any calls that he may have missed. It was dead and he never noticed all day. It wasn’t like him to be so negligent. His phone was never off, as a detective, he always made sure that it was fully charged, in case of emergencies or there was a murder.

“Here, you can read it yourself and make up your own mind.”Meisner handed Nick, a front page from Portland Observer. He read the first two paragraphs and blanched, read some more before his colouring darkened and read further before finally throwing the paper away from him.

“What have you done?” he turned to Adalind, the anger still visible on his face because she actually cowered from him.   
“What I had to.” She pouted.  
“So you don’t deny it was you that wrote that letter? With a name like Shelly Kebbler, I’m guessing my mother’s name was an inspiration.” He said a bit calmer when she took two more steps away from him. She was afraid of him and he was suddenly ashamed of his temper. He tried to rein it in before speaking.

“Adalind…but why? You may as well have written a “F-U” to Renard and signed it “yours truly, Adalind.”   
“I would never write that, I’m not his.” Nick stifled a snicker at her indignation. This light moment did abate the seriousness of the situation.  
“The things in that article, there’s a few people in the world that know about them, it’s the people in this room, Renard and the others are too smart not to play with their lives like that.” Nick said as he looked at her.  
She shot him a vicious look. “I’m not stupid.”  
“I didn’t say that.”  
“It was implied.” She bit back.  
“Conjecture,” he argued using her lawyer-speak against her. She looked wounded and Nick softened.  
“The point is, if I can figure it out and so can Burkhardt, you can bet your pretty big eyes so can Renard.” Nick glared daggers at Meisner’s description of Adalind’s eyes. He’d completely forgotten about the man and now Nick wished he was gone and let them talk in private.   
“What choice did I have Nick? Sean’s taken everything from us both and…I was afraid. I was afraid that he’d take you away from me, so I decided to strike him first instead of waiting for him. I knew I had hit him and hard.” 

She did something stupid (no, he wasn’t calling stupid) and dangerous for him. He was actually touched, once he looked past his anger. Nick took her hand in his, wanting to reassure her, that he wasn’t really mad at her. Yes he had been angry but not at her. His anger stemmed more from the fact that she did put herself in danger, carelessly so and he couldn’t deal with losing her, knowing Renard’s penchant for the macabre. This blow Adalind dealt him, wouldn’t go unpunished and Nick didn’t want to think of what might happen if Renard ever found her.

“And you did. The FBI has doubled their efforts. My boss’s boss has come hard on all of us, calling an inquiry into the FBI’s handling of the case now that Renard’s disappeared.”  
“What?” Adalind asked, confused at what Meisner was saying.  
“He’s gone, vanished, no one knows where Sean Renard is. What I’m saying, is that I have to go before a committee first thing Monday morning, along with everyone else involved in this case and give account. I’m here because they want you there as well, maybe not Monday but soon. This is big. They are going through everything, Not only did Adalind give Sean the finger, she embarrassed the agency and the want answers from everyone, me, Chavez even Bonaparte, the freaking janiter.”  
“Who?” They both asked. 

Nick was familiar with Agent Chavez, they dealt at least one or two times during his initial undercover work for IA/FBI. She was killed in the line of duty, ambushed by a hate group that she was investigating. “Who’s Bonaparte?” Nick asked again but alone this time.

“Conrad Bonaparte, I reported to him up until a few years back when he suddenly moved up rank. You wouldn’t know him. He’s an odd sort of fellow, not easy to work with. He blackballed me a lot when I started investigating Renard. I was glad when he got promoted because that gave me some freedom to do what I could never before. There were stories about him, he’s an orphan….” Meisner said, as if that explained anything. Nick was an orphan. “In any case, I cannot stay long. I just came to let you know what was happening and what will happen. With Renard gone, his father has washed his hands completely off him. Frederich Renard’s has called for the truth to come out and for the law to take its course. The man knows exactly was his son has been up to but I’m guessing the paper trail stops with his illegitimate son and doesn’t want to get caught in the same trap.”  
“This is America, people are innocent until proven guilty.” Nick chimed sarcastically.  
“You would think but Frederich is a smart man, he knows when to jump a sinking ship. He’s closing ranks and fast, not just on Sean alone. That goes for his nephew as well, Kenneth. This article doesn’t prove anything, that Renard is as corrupt as the paper it’s written on. But the future mayor of Portland has flew the coup and nobody runs unless they are guilty, at least that was according to the internet chatter, every radio and television broadcast since the story broke yesterday throughout all of Oregon and soon, the whole country, maybe even the whole world, the Renards are that big a family after all. And if we’re are lucky, we may catch not one, not two but three birds with one stone.”

Nick was sceptical but there was merit to Meisner’s words. If Sean was without his father’s protection, that meant so was Kenneth and that meant that he’d catch his mother’s killers, finally put an end to Sean’s reign of terror over his life and that of Adalind’s. That’s two birds, not three. Meisner didn’t sound like he was talking about the Renard patriarch when he mention three birds, that only meant Diana was the third. Was there a possibility of Adalind’s daughter being returned safely to her mother? He hoped for Meiner’s sake that he wouldn’t raise Adalind’s hopes unless he had a sure way of making it happen.

“What about my daughter?” Adalind asked him as Nick expected it. 

Meisner gave her a smile, or something that resembled a smile. It made Nick uncomfortable all over again, it was that jealousy rearing its ugly head again. Nick had worked with the man for ten years now and they had never formed anything more than a working relationship. Nick had made friends with the people he worked with but not Meisner and watching him looking at Adalind, Nick was glad they weren’t friends, he didn’t want to have to deck a friend for the inappropriate way that friend looked at his woman. Nick balled his only free hand into a fist while Adalind squeezed the hand she held, waiting with baited breath. 

“I was getting to that. With the scandal breaking, we thought it best to use this window of opportunity while it’s still open. I think you should come out publically and claim your daughter was kidnapped by the Renards. Frederich will have no choice but to work with the authorities.”  
“She was kidnapped.” Nick said sternly.  
“I know, but the rest of the world doesn’t. Adalind can prove her case by producing a death certificate and prove that it was false by demanding a DNA test. Frederich is eager to maintain his clean image. He won’t want the scandal of a kidnapping to tarnish his image even further.”  
“What makes you so sure that he won’t take her away again, to God knows where…?”  
“This time, he has the eyes of the whole world watching him closely, he really can’t afford the bad publicity, not this soon on the heels of his son being revealed as the biggest criminal Portland’s ever known, allegedly. The quicker you come forth, the greater the chance of getting your daughter back, especially with Sean putting out the many fires you started under him.” Nick watched Adalind closely as she let the words sink in. “It’s time to come out of hiding.” Meisner said to Adalind.

*/*/*

That was easy for him to say, it wasn’t his family that he was endangering, Nick thought as he watched the garage door come to a close after seeing Meisner off. He reset the alarm, made sure everything was in its proper place before returning to the loft. Adalind was in the bedroom watching over Kelly. He could see the tension in her stiff shoulders. She hadn’t taken the news about Renard or even the possibility of having her daughter back well. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked her as he went and took a set next to her on their bed.  
“I don’t know what to feel. Are you still mad I wrote that letter?” he put his arm around her shoulders and drew her against his chest, protectively.  
“No. I’m not happy about it but I’m not angry. But that’s not what I meant whe I asked you how you felt. He is right, there’s a very good chance you can get Diana back, if we make the right kind of noise, use the momentum of this article and public perception to force Frederich to let Diana go. No money in the world is worth tainted reputation.”  
“Do you really think it’s possible? I wrote it the day I gave birth to Kelly. I sent it using your mother’s computer, knowing that Sean wouldn’t be able to trace it but the editor never published it. That was a week ago. I thought they trashed it. I didn’t think it could get me my baby back.”  
“Of course it’s not going to be smooth sailing but it’s worth a try.” Adalind smiled at his encouragement.  
“And you know the reason it probably took so long for them to post it is probably because they were fact checking to see if it was legit and not a hoax. You did mention some things that no average Portlander knows about the Captain and he was in the running to be the next Mayor. They had to be 1000% sure you were telling the truth but “Shelly Kebbler” really? Take out one letter and change three in that name and you have my mother’s name. It was like a neon sign.”   
“I know it was a terrible pseudonym but I wasn’t think about that. I just wanted to do something to help you?”  
“I appreciate it but really Adalind…there was other things in there as well, you kept mentioning Officer ‘no-name’ and you were too complimentary of this officer’s work ethics, you went on and on. It sounded more and more like a puff piece and I swear I could actually hear your sexy voice in my head every time I read Officer ‘Burkhardt’.  
“Officer Burkhardt served this city diligently in pursuit of the truth.”  
“Officer Burkhardt deserved commendation for standing in the cross hairs of corruption and tyranny”  
“Officer Burkardt this” and Officer Burkhardt that.” If I didn’t know better I’d say you were obsessed with ‘Officer Burkhardt’.” He kissed the edge of her lips.  
“I didn’t use your name, not once.” She half protested, breaking away from the pressure of his kiss.  
“You didn’t have to. It was implied.” He kissed her again, more fervently.  
“Huh, conjecture!” she used his argument from earlier but she conceded that he was right and gave in, welcoming and tasting him.   
When they finished, she was more than satisfied, she was sated, the tension ebbing away from her in waves.

“Nick?” She asked him after a while.  
“Hmm?”   
“You don’t mind taking her in, that is if we find her…?” He felt Adalind stiffen in his arms.  
“When we find her,” he corrected her. “And no I don’t mind taking her in. She is your daughter and if she’s anything like her mother, I’m sure I will love her just as much.” Oops.

There, he had finally said it and Adalind quickly turned to face him, her eyes questioning him, trying to make certain she heard him right. It was an accident, a slip of the tongue, he reasoned within himself. This wasn’t how he wanted to tell Adalind that he loved her but he did and he couldn’t take it back. It’s not that he wanted to take it back but Nick couldn’t help lament the fact that that it wasn’t under a candle lit dinner or on a rose petal strewn bed with romantic music playing in the background to set the mood. He just blurted it out like it was the most natural thing in the world, like he’d been saying it forever instead of for the first time. And still he hadn’t said it right.

“Yes, Adalind Schade, I love you. I love you with every fibre of my being.” He revised his words, hoping they would have an effect on her. She didn’t speak for a minute, he thought it was a minute, fifty-nine seconds too long.  
“I love you too,” she finally said, her eyes glistening back at him with relief…pure happiness.   
They sealed their love confession with an ardent kiss.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's an update, apologies for the delay.

Chapter 14

The FBI Inquiry:  
The FBI subpoenaed Nick in the inquiry into the mishandling of the racketeering case against Central Portland Police Capt. Sean Renard as Meisner said. He was expected to be in New York City on Monday along with Martin Meisner, the Supervising Special Agent in charge of the case. He was given little information other than he was expected to give a full account of his investigation, first undercover and everything subsequent of the raid at CPP. Nick made attempts, after the Meisner’s session to get more details about the inquiry, whether it meant Renard would officially be charged but the agent remained tight-lipped, "Just tell them everything you know," he advised Nick, much to the detective's consternation.  
Thomas Eliopoulos, the Deputy Assistant Director grilled Nick on everything from his upbringing to why he became a police officer and what made him accept Meisner request to spy on Renard and the CPP so quickly after his promotion and not much about what he discovered during the actual investigation. It was incredibly frustrating for Nick because it seemed as though he was the one being tried, whose character was being questioned and still not one question about Renard. 

“And what of your relationship with Miss Adalind Schade.” asked the D.A.Dir.  
“Excuse me?” Nick was caught off guard and suddenly his brain turned into mush at the unexpected question. His palms began to sweat uncharacteristically. Why would a question about Adalind throw him off? He came to New York ready to convince the FBI to act against Renard but with each passing minute, his assurance was unraveling.  
“What is the nature of your relationship with the Miss Schade who, I understand, is the key state witness.” He rephrased his question but the operative tense remained unchanged, it being present and not past tense. 

Nick knew immediately what was being asked. Mr Eliopoulos wasn’t asking about the role Adalind played at the beginning of his investigation against Renard, He was asking about their relationship as it was, presently. This he wasn’t prepared to answer. He spent his first Sunday at the loft going over his case files, making sure he’d be ready for everything they threw at him. He hadn’t planned to tell the FBI that he was sleeping with their material witness or that they had a son together, the very same witness that revealed to the whole world the true nature of Portland’s finest, read: worst. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. He felt attacked, like he was the one on trial, only he wouldn’t end up in prison like most criminals but his character and reputation would be irreparably destroyed. 

Nick shouldn’t have been surprised though. It’s not like Renard was a typical small time crook. He was the son of a billionaire, one of America’s most eligible bachelors and one legitimacy step shy of being Austria second in line prince, if one of his ancestors wasn’t ousted from the throne. It was easier to question a small town detective and shine a spotlight on his integrity than accept that one of the biggest profiles in the country was corrupt. 

“Detective Burkhardt, would you please answer the question. What is the nature of your relationship with Miss Schade?”  
“I don’t understand. I was under the impression that I was here to answer questions on the FBI’s investigation against Cpt Sean Renard.” He evaded, pushing down his fury, fed up with the inquiry, Mr Eliopoulos’ invasive questions, basically, the whole committee’s attitude towards him since he sat down. Meisner had said to tell them everything he knew but they weren’t interested in Renard nor in everything he’d uncovered thus far. It felt like they were set in discrediting Nick from the very first question.  
“Answer the question please,” the director said impertinently, looking down at Nick from behind his glassed.  
“Miss Schade and I have a son together.”  
“I didn’t ask you what you have, I asked you what is the nature of your…”  
“Alright, I get it. Hmph! Miss Schade and I…we are in a relationship. But I don’t see how that has anything to do with the case. We weren’t together when…” He was abruptly cut off.  
“Detective Burkhardt you would be wise to answer the questions asked and nothing more, thank you.”  
“This relationship, did it happen before or during the investigation?”  
Nick felt as though he was standing in the headmaster’ office over something mischievous he didn’t even do. All he knew was that his relationship with Adalind was nobody’s business but his own. His mind literally seared at his personal life being laid bare to those callous people apparently disinterested in the pursuit of justice.  
“After.” Nick said sullenly.  
“According to the file before me, you never ceased your investigation against Cpt Renard thus your answer is contrary to the information provided here by yourself, at best, it’s negligent, which I very much doubt and at worst, a blatant lie and that makes me wonder whether or not this investigation is a some elaborate campaign to slander Cpt Renard.”  
“Are you shitting me?” Nick almost thought out loud but held his tongue, despite his blood pressure shooting straight through the roof. 

He couldn’t believe they actually thought he could be lying. He knew the questions about him and Adalind made him seem like some sort of jealous, insecure boy who cared more about stealing another’s man’s girlfriend instead of the professional he was. He admitted to himself that claiming his relationship with Adalind came after the investigation was in fact a half truth and under closer scrutiny, it came out as a straight up lie but he wasn’t lying about Renard, or at least they would know that if they actually asked him. That didn’t help the situation at all. Nick could have screamed at everyone in that room for daring to question him over his job and the years he dedicated to doing the right thing but he’d have to wait until they didn’t share the same oxygen, he thought.

When they called for a fifteen minute recess, Nick couldn’t wait to leave the room, reeling from the line of questioning directed towards him. He sat on the bench in the passageway when Meisner joined him.  
“You look like you are about to explode.” The agent stated the obvious.  
“What the hell was that?” Nick fumed. He knew he was letting his emotions get the best of him, Meisner wasn’t present during the D.A.Dir. questioning but how the hell did they find out about him and Adalind if it wasn’t from Meisner. He was being irrational and needed to calm down before sayig something he would regret later.  
“They got to you too, huh?”  
“I thought I was here for Renard, not my relationship with Adalind.”  
“Calm down Burkhardt. You weren’t the only one whose personal life was hung out to dry and their professional conduct called into question because of said relationships. It’s the nature of the beast and it’s important that everything be laid bare if we are going to get what we both want. Sean Renard”  
“How the hell did they even find out about us?”  
“Hmph, I know sometime it’s hard for you to realize this but you act like the FBI is an incompetent organization…”  
“You could have fooled me,” he couldn’t help the sarcasm but Meisner snickered like laughing at a joke only he was aware of.  
“Eliopoulos is a tough bastard but he’s an ethical one at that. I admit that certain things fell through the cracks during our investigation of Renard. Adalind chose to walk away and for a reason and I should have pushed harder for my bosses to take action, to strike while the iron was still hot but there were complications. After the raid at CPP, Bonaparte wanted us to cease and desist, citing the case closed but you and I knew it wasn’t, not until we got Renard. My hands were tied, he wanted you to terminate the investigation but I managed to sidestep him when he got reshuffled to another division and I allowed you to continue in your pursuit of Renard in your own capacity without the FBI’s sanction.

“Eliopoulos wants to have all his ducks in a row before he can proceed. He doesn’t like surprises. I imagine a rectal exam is nicer than what you just went through but I guarantee you it will be worthwhile in the end. I have to warn you though, there’s a very good chance your investigation stops here. Your relationship with Adalind is a conflict of interest, a complication and a high probability for a mistrial should we get Renard in front of a judge. They can’t ask you to stay away from her but you will have to stay away from this case from now on, hand everything over to me.”  
“That’s bullshit, no one has worked harder than I have on this and now I have to give it all up?”  
“I’m sorry Nick, there’s no other way around this.” Meisner said without emotion, grating on Nick’s already frayed nerves.  
“I promise you I will do everything in my power to get that S.O.B.”  
“Right.”  
“I owe it to Adalind but most importantly, to your mother, to put that man behind bars.”

*/*/*

When they returned from a quick recess, he was relieved when the questions asked related directly to the actual his investigation. He was still fuming over his first session but did his best to keep his temper under control, answering every question; presenting the committee with every single detail he uncovered prior to the raid, including a lot of information on Adalind’s own dubious criminal activities. And gave testimony on everything he discovered after the raid, though he was no longer confident it would do any good. How could they see his investigation as objective knowing that he was currently sleeping with Adalind and that they shared a child together. The whole situation was a mess. 

By the end of the day, Nick realized this inquiry was a long way from determining whether or not the case against Renard was strong and at other moments, he felt like the Deputy Assistant Director wasn’t even interested in Renard, like he cared more about not upsetting the cot and went after Nick for daring to go after Renard. Nick returned to Portland with a heavy heart. He was unable to comprehend that the last ten years of his life were possibly a complete waste of time, that his mother had died for nothing at all. And worse, Renard could be back at the station, first thing Tuesday morning, with some flimsy excuse regarding his disappearance and everyone will lap it all up, including the FBI, the very people that came to Nick asking for his help. He felt sick to his stomach.

Diana:  
Since finding out about her article on Sean went viral, Adalind had been on pins and needles the rest of the weekend. Nick received his summons to New York and she considered her own day of reckoning, revealing to the whole world that the Renards had kidnapped her daughter. She couldn’t just call the first talk tv host and spill her guts about Diana, revealing herself so soon when Nick’s case was hanging in the balance. She considered Meisner’s words, in fact they both did. Whatever decision she made, Nick assured her he would support her every step of the way but she wasn’t sure if coming out now was the best option.

Revealing the truth about Diana would cause a domino effect on everything else in her and Nick’s life, she was nervous enough for Nick who was all the way in New York, so far away from her. She knew what he would say, they had discussed it extensively just hours before he left for Portland Airport. Adalind knew in order to get what they wanted, Nick couldn’t speak anything but the truth. It was important the world knew just what kind of man Sean Renard was but that also meant exposing her before a room of strangers with the power to alter their lives for better or worse. But she couldn’t worry about her character being destroyed since everything that could ever be said about Adalind Schade was all likely true. So instead of worrying about New York, she focused on how best to get her daughter back.

Going on television was out, in fact speaking to any reporter whether on live tv or through print media was not feasible since the result would be the same, bad things happening all round. She thought of posting another one of her anonymous letters to OregonLive. It wasn’t the best option but it was the safest, at least until Nick came home with positive news. Adalind was surprised she wasn’t subpoenaed along with Nick considering she was the cause of this whole ruckus in the first place but now was not the time to dwell on that. 

After putting Kelly down for his mid-morning nap, Adalind took out the high tech laptop and began typing, the question of whether or not to write this latest excerpt as part two of a series of exposés already answered. Adalind knew that even though the letter would be anonymous, any investigating journalist worth a damn would put two and two together and get four and soon Portland would know she was the one behind the first article. It’s a risk she must take, Meisner said as much when he came to see Nick that past Saturday. 

Adalind laid out everything in black and white, working for Sean, sleeping with Sean and running away from him when the truth of her situation finally hit her squarely in the face and how he practically threw her out on the streets because she no longer had the stomach for carrying out his criminal activities. She even named the Lehners family, detailing her time in Austria before all her luck finally ran out. There was no sense in holding anything back. However, she paused when she got the part about Kelly Kessler. Although Kelly had passed, her work with the FBI was still very sensitive and thus Adalind refrained from referring to her by name.  
She wrote about everything K.K. had done for her, protecting her from Sean and almost losing her life in the fire that supposedly claimed the life of Diana. How it was only a year later she discovered the fire was no accident and that her daughter hadn’t died as she was originally led to believe because of redacted and falsified records the fire and police department were reluctant to release to the FBI. 

Adalind got emotional when she reached the part about Frederick Renard, how he was complicit with his criminal son in the kidnapping of her daughter, how he had K.K. murdered to stop her from getting too close. At the time, it wasn’t certain whether K.K.’s death was also in response to the agent’s connection to the same officer investigating Sean Renard. Adalind’s heart was literally racing, pounding feverishly against her chest the more she typed about the period of Kelly’s premature death. At that stage, she wouldn’t be surprised if the FBI came after her for purposely ruining their case but after two years of going back and forth without any real progress against Renard, the FBI could go suck it, she thought. She wondered just how they could be so incensed against her when they sat and did nothing for years despite Nick’s diligent work in garnering all that evidence they needed to make the case against Sean. 

They forced her to take matters into her own hands and this wasn’t the first time she took extreme measures, nor was it the second time either. She could even face jail time, if they so wished it but if it got Sean to pay for everything he had done and saved her daughter from the Renards’, it would be worth it. That was the other thing to consider, the real possibility of the FBI recanting her immunity out of spite and making sure she paid for her crimes as well. Her stomach twisted into uncomfortable knots and she found she couldn’t breathe suddenly. 

It wasn’t fair. For the first time since she could remember, her life was good, in fact, more than good. She was in love with the most beautiful man on earth. Nick was everything she didn’t look for in a man which made her love him even more. He was so gentle and so strong at the same time, he was kind and assertive, self-assured with so much integrity she wondered daily what he saw in her because she was none of those things. And then there was her beautiful baby boy. Losing Diana had almost killed her and now there was a chance she could lose Kelly as well. That thought alone cut her so deep that not even the knowledge that Nick would take care of their son should she be unable to comforted her, it would be nothing at all like the life Diana was forced to live for a year away from her. 

What did that say about her, that although she couldn’t bear to lose her son, she would risk it still if it meant getting her daughter back? Adalind felt shame sweep over her and tears of “what ifs” overwhelmed and wrecked her so thoroughly, one would think it already happened. Her life was good but fate was no less a cruel mistress, forcing her to choose, that even without making a choice, one was being forced upon her unwillingly.  
She typed the last of all she could say about her daughter and those that took her. It was scathing, honest and heartfelt. Through watershed eyes, she stared at the ‘Send’ button, that’s all she had to do, to push that one little button and let the chips fall where they may. Adalind wasn’t much of a gambler because all her life she knew the odds were always against her. The house always won, so to speak and this was the biggest gamble of her whole life, all or nothing…. As if saved by the bell, she heard her son’s crying from the bedroom and fled away from the computer staring back at her from the kitchen counter. 

“It’s okay Baby, Mommy’s here, I am not going anywhere,” she cooed and calmed her very restless son.  
Kelly fidgeted much of that morning as if sensing a change in the air or perhaps that was Adalind’s fears getting the better of her. She scooped him into her arms and rocked him back and forth, the contact soothing her as much as Kelly.  
“I’m not going to let anyone take you away from me. I swear it!” She told him fiercely, as though he could actually understand everyone word she said.  
“I love you so much my sweet baby. The day I found out I was having you was the happiest day of my life, my little precious thing. You gave me more courage in your short life than I have ever known my whole life. No one will ever come between us, I want you to know that.”  
She kissed Kelly’s almost bold head and hugged him close to her chest, humming a lullaby she learnt and used to sing it every night to Diana.  
“You and your father mean the world to me. You are my gift, a second chance to make this life worth something after years of worthlessness. I have to stop cowering in fear of the unknown and take charge of my life instead of leaving it up to the FBI or worse, letting Sean dictate my every thought and every move. I will fight with every breath of my body. Your father wouldn’t do any less for you and I cannot do any less for Diana and soon I will have both my babies in my arms!”  
After rocking Kelly back to sleep, she returned to the email written once more to the editor of OregonLive and pushed the send button without any further thought. 

Witch-hunt:  
Nick returned late into the evening on that same Monday, completely drained by the events of the day. All he wanted to do was to get home, kiss his son goodnight, take a long shower and get lost in Adalind’s embrace. He wanted to forget, to shake off his time in New York and although Meisner tried to encourage him, that they took his investigation seriously, even after that abysmal showing, Nick wasn’t interested. The FBI practically made his life with Adalind into something dirty and nigh illegal and he hadn’t done anything wrong. 

He followed everything by the book. And everything he did officially for the FBI was before he and Adalind first slept together but because Nick was often like a dog with a bone, he couldn’t just let Renard getting away, he continued his investigation, freelancing, hoping that the more evidence he built against his boss, the greater the chance he’d be arrested, prosecuted and jailed. It was a happy coincidence things between him and Adalind changed the way they did. And he had zero regrets but it burned to have his personal life hung out to dry while being called into question for falling in love. He was still seething as he entered the loft and Adalind flung her arms around his neck before he could even say hello.

“You’re finally home.” Her warm breath against his neck sent electric triggers up and down his torso.  
Nick dropped his bags and curled his arms tightly around her waist, drawing her deeper into his arms. He missed her terribly all day. He didn’t realise just how much until he saw her the second he pulled open the metal doors leading into his home. Home. Adalind and Kelly were his home and he’d be damned if he let some ignorant committee more interested in their own agenda than justice belittle his small tiny piece of heaven on earth. He wasn’t ashamed of his life. He would never be ashamed of his love for the mother of his child.  
“I missed you too….” He spoke into her hair, and just like her, in no hurry to separate any time soon; clearly they both had a trying day and sought comfort in each other’s arms. 

He kissed his son goodnight and rather than take a long hot shower alone, they shared long steamy bath together. They were both quiet for a while, content to just lay in each other’s arms as the warm water lulled them, draining much of the day’s anxiety away. Adalind was the first to speak, telling him everything she did that day, the article she decided to write, instead of coming out in public. Nick, ever the attentive partner picked up on a hidden feeling she did her best to keep from him only it wasn’t good enough. It surprised him just how well he knew Adalind, the smallest change in her tone, the inflection over her voice when she talked about the consequences of her actions, he knew she wasn’t just talking about the case (which could be closed for all he knew). Something else was bothering her and he wanted to know what it was.

“Adalind look at me,” he asked her, tilting her face so he could look into her eyes, they were red and brimming with unshed tears. “Hey, what’s the matter?” he was gentler, concern written all over his face.  
“It’s nothing really. I just had one of those days.” She turned away from him once more, as if embarrassed to share with him her troubles.  
“Something’s upset you and I want you to tell me what it is. Does it have something to do with that email you sent?” He leaned his head between the crook of her neck; their slick wet cheeks rubbing gently against one another.  
Her silence was confirmation enough.  
“Do you think I am a bad mother?”  
“You are a fantastic mother, why would you think otherwise?”  
“Because….” She didn’t answer.  
“That’s not a good reason.” He said. She didn’t respond so he continued. “My mother told me a lot about her time with you and Diana. She said that was the best part of her job, not chasing after bad guys or and everything else she ever did for the FBI. I think watching you with her, how you loved Diana, cared for her made her think of me when I was a baby, all the missed opportunities because she was so caught in being the best agent in the field, she lost the most important part of herself, being a mother. I think she carried a lot of guilt leaving me behind and wished she could have a chance to do it all over again. And watching you with our son, just confirms everything she told me. You are a wonderful mother and don’t you dare believe otherwise.”  
“But you saw what I wrote….”  
“Yes and….?”  
“I’m fighting so hard to get my daughter back, I haven’t really considered that I might lose my freedom. You don’t think the FBI is going to have another freak out if and when this all comes out? I don’t even know if it will come out at all. It all sounds too soap opera-ish but something just doesn’t feel right….”  
“They published your first article didn’t they? And that was harder to prove.”  
“The FBI wasn’t impressed with my actions and hence this inquiry,”  
“Well I am not happy with the FBI at the moment.” Nick didn’t really feel like recounting the minutiae of his time before the.  
“What if in trying to get my daughter back I end up losing my son in the process?”  
“You are not going to lose Kelly.” He assured her, placing a kiss on the edge of her lips.  
“Whatever happens, we are in this together and I swear to you, I will never let anything happen to you. We are going to get Diana back and we’ll all be a family, together and Sean and his twisted father will get everything they deserve.” He iterated kissing her once more and letting it deepen, causing her to shiver and not from the cold, sending a chill down his own spine at the same time.  
“I sent that article today, you realise now that this means my time in anonymity will be over very soon and with the inquiry, that can’t be good. That gives us what…seven days then the floodgates will open and there’d be nowhere to hide, although the fome is a clever hideout.”  
“Then we’ll deal with it one day at a time.”  
“I know…but we have to be prepared. All of Portland is going to know it was me all along and when they realise I’m in hiding somewhere in this they are going to be gunning for the next best thing…you. You’re easier to access as a detective at Central Precinct, everyone knows where that is.”  
“I’ve dealt with the press countless times before, I can handle them.” he smirked.  
“I’m being serious Nick. You are used to talking to them about other people’s lives, but when it’s your own…I know you had an awful time in New York….”  
“Did Meisner tell you?”  
“No, I guessed and he confirmed it. When the media gets a hold of this, you are going to be in their crosshairs because they can’t get to me. Nobody knows about this place. I haven’t made contact with any of my old “friends” or been to any of my old stomping grounds. I have an unlisted number and if I chose, I could lock myself up in this fortress and never leave, which I’m loathed to do by the way and refuse to do it. Regardless, I can’t let you take a hit for my mistakes coming back to haunt me, on top of everything that’s happening in our lives.”  
“You’re trying to protect me? That’s sweet, in fact that’s down right sexy right now but I can take care of myself.”  
"Aren't you trying to protect me?" she asked him pointedly. 

Touché. 

Nick cupped one of her breast and the edge of his lips curled slightly upwards when she remained silent and let him squeeze ever so gently and because he wanted to be fair he moved his hand to it’s perfect twin, soliciting a sweet gasp from between her lips. All the blood rushed immediately to his bottom half nestled tightly between him and Adalind’s posterior, which she had started to rotate so slightly, he wouldn’t have noticed it if it went for the bolts of lightning shooting through his whole body and returning to that very same spot beneath her pert backside.  
"I meant what I said, we're in this together. Today may be a set back and I'm not part of the investigation anymore and there may be a fallout from your article but I'm going to be there for you every step of the way, as long you promise not to shut me out under some guise, however adorable, of you trying to protect me. Promise me." It was a command.  
"I promise." Adalind tipped her head back kissed him deeply. 

*/*/*

When morning came, Adalind’s words had become a reality. It had taken seven days for OregonLive to publish her first article and it took less than twenty-four hours for them to publish her second and understandably, Adalind had a mini freak out in the middle of their kitchen while making breakfast. Nick had opened the website and was confronted by a photograph of Frederick Renard with the words “KIDNAPPER” emblazoned in bold letters, a blind person could read it. He only cared about Adalind seeing it but unfortunately he wasn’t able snap his lap top shut fast enough when she strolled behind him to plant a kiss good morning on his cheek. She almost dropped the plates in her hand.

Presumably, the reason it had taken seven whole days for OL to publish the exposé on Renard was the news organization’s prudency in fact-checking Adalind’s claims. However, it appeared they forwent the same precaution, rushing head first into another scandal more sensational than the last. Nick swallowed a lump of bitterness because it seemed they cared more about the bottom line than journalistic integrity, and now he and Adalind were suddenly on the clock and time was running out and fast. 

“I knew it was coming but that was sooner than I expected.” She finally said after calming down.  
It was like the floor had been ripped from under her at 7:20 in the morning and her article already had a million hits and counting. Frederick Renard wasn’t like his son, he was just a ruthless but smarter, he wouldn’t run like his son. He would fight. Adalind was worried about the media going on some sort of witch hunt, like sharks circling the waters at the first hint of blood the moment her identity would be revealed but the real threat was in the form of an old man with money to burn and more dubious resources than they were aware of. They needed the media to be on their side once all the facts were uncovered to use against Renard when custody became an issue and it would become an issue, that much was guaranteed. 

Nick wrapped her tightly in his arms, “We can do this…together.” He said.  
They would stand together and fight for everything that was theirs the Renards be damned. 

Rumours:  
The station was in chaos. It had been three working days since the Captain’s disappearance, five, including the weekend. Hardly two minutes after walking through the doors did Nick observe the charged atmosphere because of one man, technically it was because of one woman. He smirked to himself knowing that Adalind was the reason Central Precinct was without its Captain. Nick couldn’t help but enjoy the delicious irony of the situation, after so many years of trying to bring down the man; it took a cute, petite blond woman to do the job. But his mirth quickly turned to fury when he heard what was actually being said.

There were several theories doing the rounds but the most prevalent was the speculation on some “bitter ex-girlfriend” being behind the “unfounded” rumours about the Captain, “bitter” being the least offensive description in a sea of vile adjectives used to describe the mother of his son. Nobody mentioned Adalind by name but that was because nobody actually knew she was behind the OregonLive article. Nick’s ears burnt as they automatically picked up words here and phrases there that maligned Adalind.  
“She’s probably after a quick buck, how much do you think she was paid to lie about Renard? I hear his family owns half of Europe!”  
“She’s nothing but a bitch, to destroy a man’s reputation like this….”  
Nick almost punched a beat cop for actually calling her a “two-bit whore selling herself to the highest bidder”. What the hell did he know, he thought furiously as he balled his hands into fist and deliberately walking towards the elevator. He punched the ‘up’ button, and watched the light flick on and off as it descended to his level at a snail speed. He almost lost it when the same cop, along with his gossiping buddy came to wait for the elevator beside him. “…Just wonderful.” He said under his breath.  
“Good morning. Oh welcome back Detective Burkhardt. It’s a crying shame what’s been happening to the Captain.” Said Sullivan, that was the beat cop’s name.

Nick didn’t respond; instead he counted to ten or else Sullivan’s blasted face would be kissing the floor if Nick had his way. And the elevator was still a floor away and every second that went by Nick’s blood pressure continued to rise as Sullivan tried making small talk with him as though they were bosom buddies. 

Feeling hot under the collar, “I think I’ll take the stairs,” Nick said and turned towards the fire escape without a second glance behind him. It’s only been ten minutes on his first day back and already he hated every minute of it. It was going to be the longest day of his life. Adalind may just as well have been the devil herself, against the halo that some of those police officers placed of their dear put upon Captain. He hardly noticed that same anger and bitterness levelled at him as yet another possible suspect in the defamation on Cpt Sean Renard. They were villains in this story, the “Bitter ex” and the “Disgruntled cop” out to destroy a “good man”, it was like he’d entered the twilight zone, he took to steps at a time, couldn’t make it to his desk fast enough.

It wasn’t the kind of welcoming back he expected but it wasn’t all bad. The whole station wasn’t swayed over by the Captain’s false character. There were some who chose not to follow Renard so blindly. CPP wasn’t brimming with Renard apologists around every corner, people like Hank, Wu and Trubel. When he got to his floor, he was relieved he wasn’t accosted by someone wanting to share the latest gossip with him, even better, nobody was calling Adalind horrible names for speaking nothing but the truth. People simply welcomed him back, and extended their condolences over his mother and left it at that. It was a tiny relief, drowning himself in his work was the only thing that could make him forget the last few minutes and never had he been more happy to see his partner than at that moment.

“Hey Nick, boy am I glad to have you back.”  
“I wish I could say the same.” He said glumly taking a seat in his worn out swivel chair..  
“I take it you heard the office gossip?”  
“It was hard not to, I can think of at least seven cops I’d happily punch in the face right now.”  
“Yeah I know, but you know some of these guys are just assholes who’ve been sucking up to the Captain for years. They think he’s just going to waltz back through these doors as if nothing happened.” He said quietly so no one around them could hear them. Nick got up, leading Hank into one of the unused interrogation rooms for more privacy.  
“You know something…he could.” He said after Hank closed the door behind him. It was possible. Renard could walk, after his time in New York, he wasn’t sure of anything anymore and he hated to admit that.  
“Seriously?”  
“Maybe, I don’t know. All I know is that I’m officially off the case.”  
“…Because of you and Adalind.” Was it that obvious?  
“Yeah…. Honestly I should have seen this coming.”  
“So…you and her are really serious?”  
“I’m in love with her.” He smiled ruefully.  
“Oh man….” Said Hank as he stuffed his hands into his pockets, rocking back on his heels a he took in the full weight of his partner’s frank admission.  
“Yeah….” Nick reiterated.  
“Well…I guess I’m really happy for you.” Hank said finally but Nick gave him a sceptical look.  
“No seriously, I kinda saw this coming too. You’re a great detective Nick but you sort of have a ‘tell’ and I saw it a long time ago, that day…what was it…six years ago? So I was right that day, you did like that pretty little blonde and you tried to throw me off by acting nonchalant about it.” Hank smirked.  
“Really, is that all you’re taking from all of this, that you were right all along?”  
“I was right and I’ve got a sixth sense about this sort of thing.” Hank said smugly.  
“Is that why you’re four-times divorced?” Nick quipped, clearly unimpressed.  
“Hey, I said I had a sixth sense not that I was perfect. I’m wondering why you even took this long to talk to me because you know I wouldn’t judge you or anything.”  
“I know. Everything sort of happened so quickly and then my mother was killed….”  
“Oh man, I am sorry about your mom. I can’t even imagine what you must be feeling right now, your mom, Renard and what’s this about Juliette…?” Hank said sombrely, the moment of levity gone.  
“I can’t even think about her right now, too much is going on. Let’s just say I’m taking it one day at a time.”  
“I feel you.”  
“I don’t know if you bought the paper this morning or went online.”  
“Why, what’s happened?”  
“There’s another article….”  
“About Renard?”  
“No, his father.” Hank’s eyes bulged wider than Nick’s ever seen before when Nick mentioned Renard Sr. and the content of the article “I don’t know how long we’ve got before everyone comes after Adalind, us both actually. Someone bound to figure this out and I don’t trust the FBI will lift a finger to protect Adalind, not after everything….”  
“The Captain actually took her daughter and set her house on fire, with Adalind sleeping inside?”  
“Yeah, my mother saved her in time.”  
“This all sounds so crazy. If I didn’t know any better, I wouldn’t believe you.”  
“Don’t joke, practically the whole station doesn’t believe Renard is a criminal. I hate to think this is what I am going to have to deal with every day, if the FBI doesn’t charge Renard. The last ten years were bad enough before Adalind blew the lid on the whole investigation. At this stage I’m lucky the FBI isn’t on my tail for ‘colluding with the witness’ against Renard or whatever bogus accusation they can throw my way because they are too scared to do the right thing.”  
“And what about this Kenneth guy, ave they caught that s.o.b. yet?”  
“No. I wish I could split myself in half, hunt this asshole down and make him pay for my mother but at the same time, I want to go home and be with Adalind and my son and just shut out the rest of the world. Meisner assured me he was doing everything he could to find Kenneth. He believes he’s being protected by Frederick Renard and now with Adalind accusing the old man of kidnapping, he’s convince Kenneth’s about to face the same cold shoulder treatment Renard Sr showed his son but I’m not so sure.”  
“What makes you say that?”  
“I don’t think Kenneth acted alone, or rather Kenneth had no reason to come after my mother unless he was acting on someone else’s wishes. Renard may have taken Diana from Adalind a year ago but his father is the one that has kept Diana all this time. I bet he was the one that ordered the hit on my mother and Kenneth is just the middle-man. My mother got too close to proving the Renards had taken Adalind’s daughter illegally, Renard Sr would have been exposed to too much scrutiny, which he will now after the article. Meisner said they were getting close to his trail but he keeps slipping through his fingers. He’s kept me in the loop every step of the way but things have gotten a little complicated. I haven’t been able to leave Adalind or my son not after what happened with Juliette at Monroe’s”  
“So that was true, she went after Adalind and the baby?”  
“It seems like it. For now, I really don’t want to worry Adalind this soon after our son’s birth. I haven’t seen or talked to Juliette in so long, like Renard, she’s also disappeared or else I’d get a straight answer about what actually went down the day Adalind returned from the hospital.  
“Man, this is sounding more and more like a tale of body snatchers, you think you know people and then you discover that you actually don’t.”  
“At least the Captain won’t exactly walk back into the station without facing these allegations head on. He has a lot to answer to and because everything Adalind wrote was nothing but the truth, I doubt he can escape that easily, it doesn’t matter how many cops are loyal to him, he can’t escape the truth. He’s better off not showing his face ever again. They’ve already appointed an acting Captain, Lieutenant Jacobson from East Precinct. Central Precinct isn’t under his control anymore. By the way, the new boss wants to speak with you, to break the ice and whatnot.  
“Ugh, I don’t have time for this.”  
“Hey, don’t shoot the messenger.”  
“Can we even trust him?”  
“Can we really trust anyone anymore?” That wasn’t the answer Nick was looking for.  
“All I want right now is to get back to working my cases, at least nothing about that has changed.”  
“Not true, the biggest change happened just yesterday. The Red Lotus case. We got a lead, a foreign DNA lead to be exact.”  
“Finally there’s some good news in this world!” Nick exclaimed as they exited the interrogation room walked back to the bullpen.  
“You can thank Forensics for that. They found a blood sample that didn’t match one of our latest victims’.”  
“Bosch?”  
“No, the other one. They are running it through the national database as we speak and should have the results before lunch. Cross fingers we get a hit and we can bring in our suspect before the end of the day.” He said when they reached their desks and handed Nick the ever expanding file on one of the biggest (and most frustrating) cases they have ever worked since partnering up almost a decade ago.

Six weeks:  
Things began to settle, unexpectedly. A month had passed since the publication of Adalind’s second article. The Captain was still AWOL. And although there was a media frenzy around Adalind’s article, Renard Sr refused to take the bait. He didn’t run away to hide in some big black hole somewhere in the universe, he simply refused to entertain the media and the claims Adalind made. Before long, the story was D.O.A. 

Adalind went from being tense and agitated at the prospect of finally coming out to all of Portland and maybe even the country, to being dejected when she realised that without Renard Sr at least defending himself against her claims, nobody would believe her and Renard Sr would come off looking like a victim of some lunatic desperate for attention. What little hope she had dwindled until there was barely a flicker left. Nick did his best to be there for her, whatever she needed but it wasn’t enough. She had taken a big gamble and had lost and in typical fashion she did her best to hide from him her hurt and hopelessness, always smiling and laughing, especially when playing with their son but something didn’t feel right and that realisation hurt. The holiday season wasn’t helping much either, all the merry in the world seemed to pass her by despite his attempts to lift her spirits.

He’d sold his mother’s car weeks ago and bought something safer for her and Kelly to use whenever she wanted but she never went anywhere. For a solid month Adalind stayed in the loft only leaving its confines when going up to the roof and even that became scarce as the weather changed and the temperature dropped drastically. She only had Kelly and him for company and Nick was usually gone for hours almost every day leaving her alone with the baby. Adalind was lonely, a blind man could see that and the disappointment over Diana only worsened her situation. She’d slumped into a funk and he didn’t know how to remedy it. Technically, he knew but how could he bring Diana back when they had no clue where she was? 

“I’m thinking of inviting Monroe and Rosalee for dinner, maybe Hank and Wu as well.” He said after turning off the light and Adalind scooted closer against him.  
“What?” He felt the warm breath of surprise in that single word. Instead, Nick pulled her even closer into his arms as they laid in the dark.  
“I think it would be nice if we invited some people over.”  
“I heard you but why….?” He couldn’t see her face but he heard the fear in her voice.  
“It will be a house warming dinner, it will be great.”  
“It’s going to be terrible and I’m sure your friends hate me….”  
“It won’t and they don’t….”  
“Have you met me because I am sure Hank and Wu have? They know exactly who I am” She said as she finally turned her head and looked up at him. He could only make out the outline of her face underneath the blond halo that swiftly tickled his chin.  
“ Aah…yeah I have met you or else Kelly wouldn’t be here.” He snickered, planting his lips quickly over her nose. “You are amazing and they are going to love you as much as I do…well actually scratch that. They are going to like you as much as I do, plus you already met Monroe and Rosalee. Don’t you speak to her from time to time?”  
“We’ve spoken like twice since I left her house and both times have been about Kelly.”  
“There you go, it won’t be so terrible, you’ve already broken the ice. The guys from the station don’t worry too much about them.”  
Adalind only signed in resignation.  
“You won’t regret it, trust me.” He lowered his lips over hers, possessing them and her.  
Adalind had agreed to the dinner but didn’t commit. “If we are going to have guests over then we are going to have to turn this utilitarian loft into a fome,” she said.  
“A what?”  
“A fome, a fortress that is a home or is it a home that is a fortress? I can’t really decide which is more fitting.”  
He laughed. “A fome…our fome,” he repeated, trying the word for the first time. It was weird and quirky, much like Adalind once she let down her guard, “I like it,” he kissed her again and again as she melted into his arms.

Although Adalind never took to the idea of having people over, she made every effort towards the dinner and actually chose a date. The day he came home early from work and found the garage empty, his heart nearly gave out. It turned out Adalind wasn’t the only one that had become stagnant. For a month, Nick had gotten used to their routine. Every morning he woke up, got ready for work, kissed Adalind and Kelly goodbye, came home after a long day, kissed Adalind and Kelly goodnight and did it all over again the next day. On occasion he came home for lunch and sometimes the kisses with Adalind lead to a little something more heated. That was his life, habitual, predictable and very good.

As he stood in his garage staring at the empty parking spot, every horrible thought flashed in his mind. Renard had found them. Juliette had gotten her vengeance. Adalind had left him, crazy thoughts that sent a chill down his spine. His second thought was to call her, so he quickly pulled out his phone and saw that he’d missed several of her calls but she left him messages which he immediately played back.

“First message – ‘Honey, Kelly and I decided to take care of a few errands before tonight’s dinner and honestly, it was time we left the fome. The weather’s exceptionally warm this time of year and I think Kelly would appreciate seeing all the lovely colours before it’s too cold and everything dies. Talk to you soon, love you.’ – End of message. 

“Second message – ‘Nick, I called the station and you were out, I thought perhaps you’d like to join us at the park for lunch. It really is a beautiful day out and it would be such a shame to waste it but you’re busy, so I guess your son and I will see you later tonight. Stay safe and we love you. – End of message.

“Third message – ‘I got a message from my mother’s attorney regarding her estate. I have been avoiding him for over a year now but I can’t keep running away all things Catherine, apparently the bank didn’t repossess her house like I thought they would. I’m on my way to his office right now and hopefully, this will be the last I have to deal with my mother. See you at home.’ – End of message.” 

That was an hour ago and she still wasn’t home. There was no need to panic. She was likely still at the lawyer’s office, they would be home soon, he thought as he entered the elevator and pushed the button up to the loft. It wasn’t easy to reconcile with this new reality. Nick quickly clamped down on some of his irrational and dangerous fear that it wasn’t safe for them outside the walls of the loft and resisted any and all lingering urges to send out an APB just because his girlfriend and son braved the streets of Portland without him by their side.

*/*/*

They returned while he was still in the shower.  
“Nick, we’re finally home!” She called out.  
“I’ll be right out,” he replied in kind.  
He came out dripping wet with a towel wrapped carelessly below his abdomen, thinking only of taking her in his arms.  
“I missed you so much,” he said as his arms circled around her from the back. He kissed the nape of her neck, sending rivulets down her chest.  
“Oh gawd, Nick you’re and making me wet.” She said as she tried worming her way out of his grasp but he only held her tighter.  
“No, I want you wet.” He said scandalously as his hand reached low, unbuttoning her pants and slipping his hand over her lacy underwear. She gasped into his ear. “Do you know what day it is?” he asked her as his fingers worked her to distraction.  
“Uh…hmm…you need to…stop…yes…. I mean stop it!” she giggled.  
“What day is it?” he insisted, pushing her against the counter.  
“Nick…I…uh…I’m trying to make dinner….” She was breathless and her back arched perfectly against his chest, hands planted firmly on the wooden top for additional support.  
He knew he should leave her alone but he missed her and their six weeks was officially up and like some cruel joke the dinner with his friends fell on the same day. Seeing her in the kitchen, something primal came over him. It was like seeing her for the first time all over again. He wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anything or anyone ever before. It actually scared him just thinking about it, only he wasn’t thinking at that moment. Nick nibbled her earlobe, taking it between his teeth and he felt her sink into his hands, no longer able to support herself against his ministrations.  
“Nick…dinner….” She tried protesting but her hips said otherwise, stirring him to life. He was hungry but for her.  
“It can wait….”  
“Kelly….”  
“He’s napping, I checked….”  
“Your friend….”  
“There’s plenty of time before then….” he countered as he spread her legs a little wider. She complied and he grew harder, unable to stand the chaffing from the towel constricting him. It took everything in him to not bend her over and take her right there but she was right. It wasn’t the right time. He felt her orgasm in the palm of his hand. Adalind collapsed against him.  
“That was…unexpected and amazing…” she sighed with tangible pleasure.  
She turned around to face him, knees wobbling slightly. She sweetly kissed him, curling her fingers in his wet hair, no longer put off by it. “I’m sorry. If I’d known you’d be home early, I wouldn’t have wasted my time at the lawyer’s office. I could have gone tomorrow.”  
“Serves me right for inviting my friends over.” He held her waist.  
“I chose the day. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”  
“You better.” He kissed her with unsated desire and left her to prepare for their ill-timed dinner while he got dressed. But he hadn’t made it up the steps before Adalind dragged him by the hand and shoved him onto the bed, causing the towel to come loose on the floor leaving him naked before her.  
“By the way, I do know exactly what day it is,” she smiled as she stripped down to her red lace bra and panties, damn she was beautiful, particularly her burgeoning bust. Nick’s erection shot straight up, he touched himself in anticipation. He grew bigger as Adalind sashayed out of her visibly wet panties, his breath hitched in his chest.  
“Gawd you’re so sexy.” He breathed as Adalind slowly climbed on top of him.  
“This isn’t how I planned for us to be together after my medical probation.” She sighed as his red tip brushed against her folds, wet and ready. He watched her face the whole time, she was already coming undone and he hadn’t even penetrated her. She used her hands to pin him against the bed, taking charge. “I wanted to take my sweet time with you, to show you just how much I love you. I wanted to lick you, to taste all of you but…there’s no time.” She arched her back slowly, dipping only just so he wasn’t fully immersed in her sweetness. He literally thought he’d explode from just listening to her speak about what she wanted to do to him.  
“Ada…Aaahhhh!” He never finished what he wanted to say as Adalind plunged low over him. Nick was completely sheathed within her tight walls.  
“You like that, don’t you…Officer Burkhardt.” Yes!  
She pulled out before plunging once more only deeper. Adalind repeated her action, pulling out almost completely before taking all of him again and again. Nick thought he’d lose his mind at her measured control. He raised his hips to match her rhythm desperate for the connection, “Let me touch you?” he asked desperately after watching her twin mounds juggle enticingly over him. Adalind released his arms, which automatically made a beeline for her breasts freeing them from the confines of her bra. His lust spiked to dizzying heights as the blood drained from his head to his lower head. He palmed her breasts, kneaded them desperately, stimulating and driving her to ecstasy, him not too far behind. Their lovemaking became hurried, increasingly wild with each stroke.  
“Adalind…slow…aaahhh…yyessss…” Adalind rode him hard and fast ground him to dust until her walls quaked with fire and lightning. Nick came hard and with such delicious fury and he emptied himself deep within her. They moaned and cried in sweet delirium, their bodies taught in rapture too divine to put into words, bathed in each other’s sweat and juices. The air filled with their orgasm so raw and acute, they slumped, like heavy weights or bones magically turned to liquid.  
“That was certainly unexpected and amazing.” They both laughed as he used her words against her as she laid atop of him, completely spent.  
“Yes…yes it was.” He looked down at her and saw her bathed in a beautiful afterglow, radiant from the top of her head, which he kissed, to the soles of her feet.  
“Well, it couldn’t be helped. You are very hard to resist,” she continued and kissed him his lips in return.  
“Are you okay, for a second there I was a little worried, not that I’m complaining by the way. That was the best sex of my life, all the better because it was with you but we are supposed to be careful after all.”  
“Well I wanted you inside me so bad, six weeks was a very very long time Nick I wanted to feel your thickness inside me filling me, like right now.” She rotated her hips, igniting tiny flames in his sex still encased in hers.  
“Mmmm…. You could have fooled me, all this time I thought I was the only one burning with desire so strong, I couldn’t control. I was reduced to fantasising about taking you in all sorts of places, doing all sorts of things to you, things I have never done ever.”  
“Really, like what?” She flashed him a devilish smile.  
“We don’t have the time for that sort of thing, not before we have guests to entertain remember. You are so beautiful, so gorgeous and so sexy, I pinch myself every day to make sure you are not a dream, if I had it my way, we wouldn’t leave this bed for anything.” He confessed.  
“Too bad we do have to leave this bed.” She reluctantly raised herself from his embrace kissed him once more and quickly disappeared into the bathroom leaving him at half-mast and rising, and hungry for seconds. There’d be plenty of time later, he consoled himself but to no effect. His mind only flashed to a naked Adalind under the hot shower, hands against the wall and her shapely legs open wide and he was up and ready to go. 

Nick silently entered the bathroom and pulled back the shower curtain.  
“What are you doing?” She asked with surprise.  
“I turned out I too, need a shower, care to share? I promise to be a good boy….” Adalind side-eyed him, clearly he wasn’t that convincing, well he really had no intention to keep to himself so he couldn’t blame her suspicions.  
“Alright, as long as you behave yourself.” She warned him but there was playfulness in her tone. Adalind turned away from him and began to lather herself with soap but Nick stayed her hands.  
“Let me….” He took the soap out of her hands, returning it on the rack against the wall and dropped to his knees, hiking her one leg over the edge of the bathtub, giving himself ample room for what he planned to do.  
“Nick, what are doing?” She grabbed his shoulder when she lost her balance but he had her firmly in his grasp. There was no way he’d let her slip through his strong fingers.  
“What do you think I am doing? I’m being a good boy….” He said as he looked up her indignant, yet expectant face. 

Nick dropped one hand over her still throbbing core, using his fingers meticulously, to open her up to him, to search and prod the heat within an bring it to fore. Adalind’s breathing got heavy and purposeful, like she was telling herself to breathe when Nick’s thumb and forefinger circled her folds with expert purpose. He smirked as he watched Adalind’s head tilt backwards, eyes closed and her fingers dug deep into the sensitive skin on his shoulders. She began to jerk back and forth as he teased her opening, inserting his finger within her walls, curling it this way and that inciting the sweetest sounds he’s ever heard as Adalind moaned his name pleading, completely surrendered to him. Nick removed his digit and Adalind desperately begged him to put it back in her but he shook his head.

“I’m here to service you, make you ready and therefore I must get busy….” He said and then lowered his face over her organ now flowing with her juices. Her sweet scent almost caused him to devour her like a mad man. He opened her clit, licking and sucking the nub within as Adalind writhed over him. Once he was satisfied he moved lower, and entered her centre, tasting her nectar with fervour.  
“Now Nick. I need you now! I don’t think I stand it any longer.” Her pelvis worked desperately against his face and he used his tongue to pump her dry. She came all over his beard, very satisfied, his name moaned in ecstasy ringed loud in his ears. Nick rose back to his feet and Adalind pushed him against the wall and pounced on his lips, her tongue breaking through his walls, tasting herself and devouring him at the same time, threading her hands through his blackened wet hair.  
“You know that this doesn’t end here right?” She pulled away from their kiss and lowered herself down to a kneeling position, stroking him with short strokes then long ones before leaning over his very rigid member and swallowed him whole. Adalind kept her blue eyes glued on his as she slowly pulled him out, her teeth lightly scraping the walls of his organ bringing him over the edge too fast and too soon. He felt his hand over Adalind’s wet locks holding her down, guiding her in and out as though it hand a will of its own while Adalind kissed the tip of his head, furious and desperate. She licked him over like candy, taking her time. Nick nearly lost it when he heard her lips ‘pop’ like she couldn’t get enough of him and the she plunged him deep inside and then out as she flicked and squeezed his sacks reducing him to a puddle of water.  
“That’s good…so, so good….” He grunted.  
He was so near but he didn’t want to come in her mouth so Nick pulled her up on her feet and roughly turned her around so her back was towards him. She yelped in mild pain leaned back and kissed his lips but Nick pulled back.  
“I haven’t finished,” she told him.  
“This way,” he said with bristling passion, bending her over so her ass was lifted up and he spread her legs before him. Nick fondled her sated core, bringing it back to life as his stroked himself before plunging his erect member deep within Adalind tight sex. She cried out with pleasure that had become his drug. He was addicted to it, to Adalind. He pumped against her with such urgency, the sound of their sex, slamming against one another plunged him deep into her abyss. Twice that day, he came like a roaring wave crashing against the shore. After two or three more angry strokes Adalind crashed right up against him, intensifying his own orgasm as he leaned over her against the cold, wet tiled wall  
Nick pulled out and cuddled Adalind against his chest as the water continued to rain over them, washing away all evidence of their potent lovemaking.  
“I love you,” he said kissing the nape of her neck.  
I love you too.” 

*/*/*

“So welcome to our fome.” Adalind said as she welcomed their guests into their home.  
“Fome?” Rosalee asked.  
“It's a cross between a fortress and a home.” Adalind explained to which everyone laughed. Adalind breathed a sigh of relief, she hadn’t realised she’d been holding her breath right up until that moment.  
“I think it's kind of awesome.” That was Monroe, “You don't have a turret, do you?” He asked Nick.  
“No, but we have a roof.”  
“Oh yeah, kinda forgot about that. I’ve got to see that.”  
“This way. Stairs are over here.” Nick led his friend away.  
“ And here's a little ‘fome’ warming gift from all of us.” Rosalee presented her with a basket.  
“Thanks, you guys.”  
“And there's something in there for Kelly,’ said Rosalee.  
“You know, I have never met Kelly.” Said Wu. She’d never really spoken to Wu before. There was no need, not unlike Hank, Nick’s partner.  
“Well, he's asleep, but let's take a look.”  
“Not without me,” Rosalee added as she followed them to Kelly’s cot.  
Her mother always told her first impression were important but Adalind had likely made hers years ago and it wasn’t easy to forget even if Nick told her everything would be fine, that everything would go well, that his friends would like her but Adalind wasn’t so sure.  
“I'll open the wine.” Adalind heard Hank say behind them but all she could do was remind herself to breathe. These were Nick’s friends, not fire breathing dragons. And even though two of them were police officers, they were there to arrest her for ever bad thing she’d ever done.  
“Oh my god, he’s perfect. He’s grown so big since the last time I saw him.” Rosaleed cooed over Kelly.  
“Yeah, about that…” Adalind tried explaining.  
“Look, I totally understand why we haven’t seen this little guy, as long as you are all safe.”  
“He’s a beautiful baby,” said Wu kindly.  
“You should hear him at 3:00AM when you’ve barely gotten a wink of sleep; you might rethink that statement but thank you.”  
“Aww…”  
“But I love it. I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.” She said as they left Kelly to sleep. 

Nick and Monroe returned from the roof along with Hank who’d decided to join them. They all took their seats around the table. Nick sat at the head of the table while she was at the opposite end. Everything seemed to be going well but there was one last test she needed to pass if the night was going to be perfect, her cooking. Her and Nick’s little afternoon sexcapade, fantastic though it was, didn’t leave her enough time to taste what she’d prepared when suddenly Nick’s friends were standing outside. It was the first time she cooked vegan beef stroganoff. It smelled delicious but worried if it would taste just as good. She really needed this night to be perfect.  
The evening went better than she expected. There wasn’t a shortage of conversation and surprisingly, she found herself opening up, laughing at Wu and Monroe’s dry humour and actually enjoying herself. All thoughts of being judged for her past with Renard evaporated in the warm atmosphere that filled the loft. For the first time it felt like a real home and not the “…post-apocalyptic, neo-industrial, steampunk chic…” kind of home as Monroe described it earlier that evening.

*/*/*

“Nick…Adalind, thank you for a great evening,” said Hank.  
“Totally,” agreed Wu as they exited the elevator into the garage.  
“Yeah really, the food was top notch,” said Monroe.  
“It was a pleasure,” said Adalind, still surprised nobody had ran away kicking and screaming from food poisoning. And although Nick kept giving her encouraging looks, she spent most of the evening trying to be perfect. A perfect host, a perfect cook, a perfect girlfriend and so on, Adalind felt like she forgot how to be herself and not the evening was over.  
“Now don’t be a stranger. Call me whenever you need anything, even if you don’t. we can ‘hang’ and I’d love to see Kelly again. He’s simply so precious. He looks like you both,” said Rosalee.  
“I will keep that in mind, thank you for joining us.”  
“Goodnight!”  
“Goodnight” They called out to Nick’s friends as they got into the car and pulled out of the garage, leaving Nick and Adalind waving behind.  
When they returned to the loft, Adalind began clearing the dishes away but Nick wouldn’t have it. He took her hand and raised it to his lips, kissing it softly.  
“Thank you.” He said gently, peppering her hand with more kisses. “I know tonight wasn’t easy for you so thank you for indulging me, going through all of that trouble to make tonight special.”  
“It was nothing.”  
“No, don’t do that, sell yourself short. I really do appreciate everything you’ve done. I wanted this night to be about you. I wanted to show you off to my friends, for them to see you the way that I do, every single day…and you did much more than that. I have never loved you more than I do this second; I never thought or believed I could.” He was bringing tears to her eyes. 

Adalind didn’t realise how much she missed being around other people in the last couple of years until tonight. Over the last two years she’s only had Kelly and Meisner as constants in her life and they had been scarce. She never made friends, moving from state to state, what would be the point? She’d given up her old life filled with and so called “friends”, social gatherings Sean’s gifts laced in with venom for life that was forever on the fringes of society but never a part of it, until Nick. She was happy to continue living inside those walls with only him and their new born son and never letting the world in until that night. 

She had watched him that night, seen the sparkle in his eyes, laughing at some ridiculous thing Hank shared, drowning in the warmth of his laughter. In all her life, she’d never known anyone more beautiful than Nick Burkhardt and all this time he wanted her to have a taste of his life, to know what it was like to live, to love and be loved instead of hiding behind walls in an effort to protect herself from her mistakes. Walls that people like Sean Renard took advantage and helped her build them higher and stronger than before. But that night Nick had given her a sledgehammer and pointed to where she must use it, the rest was up to her.  
Nick lead her by the hand into their bedroom.  
“Nick…the dishes.”  
“They aren’t going anywhere, tomorrow is another day. As for tonight, I just want to spend the night lost in your arms and drowning in your kisses.” Adalind followed his lead, there truly was no other place she’d rather be than with the love of her life.

Consequences:  
“I have been thinking.” She said one Monday morning.  
“Mmm-hmm…” He didn’t look up from his morning paper, black coffee in one hand.  
“It’s actually your fault now that I thinking about it.”  
“Me, what did I do?” He said looking up suddenly. Adalind couldn’t help but laugh at the injured look of surprise on his face. For a second, she thought of teasing him further but decided against it, not wanting to hurt him unnecessarily.  
“Ever since the dinner, I have been thinking it’s time I get back came out, so to speak, to go out into the world, instead of being cooped up all day at home.”  
“I thought that’s what you’ve been doing, going to lunch with Rosalee, taking Kelly out for walks in the park.”  
“Yes, but I mean more than that. I’m thinking of going back to work….not now but soon” she said immediately when she saw Nick’s face change and not in a good way. The day I went to see my mother’s lawyers, I had run into an old colleague of mine at the grocery store while shopping with Kelly. He was telling me that there was a job opening at my old law firm.”  
“You can’t be serious, you are actually thinking about going back to work for those criminals, again?”  
“No, of course not. I would never do that even if they were the last firm on earth. I was just thinking about finding a job, elsewhere obviously. I admit it did sort of make me feel better knowing that there was a job out there. That I wasn’t completely useless.”  
“You are not useless and isn't it a little soon to go back to work?” he asked, still a little vexed, she sensed.  
“It is, but I was thinking after Kelly’s a little older. I was only just thinking. I don’t have to do anything not for several months at least. I just, I felt like I needed to tell you, please don’t be mad at me.”  
“I’m not mad, just a little surprised, about your old job that is. We both know that you can’t stay inside the loft forever. I actually have been thinking along these lines for a while now. I know you have needs, to contribute, to feel needed and all. I know you are a fantastic lawyer and you want to get back some of what you’ve lost over the years. Just…do me a favour and think about it very carefully and make the right decision for yourself, for Kelly and for us. I’m not a Neanderthal that is happy locking you up in a tower away from everything good or bad, I just need you to be careful and I am going to have to trust that every time you step outside of that door, you will come back.”

It was another thing she was learning in this new relationship, to be open about everything even if it made her uncomfortable. She knew it was important for the communication line to remain open between her and Nick in order for what they have to grow stronger. Keeping things inside for fear of upsetting the cot never helped anybody. Secrets were the absolute worst, or so she heard. Her life with Nick, was as close to normal and regular she’d ever had, not like the horror show that was her and Sean. Adalind knew that being honest was something akin to uncharted territory for her and the more she did the easier it got. 

It shouldn’t have surprised her then when she turned on the news later that day and immediately saw the ‘Breaking News.’ According to the chirpy blond news anchor, Mr Frederick Renard was suing for full custody of his granddaughter. 

“Because this is such a sensitive case, I was advised by my lawyers not to engage this woman in media over her allegations that I had kidnapped my sweet granddaughter. All I can say is that Diana is safe with her family where she belongs, where she has been her whole life and my name and that of my family’s will be vindicated in the courts. I guarantee it. 

This woman made such bold claims against me, my character and has besmirched my name and reputation and she didn’t even have the decency to reveal herself to the public. Who is she? Where does she come from, why only claim to be the wronged mother now, when Diana has been cared for and loved by her relatives for all this time? If she is who she says she is, where is she? Where has she been all this time when Diana cried, got sick, took her first step, or when her first tooth came? I was there for all of it and I am the “monster”? Please….

What just happened? Adalind changed the channel to another news station and it was the same. Frederick Renard’s face was all over the news as he stepped out of the Magistrates’ Court speaking to the reporters and their flashing cameras hoping for the money shot of Mr Frederick Renard. Adalind felt sick to her stomach, literally as she ran into the bathroom and emptied the contents of her stomach, bitter bile until there was nothing left.  
“Oh god! No, no, no, no, no!” She bellowed. “This is not happening, it cannot be happing.” She slumped in front of the toilet and cried herself to exhaustion. They had kidnapped her sweet baby girl and now the courts were going to give them their stamp of approval. It was obvious Mr Renard had been planning this since Adalind wrote her article, almost two months back. He’d been moving his pieces in place to deliver the final blow. The fact that this was coming out now, meant it was almost a done deal and Adalind had been ignorant this whole time. She knew that even if she showed her face and let world know she was Diana’s mother, nobody would believe she was the victim. She felt herself retch once more and quickly dipped her head over the open bowl, although nothing came out. She was exhausted and entirely spent, unable to rise from the floor and misery that bound her spirit.  
“Adalind, ADALIND!” It was Nick.  
I’m in here, she tried to speak but her voice failed her, tired from all the tears she shed.  
“Adalind….”  
“I…I’m in here.” She managed a weary croak as Nick pushed back the bathroom door. “I have lost her Nick. They finally won.” The tears began afresh as he collapsed on the floor and took her in his arms.  
“It’s not over. We can still fight this. We are going to get Diana back, I swear to you!”  
“No, no. You should know better than to make promised you can’t keep. They played us, lulling us to complacency while bribing court officials, maybe even the judge to give them my daughter. It’s over Nick. I should have known, seen this coming. What did I think he was going to do, just sit by and hand me my baby? I went after his son and now he’s got my daughter. There are always consequences, always. It doesn’t matter if Sean goes to jail or becomes president. He has my daughter…. It’s over.” She didn’t want to cry anymore but it was all she could do.  
“No! It’s never over. You more than anyone know better than that. You have pulled more rabbits out of your hat than any person I have ever met. Just when I thought it was over, you came back swinging. Look at me. It is not over. That old goat thinks he’s won but he doesn’t know who he’s messing with. We are going to get your daughter back. It’s as simple as that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all my readers for borrowing just a few minutes of your lives to read my thoughts on this couple. I appreciate you all.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance for any mistakes regarding the following chapter, I have zero knowledge of the law or related topics. I hope you will still enjoy this latest update. 
> 
> Thank you to all of my readers, you are fully appreciated.

Chapter 15

They sat in silence in front of the child custody lawyer as he sort through an assortment of files scattered haphazardly on his desk. It had taken a while for Adalind to get a hold of herself after watching Frederick Renard saunter in front of the cameras, calling her out, almost blatantly labelling her unfit mother for having missed out on one full year of her daughter’s young life. Nick had to pick her up, literally and figuratively from the very bottom where she laid defeated. He reminded her that it wasn’t over and that she needed to show those Renards that she would not be so easily trifled with, not like before and so first things first, they called a lawyer. 

“Alright Ms Schade, sorry to have kept you waiting, it’s been a very busy day.”  
“Please Mr Robertsham call me Adalind, Ms Schade was my mother.”  
“Then please call me Andrew.”   
“Well Andrew, I…we’re sort of desperate. Mr Frank Ellis, my mother’s lawyer referred you to us or else we would have made an appointment.” Adalind spoke in a measured tone, belying the turmoil she felt inside. She gratefully turned to Nick as he squeezed her hand for reassurance, giving the man sitting beside her a weary smile. 

She left the loft despondent but now she was a little hopeful, that perhaps not all was lost, as long as Nick was right there by her side. She didn’t know what she would had it not been for Nick. He’d been her tower of strength throughout from the moment she came back to him. Adalind couldn’t have expected for him to do the impossible, to believe her, to believe in her, to take her in and ultimately to love her. Her eyes welled up with fresh tears every time she thought about their very short time together. 

There he was fighting alongside her for a child that was not of his loins; a child of his enemy, a man who had made it his mission to destroy him and everything he held dear. Adalind wondered about what went through his mind as they sat in the chilly air-conditioned office about to discuss her daughter’s fate and custody. Nick had told her before that he’d accept Diana as a part of their lives, his life and she wondered if he truly understood what that meant. He was just getting used to being a father to his first-born and here she was asking him to father another man’s child and not just any man. 

A familiar fear of uncertainty had gripped her heart earlier in the parking lot; the same feeling she felt that day when she showed up at the police station to tell Nick he was going to be a father not knowing how he’d react, but it had been a hundred times worse. It wasn’t so much an uphill battle that she was facing against the Renards, it was summiting Everest in the dead of Winter, but there he sat, the love of her life, faithfully, encouraging her with his presence and so much more than she dared to ask.

“Oh no, it’s perfectly alright. Frank is an old acquaintance of mine, I own him a favour or three. I was happy to take on your case. And please call me Andrew.”  
“Alright Andrew, can you help us?” Nick asked sternly.   
“I will do my best but please be aware, on any other day, this case would be a slam-dunk. In a custody battle between parent and grandparent, the courts almost always favour the parent…”  
“Unless…?”  
“Unless the parent is proven unfit and that is a process.”  
“I am not an unfit mother, as you can see….” Adalind gestured towards Kelly who was sleeping soundly in his car seat.”  
“I don’t doubt it Adalind but there’s some discrepancies that need to be addressed, like how come you didn’t respond when you were initially served thirteen months ago?”   
“Served?” Adalind gasped, that was news to her. “I was never served. I lost my daughter a year ago in a fire that almost killed me. For the longest time I thought my daughter had died in that same fire until just a few months ago. I managed to get hold of a full report from the police that proved someone had purposefully set my house on fire after drugging me and kidnapped my baby girl.”  
“According to this, you were served twenty-one days prior to the night of the fire and the drugs that were in your system were of the recreational kind.”  
“That is a lie! None of what you say happened, none of it!” She cried out desperately.  
“Adalind please understand that I am on your side. Granted, it doesn’t look good, on top of the fact that there’s a restraining order filed against you….”  
“What?”  
Andrew Robertsham continued as though she hadn’t said anything at all, “I’m just trying to lay everything out on the table so I can help you the best I can. You are telling me one thing that contradicts the information before me. Here, take a look….” he deposited a file in front of Adalind. She flipped the cover, paging in shocked silence which soon escalated to vicious rage.  
“Those bastards!” She yelled at two men that were in absentia, that were her bane of existence. “Everything in here is a fabrication. This report was clearly doctored. I have seen the original report. I have a copy of it right here.” She rummaged through her purse and present the lawyer with everything he’d need to prove that Frederick Renard was a liar.

Andrew perused though the papers presented to him as Nick extricated the file from Adalind’s hands to see for himself just what they were up against. Adalind had become agitated, desperate to convince the lawyer that the Renards were lying, oscillating between pure rage and acute desperation, everything that was so unlike her.

“Adalind, you need to calm down.” Nick tried to placate, his thumb rubbing soothingly against the back of her palm.  
“I am trying but how can I after what I’ve heard and read in there…” she said, gesturing to the documents Nick held in his hands. “It’s like they planned this from the beginning. A contingency in the event I discovered Diana was actually alive. They’ve effectively used the law to steal my child away from me without me even knowing it.   
“Right now this is a classic case of ‘he said she said’. Mr Renard has built himself a strong case but we need to start punching holes in his version of events,” said the lawyer.  
“Exactly. We know for a fact that everything in her is a lie. All we need to do it present it to a judge and he’ll have no choice but to rule in your favour. Isn’t that correct?” Nick turned to Andrew for confirmation.  
“Unfortunately it’s not as easy as that but this will certainly help in our favour. If it can be proven that the summons in Colorado were indeed a fabrication, It means he will have to begin again, to make his claims against you with you contesting obviously and we will have to prove that you are fit, the fact that you are raising your son in a safe and stable environment with a steady income….”  
Nick and Adalind instinctively locked eyes at the lawyer’s last statement.  
“What is it?” not missing a beat, the lawyer asked them. “Did I say something wrong?”  
“Well, the thing is, we do live in a very, very safe home and I am thinking about returning to work as soon as Kelly is old enough….”  
Andrew, sensing a ‘but’, looked at Adalind with piercing but curious eyes. She actually squirmed. 

The loft was a safe environment. There was no denying that. It had state of the art security, in case an army were to lay siege against it but Adalind knew that wasn’t what the lawyer meant when he said “safe and stable”. Although they were quite happy in their fome, it wasn’t quite the best place to raise a child and in this case two children. 

The loft was deep in the industrial part of town, with no backyard to speak of and although Kelly was still a baby that still shared the bedroom with his parents, he would grow and soon need his own space, to run around and be free and how much more when Diana should join him? The loft was a perfect hideaway against all the people that wanted to hurt them but it wasn’t the best they could do for two small children if they needed to prove to the courts that her daughter was better off with her than with the Renards. Adalind winced at the realisation of the cold, hard facts. They had to move and that meant exposure, an unsettling thought. Adalind raised her eyes to Nick’s once more and saw the same conclusion written on his face but the throbbing pulse at his temple and thin lips told her he wasn’t at all thrilled at this latest turn of events. It comforted her that he was even less than she was at the prospect of leaving the security of the fome. 

“There are no buts,” said Adalind eventually.  
“Good. And another thing, I know that there’s much more to this story than what you’ve told me or is in this file. I need you to tell me everything and that means you have to tell me everything about your relationship with the father.”  
“What can I say other than what you must have read in the papers? Diana’s father is Sean Renard, the corrupt Captain of Portland Police, Central Precinct who’s M.I.A. We were together for years until we weren’t. I left Portland and discovered I was pregnant. I never told him but he found out anyway.   
“Adalind when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING about your relationship.” Andrew clarified.  
Everything? She hesitated. 

What could she say now that wouldn’t come back to bite her? The FBI wasn’t impressed by her little stunt, exposing Sean to the public prematurely but that had been the point. She wasn’t sure anymore that the FBI was going after Sean, they’d moved at a snail pace for so long, she actually thought they’d dropped the case entirely and the fact that nothing had changed between then and now was proof positive as far as she was concerned. She wondered why Sean even ran when there was practically no one chasing him but that was a subject for another day, right now her focus was on Diana.

Nothing she said to her lawyer would be helpful in her case against Sean’s father because it would not be admissible in court. The case against Sean was still pending, and as a state witness, Meisner had very nearly guaranteed her anonymity, keeping Adalind’s name from being published or her identity from being revealed as the mysterious author of the infamous letter exposing Sean Renard and his dirty dealings throughout his career. The world would soon know she was the one fighting against Frederick Renard for custody of his grandchild but nothing more than that. She was fair game for the tabloids that circled this case because the FBI deemed it inconsequential to their end game. The FBI had always cared more about protecting its own interests than her so that was hardly surprising. 

“It’s a bit more complicated.”  
“Adalind, you better than anyone know that I cannot truly help unless I know everything, so please start at the beginning, whatever you say, is protected….”  
“Yes, yes I know, it’s protected by ‘attorney-client’ privileges. I’m not worried about that, I just don’t see how it will help me when I know for certain you won’t be able to use this information.”  
“Let me be the judge of that.” He said. She looked at Andrew Robertsham for a minute before making up her mind.  
“Alright. Where to begin….” She said. 

*/*/*

They returned to the loft with Adalind feeling the same as when they had left it, clinging to a little hope despite the constant barrage of bad news crashing all around them. Nick went to put down Kelly who was still very much fast asleep. It was the longest nap he’d had for a while and Adalind was eternally grateful for the respite. She turned into the kitchen to brew a fresh pot of coffee, the mindless activity kept her from raging against the unfairness of her circumstance. Wherever she looked, she felt pushed to and fro. The last few months with Nick had lulled her into thinking that she had been in control of her life for the very first time but that was a lie that now threatened to swallow her whole, if she let it.   
Why did this have to happen now instead of a month ago, she thought angrily to herself. At least back then, she’d expected the worst but Frederick Renard had practically become less than a blip on her radar, she assumed he’d never engage her directly. She had even considered other options, like asking Meisner something Nick would never approve of. If Sean could kidnap her child, no one would blame her if she kidnapped her back. And then they’d all be together, safe from the outside world, right there inside their little fome. And something in the FBI agent convinced her he could…would do it…if she asked him and every time her resolve weakened and stared at the phone for a second too long, she’d look and Nick’s eyes and she’d keep such crazy thoughts to herself. She didn’t dare open her mouth in case she destroyed this good thing she had accidentally discovered with Nick. 

Nick joined her at the dining table, sitting right by her side just as her did in the lawyer’s office. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and gave her a tight squeeze.   
“I know it looks bad. Renard’s paid court officials to paint you in the worst light but…” She cut him off.  
“You think?” she said sarcastically and regretted immediately. 

He raised his eyebrow at the bitterness in her voice. She’d officially lost it if she was suddenly taking out her frustration at the one man who’d been perfect this whole time. Nick wasn’t her enemy; in fact he was her hero, every bit a knight in shining armour. Nick may not have rushed into her life saving her from Sean or herself but every day he gave a reason to live, to fight for everything that was worthwhile in her life. 

“I’m sorry Nick. I didn’t mean that. It’s been an awful day and I am trying to stay strong, really I am, for you, for Kelly and for Diana but it just feels like all I’m doing recently is slamming my head against a solid wall and the only thing that’s changing is the size of the bleeding gash against my forehead.” She looked away in shame for the unmerited antagonistic response when all Nick did was try to help her through the mess she found herself.  
“So you’re giving up?” he used his other hand to turn her chin so their eyes locked, his were so earnest, so full of love and possibilities beyond comprehension compared to hers.   
“I didn’t say that. I’m just facing reality right now and it looks like shit!” she cussed, much to his surprise. “I’m getting to the point of desperation and I don’t like being desperate Nick. I have a tendency to lose myself and do very dumb things when I am desperate; and both Sean and his father know it. For a month, he’d said nothing, all the while sitting on top of a massive pile of…doggy poo just waiting for me to walk right under it before he could dump it all on me. They have me where they want and it’s only just begun.”  
“…But we’ve got the truth on our side, Honey.”   
Our side. Adalind liked the sound of that; that they were in deed in this together, no matter the many challenges they faced with each passing moment, but that wouldn’t be enough when going against the Renards.  
“The truth…” She smiled mirthlessly and took his hand and kind the inside of her palm.   
“Everything will work out in the end.” He comforted her. 

She didn’t deserve this or him, not after everything she’d done. Some may even call this heartache her comeuppance for being Sean’s accomplice and plaything, for ruining other people’s lives because she was desperate for a despicable man to love her, to shower her with a hundredth of a hundredth of the same affection Nick lavished over her every single day without having to ask or beg him. Perhaps it was just desserts that Diana was taken away from her but then there was Nick and Kelly, the two most important men in her life, right there by her side, surely this crapfest she was going through wasn’t some sort of karma if she had Nick’s love and her precious Kelly in her life.

“You do realise I may have to move to somewhere that…isn’t here.” She said sombrely.   
She didn’t want to move. She loved the fome. It was her home, the only real home she’d ever known. Living with her mother was prickly at best. College was just that. Her apartment was just a placeholder until Sean could ask her to move in with him. Austria was a nightmare and the witness relocation programme was even worse. This loft meant everything to her. Good things happened within those walls and she wasn’t ready to give all of that up just yet but for Diana, she’d cut off her own arm so it wasn’t a question of if she’d move but rather when.

“I know. I was thinking about it during the drive back from the lawyer’s office. My savings are a bit tied up at the moment but with the money from the half of my share of my old house with Juliette, I’m sure we can find something suitable for us and two rambunctious children.”  
“You would do that for me?” She was genuinely surprised.   
“Of course.” He blurted out as if anything short of that was out of the question. “We are a family, you, me and Kelly. Wherever you go, I’ll be right there beside you, you can count on it,” he reassured her.  
“Have I told you lately how much I love you, that you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me?” She said as she lightly grazed the side of his stubbled face with obvious adoration, leaning even closer to him so their lips were just an inch from touching.  
“Only every single day,” he said with a knowing grin but Adalind side eyed him.   
She didn’t tell him she loved him every day, although she should, she thought.  
“It’s the truth. I hear it every time you look at me; every time you touch me or kiss me…. I don’t mean to toot my own horn here but I’ve heard about my animal magnetism, it’s hard to resist all of this.” He teased her, flicking his forefinger up and down his body.

Nick flashed her one of his many dazzling smiles that often left her speechless. His eyes shone so bright she thought she’d go blind just staring into them. She grinned at his blatant vanity but didn’t dare look away, so mesmerised she was at that moment with his prowess although would never admit it in case it caused his head to grow any bigger than it already did. Nick always knew what to say, whether it was to get her blood boiling with fury or burning with passion and everything in between that made her love and adore him every single day. Rather than look away, she lowered her eyes instead, thinking about what else Nick’s luscious lips were capable. They were firm and just the right amount of full and at that moment, they demanded she suck on them until they were ready to burst. Adalind’s tongue skated lightly over her own hungry lips in anticipation. 

She lifted her eyes to his….  
Suddenly the air around them crackled; it grew warm then scorching in an instant like a raging furnace, Adalind felt constricted by the amount of clothes she had on, the same clothes that were meant for her comfort on that cold winter afternoon. Nick leaned in over her but not all the way. She could taste his breath, warm and crisp. He knees turned to jelly. It was a good thing she was seated or else she would have fallen flat on her face at Nick’s attempt to seduce her. 

“Stop it.” she said without much conviction.  
“What? I’m not doing anything….” That was the point, she thought.   
His teasing had shifted from playfulness to positively sinful, pulling apart the sinews of her body, thread by thread. He was drawing her deeper and deeper until she couldn’t take it any longer and her lips crashed violently against his. Nick grabbed her by the waist and pulled her harder than he intended so she crashed awkwardly against his chest causing her chair to give way from beneath her but he’d expertly caught her in his embrace as their kiss deepened. 

Adalind twisted this way and that over his thighs so she could be more comfortable, managing to straddle him between her blue jeans cladded legs, inciting a deep rumble from deep within Nick as soon as she sank over his lower half. She could feel the heat radiating from his shaft desperate to be set free, jerking with every move she made as she happily swallowed all of Nicks groans of pleasure in their kisses. Neither of them seemed eager to move and time seemed to stand still as they passionately lost themselves in each other, separating only to come up for air.

“And…just so you know…you are even harder to resist. I was a goner the moment I laid eyes on you, true story. I love you more than I ever thought it possible to love anyone. I truly cannot see my life without you in it.” He kissed her again but it was much sweeter, tenderer than before and less like two warring teenagers in a rush to quench their own need in each other. Adalind savoured Nicks’s muted control, enjoying the roiling fire he stoked deep inside.   
“I love you Nicholas Burkhardt, with all of my heart,” she said.  
Nick’s strong hands cupped her round bottom pulling her deeper still. She actually purred as her body cried out for more. Adalind loved how he made her body sing at the lightest touch of his fingertips. Nick’s hands couldn’t help exploring the rest of her body but there was too much clothing between the two of them. He huffed with a little frustration that made Adalind laugh.  
“Maybe this will help….” She lifted herself from him, standing just between him and the hard wood table as she removed the mauve sweater, slowly lifting it over her head giving Nick a pay per preview of her breasts nearly bursting forth from her shirt. Her upper lip ticked upward when she saw the telltale lump going down Nick’s throat as he zeroed in on his favourite part of her anatomy.   
“You are going to have to help me,” she uttered as the excitement of what they were about to do overrode all of her senses.   
Adalind lifted her left leg onto the crack between Nick’s thighs forcing him to spread is legs wider to accommodate her leg on his chair. He immediately zipped down her boot without saying a single word, pulling it gently off her foot as she watched him intently.   
“Good.” She commended him before placing the other booted foot further between his thighs, making contact with that very eager part of his body that was no doubt desperate to be let loose, judging by the size of the bulge under those black jeans. 

Nick dutifully removed her second boot, chucking it carelessly under the table but Adalind’s foot remained on the chair firmly tucked between his legs. She applied her weight to her leg pressing deeper into Nick causing him to jerk backwards with his chair creating more room between him and the table, where Adalind now stood with her hands slowly running over the front of her light blue dress shirt. Her fingers looped open every one of her buttons, Nick lifted his hand to assist her but she flicked it away. She didn’t want his help, she only wanted him to enjoy the view, including her leg still lifted up on to the chair, leaving her wide open for his perusal.  
Watching him lick his lips and shift back and forth over his chair was equally driving her crazy she could feel the pooling of her juices as a familiar throb beat against the delicate material of her underwear. After unbuttoning her shirt, pulling it over her arms, Adalind just about came from the hungry look on Nick’s face when he eyed her full breasts through her lacy bra. She’d never experienced anything like it, the very definition of ‘eye sex’. She could see in his eyes all the things he wanted to do to her on that chair, on that table and every other surface sturdy enough to hold their weight. Now that she thought about it, they hadn’t had sex anywhere else but the bedroom and the shower after their six week ban on penetrative sex, at least they would remedy that lapse in a moment.

She swiftly removed her belt, unbuttoned her jeans so they flashed him only just a little. Satisfied he had had an eyeful, Adalind turned her back to him and proceeded to pull down her jeans, bending ever so slowly so her derriere rose perfectly in front of his face, there would be no mistaking how ready she was for him. Her thong didn’t leave much to the imagination. This little striptease or foreplay was working exciting magic throughout her whole body and Nick hadn’t even touched her but he didn’t need to in order for him to satisfy her and once he did, he’d make a thorough job of it. Adalind almost tipped over just thinking about her bent state with Nick right behind her thrusting feverishly as their flesh slapped loudly against one another. She shook her head slightly, shelving that thought, her own excitement getting the best of her but she had long lost her balance. Luckily Nick was lightning fast and she didn’t end up embarrassing herself. He was already on his feet when he grabbed her by her hips to steady her.  
“Not so fast,” he said and she felt his fingers dig into her hips. She tilted her had sideways to send him a look of gratitude and was confronted with something else more primal. Now that he had her in this position, it didn’t seem right to let her go. He moved her right over his erection still trapped inside his jeans, rotating her hips in delicate little circles in front of him. How could he stand it, she wondered, while it took all she had to keep from begging him to take right then and there. 

As he held her tight, she took advantage of his strength to lift her legs one at a time in order to pull off her jeans completely. Adalind lifted herself to her full height and stepped away from Nick, pointing back to the chair he vacated just moments ago. He obeyed and sat back down none too impressed with her and her little game but it would all be worth it she thought. She didn’t even mind that he was still fully dressed, in fact she wanted it that way, she mused. On any other occasion, she’d frown over the friction his clothing caused when she wanted to feel the smoothness of his skin but that day she wanted to feel every tingling sensations inflicted by all the different textures all over her sensitive body. She moved right in front of him so there was no distance between them.

“I’m going to need your help for what comes next,” she implored him as she undid the clasp of her bra and this time, she let him remove that one item of clothing knowing how fond he was of her lush bosom. She could hear him catch his breath in anticipation. After their exposure, Adalind took in the look of wonder, pride and need battling for supremacy over Nick’s beautiful features; she was addicted to it, addicted to him. When she removed her panties, she chose instead to face him, wanting to look straight into his eyes as the tension built to dizzying heights between them. 

Her knees were already buckling she couldn’t stand it any longer, literally and figuratively. And thankfully Nick had already freed his long suffering shaft, made ready and furious with his own hand. It stood proud and erect, peaking through his jeans and briefs but Adalind did care about how odd they looked in that moment, she just wanted to ride Nick hard. She instinctively straddled him and speared herself without pomp or ceremony. A calming relief swept over her but that wouldn’t last long as she started moving up and down, round and round in a rhythmic pattern that she controlled. Her pace was measured and slow, at first. It was meant to draw out as much pleasure as possible but it was also unsustainable. 

The tension began to grow, slowly at first but soon lost any composure she had as the waves began to roll over her. Nick’s desperation matched her own. He’d silently forced her down on himself. Adalind spread her legs wider, arched her back further wanting him to hit that magic spot and it wouldn’t be long till he could, she’d make certain of it. The closer she got, the more her whimpers, turned to cries of ecstasy. Nick had also begun to grunt with each stroke bringing them both over the edge.

“Yes,” they both cried out.   
“More,” she demanded. The slight pain ebbing from where Nick’s fingers dug into her skin made her toes curl. It was too much for her and yet not enough, she wanted more of him, needed to take in more of him. There were both sweating furiously by then, Adalind’s body glistening under the spotlight from Nick’s kisses all over her upper body, from her lips, to her neck and over her two mounds begging for more of his loving. Nick’s shirt clung to his torso with an urgency unparalleled. She regretted asking him to leave his clothes on but didn’t have time to dwell on that as they climaxed almost simultaneously. However, that didn’t stop Adalind from pumping him several more times, filling her to over flowing both their juices pooled in front of him and down her legs. It was messy, very stick and absolutely…. “fantastic” they both said at the same time and burst into laughter, pleasantly surprised at in tuned they were to one another. Adalind wrapped her arms around Nick’s neck, as he buried his face in his chest. They remained in that position for several minutes as they let the waves of their passion wash over them.

They second they recovered, they went for round two with Nick as naked as his ‘name day’ going down on her after she had lathered him properly with her tongue. Nick then bent her over the table, her ass high up in the air as she imagined it earlier but it was so much more fulfilling as nick filled her core. Round three was on up against up against the inside of the bathroom door which left them completely wiped out it was so impossibly good. Adalind didn’t think it could get that good, she couldn’t get enough of him and she most definitely could get used to this life, being in love with a man that was possibly the greatest lover on the face of the earth. It was enough to drown away the evils of the day. By the time they had (a very late) dinner, bathed Kelly and fed him for the night, she was light-hearted and ready to face anything coming her way because of the man sleeping soundly next to her. 

“Thank you my perfect Love for everything you do for me,” She watched him in the dimmed light filtering though the shutters. That was her final thought before eventually giving in to the night. 

*/*/*

It was official. They were moving, as soon as all the pieces they needed slotted in their right place. Nick had finally made contact with his ex, demanding she buy him out of his half of the house, cutting the last tie between them. Juliette was unexpectedly furious, which didn’t make any sense to Nick since they hadn’t been together since the day Adalind came back into his life. What could she possibly be holding on to when she knew he’d already moved on? And as far as he was aware, she had found a warm bed with his former Captain. It was over between them and he told her so before she hung up on him without giving him an answer. 

It had been several days since he and Adalind first spoke to Andrew Robertsham and followed his advice, to do everything by the book and dot every ‘I’ cross every ‘T” so Frederick Renard won’t have anything to use against Adalind once the judge heard her side of things. Adalind was much more nervous than she let on. He could sense she didn’t want to disappoint him by not being strong enough, which was complete nonsense in his eyes. He had tried to tell her that she didn’t have to pretend with him, that it was more than okay if she wasn’t. His shoulders were wide enough to carry her burdens for her but she insisted on putting on the front for his benefit, which saddened him.

He was rather relieved when he got a call from Meisner, asking to talk to him. Perhaps it was finally that bit of good news from the other end of their long-standing battle against one Renard family member. They met during his lunch hour at a café not far from the station. Nick sat at the bar contemplating the order in front of him with minor disgust. He always order the same dish when he ate there and every time it was enough to make him sick which begged the question why he bothered eating there when their food was badly cooked and the pecan pie was the least offensive item on their menu. As he looked down at his plate, he could swear there was something living underneath the crust. He regretfully pushed the plate away from him and drank heartily from his cup of coffee. 

“Ahh…” he thought merrily. That explained why he kept eating her when he wasn’t having lunch with Adalind or Hank. They made a mean cup of coffee. He heard the little bell over the café door tinkle as it opened and closed.   
“Burkhardt, I am glad you came,” said Meisner, who didn’t look too well judging from the dark circles around his eyes.   
“You look like death.” Nick quipped.  
“I feel worse, believe me.”   
“So why did you call me? I thought I was off the case.”  
“On that front nothing’s changed.”  
“…And on another front?” Nick didn’t like how this conversation had nosedived with just one phrase.   
Meisner didn’t look awful because he was sick, he looked terrible because he was hiding something that was perhaps eating him inside.   
“Well…spit it out then!” Nick demanded.  
“Can’t we talk in a more private setting?”  
“This suits me just fine.” Suddenly Nick wasn’t at all interested in accommodating his former colleague. Something was definitely off and no matter how he tried, he couldn’t escape that feeling.   
“Alright.” Meisner didn’t argue with him and that just made it worse.  
“Is it about my mother’s case or Renard?” Nick asked.  
“No….”  
He was lying and thus Nick gave him a pointed look that demanded more than a one syllable answer that didn’t seemed more like a lie instead of the truth he wanted to hear.  
“Technically it’s about you….and Adalind.” A chill went down his spine. He wasn’t sure whether it was from sitting in front of the constantly swinging door that led into the café.  
“What about us?” He asked tersely.  
“I know Adalind is currently trying to regain custody of Diana…. I want you to know that I will help you anyway I can.”  
“I’m not five years old, stop beating about the bush and say whatever it is you came here to say.”  
“Alright, I know you are thinking about moving out of the loft. It’s crazy first of all, not when the Renards have a bull’s eye targeted at you both.”  
“I know that already but it’s not like we have a choice. We’ve got a little time before Adalind’s first court date, apparently the judge has a full schedule and can only slot us in a couple of weeks from now. That barely gives us enough to find a secure location for us but I’m still searching.”  
“That’s not what I meant although I am glad you are taking this seriously. I know things haven’t gone the way either of us wanted. I regret how badly Adalind’s situation was handled at the FBI. If I had it my way Renard would be on death row right now, all of them in fact, including Eric and their cousin Viktor.” Nick squirmed at the mention of Adalind’s name a second time. He was being irrational, he knew it but didn’t do anything about it. 

For a while, he hadn’t liked Meisner in a while, especially when speaking about Adalind. It always felt like there were things he was saying without actually saying anything at all from just the way he spoke her name. Was this jealousy? Impossible because Adalind was with him and they were happy, soon to be owners of a new home if he’d get Juliette to buy him out of the house or sell it so they could split their shares. 

“I know there is a point to all of this but I don’t hear it,” that was rude but whatever, Nick thought to himself. 

Something had definitely changed between them and Nick wasn’t afraid to admit that it was because of Adalind. For the longest time he worked with the FBI agent and they did great work together but recently there was just that something that didn’t sit well with him and he began to sense it after Adalind came back to Portland. 

“You and Adalind, you cannot move…”  
“Of course we’re moving. It’s important for her case for custody of Diana.”  
“You didn’t let me finish. I meant to say, you cannot move with her.”  
“You’re kidding right?”  
Meisner wasn’t laughing.  
“You know I don’t really need to give you the specifics other than your relationship with her is disastrous for the case against Renard. You were the investigating officer that compiled a majority of the evidence to be presented against Renard and she is the state’s witness so…”  
“This is just B.S. you dropped me from the case remember?”  
“Yes but so long as you remained in hiding, the FBI didn’t see a threat to the viability of this case because your relationship was private.”  
“IT’S STILL…it’s still private!He calmed himself when several eyes looked in their direction. “We have done everything you have asked from the very beginning. You cannot ask us to do this.”  
“I’m not asking, Eliopoulos demands it. He says that the second Adalind steps outside of your loft she’s going to be plastered all over the tabloid because of her daughter and naturally, as her…partner…you will want to be by her side and we can’t afford that, to compromise the biggest case in the country.”  
“Are you actually serious?”  
“I really wish I wasn’t. After everything Adalind’s been through…”  
“Be quiet! After everything you failed to do, you don’t get to say her name that way.”   
“What way?’ he looked incredulous. “Like you love her….” Meisner cleared his thought as thought a rat lodged deep in oesophagus. “I’m not an idiot and now here you are, asking me to let her go by herself so Sean or his retched father can pick her off easily. What about my son? Neither of us have ever been away from him longer than two day at the most, You can’t asm me to leave him.”  
“We will protect them both like we always have….”

Nick scoffed at the fact that he said that last part with an actual straight face. He possibly couldn’t be serious if he thought Nick would actually be stupid enough to do as he asked…no, as he demanded. They weren’t colleagues anymore, Nick didn’t have to listen to anything Meisner had to say and more so where the mother of his child (and son) were concerned. 

“I know what you’re thinking, don’t be foolish Burkhardt. This is for all of our interests. I can keep Adalind safe; you have nothing to worry about here.”   
Ugh! He said her name yet again and it grated no less than the first time. He learnt from a very early age not to trust so easily. For the longest time, he’d believed Martin Meisner and honourable man, they battled together against the might that was Renard, even though Nick was the only one in the trenches day after every bloody day. He trusted him back then, why should this time be any different.

“We’ll move her into a safe location, not dissimilar to yours, only it’s in a more ‘affluent’ neighbourhood than your loft. She will have twenty-four hour protection….”  
“Just answer me one thing.”  
“Sure.”  
“Are you doing this because your boss told you or is it because you’re in love with Adalind?”

The silence told him everything he didn’t want to know.   
Nick got up from his stool, pulled out his wallet, left a few bills on the table and turned to Meisner. “Tell the FBI where to stick their lousy witness protection programme-relocation-whatever. As for you, you can fuck off for all I care and I’m done! We’re done!” He wanted to tell Meisner to stay far away from Adalind but figured it was implied. He turned and walked away from the FBI agent.  
“Nick wait!”  
He kept walking and never looked back.

*/*/*

“Nick, get in here quick!” Adalind yelled out to him the second he opened the elevator door. Before he knew it, she had crossed to loft and grabbed him by the hand dragging him in front of the tv screen. “You won’t believe this. I don’t believe this.” She said, the excitement unmistakable in her voice. 

He didn’t want to watch the tv. He just wanted to hug her, to hold her in his arms. He had a miserable day and an even worse afternoon at the office as a result. He’d wasted the whole day mulling over his lunch (or lack thereof) with Meisner. The fact that the FBI dared order him around like her was their puppet. He thought that that was all over but nope, they dragged themselves into his relationship with Adalind over a case they weren’t even’ going to prosecute and to top it all off, Meisner was in love with Adalind; the same Meisner who offered to play Adalind’s hero while forcing Nick onto the sidelines. Well he was crazy. No way in hell he would do what they asked. 

“Are you even watching?” Adalind snapped her fingers in front of his face, bringing him back to the land of the living.   
“What?” he said before kissing her on the lips.   
“Are you okay,” she asked him as she pulled away from him. “You’re acting weird and here I am trying to share with you possibly the best news we’ve had in a long, long time.”  
“What are you talking about?”  
“I’m talking about this….” She turned toward the television and raised to volume so he could hear.

“For those who just joined in, here is the breaking story of the day that has gripped the country and the international community as a whole. Sean Renard, the youngest son of Frederick Renard with his former secretary Ms Elizabeth Laschelle, has been formally charged by the FBI on allegations of corrupt misconduct while acting as the Captain of the Central Precinct Justice Center for the Portland Police Bureau. It hasn’t yet been revealed exactly what charges Mr Renard is facing. 

Mr Renard was apprehended at an airport in Massachusetts by the FBI with the help of the local police, supposedly getting ready to flee the country to locations unknown. However, it does shine a fascinating spotlight on an opinion piece written anonymously that the made waves in the state of Oregon not more than two months ago. Is its mysterious author somehow connected to another letter written a month ago, accusing Mr Frederick Renard or was it the work of a separate party altogether? Attempts to reach the Renard patriarch for comm…"

Nick switched the tv off as the weight from his conversation with Meisner hit him again. That was more than a little unexpected. Sean Renard has been arrested, it’s possible Meisner knew about but said nothing other than demand Nick leave Adalind and his son, because after losing Diana, there’s no way in hell Adalind would give up Kelly and he wouldn’t ask her too. He grew up without his mother and that pain never went away even after their brief reunion a few months ago. He would never put Kelly through the same heartache he felt as a child growing up with his mother. A sinking feeling settled in the pit of his stomach.

He didn’t regret blowing off the agent, but this latest development couldn’t be ignored. Despite his utter distaste for the FBI, their handling of the case against Renard, and their inability to bring in his mother’s killers or even the discovery of Meisner’s feelings for Adalind, Nick couldn’t pretend the last fifty seconds never happened. Adalind turned to him with a puzzled look on her face.

“I thought you’d be ecstatic about this. Sean is finally going to go to jail for everything he’s done and we’ll soon be free of him.”  
“I am….”  
“You could have fooled me Nicholas. You look like someone just stole your lunch money and kicked you in the teeth. Something’s clearly bothering you if you can’t celebrate the fact that your former boss is one foot behind bars.”   
Should he tell her about Meisner and what the FBI was asking of them?   
“Nick, you are beginning to scare me a little. You look awfully pale for someone with Italian ancestory. What is the matter?”  
“I met with Meisner earlier today.”  
“Oh…so you already knew about Sean? You could have just said so. ”  
“Actually nope. I didn’t know anything. We talked about something else. He knows about the custody battle with Frederick Renard….”  
“…And…?”

He took a moment to breathe, unsure of which step to take. He was right in that the FBI couldn’t dictate to him how he lived his life, specifically with whom he chose to live it. But Nick could see the panic in her eyes, as the silence between them grew and his mind was already made up, much to his horror.

“Have I told you how much I love you?” he asked her.  
“Only every single day.” She said smartly, using his line against him. This whole situation had escalated from zero to sixty in 0,2 seconds.   
“With Sean arrested, it does seem like our luck is finally changing for the better.” He said, with a catch in his voice that didn’t sound natural at all.  
“I smell a ‘but’ somewhere in there.” She wasn’t so easily fooled. Adalind cocked her brow at him, when the words got stuck in his throat, refusing to fill the space between them.  
“I would do anything for you, for Kelly and Diana. You believe me right?”  
“Nick…?”  
“Just know that I would do anything to get Renard out of our lives for good.”  
“I do know that already. You’re practically my hero….” But she wasn’t mollified. 

She took his face her hands and forced him to into her eyes, as he blinked back the tears threatening to form in his. This was all wrong. Why would Meisner ask him to do this, to walk away so soon after everything? How would she handle being away from him by her side? How would he survive being without her and Kelly period? “Now will you tell me what has so twisted in knots.” She asked him and she gently massaged his shoulders but his tension only grew until he opened his mouth and surrendered both their fates into the wind.  
“Nick…?” she pleaded.  
“Adalind…”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the latest update. I haven't forgotten about this fic and I also have every intention of finishing it before the show returns with the new season. I apologize for any errors in the following chapter even after proof reading it several times, some things have a tendency to slip through the cracks. I hope you enjoy and don't be shy with comments.

He did it. He broke his own heart by breaking Adalind’s. He felt his insides shred with every word he spoke, words he hated with every fibre of his being. “We can’t be together any longer….” He told her. There were other words spoken of course, like “It is only temporary,” and “it will soon be over,” as well as “we’ll be together again,” but Nick didn’t have the exact time table of when Sean Renard would be imprisoned or when Diana would finally be hers again, nothing definitive to make their separation less painful. It felt like he was breaking up with her and for all it mattered it was a breakup because this was what she needed, what they both needed in order to deal the final blow against both their enemies. Getting shot in the chest hurt a thousand times less, Nick thought scornfully.

He expected Adalind to break down into a million pieces, weeping over what was about to happen. He didn’t know which was worse, the image of her red eyes swollen shut from hot tears, crying that there had to be another way or the stoic but hurt look she levelled at him while he quietly shattered their idyllic world that had formed in the midst of the chaos that was their lives. He wished for the former, at least then he’d know what was going through her mind, how to comfort and reassure her instead of what he got; an Adalind whose walls shot right back up at the worst possible time. 

Nick knew it hadn’t been easy for Adalind to let herself be loved and to be taken care of after so much disappointment in her past, and she had never put any burden on him to live up to any expectation. Instead, he rather enjoyed watching all of her walls crumble to dust because of his love and the trust they both nurtured in each other. It hurt him to watch it all disintegrate before his very eyes. How many times had Nick told her that they were in this together and now there he was, reneging on his own promises? Yes, he wished she’d cry, yell at him, anything except that look reflected in her crystal blue eyes, not of anger or hatred but a look of disappointment that spoke volumes and seemed to say, “I knew it was all too good to be true,” and that cut him deeper than anything ever could.  
“I guess this is it then….” Adalind finally spoke with the kind of control that unnerved Nick. 

This wasn’t right, he thought. This wasn’t Adalind, at least not the one he learnt to love and adore. With minutes, she had become rigid and detached. Nick didn’t like this at all because it meant that whatever her true feelings about their situation, she chose to keep it to herself, hidden from him. Telling Adalind that they needed space was never going to be easy, especially when it was the last thing he wanted and whatever Nick expected, it wasn’t this cold reception that seemed to pull the rug from under him. They were both drifting, instead of clinging to one another; they pulled apart.

“No. This isn’t ‘it’,” he corrected her.  
“That’s not what it sounds like to me. You just told me that we can’t be together if I want to get my daughter back and on top of that, the FBI ‘ordered’ you stay away from me because I’m a state witness in a case you investigated.”

He could not deny the facts, but something about what she said or rather how she said it, made his stomach churn. He detected a note of finality in her tone as though she did not believe him when he told her that it was only for a short period. Days? Weeks? Months? Who knew, Nick certainly didn’t and Adalind wasn’t stupid. Once Sean Renard went to trial it could even be years before they’d be free to live their life together and a lot can change in that time. There were simply no guarantees; Adalind could lose her rights to Diana and Renard could beat the rap without a single scratch and where would they be after that?

“Do you trust me?” He asked.   
He had asked her this question once before during their first night together at the loft, the first time he opened up about his feelings for her. It seemed like a lifetime had passed between that moment and now and he stood to lose so much more now if she didn’t put her trust in him that they would make things right again.   
“You know I do….” She said softly.  
“…But?”  
“But nothing.” She said without looking at him.   
“No I can see there’s something, so spit it out.”  
“It’s really nothing, just the musings of a paranoid mind, I guess. If you tell me this is the only way to go, then this is it. I trust do you Nick.” 

But didn’t trust the law, she seemed to say without uttering the words. With her experience, it wasn’t difficult to see the fault in what he proposed and Nick was no less blind to possibility of them losing everything but what choice did they have?

*/*/*

It wasn’t long before they had to find a safe place for her and Kelly. Meisner had offered a safe house northeast of Portland but Nick wouldn’t have it. The house was fully secured but Nick’s faith in the FBI had taken a considerable knock in the past several months, he simply refused to put his family in their care, so far away from him, vulnerable and alone. It would make sense if he had a better solution but the loft wasn’t an option. He hated the thought of conceding to Meisner and whatever safer measures he had in place to protect Adalind and Kelly. The point of contention could simply never be resolved satisfactorily to all parties concerned.

“What if I move back to my home, my mother’s house? It’s still registered under my name.” Adalind suggested.  
“…Your mother’s house?” Both men turned to her in surprise.  
“Yeah. It’s perfect for what we need to get my daughter back,” she said as a matter of fact.  
“No, it’s too exposed and makes you an easy target,” replied Meisner.  
“I actually agree with him on this Adalind. It’s too risky,” said Nick, concern marring his face.  
“I’m a target anyway the second I leave this loft. If Sean wants to come after me, nothing will stop him; nothing ever has, except for Nick.” She flashed a quick smile and continued making her point, “And it’s perfectly located. It’s short distance to the precinct so we’ll always be close to Nick.” Adalind locked eyes with Nick.  
The situation was less than desirable but at least they could make the best of it. Nick began to warm up to the idea.  
“It’s crazy!” Meisner bellowed as if it could somehow change Adalind’s mind.   
He should know better than to argue with her once she’s made up her mind, Nick thought. 

The two lovers just looked at one another, as if communicating in a language that only they understood, completely ignorant of the agent between them. It was crazy. It was risky but perhaps that was to their advantage. It was also very unpredictable. After his mother’s death, Nick had set his mind to take Adalind as far away from Portland as humanly possible and the argument she made back then was as strong even now. 

If Sean wanted to come after her, nothing would stop him but at the very least, they would be in control, forcing the Renards to make a mistake that might win them back an advantage. And it did ease Nick’s mind knowing that they would be just be minutes away from him practically every day.

“Adalind is right. Her mother’s house is the perfect location. Whatever else it lacks I’m sure the FBI would be more than willing to protect their ‘asset’ from any harm.” Nick said coldly, making sure Meisner got the message.   
“I cannot guarantee that Eliopoulos will go for it.”  
“I’m sure you can find a way to persuade him in this matter, she is his star witness after all.”  
“You talk as though we travel the same circles, I don’t exactly have a direct line to the Deputy Assistant Director…. I’ll see what I can do but I make no promises.” Meisner told them before leaving but Nick already knew it was as good as done.

Once they were alone, the weight of what was about to happen hung in the air, sucking out all the air from the loft. Soon there’d come a time when all of this talk would become action and that was a sobering thought. Andrew Robertsham had called them to give them news about a visit from a Child Services rep. He didn’t give them specifics, only that it would be soon. That meant getting Adalind and Kelly relocated back into her childhood home soon to be a safe house.

“Are you sure about this?” He turned to her after watching the garage door sealed shut through the monitor.  
“No but what choice do we have? We’re either playing into Sean and his father’s hands or playing into the FBI’s hands. I’ve always been a fan of the third door Nick. It’s not perfect but far more preferable than the other two options on the table. If I really had a choice, I would stay here with you but for some unfathomable reason it’s not up to me.” She said before disappearing into the bedroom to attend to their son.  
“If I had a choice, I would never ever let you go.” He said to himself as he watched her close the bedroom door, leaving him alone.

Meisner, as expected, came through for them. He spared no expense, working double time in retrofitting Catherine Schade’s old home with state of the art security, making it ready for its two occupants and hopefully making it three with Diana. During those days, an underlying tension between Nick and Adalind grew despite all attempts to ward it off. They tried to maintain a sense of normalcy between them, as though nothing had changed but too much had changed already. 

Despite their continued and at times passionate intimacy as D-Day got closer, their kisses somehow felt different. They felt perfunctory, like something to do when they didn’t know what else to do. At first, Nick didn’t want to acknowledge the changes, because that meant acknowledging to something deeper was going on beneath the surface. 

They were slowly drifting further and further apart with each passing day and Nick couldn’t shake off this feeling that this was some sort of trial run for something much more permanent that they had been forced into by external forces. It was all well and fine to present a sort of defiant stance taking back control, so to speak, but what good was all that bravado if he and Adalind ceased to be as one? Within a day or two, she would be living elsewhere, away from him and Nick had to trust that this was all for the best, that everything would work itself out in the end but something just didn’t feel right. He consoled himself by remembering their ultimate goals and getting Diana back would make this separation worthwhile in the end. And perhaps a win over Frederick Renard would have a domino effect over the situation with his son. 

However, every night he’d crack and wreck his brain for the proverbial ‘third door’. He wasn’t as convinced about moving to Catherine’s house as Adalind was. There had to be a better solution than that but every morning he’d wake up resigned to their choices made under duress. On their last night together, he contended himself with simply gazing at a sleeping Adalind who looked incredibly beautiful even with her creased brow and blond locks defiantly clinging to the side of her face. Nick raised his hand and smoothed the wild strands of hair, tucking them behind her ear. Adalind’s hand lifted and covered his but she never opened her eyes. He wanted desperately to pull her close to him, to take her into his arms and never let her go. This was their last night together and who knew when they’d be able to share their nights together. Although he never made any promises to the FBI that he’d stay completely away from Adalind until after Renard’s trial, he knew that once she was under intense scrutiny, any opportunities for nights like this, to simply be together would dwindle down to naught. 

Kelly woke up in the middle of the night. On any other night, Nick would not have been impressed with his son’s hearty cries when he struggled to sleep but that was no ordinary night. He felt Adalind stirring beside him, “I’ll take care of him.” He told her and planted a kiss on her brow, easing her back sleep. Nick slipped out of bed and quietly walked around the bed to get to Kelly.

“It’s okay Buddy, Daddy’s here.” Nick picked his son up to comfort him but his eyes began to well up with unshed tears.   
“It’s going to be alright Kelly. We’re all going to be alright. I promise.” Nick clung to his son desperately, rocking him back and forth to sooth his cries, which had dropped to whimpers in his father arms.

Nick attended his son, changing his diaper and feeding him his bottle for as long as he would drink it, leaving Adalind to sleep in peace. He figured he’d play with his son for just a bit considering how different things would be for all of them from tomorrow onwards. He held Kelly in his arms, like he was a precious find. Nick committed his tiny little face, tiny little hands feet to memory. It was an odd thing to do since he was going to see his son as much as humanly possible the FBI be damned. 

“Kelly, you got to take care of Mommy for me. There’s people out there that want to hurt her. You are going to be the man of the house from now on and I need you be strong for all of us so we can be together again, can you do that for me Buddy? Of course you can,” said Nick as if Kelly understood every word he said. It wasn’t long after that Kelly fell asleep, leaving Nick to his imaginings. 

Nick returned to bed but sleep continued to evade him long into the early hours of the morning. He took stock of his life, how quickly it changed from Juliette to Adalind, from never thinking about having children to being unable to imagine his life without Kelly, as though he went from one extreme to another in an instant and he was still on the cusp of more change, however unwanted. He thought about his life with Adalind. The many dreams he never dared to dream, how they were snatched from his grasp before he could even enjoy them. It was cruel, to discover a love so consuming, a love so perfect it its imperfection to have to put it on hold. But then a thought tugged at the outer reached of his mind, a crazy thought. 

They could elope, he thought wildly. They could get married, he said to himself in a sort of delirium state of fear, worry and desperation to take back the control that was quickly slipping from their fingers brought on by the fitful and sleepless nights since the day he told Adalind they needed some distance between them. He was in love with Adalind and couldn’t stand the thought of being away from her for even a second…. Marriage could effectively strengthen her case against Frederick Renard but it would be inconclusive if it couldn’t keep Adalind from moving across town by herself in order to appease the FBI. Finally, the tendrils of sleep caught up to Nick and dragged him under with only one thought and yes it was a crazy thought indeed….

*/*/*

Nick fidgeted slightly as he waiting in Monroe’s brightly decorated living room, the tiny box burning a hole in his pocket. He had actually bought the ring against all reason. He hadn’t really thought things through thoroughly or the consequences of such a hasty decision should she agree to eloping with him. In fact, he hadn’t thought about the possibility of rejection. He hadn’t thought about much past Adalind becoming his wife yesterday. He didn’t care about what it meant for her case against Frederick Renard and he definitely didn’t give a rat’s behind about the FBI, suddenly a fear crept over his heart. What if Adalind refused him? Nick moved away from standing next to the fireplace and moved towards the train set specially set up for the season, perhaps watching the miniature locomotive going round in predictive circles would calm his now racing heart. It was Christmas after all, a time to be merry, not wary.

This was supposed to be a special time for Nick, to spend with his family as he had envisioned once upon a time instead of “sneaking” around, meeting in “neutral” ground, where it wouldn’t raise suspicion about the nature of his relationship with Adalind Schade. Her identity as the mother of the little girl, whose custody was in dispute had since become public knowledge a mere day after she moved back into her mother’s home. It had taken everything within him to stay away from her when the tabloids dogged every move she made. They literally camped outside of her house waiting to get a glimpse of the “little blond gold digger” and her latest “meal ticket”, while dodging questions for eight days straight about which other “poor” rich man she suckered next to produce his son. He gave it to Adalind, who weathered that storm like a champ. By day nine, they realised that she wasn’t some vapid blond “bimbo” with nary a brain between her ears and moved along to scavenge elsewhere for tabloid fodder.

On one particular night while talking on the phone, the only contact he could make so soon after Adalind leaving him, Nick heard the breaking of glass in the background. The catch in her voice alerted him that it wasn’t a wine glass slipping through her fingers but something that actually scared her. He remember calling out her name, asking if everything was okay but she never answered, probably because she had removed the phone from her ear. When he heard her calling out if “somebody was there,” he nearly lost it. All attempts to get back her attention yielded nothing. She wasn’t listening to him, then the line went dead and Nick quickly descended into a hell on earth scenario, swearing he’d never forgive himself if anything ever happened to her or Kelly or both because he wasn’t there for them.

He got into his car, speeding through the quite streets of Portland racing to get to Adalind before the absolute worst happened. He turned the corner on her street after a harrowing ten-minute drive, grateful most of the city was gearing down for the night. Nick quickly scanned his immediate surrounding leading up to Catherine’s house. There was nothing suspicious accept for a van parked just two houses from his destination. He didn’t recognise the plates, the hair in the back of his neck shot up instantly. He was being paranoid but Adalind wasn’t picking up her phone so he had a million reasons to be paranoid.

He pulled up just a few yards away from her driveway on the other side of the road and killed the engine, so he could get a better view of the house and its surroundings. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary other than the fact that he still hadn’t made contact with Adalind. He looked up and saw that her bedroom light was still on, perhaps it was a good sign but he wouldn’t relax until he was certain she was safe. As he opened the door, someone entered his car from the passenger side. Meisner.

“What the…?”  
“Get in Burkhardt before you do something you will regret.”  
“Like hell I will, someone broke into the house while I was on the phone with Adalind. You’re crazy if you think I’m staying in this car.”  
“Nothing of the sort happened. One of my operatives was a little careless but it’s all sorted out now.”  
“Wow, I feel so much better now.” Nick pushed open the door and stepped outside but Meisner was ready for him, intercepting him before he even crossed the street.  
“I know you are not this stupid so I’m going to let this slide but stand down!” Meisner ordered him. 

And for a fraction of a second Nick calculated how quickly he could subdue Meisner. The man looked like he brawled for a living but that wouldn’t matter if he took him by surprise and he had something to fight for, nobody would stand in his way, not even Martin Meisner. Nick pushed past him and made a beeline for the house but Meisner wasn’t ne for giving up, hr tried one last time to stop Nick in his tracks.

“Do you really want to throw everything away so quickly, everything you worked so hard to achieve?”  
“Get out of my way!”  
“No. This is for your own good Nick, yours and Adalind’s. Nothing happened tonight. I have already spoken to Adalind. It’s sorted she’s still safe but the agent I was referring to has already been reassigned to Nome, Alaska. We have been watching Adalind every single day, making sure she and Kelly are not in danger or harmed in any way but we aren’t the only eyes and ears in this place. I did warn you but you both insisted so we must contend with a few slip ups but I guarantee you this will be the last. Now please, get back into your car and go home. I’ve got this.”  
Nick’s phone began to vibrate in his jeans and he quickly pulled it out. Caller ID said “Addie”.  
“Adalind!?”  
“Nick….” Sweet relief swept over him like morphine as he heard her voice. It was the most beautiful thing he’d ever heard in all the world.   
“Oh thank God. Are you okay? I thought something terrible had happened to you when I heard the glass breaking and you went radio silent. Tell me you’re okay? I’m right outside, but Meisner is being impossible.”  
He watched a shadow walk across her bedroom window and the curtain pull slightly to the side.  
“I can see you.” She said.  
“But I can’t see you.” Adalind pulled back the curtain even further, making sure Nick would have a good look at her.   
“I know and I’d give anything to be down there with you but you know we can’t, at least not yet. Meisner said…”  
“Screw Meisner!” He said while looking the man dead in the eye.   
After a moment’s silence she continued, “I’m sorry for hanging up on you earlier. I didn’t mean to.”  
“Just tell me you’re okay?” Nick asked, lifting his gaze back to the silhouette in the window  
“I’m okay. We’re okay.” She said.  
“Don’t you ever scare me like that ever again.” He breathed.  
“I will do my absolute best Officer Burkhardt.” She said sweetly, using her favourite moniker for him whenever she tried to mollify him.  
“Stop it, I know what you’re doing and it’s not working. Adalind, I really thought the absolute worst and I’m not satisfied getting into my car and driving home alone after tonight.”  
“I know. I really wish things were different Nick but the dye is cast, so we must make the best of the situation however unpleasant. I don’t like being here anymore than you do. I hate this house. I feel more like a prisoner than anything else but perhaps there’s light at the end of the tunnel. We must just be patient.”  
“I love you so much I think it’s beginning to drive me crazy, doing things I’ve never done before.”  
“I love you too and I’m sorry but you have nothing on me when it comes to being crazy. I practically patented the ‘crazy’ in love.” She said with a little laugh, another he missed since she left the fome.  
As much as he wanted to keep talking, it was late and two guys standing in the middle of the road outside of Adalind Schade’s home was bound to raise suspicion to curious eyes so he bid her goodnight. Nick returned to his car with Meisner following close behind.   
“You see, your family is as safe as houses. I would never let anything happen to them. I give you my word.”  
“Swear it with your life.” Nick demanded.  
“I swear it,” said the FBI agent.

After that, there was no other incident but Nick’s apprehension only grew stronger. Today would be the first time he and Adalind would be together in a room since the fome and to say that he was nervous was a gross understatement. His friends knew how desperate he was to spend time with his family; they extended an invitation to Adalind to have dinner with them on Christmas Eve. A Christmas carol chime filled the whole house signalling someone at the front door, Adalind and Kelly were finally arrived. Without thinking, he made for the door.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got it,” said Rosalee as she gave him a knowing look.   
“Merry Christmas!” Nick’s heart began to race at the sound of Adalind’s voice.  
“Merry Christmas to you both. Hello Kelly, ohmygosh he’s gotten so big since the last time I saw, please come in. It’s freezing outside. There’s someone here that’s just dying to see you both….” 

And these they were. It took herculean willpower to restrain himself from rushing towards the woman he loved and their child together and envelopment in the biggest embrace to last him a lifetime. He remembered his aunt giving him one of those hugs soon after his parents’ accident and how he cringed each and every time. Nick knew she was just reassuring him and he hated them because they only reminded him of what he lost. Standing there in the middle of Monroe’s living all he wanted the reassurance that they would get through this. He walked towards his family and smiled with sheer relief.

“Hi,” he greeted her.  
“Hi.” She replied, her cheeks warm from the cold weather outside.  
“I think I will leave you two alone for a bit….” Said Rosalee but neither Nick nor Adalind paid her any attention. 

They only had eyes for each other with Kelly caught in between them. Without another word, Nick wrapped his arms around them and just held them close to him. After what seemed like a lifetime and yet not long enough, they parted but only so that Nick could take in his fill. He scanned her features looking for anything amiss, anything that would give him reason enough to end this farce of a separation that was eating him up inside. 

“We’re okay. I’m okay,” she said softly but a single tear made its way down her soft cheek. He swiftly brushed it away with the ball of his thumb. The contact made them both shiver and it had nothing to do with the cold.   
Even with that tell-tale woudn’t have believed her because He wasn’t okay. He tried to be, for them but the loft was incredibly lonely without Adalind or Kelly. It was cold and empty without his family to make it a home. Nick remembered the little box in his pants and its weight grew exponentially, demanding he present it to Adalind right there in the door way but it wasn’t the right setting or time. He looked up, as did Adalind. They stood under mistletoe. Monroe had hung them everywhere in his home as if he needed permission to kiss his wife but Nick wasn’t complaining. Without breaking contact, his thumb made its way down her cheek to her chin, lifting Adalind’s lips to join his in a kiss.

Kelly began to fuss, breaking up his parents.   
“I’m sorry Buddy, I haven’t forgotten about you,” Nick took him from Adalind’s arms and kissed the top of his son’s brow, bouncing his son ever so gently to try and quieten him down before taking the opportunity to go into a full blown tantrum. 

“He misses you. You know.” Adalind said and Kelly’s calmed down. “We both do, honestly.”  
“I miss you both.” He said before kissing her.  
They were both overwhelmed by the reunion. Although they talked regularly on the phone it wasn’t enough, at least not enough to say what was important. He had a millions questions for her but now that she stood in front of him, he was at a loss for words. It was enough for him to hold her in his arms. They sat together on the sofa knees touching while Nick negotiated the best position to hold a very sleepy Kelly, the proximity and contact barely making up for the days they had been apart. He wished that were suddenly back home in their fome alone together for the holidays instead here at Monroe’s. He was grateful to his friends for all their help in bringing them together under cover but this wasn’t how Nick wanted to spend his first Christmas with Adalind. 

It was crazy enough to think that a year ago Adalind was the furthest thing from his mind. Looking back at his life with Juliette, he couldn’t help comparing. It was impossible not to put the two lives side by side although he had done a good job avoiding it as much as possible. The past several months had revealed an ugliness between him and Juliette that would have shocked the Nick from a year ago. He discovered Juliette’s vengeful side while discovering a depth of emotion within him for the woman he once hated, whoever coined the term “there is a thin line between love and hate” spoke nothing but the absolute truth. Where Nick was concerned, that line tore away within one day of seeing Adalind once again. 

It wasn’t easy to admit his feelings but there was no escaping them once Nick was honest with himself and now he was being forced to set aside those same feelings for the greater good. He could no sooner stop breathing, it was impossible to be in love and not show it. Adalind was a part of him, his every waking moment, the last thought before calling it a night. He tried not to love her twice before and failed both times, the third time would not be a charm, not if he could help it, or rather, not if Monroe and Rosalee could help it. Several minutes later, Rosalee came in to call them into the dining room. Dinner was ready.

Monroe had outdone himself as always, Christmas being his favourite holiday of the year. It gave him an excuse to practice his hidden talent as a gourmet chef. Kelly had long since fallen asleep in his father’s arms so Nick placed him in his stroller and soon after joined Adalind and Rosalee at the fully decked out table. Monroe came in from the kitchen with the last of his dish, his piece de resistance, a vegetarian nut roast pie with cranberries scattered on top. 

“Honey, that looks amazing.” Rosalee said proudly.  
“I don’t mean to blow my own horn…but who am I kidding, I love to blow my own horn. This is the best vegetarian nut pie you will ever taste in your life. I’d love to say the recipe goes back generations but it doesn’t. I can promise you generations will live to enjoy all my hard work someday.” Monroe said, placing his spectacular masterwork in the centre of the table.  
“I don’t doubt it. Nicely done Buddy,” Nick congratulated him as he pulled out a chair for Adalind and watched Monroe did likewise for his wife in the corner of his eye.

He used to envy his friends after Monroe told him he wanted to marry Rosalee and when they finally walked down the aisle as a happy married couple. Nick had wanted just a taste of what they had and in that moment is when Nick remembered the ring in his pocket and realised that he didn’t have to be so envious anymore. He’d almost forgotten about it, acknowledging that it was perhaps not the right time to propose to Adalind, in the company of other people. He loved his friends but asking Adalind to marry him was a private matter he didn’t want to share with anybody else but when would he get another opportunity like tonight with the FBI monitoring their every move trying to keep their relationship from making unnecessary waves because of Adalind’s high profile custody babttle? New Year’s Eve? 

Whenever it was, they would need to be alone, after a romantic dinner with just the two of them and that wasn’t exactly his speciality but he’d think of something to make it special for her. But that would not be his biggest obstacle, how to keep the FBI from ruining his plans was the biggest issue. It couldn’t be in public, not at Catherine’s that had more cameras spying every corner of the house than New York City CCTV, so that left the loft. Nick’s mind was decided. He would ask Adalind to be his wife before ushering in the New Year and they would be in the privacy of their home, their real home. 

Once they finished with dessert, they retired into the living room for a glass of eggnog. 

“Is there any news, with regards to Diana?” asked Monroe.  
“It’s still too soon. I moved out of the loft because I needed to find a more ‘suitable’ place for Diana, to prove to the court that I could provide a stable home for her and of course Kelly.”  
“I would have joined them if it weren’t for the ever constant headache in our lives, Sean Renard.” Nick said while threading his fingers with Adalind’s.  
“I’m sure it can’t be easy for you guys, being apart and not being able to do anything about it. I don’t know what I would do if somebody told me I couldn’t be with Monroe…”  
“I’d tell them where to get off Baby ,” said Monroe with a little excitement.  
“Yeah, we feel exactly the same…” replied Adalind.  
“…But it’s not that easy. There’s just too much at stake.” Nick said while looking at Adalind.  
“What are you doing for work…now that you are on your own? Or am I prying too much?”  
“No Rosalee, it’s okay. I wondered about the very same thing, first when I came back to Portland and now, now that it’s just me and Kelly…well sort off.”  
“I told her that I would take care of everything,” Nick interjected passionately.  
“And I didn’t want you to pull double duty unnecessarily. I wasn’t always a dependent you know and I didn’t want to be a burden.”  
“You and Kelly are no burden. You are my responsibility,” he huffed indignantly.  
“I do appreciate everything you do but you know that wouldn’t help us in the end. Uhm…Frank Ellis, my mother’s attorney, he offered me a consulting job on Monday. He told me I could work from home until Kelly was old enough so I don’t have to worry about being away from him while dealing with everything else in my life. I won’t let them. I told the lady from Child Protective Services just as much yesterday when she came by for a scheduled visit yesterday.”   
"Oh, and how was it?" asked Rosalee again. 

Adalind's face spoke volumes, she'd rather not talk about it. Her eyes darted quickly in Nick's direction. That was news to him; it was obvious Adalind had sat on that bit of information about her new job for days, but why? Did she think he would object or forbid her? And now to find out about the visit from CPS after the fact, her pleading eyes fixed on his, as if to say “I’m sorry”. He knew she was trying to appease him but it was impossible not to feel like he was being pushed aside but he couldn’t blame her, to the outside world she was on her own. 

Rosalee sensing the change in mood tried steering the conversation to a more cheerful topic, “Monroe and I are finally talking about having one of our own.”  
“We are?” Monroe asked in surprise but Rosalee passed him a look.  
“Oh…we are.” He confirmed.   
“Wow, so you wanna have kids, well I can tell you you’re in for the ride of your life. You should see Kelly; he’s well behaved now because he’s sleeping….” Chimed Nick. 

They talked babies, the big changes they brought to one’s life. But for some reason, no matter how hard they tried to keep things jovial, talking about Kelly, lead to talking about Diana which lead to talking about Sean and his father. To say the evening didn’t go as well as he had hoped was an understatement. Their problems had sucked out whatever merriment was left of the night. The hour was hardly past nine o’clock when Monroe and Rosalee eventually bid their goodnights. Nick knew it was too soon for bed but they clearly wanted to leave him and Adalind alone together for morning would come when they had to go their separate ways once again. 

Adalind went to check on Kelly before returning to his side on the sofa, snuggling closer to him than before and slipping her arm round his waist. 

“Please don’t be mad at me.” She pleaded with him.  
“I’m not mad.” He really wasn’t. “Is that what you really thought this whole time at the fome, that you were a burden to me?” He asked.   
“No, not always. In the beginning, I didn’t know what to think, so much was happening between us and so quickly. It is…was all so confusing. Can you honestly telly me that you didn’t, at least once think to yourself ‘why me?’”  
“Well no, now that you mention it.”  
“Well you are a better person than me. That much is true.”  
“Nonsense…alright I am not going to lie. The day you came back, I didn’t know what to do. I was scared out of my mind, my life changed in an instant. I did wonder what your intentions were but you were never a burden. Everything I did, I did because I wanted to.”  
“You see? My point exactly. This is why I fell in love with you. When I came back to town and I thought you would hate me (you had every right) but you didn’t and I thought this guy must be crazy not to chase me out of the station howling curses after me after what I did to him. Any sane person would have done that. Whatever mess I got myself into, I had it coming. But you were kind to me and against all else, you loved me. It was way more than I ever hoped for or had any right to want. I knew I was too much for you. I was too much even for myself sometimes but you never wavered, not once, caring for me so selflessly without asking for anything in return.”  
“It still doesn’t explain why you didn’t tell me about Frank Ellis offering you a job or CPS. I could have been there for you. I wanted to be there for you.”  
“I should have told you everything I admit but you know that it really wouldn’t have helped much with Child Services. It was something I had to do alone. I hate to say this Nick but I think there may be some roads we are going to have to travel alone. I adore you for always thinking of me and how to make my life easier but you won’t always be there and we need to at least acknowledge that.”  
“Is that Adalind talking or Sean Renard because I don’t recognise this person next to me. You look like the woman I love, you even sound like her but you are speaking nonsense. I thought we were in this together.” Or could it be the wine talking, he wasn’t certain how much she had drunk. It couldn’t have been more than two glasses, not that it would matter, Rosalee had insisted she stay the night so driving back to Catherine’s wasn’t an issue.  
“Please don’t say it like that. We are in this together…” She looked up at him and sighed.   
“…But? I just don’t understand.”  
“I know. Let me see…remember when I came back to Portland? My only concern back then was for Kelly’s safety. Everything else had to get in line. I remember how people looked at me that day but I didn’t care. Honestly I didn’t even care what you thought. I only knew one thing and standing in the middle of your precinct, I knew that I needed you, our baby needed you, so I swallowed my pride and let people whisper behind my back or stare daggers in my face, anything, as long as he was safe. I had nothing to my name except some measly savings and a suitcase. I was scared but mostly angry at myself for being so weak.” She said but there was no bitterness in her voice. 

Adalind had never spoken to him about the time she returned, she had only told him of her regret in coming to him so late in her pregnancy, eight months to be exact. 

“I had no expectations, nothing but then you did the impossible and took me in and suddenly I didn’t have to worry about anything, not the roof over my head or the food on my table and not even Sean. I felt awful. I knew I had disrupted your life showing up the way I did. Nick, I had been a burden to my mother, a burden to Sean and now I was a burden to you as well. After the way things ended between me and Sean, I swore that I would never find myself dependent on anyone ever again but then it seemed like that’s all I ever did. It’s not a slight against you, you were wonderful but I, on the other hand….”  
“You are not weak. You’re one of the strongest people I know but I think I kinda get what you’re trying to say. And I might be a little at fault. I am wired a certain way. I am always in ‘take charge’ mode and because of my upbringing, I didn’t take a step back, to try and see things from your side, instead of dictating everything like when I wanted to send you away, moving into the loft….” He said thoughtfully. 

It appeared that they both fell into a slippery slope of one way co-dependency from early in their relationship and without outside forces now pulling them apart, how would things have developed between them? Nick looked back at their life and saw some red flags, miniscule today but a disaster tomorrow. How long could it continue without fostering resentment from both sides? 

“Last I checked there were two people in this relationship. I think we both carried too much baggage into our relationship without acknowledging it. It was so much easier to let things just happen the way they did and for my part I’m kind of ashamed. I had a plan when I came to see you back to town, to shamefully use you to get Sean off my back, then after make a life for me and Kelly, no more running and whatnot. I planned to pawn off the last of my mother’s belongings, she didn’t need them anymore and I certainly didn’t want any of it. I knew I would buy myself a couple of months after Kelly’s birth while I looked for a job. My plan was single parenthood and nothing more. I knew it would be cutting it close but I didn’t have a choice until this thing between us happened. Every time I thought my life couldn’t get any worse, something good happened; you and Kelly are proof of that. Finding out Diana was alive, well I didn’t believe in miracles until then. Sean’s family is trying to take my baby away from me, using the system against me, but I can’t let them get away with it.”  
“And they won’t, just don’t shut me out from now on.”   
“I know they won’t. I don’t know, for some reason this feels like a reset. I think we began our story from the end and life…fate is taking us back to the beginning or some other ridiculous thing that explains everything we’ve been through. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry. I know that it hasn’t been easy for you, especially since that night. I know this bothers you so much more than you let on. You even look like you’re not getting enough sleep and it’s because you’re worried. Nick I didn’t want this to be yet another thing that you couldn’t do anything about. I know you, you like to fix things Nick or you beat your head against the wall trying. I have asked too much of you as it is. I am more than capable of handling some things on my own. It’s very selfish of me.” 

Nick was at a loss for words. He was confused. Was she telling him that they had to go their separate ways? That didn’t explain the fact that she held him so tight he couldn’t breathe. She kept talking, unburdening herself and enlightening him to some part she had closed off. It unsettled him and left him drifting. Rather than say anymore he simply listened to her. 

“I don’t think I like the sound of that. It is starting to feel more like a break up, a real one this time, not this pretend show we have going on for Frederick Renard or the FBI. Do you not want us to be together anymore?”  
“No, I didn’t say that,” she gasped in horror, accented by a hiccup.  
“Then what are you saying because I really can’t tell at the moment.” He said, his blood pressure was slowly rising. This was definitely not how he planned for the night to go.  
“Maybe I’m just tired or the wine and eggnog have taken control of my senses and everything is all jumbled up when I speak. All I can think is that I have been afraid, afraid of having everything and afraid of having nothing all at once. Your mother once told me that there was nothing wrong with wanting something good for myself for once in my life. She taught me to have courage and fight for what I wanted. Do you know what I want Nick?”   
He looked down at her uncertain of what to say, but her face was turned away from him, staring out into the distant.  
“I want…you. You are my every…thing but to have everything I must first stand on my own. Does that make sense? I love you…want…to spend the rest of my life with y….” She fell silent.   
“Addie?”

But Adalind’s steady slow breathing told him she had already fallen asleep in his arms, her head tucked gently against his chest just shy of the crook of his neck.   
He dared not move, in case he roused her from sleep and put an end to the evening. Nick fished the inside of his pocket, pulled out the little maroon velvet box, flicked it open and stared at the diamond ring. 

“I love you too.” He closed the box and slipped it back into his pocket once more, promising to ask her soon.  
Nick pulled the quilt from behind him, secured it around the two of them before relaxing his muscles and closed his eyes. For that moment, everything was perfect. He surrendered all cares for the night, enjoying the feel of Adalind’s warm body nestling against him, who knew when next he’d have an opportunity to enjoy to revel in it, the world they’d created for themselves was on the verge of crumbling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The upcoming chapters are proving to be a little tricky to write, I hope I don't disappoint and can have the next


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

They did eventually speak about the visit with the law guardian on Christmas Day. Nick had decided to spend the night at Monroe’s after all. Adalind was certainly glad to wake up in his arms that following morning, as it should be every morning she thought, as she watched his dark lashes fluttering slightly before lifting open.

“Morning….” He greeted her.  
“Good morning.” She said still looking up at him, the dreamy look unmistakable in her eyes. “I miss this, us…together.”  
“Yeah, me too.” Nick kissed her brow and she returned to her favourite spot, leaning her ear against his heart, to listen to her favourite beat in the world.  
“So are you ready to tell me what happened with the social worker?” He asked.

She knew what he was referring to and she had every intention to tell him. However, that didn’t make it any easier. For one thing, Adalind had felt poorly about keeping Nick out of the loop but her mind had been made up. She was grateful to Nick for everything he had done for her but she had felt that she had to go the rest of the way alone, to prove that she was more than capable. Adalind hadn’t realized just how much easier it was to lean on Nick, to let him just take control of everything and be the passenger in her own life but that wouldn’t help her in winning Diana back. Adalind had to be a very capable independent mother and needed to be seen that way from the onset and that perhaps meant putting a little distance between herself and Nick, much to her chagrin. 

“…Law Guardian.” She said.  
“Same difference….” He replied. Adalind sighed.

Adalind told him how she had determined to get the house ready on time but Kelly had chosen that day of all days to be on his worst behaviour, screaming his lungs out no matter all her attempts to calm him, she had failed. She tried putting him down for his morning nap but was too restless, so much so, she took his temperature, fearing that he was coming down with a fever. He wasn’t. She fed him but he openly rejected her and his bottle with equal fervour. She checked his diaper several times trying to determine what was bothered him but he’d proven a greater mystery than the Bermuda Triangle itself. He refused to be put down, or even to let her out of his sight. She had picked up her cell phone at least three times to call Nick because she was at the end of her tether; and all before ten o’clock in the morning but Adalind soldiered on.

By the time Mrs Langdon from Child Protective Services arrived at Catherine’s, Adalind was beyond exhausted. They had talked for about an hour, the most intense one hour of her whole life. Adalind had faced the absolute worst of society in her career, but that old woman reduced her to a quivering amateur. 

“It felt more like an interrogation than anything else. And of course, I did terribly. It was like that first time you questioned me years ago, I was so nervous.” She said.  
“It could not have been that bad. I’m sure you were wonderful.”  
“Hardly, I’d go so far as to say this was worse, at least with you, I got to flirt a little with Officer Burkhardt.”  
“Oh…I remember. And you left me hot and bothered on more than one occasion.” He smiled wistfully.  
“Nick, this woman was like the Iron Lady, she was that intimidating. Asking me questions I didn’t really have answers to. I don’t know if I’ll ever be a good mother or not. I know I love my daughter very much. It was like being called into the Headmistress’ office for being naughty and that’s before you came up in the topic of conversation.”  
“Me?”  
“Yes, you or have you forgotten how Kelly, your son, came into the world…. Anyway, my character was being called into question. She wanted to know the situation surrounding Kelly, the custody arrangement if there was even one in place. She wanted to know about my mother’s house and asked how I planned to support two small children all under the age of two years. She had some concerns and you know I have never been a model citizen, at least not until recently, so who knew what this woman must have thought about me, my past is an open secret if you look close enough.”   
“And what did you say?”  
“I told the truth, as much as I could without compromising everything we’ve worked hard for. I told her you were very much involved in Kelly’s life but left your name out completely.”  
“What did she say to that?”  
“Oh, nothing other than how important it was to create a stable environment for both my children and develop a routine that would let Diana feel safe and loved especially, but what she meant was that next time I should keep my legs shut.”  
“She didn’t actually say that?” he gasped.  
“No but I know that’s what she meant, as if I don’t have the best interests of both my children at heart,” Adalind sneered. “I’m not the town’s bicycle. She was judging me Nick, giving me these weird looks like I was using my children to sponsor my high class living. Like I had abandoned Diana, given her up for money and now two years later, I’m using this custody thing to try and get more out of the Renards or whatever she’d concocted in her mind about me or my character.”

Her eyes were already watering but she batted them away. Nick pulled her closer against his body, “I think the stress of this situation has maybe coloured your perception of how you think people see you; anyone that looks at you now can’t reconcile you with the Adalind of old. I think maybe if you could stop judging yourself for what’s in the past, you’ll see that no one is judging you today. You’re not the same person you used to be. It’s going to be alright. I admit it it’s been a little bumpier than we originally expected, like yesterday, I didn’t know just how much harder it has been for you but I promise that we will get through this, one way or another.” Nick said.  
“Can it be ‘alright’ like now because I’m tired of all of this waiting around business.”  
“I know exactly what we can do to make ‘now’ alright….” He lifted her chin so their lips would caress.

*/*/*

A couple of days later they met at Andrew Robertsham’s office. He had some news for Adalind about the progress of her case. They entered the lawyers’ offices together, hand in hand; Kelly was in Adalind’s arms while Nick pushed his stroller. It was her way of living dangerously, considering she didn’t know who could be watching or what high definition camera was hiding in the bushes to capture just one pic of the woman who dared go after a giant.

“Good morning Ms Schade, Detective Burkhardt…please take a seat,” Andrew shook both their hands before returning to do the same in his burgundy leather swivel chair. Adalind placed Kelly carefully in his stroller.  
“I trust you had a wonderful Christmas.” Chimed Andrew.  
“It was alright,” Nick smirked and Adalind cleared her throat while giving him a look.  
“Please Andrew, let’s just cut to the chase. How closer are we to an actual court date?” asked Adalind, turning swiftly to her lawyer.  
“Alrighty then, back to business…I know Mrs Sonelle Langdon met with you last week and from what I understand, it went…”  
“…Badly!” interrupted Adalind.  
“That is not the report I got. My source at CPS tells me you made quite the impression, apart from one or two things, the day was a relative win for us. I know Mrs Langdon as well as can be expected, she’s quite the dragon over there but whatever you did, it was a success. I’m not saying she’s singing high praises but she’s not breathing hellfire out of every orifice.”  
“I…I don’t understand. I got the feeling she didn’t like me at all.”  
“She has that effect on people. I don’t blame you for the misunderstanding. She’s known to always play hardball when it comes to children. She’d dedicated her whole life to ensuring the safety and wellbeing of these little ones. Anyway, the reason I called you here is that there’s another visit on the cards and this time she will bring someone along.”  
Adalind gasped suddenly, using her free hand to cover her lips in case she let out a scream.  
“ Do you mean Diana?” she asked cautiously.  
“Yes.” Andrew grinned triumphantly.  
“Oh gawd!” It was all she could say as the tears began rolling down Adalind’s cheeks. Nick took hold of her hand for support.   
“Are you certain?” Nick turned to the lawyer.  
“I am positive. I have been negotiating diligently with the Renards’ lawyer on Ms Schade’s behalf. They were loath to agree to Adalind seeing Diana at all, not without the judge ordering it and the state cares more about the wellbeing of the minor than it does the grownups’ wishes. I got the call early this morning. I called you in to tell you in person that you are finally going to see your daughter again and soon.”  
“But…how, I don’t understand. Isn’t a judge supposed to determine visitation and all that?”  
“Yes, but that’s if all else fails. Like I told you, I’m doing everything I can to get your daughter back to you. That folder you gave me went a long way towards achieving that end goal. Mr Renard made a mistake in taking this public. He underestimated you; something I think was a mistake by both father and son. Mr Renard is going to have a real fight on his hands. I’ve had at least one meeting with Renard’s lawyer and another in quick succession with the law guardian. Her next visit is for this Saturday, for one hour and nothing more.”  
“Just an hour?” Adalind cried.   
“Unfortunately, but it’s only the beginning. Since this won’t be determined outside of court, our first court date is for next Tuesday, if all goes to plan, we can up visitation to something much more considerable.”  
“Why are we talking visitation? Won’t the judge determine custody?”  
“It’s still too soon, remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day. The judge will have to hear from both sides and this will get tough not just for you but for Diana as well. If this isn’t resolved quickly, the judge may move Diana into a neutral home.”  
“What are you saying, like a foster home?” Adalind couldn’t keep the despair from her voice. The very thought of her baby girl in the system, even for a short while was too much for her to bear.   
“We are going to try and avoid that at all cost but at the same time we don’t want Diana to spend one more night with the Renards. I’m pushing for the judge to issue custody immediately but if that doesn’t happen, our case needs to be clear. I’ve got my investigator tracking the court officials that supposedly filed the ‘original’ summons in Colorado.”  
“What about the judge that issued custody back then?”  
“He’s refusing to talk to us. I’m not going to lie to you, going after a judge without conclusive evidence of corruption isn’t easy, I can’t push him to answer my questions but everyone else isn’t untouchable, or as well connected. Getting even one of those people under oath is a victory in itself, this case will be a slam-dunk. For now, just focus on this coming Saturday, this hour with your daughter. Be aware that you will not be left alone with her, I tried convincing Langdon that you wouldn’t flee with the child but apparently Mrs Langdon is immune to my charm. She will be with you for every second of that hour, monitoring you, making sure Diana is safe. I’m going to need you to work whatever magic you did on good old Langdon during this visit. I’m not saying she is the one to determine the outcome but her word goes a very long way, particularly with Diana being a child well below the age of giving her own opinion of what she wants.”  
“Whatever gets me Diana faster….” Adalind breathed.

They spent the rest of the meeting strategizing, prepping Adalind on what to expect come Tuesday and any subsequent court appearances before the judge could issue his final judgement. 

*/*/*

Saturday finally came. Adalind found herself ready before the crack of dawn. Kelly had woken at just before three in the morning for his after midnight snack. She fed him and lulled him back to sleep but couldn’t do the same for herself. After an hour of staring at nothing but shadows in the night, Adalind decided to make better use of her time and got to work, making the house ready for Diana’s first visit. At five o’clock, the house was spotless. Kelly’s clothes were carefully refolded just to pass the time. 

Adalind had done her best not to think about the missing year from her daughter’s life, missing out on all the firsts…the first tooth, the first step, Diana’s first word but it was proving harder at the seconds ticked by so she looked to keep her mind busy in random activities around the house. It was much better that acknowledging the heavy lump in her heart much like a large rock sinking to the bottom of a river. Hating Sean didn’t make the hurt go away and getting full custody wouldn’t reverse time but it was a start and Adalind would be damned if she lost any more time with Diana.

While folding Kelly’s clothes for the hundredth time (this time, colour coding each item) she heard a knock on her back door. Adalind checked the time, it was still too early in the morning for any visitors, but then again who would even come visit her, friends were rather in short supply those days and she wouldn’t care to have any of her old friends to begin with. Meisner usually called first and he never came at that ungodly hour. There was a second and heavier knock, as if the person was impatient. She paused just before the door, calculating how quickly she could reach Kelly and if they’d reach the panic room in time. 

The panic room, Nick had insisted they refit the spare bedroom on the first floor, sandwiched between the kitchen and the dining area. They installed a second flight of stairs leading directly from the kitchen next to the main bedroom for easy access. Adalind slept in the room adjacent with a hidden connecting door between them. He didn’t want Adalind to find herself trapped in the second floor should the worst happen. Hopefully that would be never.

“Adalind open up, it’s me Nick.” A familiar voice said in a hushed tone from behind the door.  
“Nick….” Her fingers rapidly worked the lock.  
She flung the door open and nearly jumped Nick right there at the door and didn’t care what the neighbours (those awake early) thought, what Meisner’s surveillance team or paparazzi caught on camera for the world to see. Nothing mattered other than Nick was there. Instead she painfully waited until he was safely inside before flying into his arms.  
“You have no idea how glad I am to see you.” She breathed into his neck.   
“I could hazard a guess,” he laughed.  
She squeezed him tightly. They remained in that embraced for a while, enjoying the feel of each other’s arms.  
“I thought you could use some company today,” he said.  
“Thank you,” was her simple answer before finally dragging herself free from his incredible arms. “I’m sure Meisner gave you an earful.”  
“He tried but wild horse couldn’t have kept away from you, not today of all days.”  
“Thank you all the same. Do want some coffee?”   
“I’ve already had…” he started but Adalind refilled the coffee maker with fresh coffee, “…You know what, I can do with another cup,” he finished.   
“I’m sorry. I’m just nervous for today. I’ve waiting for this day to come and now it’s here, I can’t sit still. It’s really okay if you’ve had your morning coffee. You probably had breakfast already. I think I’m slowly going out of my mind. I’m afraid if I sit still even for just one second I’ll burst into tears and never stop. I can’t stop thinking about her, torturing myself on whether she ever thinks of me or of I will be able to recognise her? Babies change so much after their first year. Will she remember me after all this time? I even had a crazy thought that she was better off without me, I mean who’d want a screw up like me for a mother?”   
“You’re right that is crazy.”  
“But is it?”  
“Hey, come here…. I think perhaps you need to sit down and relax.” He led her to the lounge where he set on the coffee table across from her and removed her slippers and began to massage her feet, one at a time. 

Nick was working magic not just on her feet but through her whole body. Adalind felt her body sink lower into the couch and he head rolled back, eyes closed as she lost herself, forgetting all of her troubles and sorrows in an instant. 

“Ooh…that feels so good,” she purred.  
“That’s why I am here, to take care of you at least for today and to make sure these crazy thoughts never cross your mind ever again.” He said as his nimble fingers moved up to her taut calves, soliciting another long moan from deep within her.   
“I think you’re going to have to stop right there, Burkhardt.” She opened her eyes and smiled at him, as he hands moved quickly to stop his hands from going any further than the back of her knees.   
“But why, I’ve only just started?” he returned with a twinkle in his eye.  
“I know what you’re trying to do Officer Burkhardt and it’s not….” She squirmed suddenly as Nick continued his ministrations in her most sensitive spot. 

After a moment or two he stopped, a few beats shy of bringing her to the edge and past the point of no return. He moved from the coffee table and sat down beside her instead. Although she was under tremendous stress and sex with Nick was the best way to relieve that stress, it just didn’t seem like the right time. Adalind was more than happy just being with him, sitting side by side at five in the morning.

“Are you still worried about today?” He asked after a short period of comfortable silence.  
“I think so. I’m trying not to be but it’s not so easy.”  
“Is there anything I can do to help?”  
“You’re doing it already.”  
“But I haven’t done anything….”  
“You’re here, that’s more than enough. In a few hours, it will just be me and Diana and some old lady gawking at me the whole time. I nearly bought every toy in Portland because I don’t know what she likes. I wanted to bake her some cookies but she could have allergies. I asked Andrew to get me a copy of her medical file so I know what her life’s been like for the last year. He was hesitant but there it is on the table, I haven’t had the courage to look at it. I knew trying to get anything from Frederick himself, like photos or even videos would be impossible. It serves him better if I remain ignorant and a complete stranger where Diana’s concerned. So I how do I cram one whole year in sixty minutes under strict supervision?”  
“Maybe it’s not about the missing year…”  
She gaped at his words.  
“No-no just hear me out, when it was just you and Diana on the run, did you think you had all the answers back then? From what little I know about that time, you didn’t worry about the past, all the mistakes you made. You didn’t worry about the future, you were simply in the moment, enjoying the time with your daughter. Perhaps this is what you need to do again, stop worrying about what you’ve missed or what Frederick Renard is trying to do and just be in the moment with your daughter. Just be with her and love her as she is now, let her see you for who you are now fall in love with the person you are now.”  
“You think I can do that in an hour?”  
“You can do anything. I’ve seen that with my own eyes. Does it matter if it’s instant or in an hour or a year? She’ll easily come to you.”  
“Hmph!”  
“You don’t believe me? If you only knew the effect you’ve had on me in short time we’ve been together. It’s something that’s been at the tip of my tongue but I haven’t found the right way of expressing it.” He said as he cleared his throat.   
“Oh Nick, I already know you love me. I admit it wasn’t easy to accept in the beginning because of our history. I love you too, I hope you know that.” She yawned out loud. 

He just smiled broadly to himself, like it was some private joke only he was privy to but Adalind was too tired to question him about the smile and what he meant. She yawned again. It turned out all she needed to rest was a few minutes of being inside of Nick’s arms. There was truly no better place to be for Adalind Schade.

*/*/*

Nick stayed as long as she needed him, leaving just as Mrs Langdon arrived, ten minutes earlier than scheduled. He bid Adalind good luck, leaving her flustered from his kiss after making sure the law guardian wouldn’t see a thing. 

“Good morning Detective Burkhardt, I hope my being early hasn’t inconvenienced you in any way,” Said Mrs Langdon as she shook Nick’s hand.  
Well that got awkward and fast, thought Adalind. She did her best to mask her panic but she had nothing to worry about, Nick had everything under control.  
“Oh not at all, I was just on my way, my business here is concluded. Forgive me ma’am but I don’t believe we’ve ever met.” He said calmly.   
“That’s in fact true but I am familiar with who you are. You helped solve a case surrounding one of my colleagues a few years ago. I had been out of town initially so we never spoke face to face during the investigation but I knew who you were. I would like to extend my thanks for what you and your partner did for the Patrice family. Without your diligent efforts, Simon’s killer would have escaped justice.”  
“It’s my job ma’am, no need to thank me. Hi there….” He said before leaning over so he could be eye-level with Diana, who was partially cowering behind Mrs Langdon’s skirts. 

Adalind couldn’t see Nick’s face from where she stood but seeing her daughter’s face break out in a tentative smile warmed her immensely and whatever butterflies she felt prior to this meeting dissipated. 

“Now if you’ll excuse me ladies and you little one….” With those words, he turned to looked encouragingly at Adalind and left the same way he came in.  
“Well then Ms Schade, there is someone I’d like you to meet…Diana, say hello to the lady.” 

Adalind cringed at being referred to as the “lady” like she was some complete stranger and not actually Diana’s mother. She felt her blood boil at such a callous designation and it wasn’t even her fault. Clearly she would be paying for Sean Renard’s bastardry for a long time to come, she thought and was seconds from throwing a fit but bit her tongue instead. Not that it was necessary because the very sight of little Diana left Adalind speechless. Diana or rather Mini Adalind stuck her head from around Mrs Langdon’s legs and gave a petit little wave in Adalind’s direction. The most beautiful 1little girl she’d ever laid eyes on with bright sun kissed curls and eyes so blue they almost looked violet stared hesitantly up at her mother. And just like that, Adalind was in love. All the feelings she had and more rushed and knocked her over senseless because the next thing she knew she had wrapped the little girl in the biggest and tightest (not too tight) embrace ever known to man, crying out “My baby girl,” over and over. 

Mrs Langdon had to intervene when Diana started fidgeting uncomfortably. Adalind quickly released her, apologising profusely for nearly suffocating the child.

“Ms Schade, I do understand how overwhelming this may be for you but I am going to need to compose yourself, for the child’s sake.” Mrs Langdon removed Diana from Adalind’s grasp, effectively placing herself between mother and daughter.   
“I’m sorry for that, it’s just that this is the first time seeing her, holding her in arms. I didn’t mean to get carried away. I apologise once again.” Adalind said, deferring to the elderly woman.  
“As long as we understand each other, there’s no way we cannot make this time enjoyable for ALL parties concerned. You have exactly one hour and seven minutes, I’m sure you can think of something better to do other than standing around your foyer.”   
“…Of course.” She said without daring to take her eyes off Diana for even a second in case Sean swooped in from whatever hole he had hid himself to torture her once again.  
“Purdy lady,” Diana said as she pointed towards Adalind and pulling her own hair to better convey her meaning. 

Adalind nearly came undone for the second time in less than two minutes but kept her word to the guardian. She went down on her knees, forgetting about everything else outside of this room, even the scary old Sonelle Langdon. 

“Yes Diana, our hair is the same but mine isn’t pretty as yours, yours is so curly and shiny, like the colour of the sun. It’s perfect. Do you want to come with me to see something really pretty?” Adalind asked as she swallowed weeks of uncertainty and self-doubt, choosing instead to focus on this moment, on now as Nick advised her that morning. “I promise to let you keep whatever you want afterwards….” 

Adalind looked directly at Langdon and so no objection to her plan. She didn’t even think about the possibility of Diana rejecting her, she honestly didn’t know what to expect. A part of her had dreaded this meeting, thinking the Diana’s grandfather would have somehow poisoned her mind against her but Diana simply nodded her head, taking the hand that Adalind had stuck out for her. Perhaps there was nothing to fear after all. Adalind made up her mind to stop thinking about Sean or his father for the rest of her precious but short time with her daughter. 

It didn’t shock or surprise her when Diana started leading the way, moving from one room to the next pointing at items that caught her attention, Adalind was more than happy to oblige her this little grand tour around her childhood home.

*/*/*

The visit was two for two for team Adalind. They ended up spending it with Kelly who woke up just in time to meet his big sister. And even better, he was on his best behaviour that day. Diana had been thrilled to play with her tiny baby brother like he was one of her little dolls but Adalind had to set her straight and show her how to handle a small baby, explaining that they were much more fragile than actual dolls. Diana had been so eager, tickling him and trying to get Kelly to laugh the same way she laughed every time Adalind tickled her. Adalind kind of got the sense that Diana hadn’t been given enough opportunity to be a child, to enjoy playing games and making tea and playing dress up. By the time the hour was up and it was time to go, Diana asked Adalind to come with her. It broke Adalind’s heart to say no to Diana, that they’d have plenty of time to play some other day. Adalind had cried for hours into her pillow letting her daughter go like that.

And once more her and Nick sat in Robertsham’s office, with Nick faithfully by her side as the lawyer told them about a witness he successfully subpoenaed for when push came to shove. In other words, things were looking up for her case. Frederick Renard would be exposed for the liar he was, or at least those closest to him would be left to take the fall while he plead his innocence of the whole scandal, everything that happened in Colorado.

“I don’t want to jump the gun here and tell you the judge will issue full custody tomorrow but, it’s looking really good for us. Now you know what to expect. His lawyer will present his case, as will I. It’s the first day for the hearing so expect for Renard to go down swinging and therefore this won’t likely be the last court date. But at the most he’ll be prolonging the inevitable.”

And Andrew turned out to be right. They’d dealt the first blow against Renard when the judge dismissed the initial custody ruling, citing serious irregulations and the correct procedure not being adhered to. Although he didn’t come out and call Renard a kidnapper, the implication hung in the air like a lead cloud on a hot Summer’s day. Because no agreement was reached between both parties, the judge recommended Diana be removed from the Renards, until the matter was resolved, thus placing Diana in foster care. It was the last thing Adalind wanted. She was afraid how something like foster care could affect her young mind. But at the same time it meant Diana were one step away from the Renards and a step closer into her arms. Judge Anita Hyde awarded equal visitation rights to both Adalind and Frederick Renard. The judge stressed vehemently that breaking this agreement in any way by even one millisecond would result in the her awarding full custody to the party, a staunch warning that didn’t go unheard. Diana would come home with her as early as that day. She’d be able to spend the night and not be under constant supervision. Adalind had won the battle on day one but the war was no doubt far from over.

Although the court session was closed to the media, news spread like wildfire, how a lowly single parent somehow bested business mogul Frederick Renard. Within a day every headline plastered Adalind’s ‘victorious’ exit from the family court house while towing Kelly on one arm and her lawyer flanking her on the other side. It was weirdly ironic, the same newspapers and magazines had labelled her “Blond Bimbo” as recent as the morning of the hearing but now were lauding Adalind like she was some Joan of Arc of single mothers everywhere. For one thing she was no maid and getting her daughter back had even less to do with being some vessel fighting for the rights of single parenthood against tyrannical oppression or whatever motivations seemed to sell newspapers off the stands quicker. Adalind was no one’s hero or saviour. She was just a desperate mother.

Upon returning to her house, she wasted no time barricading herself behind closed. Meisner boosted what little security she had left, the FBI couldn’t spare any more (they were doing too much according to them). He stationed everyone in their designated post long before the first of the vultures started camping out on her lawn. She had hoped to find Nick waiting for her when she got home but was greeted by an empty cold house. Instead he left her a text message, several in fact. The first wished her luck at court. The second simply said, “Thinking about you.”   
There were other messages but the last one made her heart sink just a little. Nick had been held up at the precinct, a case over what they suspected was a series of violent home invasions by a gang around the more affluent parts of Portland. The lieutenant hadn’t been impressed with Nick’s recent strings of unsolved cases and was looking for results. “I wish I was there with you with the kids on Diana’s first night home…love you so much.” The call ended. She wished he was there and didn’t care about the paparazzi on her lawn and what they’d make of it. 

At the very least they would get the answer to their million dollar question, the father of Adalind Schade’s youngest child. She was tired of living in the shadows, hiding literally and figuratively. Adalind wanted to shout it to the world that she loved the most perfect male specimen on this earth and against all odds he returned those feelings and Kelly was a testament to that love.   
Instead of worrying what was beyond her power to change she focused on the little miracle she had received, to have both her children under one roof. For the moment, it didn’t matter that it was temporary, forty-eight hours to be exact, it was more than she could have ever hoped once upon a time. And if Andrew was to be believed, sooner rather than later, she would never have to say goodbye to her little girl ever again. 

Adalind cherished the precious little time awarded her by Judge Hyde, taking her time doing menial tasks likes bathing and clothing Diana, memorising her every feature like the softness of her hair between her fingers or how her eyes twinkled under certain light, carefully noting every last detail while chatting merrily to the little girl. As it turned out, Diana was a talker, even with her limited vocabulary. Adalind talked to her daughter about everything under the sun, from how she was born, right up to when she was taken from her. She shared with her the joy she felt when she found out she would have another baby. It didn’t matter to her that Diana’s mind couldn’t process any of this information. She was just glad to have her by her side.

Her court-ordered visitation finally came to an end. Parting with Diana proved as big a challenge and heartbreak as the day she thought she’d lost her in the fire but Andrew assured her that it wouldn’t be long before something more permanent would be arranged, all she had to do was hang in the and not lose courage or give Renard anything he could use against her. It meant even less contact with Nick. The second court date was just a week and a half away where he’d be able to present conclusive evidence against Renard and present her as Diana’s only option for a normal and healthy upbringing, as her mother, whom the Renards had tormented for over a year while holding Diana hostage.

“Hostage, I like that.” She said as they sat together in the café across the CPS offices after dropping Diana on time in Mrs Langdon’s care.  
“Yes, it’s time we called a spade a spade and lay all our cards on the table. Unfortunately that means Renard’s lawyer will do the same by bringing your past into question and I cannot guarantee Detective Burkhardt will escape the scrutiny either. But I have a feeling they’d be more cautious about that because that is a can of worms they’d rather leave closed, unless they want ALL of their dirty laundry hung out to dry for the world to see.”  
“I wouldn’t put anything past them. Say Nick does come up, what’s going to happen?”  
“Detective Burkhardt is more a liability that an ace in the hole for them. He’s Kelly’s father, he has a steady job, and in fact, he’s one of this city’s celebrated police officers. He’s got a spotless record, has worked with the FBI on a high profile case, in the end, the judge would be more likely to give him custody of Diana than to Renard.” Adalind couldn’t help smiling at that image, that would really set off Sean Renard, forget his father. 

A familiar flashy black SUV had parked in front of the CPS offices, Frederick Renard’s personal transportation. He had come to collect Diana for his scheduled visitation, like Adalind, the judge had granted him 48 hours. It must have been a kick in the gut considering he’s had Diana 24/7 for the last thirteen months. Adalind did her best to stay frozen in her seat. The judge’s instructions were clear, if Adalind made one false move against Renard and the time awarded him, the judge would grant Frederick Renard sole custody and that was the last thing she wanted. 

But something in the corner of her eye caught her attention, Juliette Silverton stepping out into the open with Diana in her arms. Adalind’s heart dropped, like the cup she had held in her hands moments ago. Her mind grappled with the scene playing out in front of her, slow to comprehend a horrible realisation yet racing at the speed of light. 

“Adalind, what’s wrong?” Andrew asked suddenly worried.  
“She’s taking my baby. Juliette’s taking my baby!” She cried as her feet sprang to life and she raced out of the café but there were too many obstacles in the form of tables, chairs and people in her way. She had to stop that witch from taking Diana but was too late. Before she could cross the street, Juliette had already secured Diana in the back and had opened the passenger door. Their eyes locked for a moment, barely a second but long enough for Adalind to register the sneer across Juliette’s face. Adalind forgot herself and crossed the road without looking. A passing car missed her by an inch but Juliette had already slid into the passenger seat and Adalind watched helplessly as the SUV roared into life and disappear down the road.

“Adalind, are you okay. You were almost hit by a car, you shot out of there like a bat out of hell, what is it?” Andrew asked. He was sweating profusely and out of breath.  
“That bastard. That bitch. Those bastards, the whole lot of them, they will pay for this. I swear it!”

*/*/*

She was furious. Renard had probably planned the whole thing. It was no coincidence that Juliette arrived barely five minutes after Adalind had left, he wanted Adalind to see her daughter in the arms of her worst enemy. It was no secret that her and Juliette would never become fast friends, not after what Adalind had almost done to her years ago, including sleeping with Nick while he was with her and conceiving a child in the process. And now Nick was with Adalind. A solid line had been drawn in the sand and Juliette was set on taking full advantage of it. Adalind was long past the point of feeling remorse over her past actions, threatening her baby would do that to a woman but this was taking things too far.

Until she calmed down, she didn’t want to tell Nick, to worry him any more than he already was with her and his job, especially when there was nothing he could do about it but Andrew had no such compulsion. He’d called Mrs Langdon who confirmed that a Juliette Silverton, on behalf of her employer came to collect Diana Renard at exactly 15:00 that afternoon. Andrew had relayed this information to Nick, due to Adalind’s unsettling, erratic behaviour immediately after Ms Silverton’s departure. Although she tried to reassure him that she had calmed herself down, Andrew erred on the side of caution instead. 

Nick called soon after and they talked and as she surmised, there wasn’t much he could do and Adalind didn’t want to bite his ear off by hollering obscenities about his ex. She was supposed to be better than that. In truth she wanted to forget about Juliette completely and Nick seemed to sense that because they talked instead about their next step, specifically what they were going to do once Diana was hers permanently. He’d considered them moving back into the loft but that wasn’t practical, especially if they needed more room for Diana. He made his feelings clear that he was ready for this separation to be over. The reason he stayed away was due to the spotlight Diana’s custody case shone on her and how that wouldn’t ever go away as long as every “Tom, Dick and Harry” knew where she lived.

“I’ve been thinking….” He said slowly, almost like he was counting his words.  
“Yes…?”  
“You can’t come back to the loft because it’s a shoebox and I can’t be with you guys at Catherine’s because it’s too exposed….”  
“Yes….”   
He was stalling.  
“What if…we…bought our own house, for you, me and the kids? We can finally be together. I’ve got some savings…”   
It pleased her to hear him talk about Diana as though she was already a part of their unit, their family. It was what endeared her to him so much more than how he treated her personally; his readiness and willingness to accept Diana like she was his own.  
“Nick that’s crazy, you don’t have to do that. I mean we never really talked about it but I don’t want you using up your savings for me.”  
“For us.” He corrected her. “Fine, forget my savings; I can use the money from my half of the old house to make a down payment as soon as I can get Juliette to sign on the dotted line. It will be the perfect opportunity to get some answers from her anyway about what happened today, to find out just how deep she’s in with the Renards. Andrew said something about her working for Frederick? As what, she’s a veterinarian for crying out.” he rambled.   
“I’m thinking she’ll fit right in, the Renards are after all nothing but a family of vipers and snakes, Diana excluded.” She blurted without thinking.   
She’d done and put her foot in it but Nick actually snickered in her ear.  
“I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t have said that, implying…”  
“…Nothing but the truth, as much as I hate to imagine the old Juliette in that place, but that Juliette is gone and I’ve accepted that. And you haven’t given me an answer to my question.”  
“I know.”  
“So what do you say?”  
“It’s very tempting Burkhardt but isn’t that like counting our chicks before they hatch. The judge hasn’t issued his finally ruling yet and I don’t want to jinx it. Don’t get me wrong I wish we were all together right now and talking face to face instead being miles apart and talking through a flimsy gadget.”  
“I’ve never known you to be so superstitious.”  
“Maybe I am just a little.”  
“In any case, there’s perhaps another reason to consider. I know Meisner has done his best with the little the FBI has given him, eventually that well will run dry as I know you are familiar with their tactics. They will pull their resources elsewhere once they suspect you’re no longer in immediate danger from Sean Renard’s retaliation. When enough time has passed, you, me even Meisner know that the FBI will walk away until they need you. I don’t like that at all, especially because you’re very vulnerable right now with this whole Diana case. I don’t like that the house is constantly surrounded and how can we trust that none of those photographers isn’t a sniper in disguise Sean’s put in place waiting for the first opportune moment. It’s too risky!”  
“I’m going to be fine. I’m taking all the necessary precautions as it is. I don’t leave the house unless I absolutely have to and I make sure to stay away from the windows at all times and already know my way into the panic room in total darkness in record time. There’s absolutely no reason to worry so much, you’ll give yourself some grey hairs prematurely.”  
“But Adalind…”  
“Nick, I am fine. We’re fine.” She assured him. She lied.

Adalind had already been through this train of thought one hundred times over but felt no need to alert Nick. In truth, she was taking all the necessary precautions as Kelly taught her and both Meisner and Nick instructed her. Beyond that, there was nothing more that could be done except to wait and that was the worst part. She wasn’t sure what she waited for precisely, for Sean to make his move, or for the FBI to make theirs or perhaps she was waiting for her sanity to crack like a raw egg against the inevitable hard floor? It never occurred to her how much sooner that day would come.

*/*/*

Nick and Hank were responding to a10-31 on Elizabeth Street. He was about to go home for the night after a long day of filing paper work when the call came in. On their way there, Nick realised the 9-1-1 call came from the house directly behind Catherine Schade’s house, Adalind’s house. A chill went down his spine and that’s when he floored the accelerator, catching Hank by surprise. After he cut off the siren a few blocks away, that raised Hank’s attention.

“Dude, why the silent run?” his partner asked him.  
“The house that made the emergency call, it’s directly behind Adalind’s I have a feeling. I can’t explain it but something….”  
“Aren’t you being a little paranoid?”  
“Maybe. Either way, I don’t want us to announce ourselves prematurely, noise travels fast and far in the dark. I’d rather we catch this perp in time.”

When the entered the residence, they found elderly Mr Murkle had barricaded himself in the house with a loaded shotgun in hand. There was no burglar in the house, just an over active imagination of a war vet. They sat him down calmly in the kitchen, taking down his statement and reassuring him that there was no assailant in his house. But he wasn’t satisfied until third recon around his whole property. Hank radioed dispatch and told them to disregard and all the while Nick kept looking across Mr Murkle’s backyard, as if hoping to see something out of the ordinary. 

“Nick, they are fine. They’re probably sleeping. It was a false alarm.” Hank tried to reassure his partner as they walked back to their car.   
“You’re probably right. I am over reacting. Renard wouldn’t be too stupid to come after them with too many eyes watching.” He said as he started the engine but didn’t move from the spot.   
“If it will make you feel any better, I’m sure driving past just once won’t hurt, you said Meisner’s men were still watching her. I’m sure she’s as safe as houses.”  
“…Just one drive by and then we go home.”  
“Exactly.”

He pulled the car slowly into drive, ignoring the rapid beat of his heart against his chest. Maybe he was being paranoid, like Hank said. He’d been on edge ever since that night he rushed out like a mad dog to her house after they got cut off on one of their hundredth phone conversations. And there had been nothing wrong then, there was nothing wrong now, he tried telling himself as the car pulled around the corner. In a few moments he’d drive past her house, then drive straight to the precinct and then home.

The street was deadly quiet, there were no flashy photographers in sight, they usually camped out right in front of the house waiting for a glimpse of Adalind and their meal ticket. He drove past the first surveillance van and saw nobody in the driver’s seat, then drove past what looked like another empty FBI standard issue vehicle and his palms began to sweat.

“Something’s wrong.” He said to Hank.  
“Why do you say that?”  
“That van, Tony’s not where he should be,” said Nick.  
“First of all, I don’t know who Tony is and what makes you say that?”  
“Meisner’s guys work in pairs, at least that’s what he told me the last time we spoke and he had to remove another protective detail from watching Adalind and my son. And that sedan over there, it looked empty.”  
“Yeah…so? There’s two more other cars parked on the side of the road and they didn’t look suspicious.”  
“It’s not supposed to be, plus where are all the bottom feeding vultures that are usually slumming out in front of the house waiting to take a quick snap to sell to the gossip magazines? They are always out here, on a slow day there’s one or two, they are never completely gone. I have to sneak in the back just to avoid being seen by them. But look, the street is quiet, a little too quiet for my liking.”  
Nick pulled out his cell phone and dialled Adalind’s number from his speed dial. There was no ring tone.  
“Damnit! It’s not getting through.” Nick stopped the car, two houses past the FBI sedan, and four away from the house where his family slept. He pulled out his weapon and stepped out of the car.“Nick, wait! We don’t…. Okay, I guess we’re doing this,” Hank pulled out his own police issue and joined his partner as he went to check the sedan.

The two detectives approached the vehicle from both sides, weapons aimed in case there’d be trouble. Nick hoped he was overreacting but the hair at the back of his neck was still on end for the past ten minutes since arriving at the Murkle residence. He was the first to reach the driver’s side and what he saw drained all colour from his face before he barrelled down towards the house. His partner spotted the bloody scene a second later and instinctively called it in before running after his partner, fearing the worst.

“Take the front, I’ll take the back.” Nick ordered Hank.  
“You’re not waiting for back-up?” Hank knew it was a stupid question but had to ask him anyway.  
“Not with my family in there.” 

Nick didn’t waste another second as he doubled back to the backyard, hoping, wishing and praying. Perhaps old Murkle hadn’t hallucinated a burglar after all, perhaps the shadow he saw across his bedroom window was someone coming after Adalind instead. Nick didn’t even want to think about what he’d find inside. If Murkle hadn’t dialled 9-1-1 at all, nick would already be at the loft instead of sneaking into Adalind’s house and sweating like he’d just ran the New York marathon in a full body suit. 

Nick twisted the handle and it gave way easily, Adalind would never leave the door unlocked, no matter what time of day. He had his gun pointed ready as he stepped over the threshold and quickly scanned his immediate surroundings. The front door creaked open and he assumed Hank had just managed to pick the lock. Breaking the small window above the lock would have given him access a lot quicker but that would have made too much noise. They met in the middle and Nick signalled him to check his side of the house and head up stairs using the stairs just behind the front door and he’d check the south side and use the stairs from the kitchen. He dialled Adalind one more time and still, there was no signal. 

As he approached the panic room, he hoped perhaps she’d locked herself inside with Kelly, but for that to happen, she would have had to have been aware of someone breaking in. He tried the handle but the door was locked. He didn’t bother punching the access, code, he didn’t know it, another one of his and Meisner’s safety precautions. If they were ever to get tortured for it, they wouldn’t tell. He didn’t call out her name because even if he did, she wouldn’t be able to hear him, the room was soundproof as much as it was bullet proof and fireproof. She should have been able to see him through the camera that was above the door, he thought, so he turned towards it and mouthed three little words hoping she’d get the message. “Do. Not. Open.”  
Afterwards, Nick turned around and headed toward the enclosed stairwell in the kitchen. He was upstairs in seconds, checking Adalind’s room first. The room looked undisturbed, he actually breathed a sigh of relief. He checked the master bedroom next to it and found it in order, and suddenly it was lights out for one Detective Nick Burkhardt as a blunt object connected to the back of his head, knocking him out. 

When he came to, he was in the lounge, sitting on a chair with his hands tied behind his back. As his eyes, adjusted to the darkness and everything stopped spinning, Nick recognised his surroundings.   
“Ah…that’s right detective, wakey-wakey,” Said the Englishman leaning a few inches from Nick’s face. “How nice of you to join us, it was getting rather boring playing this game all by myself. Now where is the little wench?”  
“I…I don’t know who you…talking about.” He lied.  
“Where is the BLOODY bitch or else I’ll find some other way to make this more exciting.” The man stood to his full massive height and stepped aside to reveal Hank, he too had been tied to a chair only he was still passed out.  
“You see I don’t have a lot of time before more of your other friends joined us so we must push on you see.  
“Kenneth….” Said Nick.  
“In the flesh. It’s a pleasure detective but back to the business at hand….” Kenneth Bowes-Lyon pointed a gun a Hank’s incapacitated head.  
“We all know how this ends, as I’m sure you’ve seen what’s left of the FBI agents outside, much like your mother. She didn’t put up a fight. It was quite a let-down for a seasoned agent. Of course, I did have the element of surprise on my side.”  
“How’d you get Juliette to help?”   
“She didn't take that much convincing. One good romp in your old bed…. After my cousin had her, she was giving it up like cheap candy, so I obliged. I guess her needs weren't being met.” Kenneth boasted.  
“Where is she?”   
“My uncle was delighted to have his grandchild back in his care once more, and I’m here to make sure it stays that way. As for Juliette, she'll be well rewarded.”  
“Too bad you won't live to see it…” said Nick as he pounced on an unsuspecting Kenneth.

He’d loosed his binds during their exchange. Kenneth turned his gun towards Nick and fired too late. Nick had deflected the weapon, knocking it out of Kenneth’s hand. The two men rolled backwards into the wall cabinet behind Hank, shattering glass everywhere. Nick delivered a hook but sliced through thin air and blocked Kenneth’s quick uppercut but missed the cross to his face. However, Nick stood his ground. He landed two quick jabs to Kenneth’s abdomen, the man was bigger than a mountain but that didn’t intimidate Nick for a second. It was time to settle old scores.

Kenneth round kicked Nick off his feet causing him to slam hard on the broken glass but Nick’s leather jacket took the brunt of the damage to Nick’s back. With Nick quick on his feet, he managed to roll away before Kenneth could stomp him in the chest with his heavy foot. Once, on his feet, the two men exchange heavy blows to the face, neck, abdomen, knees, all weak spots, giving as good as they took. They were evenly matched despite their difference in size and technique. With a little luck, Nick managed to fling Kenneth across the room, who smashed face first against more furniture, cutting his hands on the broken glass beneath him but like Nick, he wouldn’t give in that easily. Hank had come to but Nick couldn’t pay him any attention as he went after Kenneth spotting a weakness to advantage but the big man still had a few tricks up his sleeve as he pummelled Nick and knocked him against his partner toppling the two of them over. 

Nick quickly got up and circled away from Hank who was nothing more than an obstacle, thus putting Kenneth between the two cops. Kenneth had managed to wrap his bleeding hands with a crudely torn tablecloth and was now sporting a knife in his right hand. He didn’t waste any more time before lunging himself downwards on Nick but Hank who had now untied himself called out to Nick and slid him Kenneth’s gun, landing it at Nick’s feet. Nick quickly grabbed it rolled away in time to avoid a knife to the chest and fired two shots at Kenneth’s head in quick succession.

“…For my mother,” grunted Nick.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Hot blood sprayed all over Nick after he pumped two slugs into his mother’s killer’s cranium. Kenneth’s body slumped with a heavy thud at Nick’s feet, a conclusive end to just one ugly and tragic chapter in the detective’s life. For a minute, he actually couldn’t believe it but sense quickly returned when he remembered Adalind and his son. He still didn’t know what had happened to them. Wherever they were, at least they were safe from Kenneth and what he’d planned for them but first things first, Nick had to find them. 

“Adalind” Nick said, barely above a whisper.

He scrambled off the floor and made a beeline to the panic room door but Hank stopped him. 

“Wait, it’s best we retrieve our weapons first and sweep the whole house once more to make sure Kenneth’s friends don’t catch us by surprise like he did.” Hank said with caution.

Nick grabbed Kenneth’s gun while Hank used the leg of a broken table as a club and as they went from room to room, like they did earlier. Thankfully, Kenneth never cut the lights so they bathed the There were no more assailants, no more henchmen hiding behind closed doors but they didn’t let down their guard. They found their service pistols in the last place they remembered holding them. After a clean sweep of the whole house, confirming there was nobody else in the house, whether downstairs or up, he rushed back down, screeching to a halt in front of the panic room.

“Adalind!” he banged on the steel door that was dressed with wooden panels to blend in with the surroundings decor.

It was pointless. He knew she couldn’t hear him but hoped she could see him instead; see that it was now safe to come out. Seconds turned to a minute turned into two before he heard the familiar clank of the lock coming undone. It was in that moment that Nick was able to breath. As he waited for the heavy door to open, he heard the wonderful sound of police sirens get louder and nearer. Hardly ten minutes had passed between entering the house but it had felt like a lifetime ago. 

Slowly and diligently did the solid metal door cringe open, when the crack was wide enough, Nick squeezed himself through and was greeted by a relieved Adalind and a wailing Kelly Schade-Burkhardt. He’d never been happier to see his family than in that moment.

“Adalind….” He almost cried with relief, knowing she was alive and safe.  
“Oh Nick, I thought he was going to kill you!” She cried into his shoulder as he hugged them both. 

He half laughed, half cried…she was worried about him.

“I thought I was too late. I knew something was wrong. I don’t know what I would have done if…if….” His emotions overwhelmed him as he hugged them tighter, grateful the two most important people in his life were safe.  
“It was awful, to watch the whole thing and be helpless to stop him.”  
“What, and get yourself and Kelly killed? No, staying behind these doors was the right only thing to do. Both of you mean the world to me, that bastard’s already taken my mother, how would I live with myself if he’d taken you too?” 

His knees buckled slightly, the adrenalin slowly draining from his body. Adalind looked up at him, still concerned.

“Are you sure you’re not hurt? There’s so much blood and you can barely stand….” 

Nick pulled back, scanning the front of his jacket and it was in deed bloody and his shirt was ripped half open, probably from Kenneth throwing him around but he wasn’t in pain, at least nothing beyond bumps and scrapes. 

“The blood’s not mine.” He assured her and took off the jacket to put her at ease.  
“Are you certain? You can barely stand on your feet.” She said, he hadn’t realised that Adalind was now holding him up as best as she could with Kelly between them.  
“HANK, we need you!” she yelled and his partner was immediately by his side, lifting him from her so he could shoulder Nick’s weight as he led him out of the panic room and onto the sofa in the living room.   
“Nick, you sure you’re alright?” it was his partner’s turn to worry. 

Nick collapsed on the sofa like a heavy sand bag, weary and exhausted, his head weighed a tonne and he struggled to keep his lids open.

“Nick…Buddy…are you with me?” he heard Hank’s voice but it suddenly seemed like it was coming from another room it was so distant. And what was all that ringing, he wondered.  
“Yeah….” he tried to speak but Nick didn’t even sound like himself.  
“Nick?” With fear in her voice, Adalind called his name. “Nick open your eyes, honey I need you to open your eyes for me, please.” She pleaded with him.  
He complied but not without effort.  
“Tell me your name?” Hank asked him.  
“Detective Nicholas Burkhardt.” He slurred.  
“Okay Nick, do you know where you are?” 

Of course he knew. 

“…Catherine Schade’s living room. Guys, I’m fine, seriously.” He said unconvincingly.  
“No, you’re not.” Adalind said on the verge of panicking as she stood just behind Hank, bouncing Kelly in her arms to quieten his cries.  
“He must have bumped his head while fighting Kenneth…”  
“Oh God Hank, we have to call an ambulance.”  
“It’s already on its way.” Hank assured her.

With a little effort, Nick’s head stopped swimming as he focussed on what was in front of him. The ringing in his head had stopped and his vision was focused. He watched as Adalind took in a sigh of relief as her eyes never left him. Even Kelly began to calm down.

“Is he alright?” Nick asked, a ploy to defer her worry elsewhere instead of him.  
“He will be, just as long his Daddy, promises never to leave us.  
“I’m not going anywhere.” He smiled ruefully.  
“Swear it!” she demanded.  
“I swear. Let me hold him…I won’t drop him, I promise.” Adalind gave him a questioning look but she stepped forward as Hank moved round to the back to give them some much needed space. 

Adalind sat down beside Nick and carefully placed their son into his open arms. Nick placed a kiss over his son’s heavy brow, a simple act which just minutes ago, he feared he’d never have the opportunity to do ever again. Kelly remained calm as Nick nestled him against his chest while Adalind’s hand rested gently below Nick’s in case he wasn’t as okay as he claimed. Thus, they held each other for a moment before Adalind pulled away, much to Nick’s chagrin. 

“No, don’t go.” Nick said, sweetly kissing Adalind’s wanting her very close to him.  
“I’ll give you guys some privacy,” Hank said as he cleared his throat but Nick was too engrossed with his little family to hear him.   
“I love you both so very much,” he said with great feeling he never thought possible. 

Nick felt he could stay in that moment for the rest of his life, to feel her so close to him, drinking in her warmth and love, the thought of separating from her once again gave him physical pain.

“Come home with me, it’s not safe for you here, not after tonight.” He said fervently.  
“You don’t have to ask me twice.” She said calmly but he sensed her trepidation. It was obvious the Renards wanted her dead. Frederick would keep Diana and Sean would walk without the State’s number one witness against all his crimes. It didn’t matter who sent Kenneth after Adalind, because in the end, they’d all win with her gone. Nick felt a cold chill slice through his back at the thought of Adalind gone for good. He would lose his mind, that much was certain. 

“Who do you think sent Kenneth?’ She asked him.  
“Does it really matter? They failed, that’s what’s important. This attack is a sign of desperation whether it’s from Sean or Frederick. If the FBI ever catches up to Sean, he’s going to prison for a very long time and Frederick will never take Diana away from you even if he has a team of lawyers backing him up.”  
“You really think so?”  
“I know so. The judge should make her final ruling in a few days and until then, you and Kelly are moving back to the loft.”  
“What about Diana?”  
“Then we’ll make room for her. I’m not taking any more chances with you or with my son.”

The house filled with blue and red flashing lights as tires screeched to a halt.

“Nick, Adalind?” It was Sergeant Wu as he walked through the front door.  
“Wu, in here!” Nick shouted and handed Kelly back to his mother.  
“Are you guys okay?” asked Wu as his slipped his gun into his holster and Nick’s protégé, Trubel followed closely behind him.  
“Yeah, what the hell happened? All of Meisner’s men are dead.” She said, not one to mince her words for anyone.   
“It was the Renards. It was an assassination attempt and had it not been for Adalind’s neighbour…I don’t even want to think about what could have happened.”  
“I don’t understand,” said Trubel as she looked him over.  
“Hank and I got a call about a possible burglary in the house behind Adalind’s. When we questioned the owner, it sounded like it was a false alarm. He claimed he saw someone through his window or something. He’s old and a bit paranoid but then something told me to come check on Adalind, that’s when we saw the dead FBI agents out there and I realised the old man wasn’t completely wrong. It may not have been a burglary on his property but someone certainly came after Adalind and killed everyone before breaking into the house to get to her and my son. Hank and I searched the house but Adalind had already locked herself inside the panic room and that’s when Kenneth jumped me and Hank. He tied us up, he planned to beat up Adalind’s location from me. I broke free from my restraints and that’s when we got into and I ended up killing him in self-defence.”  
“Was there anybody else besides Kenneth?” Asked Wu.  
“We went through this house at least more than twice already and there doesn’t seem to be anyone else except that asshole over there.” Nick pointed to the dead body covered up in the room next to them.

And just as he finished giving his statement to Wu, Meisner and his fellow agents showed up to take complete control of the crime scene, claiming jurisdiction because it involved a federal crime and so forth. 

“What the hell happened here?” asked Meisner.  
“I could ask you the same thing. You promised to keep my family safe and here I find all of you super trained agents dead and Adalind and my son could have followed suit if I didn’t show up when I did.” He spat at his former colleague.   
“Nick….”  
“Don’t!” He wasn’t interested in Meisner’s excuses or platitudes. Adalind and Kelly could have been killed because of him and the FBI. Meisner was the one that insisted on Nick staying away from his family even though that put a big target on their backs but the FBI knew what was best…for themselves and everyone else be damned. Nick could feel his blood pressure spiking the more he thought about what could have happened.”  
“I can understand what you’re feeling right now,” said Meisner.  
“No, I really don’t think you get it, not even a little bit.” He snapped and suddenly his knees wobbled again.  
“Nick!” he heard Adalind’s desperate cry.  
“I’m okay.” He said as he forced himself to stand up tall.   
“No you’re not.” She insisted.  
“Nick, the paramedics are here, they do need to check you out. You took some heavy knocks from the little that I saw between you and Kenneth. Don’t be stubborn, for you family’s sake.” Hank interjected.   
“We’re not finished here,” Meisner spoke up as Nick pulled on Adalind’s hand and the three of them began to walk out.  
“Yes we are. I have already given my statement to Sergeant Wu. Anything else, Hank can fill in. You can also check the surveillance tapes from the panic room. I’m sure they’ll tell you everything you need to know. Oh and another thing, this little FBI experiment in keeping us apart for your case is over. You will have to find someone else to put in danger to help prosecute Sean Renard because Adalind’s coming home with me, I don’t care how that compromises your case anymore.”

*/*/*

“Home, sweet Fome.” He said excitedly and they entered the loft.

Adalind’s eyes actually welled up with tears of joy at those words. She didn’t know how much she truly missed that utilitarian loft, the only home she’d ever known. He carried their bags into their room while she made note of every corner of the loft. It hadn’t changed at all since the last time was there. It was still perfect. Adalind placed Kelly on the table as she became overwhelmed with emotion.

“What’s wrong?” Seeing her unshed tears, Nick asked.  
“Nothing’s wrong. I just missed this place. I missed you. Standing here, it feels like a dream and I never want to wake from it ever again.”  
“I’ve missed you too, the two of you. Promise me you will never leave me again.” He said as he circled her into his arms.   
“As long as you promise me you will take care of yourself.” She countered.  
“I promise.” He said.  
“I promise.” She said, standing on her toes to plant a kiss gentle kiss on his lips forcing the tears to roll down her face involuntarily. Not satisfied, Nick deepened their kiss, pulling Adalind firmly against his chest with one hand as the other cupped the back of her head, inciting a fervent groan as they both realised how much they’d truly missed each other. Nick lowered his hand from her back and cupped her cheek and lifted her leg slightly so she felt his hard arousal causing Adalind to shiver with delight but she pulled away from him before they completely lost control. 

“No,” he groaned, disappointed.  
“I think maybe we should put Kelly to sleep first before this can go any further.” She sighed, enjoying the heat building up within from being so close to Nick.   
“You’re right,” he said, clearing his throat but the tent in his pants was as erect as ever, if not more. He grabbed Kelly’s carrier from the table and Adalind brushed her hand delicately over the front of his pants and watched the fire behind Nick’s eye roar to a thousand degrees in an instant. It excited her to know just how much he wanted her.

“Hey!” he breathed with feigned indignation but she knew he loved it when she touched him. 

She flashed him a seductive smile.

Adalind followed after him, entering their bedroom for the first time in weeks. She sat on the edge of the bed as Nick lowered a sleeping Kelly into his crib. She couldn’t help smiling at the sight of the two most important men in her life, to be back where she belonged after weeks of misery and loneliness. She’d never exchange the little time she got to spend with Diana while being away from Nick for anything but it was time her two worlds came together as one. Having one didn’t cancel out the other, she refused to believe in order to have her daughter in her life she had to give up on Nick and vice versa, the two were not mutually exclusive despite so many people dictating to her and Nick about how to live their lives. Nick told Meisner just as much and Adalind would have to make her lawyer and CPS understand, if need be. 

Nick came and sat down beside her, taking her left hand in his and interlocking their fingers. It was still so surreal to be back at their fome and to know that nothing would ever separate them again. Adalind released his hand, snuggled against him, resting her head on his shoulder and wrapping her arms tightly around him. Nick did likewise and they held each other fiercely silently, basking in the quietness of the moment. No words were needed to express exactly what they felt. 

Adalind thought about the many nights she longed for his arms, their strength, the gentle way in which he’d hold her when she was having a bad day or how they’d take her to heaven and back without missing a beat as she lay beneath him. She would often dream of him and wake in a hot fever when she realised he wasn’t there. She’d sometimes rebuke herself for her weakness every time he called and she imagined he was there with her touching her, as her own hands trailed the recesses reserved for him and him alone. She never revealed the depth of her hunger for him and now that they were together, she was as equally afraid as she was eager to feel him deep inside of her. She wanted him deliriously but most importantly, she loved him completely.

“Marry me.” He said quietly.  
“What?” she pulled away from him. She wasn’t asking because she didn’t hear him, she heard him alright. 

She asked because it was the last thing she expected to hear, the one thing she didn’t dare dream of hearing but secretly longed for with every fibre of her being.

“Adalind Schade, will you marry me?” he asked, his voice, much clearer. 

Nick dug around in his pocket and pulled out a tiny velvet box; maroon in colour and held it in front of him.

“I have been holding on to this since Christmas, waiting for the right moment to ask you. I know it’s too soon but I don’t want to wait any longer. Tonight, I realised that life is too short to wait for the perfect moment.” He got down on to both his knees in front of her and flicked open the little jewellery box as Adalind choked back her tears. 

Adalind looked from Nick’s expectant face down to the ring in his hand. It was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen in the whole world. It looked like a platinum band twisting around a sapphire rock like two hands coming together as one, simple and beautiful. When she looked up at Nick, the tears had long rolled down her face.

“I don’t think there are words in all the languages that can describe how I feel about you, how you make me feel. Adalind you have breathed life into my heart when I least expected it. You are the very first thing I think of every morning and the very last before I sleep and you consume all of me for every moment between. I can’t imagine my life without you in it. You already have all of my heart so I’m asking that you accept this ring as a symbol of the immeasurable depths of my love for you. Will you be my wife, as I long to be your husband?” He took the ring out of its casing and held it steadily over her left hand. 

Completely speechless and openly in tears, Adalind bopped her head up and down as she moved her hand the short distance it took to slide the ring firmly into her finger.

“Yes, yes, and YES!” She cried joyously and threw herself against Nick and kissing him vigorously. 

Adalind tasted his sweet laughter in between their kisses. She pulled on his jacket, which Nick happily disrobed and cast aside before rising to his feet, pushing Adalind further up the bed without breaking their kiss. Adalind could fell him growing harder against her inner thigh and wished for their clothes to vanish in an instant but alas, there was no such luck. In an awkward frenzy, Nick began to undress while she was no less graceful, did the same. The whole scene was comical but the look on Nick’s face was positively sinful, she thought as she suppressed a girly giggle when he flashed his dazzling smile in her direction. They came together in a crescendo of need and lust like it was their first time.   
They spent the rest of the night and much of the next day in bed, making up for lost time. As they lay in bed, Adalind ran her fingers up and down Nick’s chest, lingering over the deepened purple marks peppering his perfect torso.

“He could have killed you, you know.” She said after a moment of reflection.  
“…But he didn’t. It was knowing that he didn’t get to you that gave me…”  
“…The strength to fight?” She sincerely asked him.  
“Let’s just say losing was never an option. As long as I was breathing, I’d make sure he never got you or Kelly. This looks far worse than it feels, I guarantee it.”  
“Thank you…for coming when you did. You saved our lives.” She lifted her head so they could be eye to eye.   
“As if I could have done anything less for the woman I’m in love with and our son together.” He pulled gently on her chin and kissed her.  
Adalind smiled sheepishly, “I still can’t get used to hearing those words, especially from you.” She said with a tinge of embarrassment.  
“What. That I’m in love with you? That you are the love of my life? Or that I can’t live without you? Well, best believe it future Mrs Nick Burkhardt because I will never tire of saying to you over and over again until we’re old and grey, surrounded by our grandchildren and great-grandchildren, God willing.”  
“Mrs Nick Burkhardt. I like the sound of that.” Her smile turned into a face wide grin.  
“You do, don’t you Mrs Burkhardt? Now tell me what you want and I will do it. Today I am your slave Mrs Burkhardt!”  
“No, you’re saying it too much, stop or else you’re going to jinx it!” she exclaimed suddenly. Although she didn’t readily admit it, she was a superstitious sort and didn’t want to tempt fate.  
“Never!” he declared staunchly before rolling her under his body as he covered her with more delicious kisses and reducing her to more fits of giggles, like she some love sick teenager.  
“Stop it or else we’re going to wake Kelly.” She said while suppressing her laugh and trying to sound very serious but failing miserably as her body responded to Nick’s loving.  
“I love you.” He told her.  
“I love you more.” She replied and opened herself to receive him.

After, they lay in each other’s arms as Adalind listened to the beat of his heart, thinking the only thing that would make her life perfect was having her daughter back for good and then they would be a family, whole and complete.

“I was thinking,” Nick interrupted her train of thinking.  
“Hmm?”  
“Since we are one whole day away from becoming a family of four, I was thinking it is time we get a bigger place, somewhere where the kids will be able to run around and be free without being cooped up inside all day. A place with actual walls and room enough for a little boy and a little girl to grow up in a healthy and safe environment. I mean when it was just us and Kelly, the loft was enough but it’s not exactly child friendly. And Juliette finally sold my old house and gave me my share…”  
“…And I could sell my mother’s house and together we can get a new place, our actual home.”  
“Are you sure you want to do that?” he questioned her.  
“…The sooner the better. I have little attachment to that house. My happiest moments are with you, in this loft. Selling my mother’s house to help finance our home will be the very least she could do for her grandchildren and me after everything she did and didn’t do while I was growing up. However, I’m going to miss this place.”  
“I’m not keen to get rid of the loft just yet. It’s come in handy for my family in the past, a safe house that I would like to keep in the family, and this is where I have been the happiest and found the greatest treasure of my life. There’s no way I’m getting rid of this place, not ever.”

*/*/*

D-Day finally came. Both sides having exhausted every avenue in presenting their case of who should have full custody of Diana Schade-Renard, Judge Hyde adjourned court for an hour recess. At the turn of the hour, after lunch Adalind would know for certain if Diana was coming home with her or not. She sat on the bench in the hallway beside her lawyer, tapping her heels nervously. Andrew told her not to worry, that the judge had taken to consideration all that was presented to her about the Renard’s questionable conduct in acquiring Diana from Colorado and the fact that a connection of theirs had in fact broken into her home just days before but Adalind was still nervous. All her dirty laundry was hung out to dry before the judge just the same. It wasn’t as “slam dunk” as Andrew alluded. She wished Nick were there, to tell her everything was going to be okay. 

She had left him and Kelly behind at the loft and although they texted one another throughout the day, it wasn’t the same. She wanted to feel the comfort of his arms, to hear his beautiful voice whisper gently in her ear that there was nothing to worry about, and that Diana was finally coming home to her mother and no Renard would ever steal her away ever again. 

And right across the hallway was Frederick Renard, looking every bit the arrogant aristocrat with enough money to buy the entire city of Portland. How could she possibly think she could take on someone like him with the kind of power and influence he possessed? But she did and there was no backing out. He and his son had stolen her baby away, she’d be damned if she let them get away with it. Although Adalind didn’t have money to burn, she was on the right side of the law for once and she had to have faith that justice would prevail and scum like Sean and his father would know that money doesn’t buy everything as long as there is a chance for good to prevail. 

Adalind couldn’t help the irony of her situation. Once upon a time, she gladly did the bidding of men like Renard and didn’t care who she hurt because of the money, the jewellery, expensive trips around the world afforded her for her “services”. She was so stupid to think that life was about such shallow empty pursuits. 

Renard was staring daggers in her direction, his nose turned up in that way that said, “You’re nothing but the scud beneath my shoe.” And Adalind stared right back at him, mustering enough courage not to cower at him but to show him that she wasn’t afraid of him even though her heart was racing a million miles per hour. 

Her phone rang. 

Adalind pulled it out and sighed in relief as she saw Nick’s name on the screen.

“Hey, are you okay?” He greeted her.

Those four words had become his standard greeting for every call he made to her since the botched plan to move back to her childhood home.

“I could be better. I wish you were here with me, you and Kelly.”  
“…Me too.”  
“That bitch!” she cried out unexpectedly.  
“Excuse me? What’s happened?”  
“Ugh, nothing that shouldn’t surprise me at all at this stage, you won’t guess who just showed up for the opposition.” She was past the point of tip toeing around the subject of Juliette.   
“You can’t be serious?” He said, knowing just whom she was referring to. “Just ignore her. For some reason I assumed she’d come to her senses when she told me she’d sold the house and was finally moving on with her life. I guess I was mistaken.” He sounded disappointed.  
“…Apparently not but I’ll be damned if that woman is going to play surrogate mother to my child. Nick I know she was your girlfriend and that you loved her and all but I swear I will rip her eyes out before I let her come anywhere near my daughter.” She fumed, shielding her mouth with her free hand to keep the sound of her voice from travelling to the pair sitting not ten feet away from her.   
“Sweetheart just calm down, I’m sure that’s what they want you to do before the judge makes a final decision. They are trying to wile you up and force you to make a scene. I can’t imagine Renard being too thrilled that his guard dog failed in getting rid of you altogether. He suffered a serious blow that he knows has cost him dearly. Juliette is his last ditch attempt. Whatever you do, do not give either of them the satisfaction of making you upset.”  
“Easier said than done, she’s coming my way…”  
“Adal…” She heard Nick’s worried tone but Adalind cut him off before he could say anything further.  
“Adalind.”   
“Juliette. What the hell are you doing here?” She asked as she desperately tried to keep a handle on her anger.  
“I’m here to lend a support to my good friend and his family. I certainly couldn’t stand aside and let you railroad them with all your lies. It was my duty to come forth and let the courts know just what a low life you are.”  
“What the hell are you talking about.” Adalind asked in confusion.  
“Where else do you think that lawyer got all that information about every bad deed you ever did?” Juliette gloated.

Adalind was at a loss for words, this wasn’t Juliette she remembered from all those years ago when she was still under Sean Renard’s thrall but she certainly recognised the woman in front of her.

“Huh…wow, you really are pathetic. I actually feel sorry you. You actually think that selling yourself to the Renards is a good thing. Do you honestly think they give a damn about you? But I have got news for you, they don’t. They only care about themselves and even then, they eat their young to ensure their own survival. I know this because I used to be you. I will forever be grateful that I finally opened my eyes to what was in front of me the whole time. Had it not been for…”  
“Nick? Oh that’s rich. I take it you’re wearing his ring? That lying bastard lied to me and he’s lying to you. He says all the right things and makes you think you’re the only thing that matters in his world, the operative word being ‘his’ but that’s a lie and I learnt that the hard way.”  
“If you’d let me finish, you’d know that I wasn’t talking about Nick. It’s my daughter. It’s Diana, that changed my whole world. It’s because of her, I’m no one’s fool or puppet. My advice to you is to run, run as far away from the Renards as you can get because I promise you, there’ll come a day when you’ll look back at your empty life with nothing but regret, hopefully it won’t be behind a jail cell, if you’re ever that lucky to escape with your life. Excuse me.” She said with sincerity as he phone began to ring once more.  
“…Nick…yeah, I’m more than okay.” She said and walked away from Juliette Silverton, hopefully for the last time. 

Nick wasn’t satisfied with her answer but it was a relief to Adalind to realises how true it was. She was more than okay. Whatever Frederick…Juliette tried to do, it clearly didn’t work. In fact, Adalind was encouraged by the encounter. It was apparent Juliette was sent to keep her off balance. The knowledge that she had been the source of the Renard’s attorney’s attempt to discredit her in front of the judge as a last ditch attempt to sway Judge Hyde served little purpose in the end. 

Adalind had long since made peace with her past and despite what she had told Juliette, Nick had in fact played an important role in helping her get over the horrible things she did in the past. She hadn’t lied to Juliette but she wasn’t completely truthful either. Both Diana and Nick, including Kelly, all played a big role in shaping this new Adalind, the one that could stand up to giants despite the fear in her heart.   
Adalind didn’t go too far as Andrew called to her and told her the judge had made a decision and court would be in cession in less than a minute. 

“Nick, it’s almost time, wish me luck…and I love you too.” She said and hung up. 

Adalind sat quietly beside her lawyer as Judge Hyde began to give her final ruling. She spoke about the wellbeing of the child that mattered far above that of the parents, or grandparents in this instance. However, she could not ignore the miscarriage of the law pertaining to the case in Colorado based on the presented documents and statements made by witnesses and the attempt made on Adalind’s life couldn’t be viewed as being relevant to the case when the investigation was still on-going. Adalind’s heart nearly gave out at that last point. How could it not be relevant? She wanted to scream at the judge but Andrew fiercely squeezed her hand beneath the table, keeping her from speaking rashly before the judge could finish.

“This has been a very difficult and complex case. I have considered both sides but in the end, it is only what is best for the child that is important and thus I grant sole custody to Miss Adalind Schade.” The judge declared but Adalind was too ecstatic and too shocked to pay any more attention to the judge’s words before she dismissed court. She looked over at Frederick Renard, who looked like he was about to blow from the darkened shade of red on his face. Adalind smiled jubilantly. She’d won. He baby girl was finally coming home with and for good this time and there was nothing and no one to stand in her way. She quickly scanned a livid Juliette sitting behind Frederick Renard and wasted not another second on her as she made her way out. Before she could exit, the entire room burst into panic activity as the men and some women rushed passed Adalind towards the front.

“Quick! Somebody get call 9-1-1. Mr Renard’s collapsed. It could be a heart attack.” She heard a man say before being pushed completely out of the way as more bodies swarmed around the old man, who laid motionless on the cold floor. 

Adalind watched helplessly as a man in uniform ripped open the front of Frederick’s dress shirt and began to pump his chest in rhythmic bursts of pressure in an attempt to save his life. The whole scene was too surreal to comprehend. Adalind remained frozen on the spot by the door as more people entered the courtroom. A part of her told her he deserved to die but another part felt remorse. There laid a man whose plan was to keep her daughter away from her for life and Adalind couldn’t help feeling sorry for him despite everything. It was Andrew that finally drew her attention away from the scene playing out in front of her eyes.

“Mrs Langdon is waiting for you. It’s time to take your daughter home.” He gave her a short smile.   
“Right, Diana…” She said almost absent minded.  
Andrew led her out of the courtroom and down the hall but in the opposite direction from where they came.   
“There are dozens of reporters and paparazzi out front and with what just happened in there, I figured it’s best we leave through the back door. My car is already waiting for us and Diana doesn’t need to be exposed to the circus that’s no doubt brewing as we speak.   
“Thank you.” She said with choked emotions. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, for us.”  
“It’s my job. It’s people like you that remind me why I love what I do. Just promise to take care of her and to love her. That’s all the thanks I need.”   
“I have to take Diana home but her grandfather….It doesn’t feel right to just leave him like this. Diana’s lived with him for over a year, she’s going to wonder and as angry as I am about what they did to me, I don’t want to hurt my daughter any more than this situation already has….” She said as the image of an unconscious Renard flashed in her mind.  
“I know. However, this is not the place for Diana either way. I will stay and find out about Mr Renard, which hospital they are taking him and call you as soon as I know something.”  
“Thanks again Andrew. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without you.”

They made their way down the steps and into a plain passage that led to steel double doors that looked like a service entrance or perhaps a fire escape. Mrs Langdon was waiting at the back gate with an alert Diana who clung to a tiny red suitcase, no doubt full of her belongings, what little she procured from the Renard mansion.

“Thank you so much for meeting us out here Mrs Langdon.”  
“Alright Mr Robertsham, I believe everything is in order. Diana is ready to go home.”  
“Diana?” Adalind called out to her baby girl who cautiously pushed past the guardian and stood in front of Adalind.  
“Oh my sweet baby…” Adalind bent down and hugged her little girl, as the weight on her shoulders continued to fall away. “Let’s go home,” Adalind said as she scooped Diana into her arms and Andrew saw to the red suitcase.  
“Thanks again Mrs Langdon and please have a good day.” He said before leading Adalind to his car. 

When Nick called her once more, she was happy to tell him to prepare ans make room at the loft as their family just grew by one more person.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. Thank you guys for going on this journey with me. I apologise profusely for the constant late updates over the last few chapters, writer's block is REAL. I particularly struggled with how to close this book considering I actually like my villain. (on the show, he's acting like a complete asshat at the moment) so there was a conflict of interest but every hero every story needs a villain. I hope you enjoy this final chapter.

Chapter 19

She smiled as she watched her daughter laugh uncontrollably while riding piggyback on her 5’11’’ fiancé, who was running round in circles around the table in their small loft. The mere sight of those two was enough to warm her during one of Portland’s coldest winters, and with Kelly nestled tightly in her bosom, Adalind couldn’t be happier. Her family was finally complete Sometimes she would pinch herself because it seemed too good to be true. She was in love with a wonderful man and had two very beautiful children, such good things were never meant for her but there they were at the touch of her fingertips.

“Flying Mama!” Diana cried ecstatically, which made Adalind laugh in return  
“Well, technically, I’m a horse but I will be a plane if the princess insists.” Nick heaved tirelessly and that made laugh all the more. 

This much happiness was causing her heart to swell so much inside her chest, it couldn’t be legal, she thought. Adalind remembered mother, cold, selfish and lonely. The smile on her daughter’s face was such a stark contrast to her own life. One of her earliest memories was on the day her father left and Catherine Schade told her Adalind how she was such a “horrible mistake…unlovable,” that’s why her father abandoned her. Looking at Diana’s happy face, Adalind couldn’t imagine saying anything as awful to her baby girl as what she heard from her own mother’s lips. It was unconscionable.

They settled down for very early brunch and soon both children succumbed to the sandman after a full meal. Diana clung to Nick, not wanting to let him go. It wasn’t at all surprising how quickly he’d won Diana’s heart, he’d won hers over just as quickly with his charm, an open and honest character full of love and compassion. There were other things of course, like the way he’d look at her and Adalind would crumble into a ball of heat and wanton need, to feel his callused hand mapping every contour of her body with such tenderness and care. 

Adalind watched him walk over to the single bed positioned just outside their bedroom and gently deposit her slumbering daughter’s body and cover her with a warm blanket. And without hesitation, Nick lovingly kissed her smooth forehead and then made his way back to Adalind and their picnic blanket in the middle of the loft. He sat behind her, flanking her between his legs, wrapping her in his arms and kissing the warm cavity between her neck and right shoulder.

“Mmm…” she hummed as her body melted into his.  
“You’ve been awfully quiet today…something on your mind?”  
“No…not exactly. I’m just so happy. I never thought it was possible to be this happy but I am and it’s all because of you. Seeing you with Diana, it’s all so overwhelming sometimes.”  
“You give me way too much credit. I don’t think I did much, it’s all you. I have watched you, admired you for how you turned your life around. I had nothing to do with that. I’m the lucky one reaping the rewards.”  
“I love you.” She turned her head, looking into his stormy eyes and confessed passionately.  
“I love you.” He replied in earnest but almost questioningly as he looked down on her. 

He looked like he wanted to say something else but added nothing more, only holding her tighter and kissing her fervently on the lips. After, they talked about their pending new residence. They found a buyer for Catherine’s house and even though they hadn’t found their new home, the fome was more than enough for their little family. Both Nick and Diana had adjusted to the changes better than Adalind could have expected. 

After the judge awarded her full custody, Adalind had a fear that Diana would reject her, reject Nick and reject her new life. It was so far removed from whatever her grandfather gave her. And although Diana had been shy and quite reserved in the days following the custody case, Nick had gone above and beyond to put her at ease. He was attentive, gentle and loving towards her as though she was every bit his flesh and blood as Kelly was and Adalind couldn’t help but fall in love with him all the more. It didn’t take long before Diana broke out of her little shell as a result.

“I spoke to the realtor. He says he’s got another house we can view when we’ve got time. He’s convinced that this time it is the one,” said Nick.  
“That is what he said the last time and the house that he was certain was the one was a certifiable hazard, the damage from the moist isn’t something I want to risk with the kids. I don’t care how cheap it is.”  
“I know. And I spoke to him extensively on the matter and he promised to do better.”  
“I’m not looking for a palace. I just want a good place to raise the kids.  
“Our kids.” He chimed in to Adalind’s surprise but Nick carried on as if he’d said nothing out of the ordinary. “Every day, the loft seems to get smaller and smaller. Diana needs some fresh air and Kelly’s getting bigger by the minute. He’ll be crawling soon and before long he’ll be running around just like Diana. We’ll find the perfect place for our family, which bring me to another pertinent topic,” he took her left hand in his and brushed his lips across her ringed finger.”  
“I know we need to set a date but things have been hectic recently.”  
“There’s no rush.” He said.  
She flashed him a mischievous smile, “Actually…”  
“What,” he asked.  
“I was thinking maybe we could elope. I don’t have any family or friends to speak of so why waste time planning for a wedding.”  
“What about Rosalee?” he flashed her an inquisitive look.

Adalind squirmed under the scrutiny. She wanted to tell him Rosalee was his friend, not hers, at best they were acquaintances through Nick but said nothing because she didn’t want to sound any more pitiful. 

“Okay, I have one friend,” she told him. It wasn’t a lie. 

Rosalee had been more of a friend in the short time she’s known her but looking at how they met, Adalind couldn’t help but wonder that Rosalee had extended her friendship for Nick’s sake and not because of Adalind herself. It’s not like it was easy to make friends even before Nick came into her life, being home schooled and a college bookworm would do that to a person’s social life. And the first meaningful relationship she ever had before Nick was with Sean and he turned out to be a rattlesnake. 

“All I want is to be your wife, where or how it happens is irrelevant. I want to be yours wholly and completely and I want you to be mine.”  
“And I am, in every way that counts. I just thought maybe you’d want your wedding day to be special.”  
“As long as I am marrying you, it will be more than special.”  
“Are you sure? Didn’t you have your dream wedding planned when you were young?”  
“No.” She told him frankly but he was still puzzled. “You’ve have to be raised by Catherine Schade to understand. She discouraged any hopes and dreams I ever had unless they benefitted her somehow. And after my dad left us, my mother always had a certain amount of bitterness towards marriage, so I steered clear from anything that would remind her of my father.”  
“I’m sorry.” He said softly.  
“Why, you didn’t do anything and besides if I didn’t have such a crappy life, I may not have met you, or even had Kelly.”  
He digested her words.  
“In a weird and twisted way, I’m grateful because we here, together.” She said as she brushed back his rebellious hair with her fingers and kissed him sweetly.  
“I guess you’re right. If you weren’t such a bad girl, you could have fallen for and married some high class corporate lawyer and living in some mansion with a gazillion rooms and a nanny for each child and you’d be happy…without me.” He said; his voice a little stilted.  
“What? Never, I’d be miserable. I was miserable. If I had any dreams, you are my dream come true and I wouldn’t want it any other way.” She said and hugged him tightly.

Nick held her and not another word was said and they lost themselves in each other. The path they both travelled before finding their way to each other was painful, tumultuous and deadly but they had each other and nothing else mattered.

“Let’s get married right now.” He broke the silence. “…Right here and right now, just you and me.”  
“I don’t think that’s how it works,” She leaned back.  
“You said it yourself; it’s not about where or how.”

Adalind’s face grew warm and her lips curled upwards as she saw the sincerity in his eyes but she was the one that crazily talked about eloping and now Nick was running with that idea even further than she intended but it’s why she loved him. He was always so serious but every now and then he’d do or say something that shocked and surprised her but in a good way, like the first time they made love. She thought he was crazy and that the alcohol had a lot to do with the way he touched her, kissed and held her the night Kelly was conceived. And then later, when he told her he loved her and he was a sober as a judge. She thought he was crazy then but not that afternoon as they sat face to face on the floor in the middle of the loft talking about marriage.

“This is about you and me, and we’re here in this moment and I want to be your husband. I want to call you my wife. We’ll get the piece of paper later confirming it later but right now, I, Nicholas Burkhardt…” he grabbed her hand suddenly and pulled at her ring but didn’t remove it from her finger.  
“I, Nicholas Burkhardt take you my sweet and beautiful Adalind Schade to be wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part and that won’t happen until we are both old and grey by the way.” He said as he reinserted her ring firmly on to her finger.  
“I, Adalind Schade,” She began, taking his left hand in hers and grinning like a smitten school-girl. “I do take you Nicholas Burkhardt, my super and sexy Officer Burkhardt to be my husband, to have and to hold, from this day forth, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, not even death can separate us.” She finished by kissing the spot where his ring would later sit all the days of his life.

Nick quickly took her face in both his hands and lifted her lips to be joined to his in wedded bliss. Professions of love got lost between hungry lips and eager tongues desperate to taste and devour each other. Their bodies clung together and moved as one as Nick led Adalind up the two steps into their bedroom but the vibration in his pants threw a spanner in their impromptu ‘honeymoon’ plans.  
“Ignore it,” Nick breathed heavily, kissing Adalind more fervently.

But then t started ringing all the more louder as if in protest.

“Answer it. It’s okay, it could be Hank.”

He pulled out his cell phone, and scanned it quickly and the heat in his eyes dissipated. It was Hank.

“Yeah…? That’s just perfect. I’ll be there in twenty,” he said but his lips were set in a grim line.  
“Let me guess…there’s a body?”  
“…Three to be exact, can’t a man enjoy his honeymoon without people getting killed” he sighed, still miffed over the dead demanding his time and attention.  
“I’m sorry. I’m going to miss you mine husband but the sooner you go where you’re needed, the sooner we can finish what we started.” She kissed him. He held her to him a little longer when she tried to pull away from him.  
“It’ll be while; I’ll do my best to be home as soon as I can.” He planted a final kiss on her leaving her breathless and hungry for me.  
“Go, before I change my mind and handcuff you to the bed and let Hank deal with the case.” She pulled away from him completely, heaving so badly she considered her little threat but Nick laughed.  
“Don’t give me any ideas,” he teased. 

He went over to Kelly’s crib, bent over and kissed him gently and did the same to Diana only she awoke.

“Hey there sleepy head, Da…I’m going out for a bit. Can you be a big girl and look after your mother and brother while I’m gone?” he said as he picked her up and Diana gave him a sleepy by firm nod.  
“I love you so much,” he said and kissed her blond curls before handing her into Adalind’s waiting arms.  
Nick removed his gun from the safe, and his badge and keys from the basket on the counter top next to the elevator. He turned to face Adalind and mouthed the words “I love you” before disappearing behind the elevator and Adalind heard its ruddy descent to the first floor.  
“Nin gone,” said Diana.  
“Yes baby but he’ll be back very soon. I promise. Until then, it’s just you, me and Kelly. We are going to have the best time, just the three of us.”

Adalind set Diana down on her high chair and prepare her a midday snack. She had just poured Diana some juice when she hear the elevator chugging up to the loft. 

“Nick must have forgotten something,” Adalind said as she made her way to the sealed door to the lift.  
“Back so…soon? You!” She gasped in horror.  
“Hello Addie, long time no see.” Said the last man on earth Adalind expected to see, Sean Renard.

*/*/*

“Hey,” Hank greeted him after ducking under the police tape.  
“Hey, tell me something good, like we caught the person that did this.”  
“I wish and considering who one of our victims is we may end up working round the clock to solve this case soon.”  
“Why do you say that?”  
“Meet Julian Ancroft.”  
“As in ‘Commissioner Ancroft’ Ancroft?” Nick couldn’t hide his surprise at the name of one of the victims.  
“Yeah, it’s his nephew.”  
“The same one adopted by the Commissioner?”  
“Yes, so this is top priority. Jacobson has called all hands on deck he wants this case solved yesterday. The Commissioner has been notified and but lieutenant doesn’t want the media getting a whiff of this and cause another media storm.”  
“Right and these other two?”  
“The other two men are Austin Crawford and Milton Jonas, apparent associates of Ancroft. They are…were private security.”  
Nick walked around each body, examining each body without touching it even though he had gloves on. He studied everything from the position each victim, the surrounding area. Nick looked up and surveyed the crime scene.  
“What are thinking?”  
“This was a hit?”  
“On Ancroft?”  
“Yeah, why not? Look at Ancroft and then look at these two. Their weapons dropped not far from them except for Ancroft, he did have time to pull his gun out on his attacker. These two reacted instinctively but not fast enough before they followed suit. Have they swabbed for residue yet?”  
“Yeah, Wu got it but CSI is waiting for us before they can take over.”  
“Oh hey Nick,” Wu joined them.  
“What about witnesses? Someone must have seen something.” He asked the sergeant  
“We have about half a dozen of them and still nobody saw a thing. There are several different cartridges. There were multiple shooters, some are from out vics here but it did them no good,” Wu said as he lead the two detective to where the empty cartridges fell.  
“We’re looking for the slugs to account for the spent cartridges. It looks like there was a shootout,” said Wu  
“…But with who?” Asked Nick.  
“Maybe it’s a rival company?” Hank suggested.  
“We are going to have to speak to find that out and speak to the Commissioner, in case it’s not.”  
“Already I can tell this is going to be a very long day.”  
“It’s the last thing I needed today.”  
“Why, trouble in paradise?” his partner asked him.  
“…Far from it. It was perfect. Adalind and I said our vows to each other.” He grinned.  
“Really!”  
“Yeah, we couldn’t wait. It was just us two and no one else and even though we don’t have a piece of paper making it official, it was very real to us. I’m technically a married man now and I was supposed to be on my honeymoon I am dealing with yet bad people doing very bad to other people.”  
“I’m really happy for you Nick, I’m serious. I know exactly how you feel. Love is weird that way, the rush of blood to the head and I don’t particularly mean the one on your shoulders. I should know, I did it four times. And to think I hand a hand in you meeting the love of your life?”  
“Come again?”  
“You know what I’m talking about. I was there that day when your jaw dropped to your knees at the sight of Adalind and her bright hair blowing in the breeze. You played it down but I wasn’t born yesterday. Now look at you.”

Nick smiled ruefully, stumped and at a loss for words because it was technically true. Hank was there when he first saw Adalind and Nick had tried to hide his attraction to her. It amazed him just how different his life had turned since that day. Sometimes he’d dream about that day and actually talk to Adalind instead of walking away like he did in reality, perhaps things would have gone differently between them. But then he realised that everything happened exactly as it should. Changing even one tiny detail in their past could paint a very different today. Nick felt a chill run down his spine as he thought of living his life without the woman he love and their two very beautiful children and he gripped his chest suddenly as though a knife had sliced straight into his heart. 

He remembered Adalind’s appreciation for the bad things in her past because it put them together at an opportune time. Could they have been happily ‘married’ today if he’d acknowledged his feelings for her at that time? Back then she was had been too enamoured with his former captain she did the unspeakable to please him, thinking it was love. Could he have competed with that, to pull Adalind away from Renard long before she got in too deep? It bothered Nick that he didn’t have a definitive answer, at least not one that made him happy. Maybe their past, terrible as it was, was a blessing in disguise. Perhaps Adalind was right, the past may be ugly and painful but it shaped them into the people they became and the people they loved deeply. He wouldn’t change that for the world. Yes, he wasted so much time before he found her again but it was for the best, Adalind freed herself from Renard and Nick could never deprive her of that triumph. 

Nick pulled out his cell phone and dialled her number. He suddenly wanted to hear her voice, and tell her he loved her for the umpteenth time since watching her sleep before the Kelly’s timely cries. He waited for her to pick up but it went to voice mail. He tried again, same thing. He became agitated. On the third attempt, he listened impatiently as the phone rang and rang until finally she picked up.

“Honey!” He sighed in relief.  
“Nick, I’m sorry I missed your calls. Me and the kids were up on the roof for some sun, or what little of it was left. I forgot my phone on the table.”  
“I just wanted to hear your voice.” He said.  
“Nin! Nin!” He heard Diana call out to him.  
“Is that my baby girl? Hey Sweetheart, I’m sorry I left you guys so soon.”  
Then there was a momentary pause and the only sound he heard was Kelly’s cries.  
“Is everything okay? I can here Kelly crying.”  
“…Oh, he just a little testy today. He misses his daddy. We all do.” Said Adalind but he almost missed the last part like she was still up on the roof and the wind was blowing or something.  
“I miss you too. I will stop by later in the afternoon for a late lunch.”  
“No-no. It’s alright, there’s no need to do that. We’ll see you later just take care and do what you have to do…I love you so very much.  
emember that.” And then the line went dead before he could tell her he loved her too.  
“…Love you too.” He said to himself.  
“Was that Adalind?”  
“Yeah…” he said, his eyebrows bunching up together.”  
“I wouldn’t have guessed from the look on your face. You look like some just passed wind over your sandwich.”  
“I don’t know but…”  
“Ah…whatever it is, it’s going to have to wait because the Lieutenant is headed this way, with Commissioner Ancroft.” Hank warned him and thoughts of Adalind made way for the case in front of him much to his discomfort.

*/*/*

“That’s my girl.” Sean sneered at Adalind in the rear view mirror.  
“I didn’t do it for you, you bastard. I did it for my children.” She said through gritted even though her heart was racing at a million miles an hour having Sean within touching distance, especially to her son. 

He snickered as he brandished his gun from the back seat of his heavily tinted SUV, while sitting next to an increasingly distraught Kelly who was crying for his mother.  
“For god’s sake does this brat never shut up?! He’s been at it since leaving that dump you’re currently squatting in.” 

Adalind nearly drove off the interstate in horror when she saw Sean graze the barrel of his gun against Kelly’s cheek.

“What the hell are you doing?!” They both yelled at the same time, giving both children a shock. Kelly wailed louder, clearly frightened. Even Diana, who had been sitting quietly, strapped on to her car seat on the passenger seat in the front was visibly shaken, she began to cry. Adalind managed to pull the car safely on the shoulder of the road.

“You could have killed us, what the hell is wrong with you?”  
“Get that thing away from my son!” She screamed at him.  
“Or what? You’re not exactly in a position to be making threats my dear Addie.” Adalind’s skin crawled, that’s what Nick calls her when he was particularly loving towards her. The only other person that was allowed to call her by that name was Kelly, and Sean’s family had murdered her in the cruellest way imaginable. She felt sullied hearing Sean use that moniker.

“Mama.” Diana whined as she looked to Adalind in distress.  
“Mama…we’re all fine, Sweetheart.” Adalind stressed as she stared daggers at Sean while trying to comfort her daughter.  
“God I hate you so much.”  
“The feeling’s mutual.” He retorted.

Adalind wished so much to snatch that gun from Sean’s hand and just empty the entire magazine into his guts like he deserved but he’d shoot her dead long before she could react and that would leave both of her children with that monster. It was a chance she couldn’t take. She was helpless and then her phone began to ring. 

“Oh look, it’s your mark. Does he know the kind of trash you are? He must be a bigger idiot than I pegged him for because he’s still fucking you, right?” He said as he waved her cell phone in her face long enough for Adalind to see Nick’s name flashing on the screen.  
“You’re an asshole,” she cussed him.

The phone just kept ringing between.

“Aren’t you going to answer that?”  
“Hmm…clever girl. Unlike your beau, I’m not stupid, now drive!” He commanded her.

Adalind considered her options once more and seeing no clear and safe solution to get herself and both her children away from Sean, she started the engine and returned to the road, taking her further away from Nick and closer to whatever Sean had planned for them. She had thought that he planned to kill them but he claimed he’d never hurt Diana, Adalind didn’t believe him but then her and Kelly meant nothing to him and they were still alive, for the moment. He’d taken them hostage even though he could have killed them back at the loft. He’d caught her by surprise when the lift door lifted to reveal a scruffy man that was not Nick, pointing a gun to her face.  
Her phone rang once more.

“He’s a persistent little bugger, isn’t he?”  
“He’s just going to keep calling unless you let me speak to him.  
“And have you give the game away? I don’t think so. I want to put as much distance as I can between me and Portland and I don’t need your boyfriend mucking up my plans this time.”  
“What is your plan Sean?”  
“Do as I say and nobody gets hurt, not even the man who gave you that gaudy, cheap trinket adorning your finger.” Adalind looked down at her hands and instinctively placed her left hand inside her coat, as if to protect it from Sean’s hateful gaze. She heard him dastardly grin at that simple act.  
“…Pathetic.” He said under his breath.

Although there’d been no more shouting between them, Kelly and Diana picked up on the tension between them. Kelly had cried himself to exhaustion so when he heard her cell phone ringing, it reignited his anguish. She wanted to take him in his arms but Sean’s gun was dangerously close to her son for comfort. When Nick called her the third time, Sean had run out of patience.  
“Shut up, you damn child!” Sean yelled at her son.

“Hey!” Adalind yelled back, to get his attention away from her son.  
“He won’t stop crying, just like Nick. Let me answer the phone, at least that way, you won’t have to deal with that.” She tried to reason with him but he didn’t look like he was listening to her.

On and on the phone rang. She could only imagine what Nick was thinking that moment. When she was still staying at her mother’s house, she remembered how on edge he would be whenever she didn’t pick up the phone. Adalind managed to catch Sean’s eyes through the mirror. For the first time she looked at him, he looked haggard, like he hadn’t slept for days. Sean didn’t want to be there any more than she did but he’d put them in that situation. 

“Put both your hands on the steering wheel, I want to see them at all times. And tell him everything alright and nothing more. I have men Nick this very second, if you try anything, he and your son will pay the price. Do you understand?” He said and Adalind bopped her head slightly in agreement. There was nothing else to do.

Sean pushed the answer button and put the phone on speaker, lifting it towards Adalind but not so far that he couldn’t hear. She had to play along with Sean’s twisted little game. 

“Honey!” She heard the relief on Nick’s voice.”

Adalind made up some story about needing some fresh air to explain why she didn’t answer his calls immediately. Everything was going smoothly until Diana called out Nick’s name and tried to grab the phone from Sean’s hand and they heard Nick call Diana Sweetheart, like he always did but Sean didn’t know that. Sean didn’t know a lot of things, like how Nick was her favourite person in the whole world because of how special he made her feel. Adalind’s heart nearly dropped with terror as she watched a furious storm sweep over Sean’s features and for a second Adalind couldn’t breathe, let alone move, she was afraid of what he might do, he looked so angry.

To salvage the situation Adalind ended the call as quickly as she could without raising any more of Sean’s ire. She lamented the missed opportunity to signal Nick that they been kidnapped, not because there wasn’t one but because if she dared communicate to Nick the reality of their situation, Sean would use that gun he flickers so carelessly on her son and she would never live with herself if anything happened to Kelly and there was Sean’s other threat. What did he mean he had men watching Nick, where, how many of them were there and what is he waiting for if he has Nick where he wants him? Did she do the right thing discouraging him from returning to the loft? Were Sean’s men guarding the loft, waiting for Nick to come home before attacking him. There were a million questions buzzing violently in her head. Her chest grew too tight as her breathing became laboured. This is how it was supposed to go. At least, she told him she loved him, she thought but that was cold comfort as Portland faded in the rear view mirror.

“What the hell was that, ‘…my baby girl…’, ‘…Sweetheart…?’ Diana is MY daughter, not his!” Sean roared, punching the back of the passenger seat.

Adalind jumped in fright. Diana burst into tears. Sean raged, Adalind had never seen him this angry.

“Mine damnit! You’re both mine, Mine!” he kept screaming. Now everyone one screaming.  
“Stop it!” She yelled at him, stopping the car at once. “What the heck is wrong with you? You’re scaring the kids.” She added, her voice screeching as she wrestled for control. Sean had turned into a mad man, the wild glint in his eyes told Adalind he could snap any moment, if he hadn’t already so she had to calm him down before it was too late. When her phone rang once more, he lowered the window and forcefully threw it against the tarred road, smashing it into a million pieces. 

“He took everything from me.” Adalind felt a cold hand brush against her cheek and flinched. “ I’d be damned if he took my daughter as well.” He said coldly.  
“Your daughter?” She said hotly, speaking without thinking.  
“Yes, my daughter!” he snapped back just as viciously. “What the hell happened, Addie? She was my second chance with you. Why did you leave me for him?”  
“What?” She was flabbergasted.  
“We had some good times you and me. You used to melt for me and now you’ve sold yourself to that bastard.”  
“You should be one to talk. I prostituted myself to you for years and you threw me out like trash, after I gave you everything, so don’t talk to me about my daughter. You stole her from me, almost killed me in the process. I almost lost her again because of you. It’s you who took everything from me and I’ve had to claw my way back from oblivion once day at a time. You, Sean Renard, are the worst thing that ever happened to me. I hate you, I despise the very air you breathe. I feel dirty at the thought of you but then I look at Diana and I can’t understand how something so perfect could out from two very broken souls like us. She deserves better than you and me.”  
“And that’s Nick Burkhardt?” he said with contempt.

She considered for a moment before opening her lips. “Yes,” she said sincerely.

Adalind didn’t see the back hand that connected with a thunderous clap to the side of her face. Sean knocked her so hard, her head bounced against the window, leaving tiny little slivers of cracks that met in concentration in the centre, where her head made contact with the tinted glass. Adalind felt her head spin in all directions as the side of her head throbbed painfully. Colours began to swim in front of her eyes, so she shook her head, trying to clear it, she had to stay focussed, and her children needed her.

“Why do you do that Addie…making me mad like that?” He coddled her and Adalind was powerless to stop him.  
“You’re wrong and I will show you.” He forced his lips on her and she tasted the coppery, metallic taste of blood. 

Using all the strength she had, Adalind pushed him as far away from her as she could, causing the gun to slip from his hand into the space between the two front seats. She spit out Sean’s blood, using the back of her hand to wipe her mouth and tongue of all traces of him but she knew it was futile. Sean began to cough and sputter suddenly as he tried to regain his footing. In the confusion, Adalind, saw an opening quickly lifted the gun and pointed it with both hands at Sean without missing a beat. 

“Don’t you ever, EVER touch me again!” she snapped at him.

He gave her one of his lazy smiles, like he used to when they were still sleeping together and she’d done something that impressed him. She almost dropped the gun with disgust as memories flashed in her mind. 

“That’s my girl,” he said, almost like he was proud of her. 

Sean leaned back against the seat and watched her closely through hooded eyes.

“Go ahead, do it.” He goaded her. 

Adalind wanted to pull the trigger, she felt her finger pull ever so slightly but in the end, she couldn’t do it. He deserved to die and even though she used to dream of this moment a long time ago, now that it had come, Adalind discovered she’d lost all desire to carry it out. She couldn’t kill him, years after the very first time he’d ordered her to kill Nick’s aunt, Adalind couldn’t end the same man that had made her life miserable beyond compare. Adalind wasn’t a murderer and she was glad.

“You’re not worth it.” She told him triumphantly.  
“…Weak! Even after all of these years, you’re still weak and pathetic as ever. I should have killed you when I had the….” He never finished his sentence.  
“Sean?” Adalind called out to him but he never answered and never would. 

Sean Renard had bled out in the back of his SUV in the middle of nowhere, a pathetic death, if there ever was one.

*/*/*

Nick and Hank did speak to the Commissioner, to try and ascertain if there his nephew had any enemies. Unfortunately he wasn’t able to give them anything useful other than the go ahead to do whatever it took to solve the case. 

“Whatever you need, just ask.” he told them and then left them to do their jobs. They questioned all the witnesses, all six of them. Five out of six heard several gunshots and fearing for their lives, they ducked to the ground without seeing much of the shooter, not even the three men victims until the sound of tyres screeching away. By some luck the sixth witness, a clothing store sales-clerk had a little more information than the rest. 

“Thanks for your cooperation, Ms…?” Nick asked.  
“Seraiah, My name is Seraiah Beckette. It’s a guy’s name but my mother loved it so much, she thought it sounded original. She wasn’t very fond of the name Sarah after being bullied in prep school by a girl named Sara but then My father wanted to name me after my grandmother so they compromised and named me Seraiah, Sarah but with a twist. It was years later that she discovered it wasn’t as original as she’d thought and that it was in fact very masculine but nobody knows that because it’s from the Bible…I’m babbling aren’t I? I do that when I am very nervous and I am very nervous after what happened earlier.”  
“Alright, Seraiah, tell us everything you remember about what you saw. Start from the top,” said Hank.

She had just opened up the store when she saw the three victims stepped outside the building across the street.

“A big black SUV pulled up just to the left of the street. The driver didn’t even step out. I couldn’t see whether it was a man or a woman, the windows were tinted to almost black and from my side, they rolled all the way to the top. The driver just sat there and waited for about less than a minute but longer than thirty seconds. I timed it you see. I do that every time we change the mannequins on display. I need to be done as quickly as possible before the store’s ready to open and Janet had called to tell me she’d be late so I had to do both our jobs by myself. My boss hates it when things aren’t done on time and I was already running late. The store had opened and the displays weren’t finished. The last time this hap…oh I’m babbling again. I’m sorry.”  
“It’s okay.” Nick tried not to sound impatient, all things considered. “Then what happened next?” He steered her back to the topic of conversation.”

Oh…yes, then out of nowhere I heard two loud pops and the guy with the double breasted pea coat, wonderful thread work, even from this distance I could see that it was designer…anyway, the blond guy, he collapse suddenly. He’d been standing between the other two big guys. It looked like they were his bodyguards or something from the size of them. So then the two big guys quickly pulled out their but they weren’t fast enough after several more shots from the black SUV, they two fell to the ground also. But then the one guy, the one in the grey trench coat, he managed to shoot at the SUV as it screeched away. I don’t think he hit anything because it kept driving away.” She finally stopped talking.  
“Did you happen to see the make of the car or licence plate?” Nick asked.

“Ugh, Unfortunately, I don’t know what make or model. I think it was German or something. I’m not really good with cars. Ask me anything about clothes, I’ll tell you what Rihanna wore to every red carpet event three years straight.”  
“What about the licence plate, did you manage to see that? “ Nick asked.  
“No, I didn’t see any plate, at least I don’t remember seeing anything, it all happened so quickly once the shooting started. I’m sorry.” She apologised.  
“I noticed you had surveillance cameras by the door.”  
“Oh yes, I forgot about those, but I don’t have access to them. I can get them for you but I need Mr Garner’s permission.”  
“Here’s our card, When he gets back, have him give us a call. Either Detective Burkhardt or myself, Detective Griffin will answer.” Said Hank.  
“I’m sorry I couldn’t be more helpful.” She  
“No, you’ve helped us quite a bit already.” Nick commended and thanked her.  
“Don’t forget to call the second your boss returns, we really need those tapes A.S.A.P.”  
“I will.” 

Nick and Hank continued their rounds, questioning more people, hoping to get a better description of the suspect’s vehicle, what he or she looked like. They were certain that it was a hit, not some random shooting. But why would someone target Juliana Ancroft, practically the son of one of Portland’s important citizens. It didn’t make sense. But then Ancroft was in a dangerous profession, he probably a mile long list of enemies despite the Commissioner’s words to the contrary.

Satisfied with all the evidence they gathered, Nick and Hank returned to the precinct, Nick kept looking down at his cell phone.

“What’s wrong?” Hank spoke, breaking the monotonous atmosphere.  
“Hmm…?”  
“You look like you’d rather be somewhere else than here.”  
“I was just wondering.”  
“About Adalind?”  
“Am I that transparent?”  
“Pretty much. Sometimes I worry about you man. I’ve never seen you like this, not even with Juliette.”  
“I know. We spoke earlier. I told her I was going to be late….”  
“I sense a ‘but’ in there somewhere.”  
“No ‘buts’.”  
“But there’s something. The last time you felt ‘something’ Kenneth had killed several FBI agents.”  
“Don’t remind me. I was enjoying some family time before you called me. And speaking of which, I got to the scene almost an hour after the shooting.”  
“Yeah, I was there barely ten minutes before you. Ensley and Shoemaker were on call but someone wanted us on the case. It couldn’t have been the Lieutenant, I don’t think he like me very much,”  
“It must be something to do with you and your chequered history with those in authority,” Hank laughed at him.  
“Ha ha.”  
“In all seriousness, I think someone above him ordered him so he ordered us. I’m not happy about it either.”  
“Right. Let’s just get this over and done with so I can go home to my family.” Nick said testily.  
“Okay, someone’s really grumpy today. Why don’t you just call her again? Maybe then you’ll be your normal self again.”  
“Is that your P.C. way of saying I’m whipped.”  
“Your words, not mine Buddy.” Hank said and started whistling which grated on Nick’s nerves more. He wasn’t whipped, he was in love.

They got to the station and began filing some paper work. He looked down at his cell phone on his desk and decided to call Adalind. The phone rang three times before it went dead. So he tried her cell again. It went straight to voicemail. After the third time, his palms began to sweat. And even Hank gave him a concerned look, all jokes about Nick being whipped vanished.

“What, she’s not answering?” Asked Hank.  
“It’s not even ringing.” He said.  
“I’m sure everything’s alright,”  
“You sound as convinced as I am.” He said. Although he looked calm on the outside, on the inside, he wasn’t. That same feeling he felt on the night Kenneth went after Adalind, the dread he couldn’t shake began to grow at an exponential rate.  
“He guys, we’re in luck. We got the tapes from the shop. Seraiah managed to get us the tapes. I’ve already uploaded them but there not much we can get from them other than the make of the vehicle. It is a Mercedes Benz G-Class. There are no plates we can trace, however, we spotted the vehicle through CCTV cameras and it looks like the shooter headed North West.”  
“That was an almost two hours ago. It could be anywhere by now.”  
“I know. We’re scanning through every lens available within a ten mile radius but going to take some time. We’re concentrating on anything west of the pearl District, stich is where we lost the son of a bitch. As soon as I have something, I will let you guys know. And there was a 9-1-1 call about forty minutes ago, involving a vehicle fitting the description on Interstate 5. Apparently the driver almost ran the caller off the road.”  
“Did he get any plates?”  
“Apparently there was none.” Wu replied.  
“…And this was on the I-5? What are the chances it’s the same vehicle?”  
“Well, I don’t believe coincidences.”  
“Of course you don’t”  
“So we’ve got two leads, but no way of tracking them quickly. Let’s get a B.O.L.O. on this guy before we lose him altogether, He’s got one heck of a head start and I’d like to cut that down as quickly as possible.”  
“On it,” Wu said and left the two detective to mull over the new information.  
“What are you thinking?” Hank asked him.  
“What if it’s the same SUV?”  
“…How though? It can’t exactly be in two places at once.”  
“Obviously but he could have gone North West before doubling back, maybe he’s trying to shake any possible tails.”  
“It’s possible but without a definite timeline, there’s no way we can be sure.”

Before they could ponder the matter any further, Wu returned to their desks, agitated.

“What’s up?” Asked Hank.  
“Another 9-1-1 call just came in about the reckless SUV driver….” Wu looked at Nick.  
“Yeah, and?”  
“Nick. It was Adalind.”  
“What!”  
That got his attention.  
“What do you mean it’s Adalind? She’s at home?”  
“Apparently not. Sean Renard…”  
That did it. Nick nearly tackled Wu down at the mention of that name.  
“Nick, she’s alright and so are the children.” Wu choked.  
“Spit it out right now Wu!” he said as he loosened his grip on the sergeant’s shirt.  
“Renard kidnapped Adalind and the children. He was fleeing Portland on the interstate but apparently had suffered a gunshot wound to the abdomen.”  
“Tell me the bastard’s dead?”  
“He bled out…”

Not listening to the rest, Nick instantly grabbed his jacket and ran towards the elevator, with his partner in hot pursuit.

*/*/*

Adalind had rinsed her mouth a hundred times with the bottled of water she found in the car, paranoia gripped her. She kept looking at Sean’s lifeless body as if expecting it to spring back to life. She successfully hailed down a good Samaritan, after several vehicles had blatantly passed her by. Luckily it was a woman. She asked to borrow a cell phone, to call 9-1-1. She wanted to call Nick first but couldn’t remember his number. Sean had smashed the only connection she had to him. She hoped that Nick would find his way to her but then remembered Sean’s threat against him and the fear that Sean had killed her beloved sent shivers down her spine.

Adalind had removed Kelly from his seat and away Sean and she hugged him too close to her chest as they waiting for the police to arrive. The woman suggested they wait in her car until help arrived. Adalind declined, Adalind hadn’t noticed but she and Kelly was covered in Sean’s blood, and did want to smear it all over the inside of her saviour’s car. Luckily, Sean had packed some blankets in the back of his car. 

“Please call me Joan,” the woman said.  
“Thank you Joan.” Adalind managed to say as tears began to cloud her vision.

Before they could debate the matter any further, they saw flashing lights approaching from a distance. She couldn’t make out the number of police patrol vehicles but she did spot an ambulance in the midst of the approaching cavalry. The first responder attended to her and her children but moved aside once the paramedics arrived. Suddenly traffic began to amass from both directions as they circled the scene with a police tape. 

Adalind was sitting in the back of the ambulance as the paramedics examined her children for any kinds of trauma they may have suffered. She’d told them Sean hadn’t hurt them but she had ingested some of his blood accidentally. The administered all treatments available to them but they’d need to go to the hospital. They wrapped her in the foil thermal survival sheet, but Adalind’s body shook nonetheless.

“There doesn’t look to be anything out of the ordinary with either child but we’d rather take you to hospital first. Do you understand?” The female medic asked Adalind but she wasn’t really listening so she asked again.  
“Yes, I understand.” 

All Adalind wanted was to take her kids and go home to Nick, to make sure he was safe. She tried her best to keep her thoughts from Sean and what he said as the cold seeped through the thermal sheet, it felt ice cold. When they finished with Diana, she too wrapped in tin foil, the two of them huddled together until they heard a familiar voice.

“Adalind!” Nick yelled above every other sound.  
“Here…We’re here!” as she responded in kind leaping of the back of the ambulance with Diana by her side. 

They locked eyes and even though she wanted to run into his arms, her legs betrayed her. All she could do was limp helplessly as he ran towards them at full speed.

“Thank God you’re alive.” He engulfed them both in a bear hug as she finally cried, relieved he was okay, safe in her arms.  
“Nin, Nin!” Diana spoke up from between them.  
“Oh Sweetheart…” He said, lifting Diana up into his arms as his own tears rolled their way down his scruffy face. “…Kelly?” Nick turned to Adalind questioningly.  
“He’s alright, he’s with the meds,” she turned her head so he could see for himself.

The three of them walked over the short distance and their family was finally reunited. The female medic handed Kelly over to Nick.

“As I said to your wife, sire, the children appear 100% healthy but it would be safer to take them all to the hospital to further checks. Chances are, they’re in need of nothing more than a warm bath and bed to put this all behind them."

Adalind wasn’t so sure as she watched as the pulled Sean’s body out of the car and bagged it. Adalind clung to Nick’s side as they wheeled it to the back of another ambulance.

“It’s over.” Adalind said against Nick’s chest,  
“Yes, it finally is over.” He breathed a sigh of relief.

Whatever tomorrow brought, the worst was over. They were both finally free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I conclude my story. There was so much more I could have written but I would have been starting a new thread and this story was too long already. It is the longest I have ever written. I might write an epilogue if I can peace together the right words. I rather save any more plot points for future Nadalind stories. I'd love to keep writing these two. I realise I'm better at the beginning of the story than at the end. I hope this ending isn't quite the disappointment. Thank you once more and God bless you all.


End file.
